Through Galaxies Far
by myshipsaresunk
Summary: Before Maul, Darth Sidious had a different apprentice. Minerva isn't like the other Sith, though. Shunned by her old master and all alone in the galaxy with only the company of her droid, she makes her own adventures on isolated planets, ancient Sith battlegrounds, and even with Jedi encounters. But there are some things even she can't run from: her past, and her destiny.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** This is my first Star Wars fanfiction, and I am very excited about it. It follows the live-action movie canon only, though I might make mentions or bring in characters from the books/comics/animated series. When I incorporate those, I'll make sure to explain/describe it in a way that you don't need to see/read them to understand. The only movie canon thing I'm making AU is that Darth Maul is the second Sith to be seen in a thousand years, not the first. Everything else follows as far as I know. If I do mess something up or make a mistake, please point it out politely since I've already spent hours of research and writing on this piece to make it as unique and precise as possible, but sometimes things get confused in my mind.

That being said, this story is about the Sith aprentice before Darth Maul, and it is set up in a TV show episode format where almost every chapter is a new adventure with one or two bigger and ongoing plots eventually being introduced. As for characters, Minerva is the main one, and this is narrarated from her point of view, but as I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi trash he and Qui-Gon Jinn will be main characters once Minerva is established. (Sorry about the really long author's note! They'll be shorter from now on!)

 **Special thanks** to my amazing friend and beta Vika, who has put in a lot of time and work into this story also, and continues to be my sounding board and constructive critic. I'd probably have quit writing this without her support and ideas. Additional thanks to tumblr user and fellow _Star Wars_ fan peanutbutterroastedchestnuts (link above in disclaimer) who made the wicked cover art. I absolutely love it! They also have other awesome art works, so go follow them :)

 **Setting:** 7 years before _The Phantom Menace_. BBY stands for Before the Battle of Yavin, which occurs during the original Star Wars trilogy. Like BC, it counts down.

 **Chapter 1**

 **Outer Rim Territories, Arkanis Sector, Tatoo System, 39 BBY**

"How much?" The voice comes from a nasty creature, one so ugly even his mother couldn't call him handsome. Large scales cover his body, and a long, thick tail pops out the back. The species is instantly recognizable - Barabel.

"Aren't you loyal to the Jedi?" I ask, fixing my orange-yellow eyes on his green ones. "Shouldn't you be chasing down some fresh meat or something?"

He grins, his sharp teeth flashing. "I work for the Hutt family." Quickly appraising me up and down, he smacks his wide lips and speaks again. "So, how much are you? Jabba's looking for some, shall we say, new entertainment."

I roll my eyes; it really had been a mistake to come to Tatooine. Sure, some of the best pod races in the galaxy are held here, but this is Hutt family home base. Meaning, of course, that the worst pimps in the galaxy come from here. If Jabba doesn't get his sexy entertainment, then you really don't want to be within two systems of this place.

Turning my gaze back to my drink, I pick up the cup by the top, twirl the liquid around a few times, tip my head back and swallow it all. I don't have to look at the Barabel to tell that he had watched every move like a hawk, from my blood red manicured fingernails to my peach-colored lips. Usually I'm quite proud of my beauty, but there are times - like today - that it brings unwanted attention.

Though, I _could_ make the best out of this bad situation. I don't want to think about all the young girls in the past who had sat at this very table hearing his very offer and taking it up, knowing that the money they'll earn from it might keep their families alive just a little longer. They signed away their bodies, knowing full well that once Jabba became bored with them they'd be fed to to his pet monster. It's cruel and inhumane, even from my perspective. It sounds like something my old master would do, but I think even _he's_ above that.

I raise an eyebrow at the guy, knowing I'm going to have to stop this. "How much are you offering?"

"Fifty-thousand Wuipiupi," he answers, taking a large money bag out of his pocket and jangling it. He is taking the bait, hook, line, and sinker.

"No republic credits?" I question. He shakes his head.

"But these are used by all the market traders," he insists. "Very valuable. Jabba is being very generous." Generous? More like desperate. I keep my face passive for show.

"Okay. But let's do the trade somewhere more private. You're giving me a lot of money, and it would be a shame if I was mugged before I made it out of the door." He nods in agreement and we slip out of the bar, walking to the shadows of a building on the outskirts of town. No one is in sight, which is perfect. I don't like witnesses.

"What's your name?" he asks as we stand in the heat. "And before we finalize this, can you take off your robes? I just need to make sure you don't have three arms. Jabba doesn't like extra limbs." Classic excuse, really. But if he wants a view, I'm going to give him one he won't ever forget.

"I'm Minerva," I answer, shucking off the black outer robes and letting them flutter to the sandy ground. A flourish, I know, but that's just my style. Beneath them I'm wearing a short black skirt, a red top that covers my chest and not much more with straps criss-crossing my bare midriff to the top my skirt, black combat boots that come halfway up my shins, and a black leather belt around my skirt that holds my beloved weapon.

"You're - you're a Jedi?" the Barabel stutters after he catches a glimpse of the sheathed weapon. Suddenly he's torn between his loyalty to the Hutts and his race's respect to the Jedi.

"No - " I flash him a sweet smile, and he tosses me the bag of money. I catch it easily with one hand, and he turns around.

"Meet me here in an hour and I'll take you to your new work. If you're not here I will find you."

" - I'm much, much, worse," I continue, my voice still sweet, but my eyes narrowing. He turns around at the sound of my weapon turning on, and the red glow of my two-sided lightsaber is reflected in his eyes. "I'm a Sith."

The fear in his eyes couldn't be more pronounced. He's frozen in place, his eyes glued to my dangerous weapon. I take a step forward, and he finally has the courage to move. "Keep the money, please. I - I won't make you come."

"Apologize to me," I order with a hard voice, and I see his eyes narrow. Barabels consider apologies to be insulting. He's mad now, a big mistake on his part.

"No," he says clearly. "I will not."

"Yes, you will. You will apologize for every single girl that ever stepped foot in Jabba the Hutt's palace, and for every single one whose bones lay scattered in the dust at the bottom of the Rancor's lair, picked clean and forgotten." My anger is flaring up a little. Too much. I need to calm down inside, but I still need to keep up the scary face for him on the outside. "You will apologize on behalf of every single one of Jabba's slaves that go out and buy women, and especially the ones that steal women. You will apologize now!"

"I'd rather die," he replies, though his voice is shaking and his lip is quivering. A tear tracks its way down his ugly face. He's so weak, I think. And foolish. He's willing to sacrifice his life for his ego.

Weak people make me angry. Weak people are the reason I'm here today. I was once weak, but no longer. I made myself strong, rose above everyone around me. And today I'm really not feeling second chances. But who am I kidding? I _never_ give second chances. It's not the Sith way.

"That can be arranged," I snap, and I twirl the lightsaber quickly and deftly. Both blades of my weapons hit him, whirling in a circle like a pinwheel, and he falls over, severed in half. Retracting my weapon and using the force to summon my long black robes, I quickly put myself back together as I step over his body. As I'm about to step back into the main streets, I remember I'm still clutching the bag of money in my hand. I toss it onto his dead body and the coins scatter on his corpse.

"Was what little honor you had left really worth it?" I question softly before turning around and leaving, not a single regret in my mind.

 **Outer Rim Territory, Unknown Sector, Anthan System, 50 BBY**

 _The rain pounds against the tin roof, and the thunder and lightning chase each other across the sky. I like it when it storms. It feels like a reflection of my soul and my mind, all those thoughts and emotions swirling around in chaos. My head always hurts, and I can never sort things out, just like you can never dry yourself while standing in the rain._

 _The noise also helps drown out the sounds of the shouting and the yelling, and sometimes the crying. It shuts out the sound of slaps and hits, of pain and anger and misery. The sound of suffering which always seems to surround me. Which seem to be a_ part _of me._

 _I climb into the windowsill, my coarse blanket wrapped around my lower body and my small pillow clutched to my chest. I press my fingertips to the window, wishing I could sink into the glass, to disappear, and never return. Deep down I want to help, I want to throw my own words into the shouting match and tell them all off, but I'm not brave enough. I would flinch as a hand is raised, even without it being aimed towards me. And even without hearing the specific words of the argument, tears are already streaking down my face as if to reflect the sky._

 _There's the sound of padding feet, and a figure sits across from me in the other corner of the windowsill. It's my brother. He sees my tears, and he leans forward to grab my hand. "It's okay," he tells me. "I'm always going to be with you. We'll get through this together. I promise."_

 _He leaves, probably to go comfort our sister, who I can hear crying in the room over. I lean my head against the cool glass and exhale deeply, thinking of my brother's words. My breath creates a circle of white on the glass, and stare at it as the edges shrink up and eventually it disappears. It isn't strong enough to stand on its own, not without help. Just like me. I don't have to be alone, though. My brother's with me, and he always will be, because he and I both know that by myself I can't do anything except hide._

 **Outer Rim Territories, Arkanis Sector, Tatoo System, 39 BBY**

I enter the stands as the pod race begins. Toydarians are packed like sardines all around me, their little wings beating frantically to keep them aloft, their yellow eyes bugging out in excitement. Long snouts and ugly teeth wrap up the package. Yeah, no way I'm going to sit with them.

Jabba the Hutt has a personal little stand area with the best view, so I use a series of force jumps to make it up. He doesn't turn for the longest time, his eyes glued on the race. I stand next to him, a hand on my hip in impatience. I hope he sees me soon, because it is really hot out here. Long black robes look cool, but they don't breathe one bit.

When he finally sees me he's taken aback. He yells something to his albino Twi'lek assistant, but I check my nails in a bored manner. If there's one thing Jabba likes, it's attention and reactions. Neither of which I'm giving to him.

"He wants to know why you're here," the assistant says to me. His voice seriously sounds like a snake's. It's actually kind of creepy and gross. Scratch that. His assistant is all-around gross. I guess they make quite the dynamic duo. Fat and Gross. Ugly and Albino. I could make up names all day, but there's more exciting action going on.

"A girl can't watch a pod race around here?" I reply innocently, watching a pod smash another one into the side of a cliff. The assistant's red eyes narrow before translating it back to Jabba. I turn back to the race again, just in time to see the same bully pod crash itself. Serves him right. Other that though, today isn't that great of a race. One guy is ahead of everyone else by about half a lap, and unless he wipes out no one else has a pod fast enough to catch him. I'm a big fan of the underdog racer who has all the odds stacked against him but still manages to overcome the pack leader.

"Jabba says Tatooine is one of the most dangerous places for a single girl on her own. He asks if you know about the human trafficking business that the Toydarians run." Again with the underestimating. This is starting to drive me crazy. Girls aren't always damsels in distress. We can take care of ourselves.

"Do they really?" I question, a hint of accusation coloring my tone. "Or does he mean _his_ human trafficking business?"

Jabba lets out an enraged sound, and I roll my eyes. "Stop being such a drama queen. One of your Barabel slaves paid me fifty thousand Wuipuipi to be your new entertainment."

"Jezza?" Jabba asks. I reply by shrugging.

"He didn't give me his name. And he refused to apologize. So I killed him." My voice is nonchalant and I turn back to the race after delivering those lines, knowing my actions will drive the Hutt crazy. As per usual, I'm not wrong. Jabba screams something along the lines of "Capture her!" He calms down about one notch and then demands that _I_ become his new entertainment (good luck with that one. I'd rather die). His servants are on me in a minute, but I don't react until one of them touches me.

In a second I reach into my black robes, grab my lightsaber, open up one blade, and swing it in an arc. Several bodies fall, and the others cower in the far side of the room, a safe distance from my weapon.

"Jedi scum," I hear Jabba curse.

"For the last time!" I exclaim, pointing to my lightsaber. "That is red! Red means Sith! I'm a bad guy. Please. It's actually quite insulting to call me a Jedi." All they do is cower behind politics and agonizingly slow decision making. I actually live in the now, changing things as I deem fit.

"Get rid of her!" Jabba shouts, deciding that Sith must be just as bad as Jedi. I sigh and extend my lightsaber by turning the other side on and then I point the whole thing at him. He quiets suddenly.

"Thought so," I mutter to myself. He's a coward, just like all of his servants. "So, Jabba, who's the pod racer that's winning?" I close my lightsaber blades but keep the handle in sight as a silent threat.

The abrupt change in conversation takes Jabba off-guard, but he signals his translator forward and murmurs in the guy's ear. The Twi'lek looks over at me. "His name is Sebulba. He's a Dug from Malastare. He's new here, but not new enough to have his cheating ways escape our notice."

Jabba lets out a disgruntled noise. "I take that to mean he didn't bet on him," I say to the assistant. Now that I think about it, he looks oddly familiar...perhaps his name is Bib Fortuna, but I've met a lot of Twi'leks in my travels, so I'm not sure, but I'll go with it.

"No, he didn't," Bib Fortuna agrees. "He's losing quite a fortune, too."

I scan the room, my eyes settling on someone I had caught a glimpse on earlier. "Who's he?"

Bib and Jabba turn to look at the boy huddling in the corner. He's absolutely filthy, but I can still tell he's very young. "That's one of Jabba's slaves. We found him wandering around the desert near the palace. He would be dead without Jabba's unending kindness."

Jabba being kind? Please. Bib Fortuna is such a suck-up. But I guess you kind of have to be if you want to stay in Jabba's good graces. What little of them he has, of course.

"Who is the one who bet on Sebulba?" I question, the boy in the corner of my eyes still.

"Some Toydarian scum," Jabba grunts, pointing him out. A plan is formalized in my mind.

"I'll make you a deal," I say to him. Both the Hutt and the Twi'lek lean forward, eager to hear my offer. "I'll convince the human to let you keep your money, but in exchange I want the boy."

Jabba nods his fat face up and down quickly. He's so easy to bargain with it's actually quite sad. I like challenges, and I like excuses to whip out my lightsaber or use the force, and I like showing off. Easy is boring.

"I'm not coming back, but I'll keep my end of the deal." I tuck my lightsaber back under my robes before walking over to the boy and pulling on his arm. "Come on. We're getting out of here."

I'm not kind, nor am I gentle, but the boy looks up at me like I'm some kind of hero. Great. I really am not. I'm a Sith...a Sith that feels bad for enslaved children. It's a weakness, I know, but one that's not entirely bad. It brings out the humanity in me, the humanity that my old master lacks. It's why I couldn't stay with him. I'm all for fighting Jedi and other people who do shady business or get in my way, but not children.

"Thank you," the boy says quietly as we climb down the ladder to exit Jabba's stands. I shrug it off, knowing I'm not really worthy of his thanks. I'm just a powerful girl who travels around the galaxy, fighting for justice as I feel fit, whether it's freeing child slaves or killing people who do things I don't like. I'm not trying to be a good person, and I'm not trying to make this world a better place. I'm just making the most out of my life by adventuring around and occasionally (well, I'll admit, it's more like _often_ ) upsetting the Jedi order.

I find the Toydarian Jabba owes money to, and I instruct the boy to hide out of side. Really, though, I just don't want him to see what I'm about to do. I take the native Tatooinian by his arm and forcefully drag him to an abandoned area behind the stands. The fear in his eyes as he begs for mercy doesn't even touch my soul. "Jabba doesn't owe you any money," I say, looking him straight in the eyes, trying to use the force. It's a long shot, though, since Toydarians have a natural resistance.

"I need that money," he insists. I don't have time nor the patience to deal with his crap. Just by looking at his fine clothes and clean appearance I can tell he doesn't need any money. He's wealthy without it.

"I really don't like liars," I reply, pulling out my lightsaber and finishing him off quickly. He really is Toydarian scum, just like Jabba had said. Rich people who always need more money get on my nerves more than anything else. If you're already privileged, why not help others instead of collecting more? Then again, Jabba is the same type of scum. He probably has a dozen fortunes to gamble off.

Heading back the way I came, I find the boy. He's quiet as I lead him to my aircraft, a MagnaGuard Fighter. It's a new model, one I've taken directly from the workshop it was built in. The design hadn't quite been perfected, but I'd adjusted a few things on my own to make it unique, such as building in a seat on the outside to put my astromech droid in. Even as we approach, KZ-4 beeps a welcome, but I ignore him. He's used to it by now.

"Where are you from?" I ask boy as we climb in the cockpit.

"Bespin," he replies. "Cloud city, to be exact. My father's a senator."

"How'd you end up on Tatooine, then?" I question, looking at him from the corner of my eye as I prep the starship for flight.

"I was kidnapped as a political hostage," he replies. "And then they crashed here and died, leaving only me left alive. But you saved me, so I'm okay now." I take off and we fly in silence for a short while. He's the one to speak again. "I'm called Isaiah."

"I'm Minerva." The conversation dies again, but the boy is persistent. "Why aren't you a Jedi?"

"Because I'm not a good person," I answer shortly, not wanting to get into the specifics. Isaiah doesn't get the clue, though.

"But you saved me. That's something good people do."

"I do more bad things than good things," I say slowly. "And even if I was a good person, I wouldn't want to be a Jedi."

"Why not? They get to explore the galaxy and battle bad guys and fly all sorts of starships…" he trails off, the look in his eyes wistful. "I wish I was a Jedi."

"They spend too much time focusing on diplomatic solutions and lounging around the council room fighting each other," I inform him. "They talk too much and don't take action often enough. I have all the same powers as they do, but none of the restrictions. I do whatever I want, whenever I want. Saving you, for example. The Jedi wouldn't deem you important enough to risk their fighters for, or they would talk up Jabba until he sent them down to his Ranchor, whereas I was able to quickly make a deal with him the Jedi would consider under-the-table, and therefore not legal."

Isaiah is silent for a long moment. "I think I want to be like you when I grow up," he finally remarks. My head whips up quickly, catching the look of admiration in his eyes.

"Never say that," I order harshly. "That's not what I was trying to tell you. The Jedi are good guys, yes, but there's more to them than just swinging their lightsabers around. And I'm a bad guy who does nothing _but_ swinging my lightsaber around."

"My father always has wanted me to go into politics," the boy tells me. "Sometimes politics are confusing. The good guys can be bad, and the bad guys can be good. What do you think of it?"

The change in topic makes me take a moment to think. "My old master wields politics as a weapon even greater than my lightsaber or the force. He makes people think he's good, but really they're just helping him further his evil plans. I think politics are important to people who are in power, but people like me don't deal in politics. I make decisions on the fly, and most of them make no sense. It just depends on what you're good at."

Isaiah thinks over my words for a while. "I don't want to be a Jedi anymore. I wouldn't be good at it. I overthink things and feel too much. My father was right." He beams up at me. "Thanks for helping me."

On the outside I smile tightly and nod. On the inside I curse myself for being a good person at times. Once you start being good, you get a good reputation and then people are disappointed when you make a mistake. When you're bad, people don't assume much of you, and it's easy to maintain a constant reputation. And currently I have a reputation for being a vigilante Sith who doesn't care how she accomplish things, and has a pretty high body count to my name. I wouldn't want to spoil that just because I saved a helpless little boy once.

"Just don't mention it again."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** Hey! Thanks for all the nice reviews! You guys are awesome :) My goal is to update every Wednesday, so check in then. In this chapter we learn a little bit about Minerva and there's a fun fighting sequence, so enjoy!

 **Chapter 2**

 **Outer Rim Territories, Anoat Sector, Bespin System, 39 BBY**

Bespin is a beautiful planet with many freedoms - hugely popular with those escaping the turmoil of the senate and other affairs going on in the galaxy. Like Tatooine, it's located in the Outer Rim - a safe haven of sorts. Unlike Tatooine, though, it's much nicer in every single way. A respectable planet I've always dreamed of visiting.

One unique thing about it, though, is that there's only one inhabitable area, and that's in the sky. Cloud City is indeed located in the clouds - fancy that - and it possesses a staggering but breathtaking view. Isaiah perks up as it comes into view, and he starts bouncing his leg in excitement. The entire mood lifts on both our parts. I wonder how long he's been separated from his family.

Parking in an open spot just on the outskirts of the city, I can't keep up with Isaiah's excited jog as he leads his way through the city. I realize he hadn't been lying about his father being a senator when I see his house with a swimming pool out back, a rare luxury for those living in Cloud City.

A row of algal trees tower over us on either side of the walk leading up to the grand house. Schools of the rainbow-colored air shrimp fly around in the canopies, dispersing color to the area. Blue and red Rawwks fly past as well, chasing the flying shrimp and eating them when they catch the smaller species. The air positively vibrates with the activity of the native fauna, something most other planets lack. Under Cloud City, in the inhabitable area of the planet, there are many other different types of fauna to be seen. Maybe I'll fly through it when I leave.

Isaiah walks straight through the unlocked front doors of the grand house. I'm about to make my escape when he grabs my hand and drags me with him. I think about running, but he looks up at me with those wide blue eyes and I can't bring myself to do it. A few minutes won't hurt anyone, I suppose.

Inside the large living room are couches and imported rugs of all sorts of colors. Bright patterns are splashed everywhere, bringing life to the home. Isaiah pulls me through room after room of similar size and grandeur, and we only stop when we reach an outdoor balcony high in the air. He never slows down, not even after staircase after staircase. I'm starting to breathe a little harder, despite being in the best shape possible. Excitement does strange things.

Two adults, whom I assume to be his parents, are in deep conversation with someone I recognize immediately. Isaiah runs up to his mother and hugs her tight, and the conversation breaks off as the parents fawn over their returned son.

"What happened to you? How are you back with us? Who rescued you?" The questions keep coming, and Isaiah lays out his tale.

* * *

"... And then this wonderful and beautiful lady came to save me! She fought off Jabba the Hutt's slaves and bargained for my release! Then she flew me all the way back here to you!" The three adults turn to me, the two parents looking relieved and thankful, the other adult with his eyes narrowed. Isaiah's mother possesses the same trusting blue eyes as her son, but he looks more like his father, who exudes sophistication. I'm sure I've seen him before at a senate meeting.

I smile slightly, inwardly cursing the little whippersnapper for selling me out. I had specifically told him _not_ to tell them about how I helped him! Luckily, I won't have to sit through a dinner while his parents keep telling me how thankful they are, because at the moment it looks like their friend is about to kill me.

Ah, yes. Their "friend". Also known as Quinlan Vos, a member of the Jedi order. He's known for his tracking abilities, and I'll bet Isaiah's father summoned him to search for his son. Fortunately for me, Quinlan Vos happens to be impulsive and doesn't always play by the rules. This isn't the first time we've had a run in, but I know he's probably been waiting for his chance to get back at me. Last time we'd met, I had told him things he didn't like… and I hadn't been nice about it, either.

His eyes are still narrowed, and the yellow stripe - called a qukuuf - running under his eyes and over the bridge of his nose seems a little squashed. His dreads are freshly done, and he actually looks only semi-caveman, surprisingly. He's a Kiffar, either from Kiffu or Kiffex. Never could remember exactly which, but it isn't that important to me. He does posses psychometric abilities, though, which are pretty rare, and account for his amazing tracking abilities.

"Sith," he hisses, a feat considering his deep voice. He really is one for introductions.

"What?" Isaiah's mother questions in surprise. "But she saved our son!"

"Only 'cause I thought I could get something out of it," I lie, hoping it saves my reputation. "Seems I was wrong." I cross my arms and smile in a wicked way. It achieves the desired effect.

Isaiah, of course, doesn't buy it, but that's okay. His parents do, and they react accordingly. His mother covers her mouth in shock and his father holds his son protectively to his front and his arms criss-crossed the boy's chest.

I roll my eyes at their defensive positions. "I don't kill children. But a Jedi...well, it will be a new experience."

Quinlan buys right into it, drawing his normal (and boring, in my opinion) green lightsaber. Quite the hero, isn't he? But I know his future. I sensed it the last time we fought. He'll end up learning the ways of the dark side of the force just like I did. Sure, he has almost two decades before it happens, but it _is_ going to happen. Everything I see always comes to pass. The future is set in stone, and some people really don't like to believe that, Quinlan being one of them.

I sprint to the edge of the balcony, jump on the railing, and then jump off, using the momentum to propel myself across the yard. I hear gasps behind me, probably from Isaiah and his parents, but I know Quinlan isn't far behind. Landing on the next building, I continue to run, knowing I have to find a more secluded area to duel him. Innocent casualties are messy and unwanted, not to mention I don't want to get kicked off of Bespin forever. This is seriously one of the nicest planets I've ever visited.

There's a park not far from Isaiah's house, and at the moment there aren't too many residents around. I stand in the middle of it, shucking off my black robe and pulling out my lightsaber. The remaining civilians run at the sight of the red blade, and Quinlan lands in front of me with his green blade gripped tightly in his hands, his knuckles white from the strain. Most of the Jedi are good at controlling their emotions and attacking with calm and precise movements, but not him. He is full of emotions, and right now, anger is leading them. It's no wonder he'll eventually turn. Anger is the first step to the dark side and my master always told me.

"Ready to finish what we started?" I taunt him, twirling my blade in a showy manner. His fighting skills are still developing, and when you couple that with his rash anger, he's defeatable. I'm counting on those facts and his impulsiveness to make this a relatively easy fight.

I don't like easy, though, so I'll spice it up a little bit. 'Make some mistakes', if you know what I mean. He'll buy into it, of course. I'm a young girl who's in way over her head. What I'm more curious to know is whether he'll only ever see me as a Sith and try to dispose of me for good or if he'll have some mercy and decide to take me into Coruscant. I'll give him that, he does pose a mystery to me.

He makes the first move, lunging forward with his blade. I counter it with one of my blades, being careful to not let the other side push back. It would be quite embarrassing to cut off my leg on my own weapon. I push forward, forcing him to pull back his saber and take a step back. He jumps forward again, aiming for my collarbone. I deflect it easily, swinging the other side up towards his ribs. He jumps backwards, and I use the opportunity to advance, rotating my blades to set blow after blow upon him at a steady speed.

At this point, I know I can easily dispose of him, but what fun is that? He brings his lightsaber forward in a choppy manner, and I step back, hitting the buttons to retract the blades on my own weapon. I pretend to look at it in shock, as if he had just broken it.

"It's over," he commands, taking my bait and putting the blade up near my neck. I force my eyes to open wide and my mouth to quiver in fear.

"Please don't kill me," I sob, covering my face with my hands and dropping my 'broken' lightsaber. "I know I've made a mistake, but please, I'm too young to die! I'm just a poor, foolish girl! Please have mercy on me." I know I'm laying it on thick, but he's buying it. It's all I can do not to laugh.

"Just a foolish girl, eh?" He snorts, raising his eyebrows and setting his jaw. His eyes squint and I almost read his mind. He's going to monologue. Seriously? I have a million other places to travel to before I die, and any of them would be preferable to hear this. I don't have time for him to teach me the virtues of a Jedi life. Of course he doesn't hear my thoughts and takes a deep breath and continues. "You're a Sith with a reputation for violence! _Maybe_ you should have thought twice about your life choices."

I blink. Yeah, I need to get out of here soon. I can just imagine my ship being stolen. Maybe instead of thinking about life choices I should have been thinking of locking it. If only Isaiah hadn't run off so fast...see, this is what you get for doing good things.

"It's too late now." Oh, the immeasurable drama. Wait, I think he's onto me. Note to self: don't roll your eyes in front of Quinlan Vos. Actually, scratch that - don't roll your eyes in front of any Jedi that you're trying to lie to; most of them are smart enough to catch it, but luckily for me Quinlan is too preoccupied with acting fierce. For a moment I believe he really is going to kill me. None of the other Jedi would, but I don't put it past him.

The only way to beat drama is to be more dramatic. Let's pull the it's-my-master's-fault card. "It's my master!" I cry harder. "He makes me do awful things. I can't escape his control! You're the only one who can help me!"

His lightsaber lowers an inch, and it wavers slightly. He's debating my words, just as I had predicted. "Controlling you, huh? What about last time we met?" He doesn't seem convinced, as evidenced by his added words: "You were completely different. Confident. Powerful."

"He was controlling me back then," I say softly, adding in a gulp for extra measure. "But you've changed, too." The last time we had met he had been even more sarcastic than I. Now he's watered down, and actually kind of scary. Had I ruined his life by telling him his future? I need to stop doing that. From now on, I'll only tell futures if I need to use it as a bargaining tool for something. Sure, Quinlan had been the one to ask about what I'd seen, but he wasn't and still isn't ready for that.

"Maybe I'm only different around you, because you were the one who was spouting all that prophecy crap about me learning the dark side of the force! That's a serious accusation, and I don't take lightly."

 _Not like you were the one who searched half of the galaxy just to ask me about it,_ I think to myself, but I don't say it aloud. He's starting to annoy me, and all this talk is starting to make my head spin. His lightsaber has moved a safe distance away, and I throw my hand out, using the force to make him fly backwards. He hits a tree and crumples to the ground, and I summon my lightsaber up to my hand and proceed to toss it back and forth between my hands. My expression changes from the tearful one to my normal no-business face. "Nice chat, but I'm tired of it. Maybe the next time we fight you'll actually be a challenge."

Quinlan groans and pulls himself up, but he's still a little dizzy. He must have hit his head hard. I don't feel a bit of remorse. As he's struggling to his feet I reach down and pick up the bundle of black robes. The temperature of Bespin is hot, but not as much as Tatooine, and I'd actually been relieved to be rid of the heavy garments for a while. Sweat not only smells bad, but is pretty inconvenient when you live on a starship and don't know when or where your next shower might be.

"I'm going to kill you," he threatens, regaining his composure and starting up his lightsaber again. Again with the theatrics. (But who am I to talk? I live my whole life with that extra flair).

"Come fight me when you've grown up a little," I call back, tucking my lightsaber into my belt and strolling away. He charges up behind me, ready to impale me in cold blood, but I casually turn and hold him in a force choke for a few seconds. When I release him he falls to the ground, coughing, and I continue walking leisurely down the beautiful streets of Cloud City.

It's a nice day. I see more air shrimp flying around, their beautiful colors reflecting off of windows and metal objects. There are Humans and Ugnaughts alike walking through the streets, the Ugnaughts standing short but still proud with their pig-like snouts held high. I see a Twi'lek family walking past, a green baby Twi'lek in the stroller. I sense it's a girl, and that she's strong with the force. Soon she'll be in Jedi training, and she'll be an excellent Jedi Master until she gets betrayed by her own soldiers and shot down in cold blood. (Great way to ruin the mood).

I can hear Quinlan coming up behind me again. He's really starting to get on my nerves. I've never killed a Jedi before, but he's really starting to make me rethink that personal policy. Maybe I can just wound him really bad. Nah, I don't feel like it today. He stays a safe distance behind me, and I know he won't try anything as long as we're in public. He'll wait until we're isolated.

Well, too bad for him. My starship is parked in an open area. He sees me headed for the starships and catches up to me. His hand has a death grip on his lightsaber, but he keeps it hidden under his brown Jedi robes.

"You don't know when to give up, do you?" I question, casually hopping on the wing of my ship and sitting on it. My droid beeps a welcome, but again I ignore it, my attention on Quinlan. He stays on the ground, watching me closely.

"I don't get it. Why did you bring the kid back? You could have left him in Jabba's possession, or you could have resold him or stranded him in another system. Why did you bring him back to his parents?" Quinlan's line of questioning makes me instantly suspicious… of myself. Am I going soft?

"I know what it's like to have a rough childhood," I say, my tone even and relaxed. Well, I hope it comes across that way, at least. "I don't think any kid deserves that."

"Why are you a Sith?" His next question throws me off guard, but I don't hesitate to answer.

"Why are you a Jedi?" I shoot back. He thinks about it for a moment.

"Because I believe in fighting for what's right, and being a Jedi is a way to do that," he responds slowly. "I was gifted with being able to use the force, and I'm going to use that gift to help people."

"I too believe in fighting for what's right, but I guess my version of what's right is different than yours. And by being a Sith, I'm able to fight for it myself. One day you'll understand," I add in. He catches my subtle meaning.

"You weren't lying about me one day using the dark side of the force?"

"You are right to not take that lightly. I wasn't lying. One day you'll understand that the dark side is the only way to accomplish your goals. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have somewhere to go." I enter the cockpit of my ship, but before I close the door I hear him again.

"Where are you going?"

"Good question!" I shout back, starting up my engines.

"I sure hope you figure it out. Kiffu's always a great place!" he replies, a bit of his old humor coming back. That's the Quinlan I know, or at least closer to the one I knew.

A school of air shrimp scatter as my ship rises and then shoots off and away from Cloud City, leaving the blue skies and peaceful people far behind me.

"Me, too," I murmur. KZ-4 beeps me a message. "Is that so? Well, let's go there immediately."

 **Outer Rim Territory, Unknown Sector, Anthan System, 50 BBY**

 _I'm good at hiding. Hiding from my siblings, hiding from my parents. Hiding from the bullies at the academy. Hiding from the trouble I always find myself in. Hiding from my problems. Hiding from myself._

 _My father always tells me that hiding is the art of a coward. I don't want to be a coward, but I am not strong enough to face the world on my own. I don't know how to be strong. All I know is how to be scared and small, how to curl up in a ball in avoid reality. It's much easier than trying to be strong and stick up for myself._

 _Weakness is a trait I learned from my father. Cowardness I learned from my mother. Fear I learned from the bullies. Abandonment I learned from my siblings. Disappointment I am learning from myself._

 _I need a teacher who can show me strength and confidence. Someone who can teach me to rise above my fears and restrictions. A person who understands what it is like to be this low, and how terrible it is. I need an instructor who will not let me down, someone who will teach me true power._

 _I need a master who will teach me how to get what I want._


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** After chapter 4 I'm going to start mixing things up and adding in planets and species not from the movies. I'll write it so it makes sense, though, but will also be unique and new. The ongoing plot line of this story starts in this chapter, too. Additional thanks to my awesome beta, Vika, too!

 **Chapter 3**

 **Outer Rim Territories, Anoat Sector, Hoth System, 39 BBY**

I end up on Hoth. It's a pretty remote place, but I'm tired of sand and heat. It's also in the same sector as Bespin, so the ride is short.

Still, you have to be wondering why a Sith is hanging out on a planet covered in ice with no native intelligent life and the only other inhabitants - a grand total of ten of them - being Wampas and Tauntauns.

Maybe I'm having serious thoughts about my life choices. Maybe I'm rethinking everything. Maybe I'm feeling claustrophobic and wanted some space. Maybe I want to kill the only ten life forms on this planet. Or maybe I intercepted a message from the Jedi Council that said a dangerous bounty hunter is hiding out here.

Well, if you picked the last one, you're right. There's nothing I love more than taking care of Jedi business before they even arrive. The shock on their faces is priceless when they discover a Sith has done what they were going to do faster and more efficiently. It brings me great joy, and it makes _them_ rethink their life choices. An all-around win for me, and an all-around loss for them. I know, I'm really bitter.

Stepping out of my ship and into the frigid wind, I wrap my robes tighter around me. I'd swapped out my combat boots for some snow boots, and I'd changed from my normal black skirt to heavy winter robes that still allow room for movement, and I'd added a scarf and gloves, but it's still so cold. I'm never complaining about the heat again. I could use a vacation on a sunny planet, preferably one I've never visited before.

Ah… lying on a soft towel on warm sand letting the sun warm up my icy soul with the water lapping against the shoreline luring to to sweet relaxation and rest… I could use a vacation. Do Sith get vacation days? Or "sick" days at least?

Shoving thoughts of heat and sun and sand behind me, I trudge onward, looking for the Moorsh Moraine, a landform where the bounty hunter is supposedly hiding. It had been smart of him to camp out on this planet, since there's nothing here. I almost wish I had thought of it first. Almost. And no one in their right mind would come here. Except me, it seems, although it can be argued that I'm not in my right mind.

The wind picks up, and the temperature drops even more. Sith are powerful, but not enough to defeat winter storms, apparently. The snow falls heavier, and I can't see anymore past the heavy snowflakes. It's a shame I left my droid back in my ship. Now would be a great time to actually use him for once, except he would probably be upset at me for ignoring him recently and would refuse to help. Honestly, I don't why I keep him around sometimes.

No one's getting anywhere in this blizzard, Jedi or Sith or not, I decide after another hour, so I dig a burrow in the snow and snuggle up, hoping I can keep my body temperature up long enough to survive the night and the storm. I'd been sensible enough to bring some heating packs, and that, combined with the burrow blocking the wind, keeps me from completely freezing. I still shiver a lot, and getting to sleep is a rough affair. When I finally drift away, my sleep is undisturbed and dreamless.

 **Outer Rim Territory, Unknown Sector, Anthan System, 50 BBY**

 _Another day, another disappointment. Welcome to my life._

 _My mother and father are fighting again. This time there is no storm to cover up the sound of their harsh words. Mostly my father's harsh words, but every once in awhile my mother struggles to defend herself. It's pathetic, the way they go at each other. It makes me wonder what they ever saw in each other ten years ago when they first said their binding vows. Love is fake, I've learned from them. You get attracted to a person, you laugh at everything they say and enjoy their touch, but eventually the things you once liked about them become the things you hate about them. Their spontaneous surprises make you distrust them in a few years, and their once-amusing habits become your biggest pet peeve. I've seen it happen over and over again between my parents, and it makes me decide to never get attached to someone. It only brings pain in the end when everything blows up messily._

 _They obviously have reached the point where they don't like each other anymore. Any signs of affection or love is gone, and not just between the two of them. They ignore my siblings and I, leaving us to try and solve our problems on our own. We're not old enough to be responsible for what they expect us to be responsible for, but we have no choice._

 _Physically I'm eight, but mentally I'm much, much older. Years of neglect does that to a child, especially in this place. This horrible planet, where there's no opportunities for the future, where everyone is blind to see how much others are suffering. This dead-end world where I will never return when I grow older, for there is nothing for me here, and there will be nothing for me here in my future._

 **Outer Rim Territories, Anoat Sector, Hoth System, 39 BBY**

The next day the blizzard is still going, but I find that if I hold my lightsaber out, it illuminates the area a few feet around me in a reddish glow. I know the general area of where the Moorish Moraine is located, so I head that way, fighting the wind for every step. My ears are freezing, and even though I use my long brown hair to cover them underneath my hood, it's still not enough. Eventually they hurt too much to continue on, and I dig another burrow and break out a few more heating packs. The other thing I hadn't thought of to bring is food, and I really hope the bounty hunter has some in store for when I find him. My stomach is growling like a Rancor and I feel depleted of my normal energy.

When I wake up again, I'm not in the burrow I made. I'm hanging upside down in an ice cave. Great. Just what I wanted. There's a Wampa keeping watch, his ugly face baring his sharp teeth at me. Spittle covers my face and immediately freezes. More fun. Hanging upside down with my blood rushing to my face is my idea of a great Saturday night!

I fumble around for my lightsaber, but it's gone. Where is it? I curve my head painfully to look on the ground to see if it had shaken out when the Wampa had hung me up, but it's not around. It must have dropped on the journey, which means I'm never going to find it. Man, I really liked that weapon. It had taken me days to make, all his special features and his beautiful metal design put together piece by piece, and I'd grown attached. I'd even named him Thanatos.

This is _so_ not worth the satisfaction I'm going to get when I find the bounty hunter before the Jedi. If I ever find him. At this point I'm more likely to be eaten by an unintelligent life form that makes up a tenth of the population of this snowy excuse for a planet. This will honestly be the worst way to die. And the way the Wampa is behaving it seems like it just ate, so I'll probably freeze to death while hanging upside down before it eats me.

Tatooine's climate seems real nice right now. Actually _all_ of Tatooine seems nice right now, to be exact. Watching pod races in the desert heat, drinking up specialty drinks that taste like Tauntaun crap...I'd give anything to be back there instead of here, where my brain is freezing and my blood feels like it's the consistency of slush.

I pat around my belt and my pockets again, desperate enough to do a second check for my weapon. That's when I hear the voice. "Looking for something?"

My lightsaber is held in the gloved hand of someone. I don't look at them, because I only have eyes for my beautiful, hand-crafted baby… who's now in the hands of some stranger.

I use the force to summon him, but it doesn't budge. I focus harder, and it still doesn't move. Giving up, I let out a deep groan. "What do you want?"

I close my eyes, dizzy from hanging upside down and from putting so much effort into using the force. The figure moves closer as evidence by the sound of boots crunching on snow, but the Wampa doesn't attack him. I realize he's probably controlling the Wampa by feeding it.

"You're no Jedi," he says, his husky voice muffled by all the layers he's wearing. Now, I say "he", but this could very well be a she. I won't know until they reveal themselves, and for the moment I'm too miffed to try and use the force to figure things out, though I have my suspicions that it really is a guy. The voice is pretty deep.

"Your point being?" I finally answer.

"Why are you here?" He squats to be on eye level with me, "I know the Jedi are after me, but a Sith has no reason to be here. There's nothing here."

So he's the bounty hunter. Makes sense, I guess. "How do you know I'm a Sith?"

He laughs, "For one, your red lightsaber is pretty unique in the galaxy. Not many force users have a red, double-sided lightsaber that can detach into two separate ones with a single twist. With it follows your reputation, _Minerva_." He turns the handle over in his hands, and I hadn't missed the emphasis on my name.

"Maybe I modeled my lightsaber after the Sith because I admire them," I reply, knowing he won't buy it but trying anyways.

"How many lightsabers in the galaxy are named Thanatos?" he says, his voice unbelieving.

"Well, aren't you so brilliant, wise one," I mutter, still fighting off the dizziness.

"I still don't know why you're here," the voice snaps as he stands up quickly. "And where is your starship?"

"Why, so you can take off and leave me stranded here with your pet monster? No thanks." Some portions of my hair fall from inside my scarf and hood to float around my head like a halo, making me look even more ridiculous.

"You make me question the reputation of the Siths," he says. "I mean, look at you. You're just pathetic. If I ordered my Wampa to attack you right now he'd have no trouble eating you."

"I'm hard to digest," I reply, knowing that I could probably get out of this fix if I became desperate enough. "And the Sith reputation is mostly upheld by my master, who is actually a pretty scary guy."

"So killing you would bring his wrath upon me?" He stops pacing.

"Nah. He'd probably send you a gift basket with a thank-you card. He wants me dead more than anyone else." My body starts to spin in a circle. Great. I can just imagine it: _More Ways to Look Like An Idiot_ , by Minerva.

"Why is that?" He moves closer, curious. I don't like the turn this conversation has taken.

"I finished his favorite cereal and didn't replace it," I answer in a deadpan. "Now are you going to kill me or just leave me hanging?" I start laughing. "Get it? _Leave me hanging_." Wow. That was horrible. Being upside down is not good for my brain. I'm just making a fool of myself here.

"I'm not going to kill you," the bounty hunter replies.

"What? You're not?" Well this is unexpected. I've been hoping he'd make a move so I could use the adrenaline caused by fear to get myself out of this fix. It seems this is not to be, though. "Why not?"

"Try not to sound so depressed about it," he answers sarcastically. "I'm going to sell you to whatever Jedi comes to get me. You're wanted more than I am. All I did was steal some Jedi artifacts from the temple on Coruscant. You, on the other hand, are different. You hop from planet to planet, killing people as you see fit with the powers of the dark side. Instead of taking me, I'll give them you."

So he's not a complete idiot. And I'm stuck in a fix. If the Jedi council actually sends a Jedi master out, then that complicates things. Maybe they'll just send a Padawan out, and I'll be able to escape.

Unless they take my ship, of course. My starship is the only way off this horrible planet, since it seems the bounty hunter trashed his during his escape. Man, I hope I don't get stuck here. That would really suck. I might let the Wampa eat me just to die quicker. Getting stranding here forever… I can't imagine a worse death. I have so many planets to explore still, and so many more places to visit before I die.

Remember what I said earlier about coming to Hoth to maybe rethink my life decisions? Yeah, well, that one might also be true. If only I hadn't been so cocky about getting a chance to show up the Jedi. But who am I kidding? That's a part of me that I'll never be able to get rid of. No matter how many times it lands me in situations like this, I'll still continue to do it. Because I'm me.

There's the sound of an animal… two animals… cutting through the quiet. I open my eyes to see the bounty hunter turn. His eyes grow wide. "They're here," he murmurs, his muscles tensing up.

The Jedi aren't here for diplomacy, though. One of them has a green lightsaber, the color of a Jedi consular, but I don't think he's one of them, and the other has a blue one. They're both bundled up so I can't see their faces well, not to mention that I'm still upside down. Which, I might add, is beginning to get old.

They charge forward, and the bounty hunter fumbles for his blaster. Joke's on him now for overestimating the Jedi. I guess they are good for the unexpected sometimes, and you can definitely rely on them for dramatic entrances.

The green lightsaber guy deflects the charges from the gun and fights the bounty hunter while the other takes on the Wampa. I notice that my lightsaber has been dropped in the snow, and I summon it to me. This time it comes willingly ("Little bugger," I mutter to him) and I lean up to use it to cut the rope binding me. Falling into the soft snow, I roll to avoid blaster shots and to lessen the impact. Then I sprint to the outside of the cave, where two Tauntauns are tied up.

I cut the bindings on one and grab the reins before glancing back into the cave. The bounty hunter has pulled out two strangely familiar colored lightsabers, evening out the fight. The two Jedi look familiar,too, especially in the way they fight, and I know I've run into them before. I just can't place them without seeing their faces.

Oh well. I'll probably run into them again at some point, if they survive today (which I bet they will. And I'm not evil enough to wreck their starship. Stranding somewhere on this planet is a mile past the line, even for a Sith). I spur the Tauntaun on into a gallop, and I leave the cave on Moorish Moraine far behind. When I finally reach my starship, an hour later, I set the Tauntaun free and climb up into the cockpit. "Could've used your help, KZ-4," I say to my green and silver droid. He beeps something unintelligible and I take off, flying far away from that cursed ice bucket.

"I'm thinking somewhere warm and sunny," I remark, a shiver running through my frozen body. I blow hot air on my hands and rub them together. "Somewhere with beautiful lakes and scenery, somewhere I can relax for a bit. What do you think?"

He beeps back at me, and I input my course, laughing lightly. "Naboo sounds perfect to me, too."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** Feel free to check me out on tumblr myshipsaresunk. My blog is mainly Star Wars and Marvel, and I can answer any questions you might have.

 **Chapter 4**

 **Mid Rim, Chommell Sector, Naboo System, 39 BBY**

Naboo has the best scenery in this part of the galaxy. I park my starship on a cliff, miles from the city, just to get a good look from afar. The sky is varying shades of blue with puffy white clouds floating lazily around. Dense green forests cover soft mountain formations and large hills, creating an interesting topography. The great capital city, Theed, lies on the edge of of a plateau, and small towns and cities lie all around its outskirts, white marble buildings and small wooden huts sticking out of the lush green vegetation. Waterfalls of the brightest blue and the clearest water flow down from the same plateau into large lakes and rivers in the valley below, where a few more small towns are located. People the size of ants make their way around, living their lives, completely ignorant of the galaxy around them. There are no fights, for this is a peaceful little planet. A safe haven in a universe full of unrest and conflict.

The only other inhabitants are an underwater-dwelling species called the Gungans. A few of them mingle with the Naboo Humans, their big, floppy ears, and stalked eyes sticking out, but most stay in their safe, unknown cities. Out of sight, out of mind is what they like.

I have a little cottage in the woods, only a stone's through away from a beach on a secluded lake. No one knows about it, and I prefer to keep it that way. It's a safe house for me when I'm on the run or when I need a break.

You may ask, _out of all the planets, why would I pick Naboo?_ It's simple. My old master, Darth Sidious, or as he calls himself when he's with others, Sheev Palpatine, hails from here. It's his home planet, and not one he likes to link himself with. He has bad memories of this place, and his judgement becomes clouded the nearer he gets. It's his blind spot, so to speak, so I've made it my home base. He would never think to search for me here.

Standing on the beach, out of my winter robes and in my usual red-shirt, black-skirt, and combat boots look, I feel myself soaking in the last rays of the setting sun. The chill from Hoth is finally fading away, and I feel my tension disappear with it.

We watch the sun set, blistering orange hues pouring over the subdued green of the forest. KZ-4 beeps at me as he wheels himself onto the sand. Icicles are still attached to his metal body. I break them off gently, promising him I'll never go back to Hoth. "And next time I'll think twice before acting on a hacked Jedi message." My droid seems pleased at it, and he lets out a comforted boop.

"You see that moon up there?" I ask him, pointing to the one of three moons of Naboo. "That's the only moon in the sky here. It's called Tasia, named after Queen Elsinore den Tasia. She was the leader of Grizmallt when a violent revolution occurred, and all the humans fled. She had an explorer, Kwilaan, who took three ships full of people to colonize new worlds. They all crash landed here and decided to settle permanently. Before they arrived it had just been the Gungans."

KZ-4 lets out another series of beeps and boops. "The other two moons? One of them is Ohma D'un, which is a water moon, and Rori, which is a swamp moon."

The area is getting dark, and I have one more place to show my droid. "Come on," I say, motioning him forward. "You'll like this."

Not far from my cottage is a collection of ruins. "See these? Ruins like these are spread throughout the planet. They belong to an old humanoid civilization that existed tens of thousands of years ago. We call them the Elders. Apparently they died off because they couldn't live in harmony with nature."

KZ-4 lets out a sad noise. "Yeah, kind of depressing, isn't it?" I sigh, walking back to the cottage. "But it's happening again. King Veruna and my master are mining for plasma right in the heart of the city. Apparently there's some high grade veins or whatever. If you ask me, I sense it won't last more than a few years. Eventually the people will rebel and elect a new leader. It's not long before the king goes too far and has a military set up." I shake my head slowly. "And to think my master is behind all of this without anyone even knowing who he truly is. I just hope this turmoil will pave the way for a better ruler, one who will give these people the peace they deserve."

More beeps from my droid. "No, I'm not being sentimental. This is my peaceful hidden home. If Naboo ends up in war then I'll have to make a new safe house. Obviously, the only reason I want peace is for my benefit. You know, you're kinda insulting me right now."

KZ-4 doesn't give up, though. He continues chattering on in his droid language. "What? I'm not growing soft! If you don't stop thinking like this I'm going to drown you in one of the swamps," I grumble. "I'm an evil Sith who does bad things. I'm not sentimental or soft. Sure, I have some morals, but they're about as exclusive and whacky as they get. I'm serious about throwing you in the swamp forever. I'll even replace you. How does that sound?"

He replies with something along the lines of "You would miss me too much," which of course makes me scoff at him. "You're a droid. Easily replaced. I would find one with less attitude who actually helps me. Now go away, I'm going to try and get some sleep here."

 **Outer Rim Territory, Unknown Sector, Anthan System, 50 BBY**

 _I've given a lot of thought to what I want to do when I grow up. There are so many opportunities out in the universe, but after being stuck on this trash heap for eight of the worst years of my life, I think I want to be a traveller, an explorer. Maybe I could be a smuggler, running from other criminals and law enforcers alike. That would be a fun and interesting life, but unless I learn to be brave and confident I could never pull it off._

 _Maybe I could be a trader, buying exotic items from one planet and trading them at another. That way I could jump around, experiencing new and exciting things everyday. My older brother always asks me where I would put my home, but he doesn't understand. I don't need a home! When you have a home, you're tempted to settle down. When you're tempted to settle down, you get stuck in a rut and you can never leave. Plus it's easier for people to track you down if you have a home address. If you're always on the move, it's easier to run from your past._

 _And that's exactly what I plan to do. I plan to leave the person I am now behind and become someone entirely new; someone no one will look at and think, "She's weak." No, people will see my and want to be me. They'll be jealous of me, just like I've been jealous of everyone else on this planet with a good home and childhood. They'll look at me as if I'm perfect, and to them, I will be. This disaster of a life will be gone forever. I will remake myself entirely._

 _The person I am now will eventually cease to exist._

 **Mid Rim, Chommell Sector, Naboo System, 39 BBY**

The morning sun shining in my face awakes me. That and KZ-4 poking me with one of his outputs. On second thought, it's more of my droid than the sun. I slap him away weakly and turn over, but he's insistent. "Fine! I give up!" I cry, sitting up in bed and rubbing my face with my palm. "What is it?"

He beeps and boops rapidly. "A family? From Naboo? No, I'm not helping them. I'm a Sith. I don't help people."

KZ-4 doesn't stop, though. "There's a kid with them? Ugh, I guess I do have to help them. You know, you're insufferable, KZ. Really. I don't know what stops me from scrapping you the moment I pass by a recycler. Hey, that's actually a good idea." He ignores me, used to the threat. I'm going to have to find something new to threaten him with.

Quickly getting dressed in my normal outfit and throwing the black robes over top, I follow him out of the cottage and through the woods. KZ-4 moves faster than he's ever moved with me, which makes me feel a little miffed. "Really feeling the love," I mutter to him. Of course a random family in Naboo is more important than my needs. Of course. Maybe I can donate him to the Jedi. Nah, he would like that too much.

We come to another lake. There's a woman at the shore, desperately scanning the waters. She has a noble aura around her, and despite her situation, she still is keeping her cool.

"What's up?" I ask, coming up behind her. She turns to me, her calm expression falling to be replaced by relief.

"My daughter went exploring down into the lake. She hasn't come up yet. My husband went down after her, but I haven't seen him, either. It's been a few minutes. I would go in after them, but I can't swim. He can't, either," she adds, her voice sad. "My daughter is only six years old. Please help us." Her voice is softer, but her professional expression has returned.

"They're probably living it up in one of the Gungan cities," I mumble. The woman looks at me with a confused expression, and I realize I had said it aloud. "I'll go find them," I say louder, and slip on one of the Jedi mouth breathing devices between my teeth and shrug off my robe. Yeah, I know. I'm kind of a petty thief, and I have a weakness for Jedi technology. Whenever I can I steal their things, I do. It's a bad habit, yeah, but guess what? It's helping right now.

I exhibit a graceful dive into the lake and pull myself deeper. The lake is murky when I open my eyes, but I can see a small Gungan city's lights ahead. That's probably where they are.

I enter the air bubble, spitting the breathing device into my palm and slipping it back into my belt before heading into the main part. This is more of a town than a city, and I get a lot of double takes as I stroll through. Humans are rare down here, especially ones dressed like me.

Some Gungan security comes, on one of their weird steed things. I can't for the life of me remember what it's called, but I don't really care, anyway. It's not important.

"What are you doing here?" he asks in the Gungan tongue. I understand him due to one of my fancy Jedi tools (another one, I know. Like I said, it's a bad habit) that translates any language both ways. Using it I can speak to him.

"What are _you_ doing here?" I shoot back, and he's stupid enough to mull it over. Rolling my eye, I say, "Have there been two Humans around here lately?"

"Yes," he replies. "Do you know them?"

"In a way. Take me to them." He doesn't move for another beat. "What's the matter?" I demand.

"You're not Gungan," he says slowly, struggling through the words. I sigh loudly.

"You will take me to the Humans," I repeat, moving two extended fingers in a sideways-swiping motion through the air. Rarely do I have to use the force to convince people to do my bidding, and I can't remember who I picked up the hand gesture from. It's not something every Jedi does, but I'm sure I learned it from one of them.

"I will take you to the Humans," he murmurs to himself, spurring his steed into action. I follow them with my head held high and my steps confident, and no one challenges us. Just the way I like it. The Gungans seem peaceful, and I would hate to have to start a war by killing one of them because he stood in my way.

In a holding cell there sit two Humans, just like expected. One is a man, no doubt the woman's husband. He's cradling a young girl in his arms. Even though she's six, she looks wise beyond her few years. I see intelligence in her eyes, and I see glimpses of the future flash by.

She will be very important, that much is evident, both to Naboo and to the entire galaxy. She will have contact with two Jedi who seem familiar… I can't see them, but I can sense them. Seriously, this is killing me. I have a feeling they were the same two Jedi that I encountered in Hoth, but I couldn't tell who they were.

"Are you here to bring us back?" the man asks. He has short, dark hair and brown eyes. Unlike his wife he doesn't have the same royal sense to him, but he has more...compassion. His daughter must get it from him. She is kind and caring like he is, but strong and put-together like her mother. A powerful combination.

"Yes," I answer, kneeling down to the girl. "We're going to have to swim up. How long can you hold your breath for?" Normally I would use a softer, almost gentle voice with a kid her age, but mentally she's years ahead of that. Instead I feed her the truth. I can tell she appreciates that by the way she lifts her chin.

"For however long it takes," she replies confidently. I like her instantly.

"What's your name?" I question.

"Padmé Naberrie," she answers proudly. "And this is my father, Ruwee Naberrie."

"Well, young Padmé, I believe we have a jail to break out of." She beams, and her father stands. "Follow close to me, and we shouldn't have any problems," I promise, leading them out of the prison-like building. Once again the Gungans stare at our little odd group, but no one questions us. I make sure of that by keeping one hand on my lightsaber handle. The aquatic creatures take that subtle hint to heart. They may live under a rock - well, an ocean, to be exact - but they know the legends about the Sith and Jedi.

"Here's where we are going to have to swim," I say, putting in my breathing device. I turn to Ruwee. "I know you can't swim, but just pull yourself up with your arms and kick with your legs. I'll help pull you guys up." We step out of the air bubble and into the ocean. Padmé swims quite well, and her father follows my instructions perfectly, only needing a few pulls here and there for help. In about thirty seconds we pop up on the surface to the relief of the woman. She still maintains her professionalism as she accepts a wet hug from Padmé and a kiss on the forehead from Ruwee. "I was so worried! Are you okay?"

"Of course we are, Jobal." They all turn to me, as if to thank me, but I won't give KZ-4 the satisfaction of it.

"Just stay away from the water, okay?" I tell them. I pick up my robe and tuck it over my arm as I start walking, but Jobal catches up to me. I stop when we're out of hearing distance from Ruwee and Padmé. "What is it?" I question, a little irritated. I had saved her family, what more does she want from me?

"I saw your lightsaber," she admits quietly. "But you're no Jedi. They don't wear black and red."

"So?" I'm not sure what she's getting at, which is pretty rare for me. Well, I get that she's inferring my Sith origins, but for what reason is where I'm lost.

"You're strong with the force. And the way you're looking at her… you look at her like she's incredibly important. Like she's the queen." There's a moment of silence before she continues. "You know her future, don't you?"

"Parts of it, yes," I answer honestly. "What's it to you?"

Jobal is silent for a moment. "I have horrible dreams. I'm wearing all black with a hood covering my face. There's a large procession, with a young woman with dark hair lying in a coffin. She's wearing a flowing blue dress on, and a stomach thick with a child who was never born…" she trails off, and I don't have to imagine what she's seeing, because I had seen it when I'd first met Padmé. "She dies at a young age, does she not?"

I duck my head, not wanting to get mixed up in all these emotions. "The future can be tricky," I say, but Jobal catches my meaning. Her face falls for a moment. "I'm going to have to bury my baby…" she whispers to herself, and a small tear tracks its way down her face. I'm getting uncomfortable, but the woman collects herself, wiping away the tear. "One last question," she begs. "Does my daughter have a good life?"

I swallow hard. "She achieves many hard things, and she becomes an incredibly good person, caring and kind but also wise and strong. She'll fall in love and live happily for a while, but the man will be heavily influenced by evil and she will die at his hands. His remorse will fuel his anger. She'll give birth to two children who will become legends, and her husband will eventually find his way back to the right path, making peace with their children before death. Her son will have her fire and gentleness in him..." I trail off. "You can't tell anyone this, of course."

"You didn't answer my question," she says, searching my eyes. There's a pause. "You don't know what constitutes a good life, do you?"

Avoiding her gaze, I turn away. "I hope I have told you enough to answer your question. Goodbye, Jobal." First I'm walking, but somehow it turns into a jog, and then a flat-out sprint. A few minutes later I collapse on my knees in the sand on my private beach, dropping everything so I can place my palms on the ground to steady myself. Why had I told that woman those things? She shouldn't know them. I had made a huge mistake.

KZ-4 finally wheels his way to my side, bumping into me lightly. I clench my fists and stare straight ahead into the water. "I'm losing it, KZ. My emotions are everywhere. What happened?" I was once so powerful and untouchable. Now I keep making mistake after mistake. I'm losing touch on reality, and I'm losing control of myself.

"We need to get out of here," I tell my droid. He beeps in protest. "I know we just arrived, but I'm compromised. I need to collect myself. I need to refocus."

He lets out a boop. "Yes." I stand, collect my things off the ground, and head towards my ship. "We're going to the Sith Temple."

His response is a scared whimper.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** This is the shortest chapter of the story, but it's important for later. Also a big thanks to my beta, Vika, who managed to still edit this chapter despite being on surgery leave. She's awesome.

 **Chapter 5**

 **Outer Rim Territories, Thrasybule Sector, Malrev System, 39 BBY**

Malrev IV is not the ideal place to be. There's one native specie, who has become demented over the years from the Sith temple's dark magic, and there's the said Sith temple. Of course, my master had thought it would be perfect. This place is even more isolated than Hoth, and not as cold.

There's another temple on the planet Zaloga, but that's where Darth Sidious stores away all his Sith artifacts. It's his favorite, and there's a much greater chance he'll be there. So instead I'm stuck in this dump, looking at a temple that appears to be an upside down pyramid. Same coloring, too.

Malrev IV is covered in forests, but they're not lush and peaceful like those of Naboo. These ones are a dark green, and they remind me of all things sinister, just like the crazy and dangerous native inhabitants. It seems Sith magic can affect everything and anything if left alone.

I enter the temple with no issues, but I mean, who is there to stop me? I'm a Sith, and this is practically my home. I'm always welcome here.

There's an altar in the middle, made of black obsidian and glowing with the same red crystals that power my lightsaber. The edges are jagged, and it's a beautiful work of dark art. The nearer I approach it, the more voices I hear. Dark, low whispers from previous Sith and other dark side force users surround me, getting into my head and seemingly going through my thoughts and memories. They taunt me and criticize me, but I'm used to it. In fact, it's almost comforting.

I kneel in front of the altar and let my mind open up, breathing in the darkness and exhaling my complicated feelings and emotions. The voices whisper of their horrible acts, of all the things they accomplished as Sith Lords of the past. Accounts of slaughtered Jedi children and adults alike are among the most common, but massacred villages and cities and even planets are also told. All this violence happened for no reason. Jealousy and hatred are excuses, the same kind of excuses cowards use so they don't have to own up to their actions.

Power is another reason, but at least that one isn't an excuse. The Sith are known for being power-hungry. It's ingrained in you during the harsh training. Greed, too. Greed leads to power. You never have enough if you can have more. All these planets full of people disillusioned by the allure of freedom. _Please_. Their idea of freedom leads to bad decisions, and bad decisions lead to destruction. I know that from experience.

Even as I kneel in on the rugged carpet, my black robes flowing over my shoulders and pooling on the ground, I feel my emotions being purged. There's no need for generosity, for those you give it to will just end up abusing it. There's no need for kindness, for those who you are kind to will take it for granted. There's no need for charity, for those you help will eventually be corrupted. There's no need for self-control, for by keeping your strength in check you offer up a weakness your enemy can exploit.

But there's also no need for anger, because anger makes you impulsive, and impulsiveness can lead to your downfall. There's no need for jealousy, because jealousy makes you do things you wouldn't do with a clear mind. There's no need for hatred, for hatred leads to making regretful decisions.

A clear mind with only one goal - power - is what a Sith should have. Power to rule over others. Power to be unstoppable in battle. Power to defeat all your opponents. Power to harness the force to do your will. Power to control your emotions and keep you stable. Power is what drives us, and power is what keeps us strong.

I feel the voices of a thousand Sith before me backing up my words, helping me get rid of everything weighing me down. The candles in the temple flicker and go out, and I'm plunged into darkness.

But darkness is good, for darkness hides what the light cannot. Darkness allows the freedom, light only showcases it. More can be accomplished in the dark than in the light. Cowards hide under the sun where they are protected by their sight, but those who are strong walk the shadows, trusting their other senses to alert them. I bite my lip. I know these are lies, all of them. I've seen even the smallest glimmer of light transform a dark place.

But… Why would a light shine so unassuming, so bright, so hopeful, so beautiful, and why, why of all things, would we be told that such a light is bad? Why are we taught to revel in the darkness? That same darkness hides the abuse of so many. It hides those who abuse their own power. It hides atrocities that could be stopped if only light exposed it to someone who could help. Suddenly, my insides quake. Why am I thinking these thoughts? If anyone knew that I, I of all people, have gone soft, gone straight, gone good, I'd be hunted and killed. There is no dissent allowed when you are a Sith.

This is exactly why I'm here. To banish thoughts such as those. Focusing my mind, I delve back into the Sith mindset, searching the dark side of the force.

Fear. Fear is the other goal Sith try to achieve. If you can't fear your master, fear nothing yourself, for everyone fears you. Your reputation should be enough to make parents warn their children about you in bedtime stories, and make the parents themselves wary of heading out into the night. Your name should be so feared it's banished from minds and forbidden to be said. The sight of you should send everyone else either freezing in fear or running away. Your voice should send chills down others' spines and your silhouette should block out the sun. You should wield fear like a weapon, banishing hope and instilling instant obedience.

 _But…_

Again with the voice in my head! I shut it away quickly.

Power and fear are the most dangerous weapons we have, but they are used effectively and in moderation. Too much fear and you rule cowards. Not enough fear and you have to put down revolutions. Too much power and you lose it, not enough power and you're not respected. It's all a fine balance, a walk on a wire with a plunge to either extreme if you slip. It's a horrible way to live.

I had been slipping on the not-enough-fear and not-enough-power side. By showing acts of helpfulness and generosity, I had been tarnishing my reputation. The only way to restore your reputation is to use more power and fear, but you have to be careful not to use too much of either.

"What do I need to do?" I ask aloud, my voice unrecognizable to myself. It's darker and lower than before, and edged with cruelty. It's the way a proper Sith's voice should sound. "I thought I knew what to do, but something's wrong. I can't think clearly anymore!"

The voices of the Sith crash over me, instructing me and giving me strength. I feel as though I'm being awakened from a restoring sleep as energy and power surges through me. I am confident and unstoppable. I am powerful and feared. I am the strongest of all, and I can take on anything. The universe is mine to command, and all that's left is for me to go ahead and conquer it. My subjects will bow down to me in reverence and do my bidding, and my enemies will scatter like a breaking wave as I wet the ground with their blood. No one is higher than I, and no one can stop me.

I am no longer weak and scared. That person is years ago and not me anymore. I am power and I am strength. I am fear and I am unstoppable. Wielding the powers of darkness, even the light must succumb to me.

 _Stop!_

I am red and I am the blood that flows from the wounds of my nemeses. I am the black of the darkest night, and I am the energy thrumming through your veins. I am the chill that makes you shiver even in the warmest nights, and I am the shadow that never disappears.

 _Turn back now!_

I suffocate those words with the fire of my strength.

I am a Sith, and I am indestructible.

I feel my eyes burn red, but there is no pain. I am above suffering, for suffering is only in your head. Pain, grief, anger - it's all a part of your brain you can turn off it, you know how. And I do. I don't feel. To be the supreme entity of the universe you don't have to feel. You just have to _do_. You have to have a metal heart because an icy one can melt. You have to have a steel resolve because an iron one is too weak. You have to have burning disciplines because any less is not strong enough.

Bursting out the doors of the temple, I hear my master's voice as if he's speaking next to me: "You have taken the first steps."

 _To what?_

I want to ask, but I don't need to anymore. I've taken the first steps to rekindle the darkness that I once had when I first started my training. Hate and anger are only the path to the dark side, and once on the main path you have to leave the petty emotions aside. My self-hate and anger at myself and at my weaknesses had been blinding my ultimate goals as a Sith, but no more. My mind is filled with a desire for more power, and nothing else.

Standing in a semi-circle around the doors to the temple are dozens of Irrukiines, the four-armed, demented inhabitants. They guard the temple, but will attack anyone in the area. And I've just stepped out of the temple.

Deep down I know I can use the dark side of the force to control them, but I don't feel like doing that. My lightsaber handle thrums in my belt, begging me to use him. All I can see is red, and I feel is a want to destroy them all. How dare they look at me as if I'm their prey? I am a Sith lord, powerful enough to slay them all.

Without even being conscious about it, I pull out my double bladed lightsaber and switch both blades on, the red crystals begging to jump around and destroy. I narrow my eyes at the Irks, with their wolf-like faces and sharp teeth, their four arms not intimidating me at all. They're pure muscle, making me look like a frail puppet next to them, but I'm not. I'm the one pulling all the strings here.

They leap at me with glowing yellow eyes and growls and any sort of other sound a wild animal makes in its fury. My knees bend and my hands twist at the lightsaber handles, pulling the two blades apart and brandishing one in each hand. I twirl them in large circles like helicopter blades before the sabers actually start hitting flesh and bones, tearing through them like a hot knife through butter.

Wave after wave of Irrukiines come at me, but I tirelessly take them all out, twirling and slashing and stabbing. At some point I reconnect my blades into one long one again, and with one hand I whirl that around while using the other to summons the force and throw the creatures against trees and rocks and against the temple. They fall the the ground, either unmoving or whimpering in pain.

It feels like I'm fighting them for hours, my energy constantly being renewed by the temple behind me. With each slash and cut I'm regaining my power and the confidence that leads to being feared, even if there are no witnesses here.

Soon I'm surrounded by heaps of carcasses, the remaining Irks fleeing to the safety of the forests. My arm drops in resignation as I realize there is nothing left to fight. No one here to spread fear to. I'm all alone now.

Exhaustion hits me, but I can't let it control me. I hit the button on my lightsaber to retract the blades before walking back to my starship. I climb in, yelling orders to my droid. KZ-4 doesn't react, doesn't move.

"What the matter with you?!" I yell, turning my attention to it. He finally lets out a shiver and lets out a fearful beep. Great. So my droid is terrified of me. What good does that do? "We're getting off this dump," I snap to him. "And if you don't help me _you're_ going to get dumped in the next junkyard I see."

He finally sets a course, but not without letting out more scared noises. I translate one of his sentences as saying, "What happened to you?" but it must be a mistake. I've always been this way. Lately I'd been letting my judgement be clouded, but those days are over.

I'm strong. I'm fearless. And it's about time the whole universe knows who I am.

I am Minerva.

 **Outer Rim Territory, Unknown Sector, Anthan System, 50 BBY**

 _My passion is history. It's the only subject at the academy I enjoy taking, and it's the only one I excel at. Why history? you may ask. Well, it's quite simple. History is full of stories of underdogs who start out low and become the most powerful and fearless leaders in the universe. People start out like me, or even lower - though it's harder to imagine - and make their way up the social ladder to achieve success._

 _I want to be among them someday. I want my name to be in history books for people to read. Kids like me, who grow up in a rough home full of neglect and suffering - they'll read about me and be inspired. They'll believe they can be a better person, a version of themselves that they love and are proud of. They'll grow up and be encouraged by my story and my success, and they'll change the world as they see fit._

 _Imagine that. A whole generation of children devoted to being the best version of themselves that they can dream of? The universe would completely change._

 _Most of all, they wouldn't suffer the same way I do, barely having the courage to daydream about a better life and knowing I won't ever possess the courage to stand up for myself._


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** There's an odd shift here since last chapter, I know, but it will all be explained in the next chapter, so bear with me here.

 **Chapter 6**

 **Western Reaches, Inner Rim, Unknown System 39 BBY**

My head pounds, and my body aches as if I've walked up hundreds of steps. I can't remember what day it is. I can't remember where I am. For that matter, I can't remember anything after Naboo. I ask KZ-4 the date, and I'm surprised that two days have gone by.

And I have no recollection of where I had gone or what I had been doing.

I'm still strapped in the seat of my ship, a strange satchel sitting on the floor beside me. Digging through it, I find various broken Jedi and Sith tools, and a lightsaber I somehow know is in working condition. I place it on my belt before I open the cockpit, instantly shielding my eyes from the blinding sun and the sting of desert sand. Putting my arm down and squinting against the sun, I see nothing but dunes and dunes of sand. The sky is a wide blue area, made bigger by the lack of vegetation. My first thought is that I'm on Tatooine, but I realize that's not true when I see the Luggabeast approaching slowly, its owner an ugly Uthuthma that sways with the steps of the large steed. Tatooine doesn't have those.

"What am I doing here?" I question to KZ-4. He looks at me, shivers, and answers in a quiet set of beep boops. Usually he gives me attitude or extra information, but today he's right to the point and shy, as if he is trying to escape my notice. "So I crash landed here, okay. But what's wrong with you? I'm not going to sell you for extra rations." My droid doesn't reply, and I shrug it off. Maybe he just hates desert areas, or maybe he thinks I'm blaming him for crash landing us while I had been unconscious. Maybe that's why I don't remember anything. I had slept for two days. It doesn't feel like the right answer, though, and it doesn't explain why I feel so sore.

The Luggabeast and Uthuthma approach closer, within a few feet. The wind picks up my black robes, making the heavy material whip around me. It's way too hot to keep this on, and besides, we're in the middle of nowhere here. This one "sentient" being (he doesn't seem too intelligent to me) won't know I'm a Sith. Jakku is about as far from the civilized worlds as you can get. If you like sand but no water, come to Jakku. If you like scavenging metal from starship crashes for measly food portions, then Jakku is right for you!

The Uthuthma starts picking at my damaged ship, and I shout his way. "Hey! That's not your scrap." He turns to me and chatters in his language, which gets translated by my device as something along the lines of "I need the food!"

"Take me to the Niima Outpost and I'll make it worth your while," I promise him. His socket-eyed skull face tilts to the side as he considers my proposition, the chains on his neck rattling. Then he smiles, revealing the full glory of his toothy maw, and motions me forward. I nod my head at KZ-4 to follow us, and he trails behind at a safe distance. Something's up. He's never acted that way before.

The desert winds whip sand at high speeds all around us. I wish I had brought my robes because the angry sting of the sand punctures my skin. My long brown hair is going crazy, so I quickly braid it into a long rope down my back. It probably has a pound of sand in it, but hopefully I'm getting off this cursed planet soon. There's nothing here but scavengers, the Uthuthma, two incredibly strange beast species, and other sentient beings running from war or debt. It's a planet of smugglers and criminals, and I'm stuck here.

It's a few miles to the Outpost, but it only takes us a few hours. The sun is still high up in the air when we reach the edge of the ramshackle huts and tents, and I guess it is about noon, or a little after.

My Uthuthma guide and his Luggabeast stop, and he jumps off, his hand outstretched, waiting for my payment. Greedy little fellow, though if I lived on Jakku, I'd probably be greedy, too.

"I need a mechanic, first, and then I'll get you your week's worth of rations," I promise, a bit on edge. No one here would know my reputation, so I wouldn't be surprised if someone tried to jump me, thinking me an easy target. After all, the lightsaber on my belt is visible, and it would most likely sell for a high value.

The Uthuthma narrows his eyes in distrust but leads me through the maze of tents to where a Human man is. He has dark skin and black hair, and he's bouncing a young boy in his lap. Tools and engine parts are scattered everywhere, and there's a silhouette of a woman in a curtained-off area. She's probably his wife.

He looks up as I stand in the doorway, and his face grows solem. He puts the boy down and tells him to go to his mother before he approaches me. "What can I do for you?" he asks seriously. He eyes the lightsaber on my belt and instinctively takes a step back.

"My starship crashed a few miles that way," I say, pointing behind me. "It's too much for my droid to handle, and I need a mechanic. I've heard you're the one to go to."

"I've worked on many starships in my day," he replies slowly. "Are you a Jedi?"

"If I was a Jedi I would have messaged my buddies for help," I answer sarcastically before realizing I'd given too much away. If I'm not a Jedi, and I'm not connected to the users of the light side of the force, then who am I? If this man really is smart enough to be a mechanic, he probably is smart enough to guess that I'm not a good guy. "But that doesn't matter," I add. "I just need some help so I can get off of this sand bag."

He nods, still staring at my lightsaber. "As you can see, I have a family to support," he tells me. "I require high payment."

"I'll pay you what you ask," I answer impatiently. "Just let me finish with this Uthuthma and I'll come and meet you back here."

The Uthuthma leads me to a large vendors cart in the middle. It's manned by a huge alien species I have yet to encounter, but I soon realize he hands out dehydrated meal portions in exchange for things the scavengers find.

Rummaging through the small pack attacked to my belt, I'm at a loss for what I can trade him until I remember the extra lightsaber, which I pull off. This better worth something good, I think to myself, approaching the alien and offering up my treasure. He grabs it greedily, turns it over to examine, and flicks on. The strange yellow blade glows even in the bright sunlight. The trader looks back down at me. "This is Jedi?" he questions. I nod in response, and he ducks down to gather some things. "I will give you thirty meal portions," he answers, putting them on the counter. "And if you trade me the droid, I'll give you even more."

I glance back at KZ-4, who's rotating his dome head around as if shaking it "no." He's my buddy, the one who's been with me on all my whacko adventures, and I know I couldn't trade him for the world. "Sorry. Just the Jedi weapon."

I scoop up my trade items and am about to walk away when I hear the guy say, "Am I going to get killed for having this?"

"Nah," I answer, turning around. "It was scrapped and I fixed it up." Wait. How did I know that? I can't remember where I found it or even finding it. In fact, I can't remember anything.

"Please trade again here soon!" He calls to my back. Yeah, right. As if I'm going to be on this horrible dustbowl long enough to need to trade again.

Handing the Uthuthma guide ten of the packets, I save the rest for the mechanic. I know he'll probably want something more, but this is a start.

When I make it back to his tent, he has a speedster parked in front, bags of tools already slung on top. I enter the tent, dumping the food packets on a dusty table. "There's twenty of them," I inform him. "What else do you need?"

He pauses, looks at the portions, then back at me. "I will see how bad your ship is. It will depend."

"What's your name?" I question as he loads the last of his supplies on and he sits atop the vehicle. "I'm Zares," he answers. He revs the engine, and I pick up KZ-4 to put on the vehicle before getting on myself. We speed away, leaving the Niima Outpost in a cloud of dust, my droid wailing at the sudden change in speed. I hold onto him tight so he doesn't fall off.

We arrive at the starship in a few minutes, and Zares jumps off, going straight to inspect it. He tinkers around for a while, testing things and flipping switches. KZ-4 wheels right next to him, ready to hold a tool or assistant if need be. I swear, that droid likes anyone more than me. He'd probably buddy up to my old master if he decided to show up.

"How'd you end up here?" I ask, tired of staring into the endless dunes and brown sand. Usually I'm not the kind for idle conversation, but I'm bored, and something is nagging at my mind. Why can't I remember what I'd done for the last two days? Why does the force feel different? Why does my body pain me in such ways?

"My father owed a debt he couldn't pay," Zares answers, snapping a panel shut and moving to the next one. "He moved us here when I was a young kid. I've lived here my whole life, following in my father's footsteps as a mechanic. My wife, Xelia, crashed here, not unlike you. She and I met, and she decided to stay with me."

"Can't imagine why," I mutter. He hears and looks up, and I feel a little bad. Barely. "I mean, this place is a dump, not you. Why don't you return to the real world?"

He shrugs. "My life is here. I'm the best at what I do here, and if it wasn't for me, people like you would be stranded here forever."

I shudder at that thought and lean against the idle land speedster. "A few hours on this planet and I detest it. I can't imagine being here for the rest of my life. I'd probably throw myself off a cliff. Or be desperate to call the Jedi."

"Speaking of," he says, shifting to work on another area of the ship. "If you're not a Jedi, then what are you?" His voice is casual, but I suspect he knows the truth already.

"What's it to you?" I shoot back. "Do you really want to know?" No, he doesn't. I'm a murderer. My head suddenly lets out a pain flash, like a sudden migraine, and I wince, touching my fingers to my temple. Images flash by, too quickly for me to comprehend.

Does it have something to do with those lost days?

"How much longer will it take to fix?" I demand, on edge. I need to get back to the real world, back where I can ask questions and find out what I had been doing. I feel off, and mostly I feel sick, as if whatever I'd been doing had been unpleasurable.

"Not long," he answers. "You're lucky it wasn't damaged very badly. I think you'll be far away from here in an hour."

"Good," I grumble, taking my lightsaber off my belt and tossing the handle up and down in the air with the force. This planet is so boring I don't think I can take another minute of it, but an hour is bearable. The image of sand will forever be ingrained in my mind. Get it? In-grained, like grains of sand? Jeez, the sun here is really frying my brain. Maybe I'll melt and never have to worry about getting stranded on an awful planet ever again.

That last hour passes by like a herd of turtles in a mudswamp. I had long since put my lightsaber away and had grabbed my robes from the starship, huddling under them to hide from the sun and to try and take a nap. No naps happened, but at least my sunburn didn't worsen.

Finally Zares announces it's finished, and I hop up faster than any of my battle reflexes. "Yay!" I cry, then realize how childish it is. Seriously, I'm done with deserts and the hot sun. My next stop, wherever it may be, is going to have civilization. I'm going to blend in with my surroundings and go to some bar somewhere, and get some great alcohol.

Speaking of alcohol…"If you take us back to town with you I can finish your payment and get us some Knockback Nectar," I offer. Knockback Nectar is the most popular beverage in Jakku, made from lichen scraped off of buttes in the south. Sound gross, I know, but I've never tried it, and I'm an adventurous person.

Zares looks a little wary - I'm guessing he knows I'm a Sith at this point, and he's wise to be wary about a Sith offering a drink - but he eventually nods. Honestly, some alcohol would really be welcome. The uneasy feelings and brief glimpses of the fleeting memories from the past two days have been driving me crazy. And I'll treat him, too, since he did help me fix up my ship.

The ride back into town is quick, and Zares and I knock up a bar. After buying us both drinks with some Republic Credits I'd had on me, I give him small bag of the same coins. "I'm not sure how much you can use these on this place, but it might amount to something," I say. He thanks me and takes them, and I begin the long trek back to my starship, KZ-4 following closely now. He still seems on-edge, but it's not as bad as before.

It's dark by the time we get back to the ship, and I feel tired from the long hikes and relentless heat, but I'm ready to get of here. KZ-4 get us started, and we head off.

"Where should we go, KZ?" I ask. "I'm thinking somewhere with lots of people."

He beeps back a response. "Coruscant? Why not. Maybe we can pay our favorite Jedi a visit."

 **Outer Rim Territory, Unknown Sector, Anthan System, 50 BBY**

 _For the first time in years, my parents call a family meeting. It's so unexpected and random that my siblings and I are mystified. What would possess them, after years of abandonment, to finally let us in the loop?_

 _We all gather awkwardly in the parlor, the tension thick. My mother and father stand next to each other, their stances tense. My mother has dark bags under her eyes, and her head is lowered in defeat. There's a bruise on her arm, one in the shape of a hand. I'm pretty sure my father had given it to her when he'd grabbed her roughly during on of their arguments. My father stares at his feet, his expression strict and solemn. He looks up as we enter, and a shiver of fear runs through my body, even though I know the only person he's ever hurt physically is my mother. I guess I'm scared of his words, which I know are cruel and unforgiving. They could twist through my heart, tearing me apart harder than any physical pain._

" _We're separating," he announces to us all, his words slicing through the tension. "You girls are moving with your mother. Xavier will stay with me." Through the corner of my eye, I see my brother tense up. He's two years older than me, and not any braver. The prospect of living with our father alone must terrify him. If would horrify me. I wouldn't do it. I'd rather die, because without my mother to beat upon, what's to stop him from turning his anger on Xavier?_

" _Why are you doing this?" my younger sister, Lillea, asks. I know what she's implying: for years you guys have fought, why only separate now?_

" _We've both been unfaithful," my father answers. Lillea doesn't know what that means, but Xavier and I do. They cheated on each other._

 _It disgusts me more than anything. Cheating is the worst thing you can do. When you marry someone, you're trusting that they'll stay faithful and loyal, and yet both of them had lied to each other, something I can't ever forgive. Lying and being disloyal is the worst thing a person can do. I can deal with my parents' neglect, and I can deal with their abandonment, but their lies are a whole other thing. Though I had been suspecting their sin for long, the way they never wore their wedding rings and always arrived home late at night, I never thought they'd openly admit it._

 _My father is weak for promising himself to my mother and then going off with another woman behind her back, and my mother is a coward for hiding behind another man now when she could have walked out years ago. They both disgust me, but mostly because I know I am just like them. I am a coward, and I am weak. I inherited both of their worst traits._

 _And not just me, but my siblings, too. Looking over at them, they stand as silently as I do, neither having the courage to say what's on their minds. Instead we turn and retreat back to our rooms, steeling ourselves for an even worse life._


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** Sorry for the late update, both my beta and I have been extremely busy. This chapter is much longer than the others, though, so I hope it makes up for the wait!

 **Chapter 7**

Halfway to Coruscant, I turn back. I can't do it. The memories from the past few days are starting to solidify, and my head feels like an axe is splitting it open from the inside, not to mention the pain from the visions.

There are still huge gaps in the memories, and I need to know what happened. The glimpses I've seen are of violence and fear, and that terrifies me. What had I done?

There's only one place with people who have the power to help me. And KZ-4 is not going to like it. Even as I set the coordinates he lets out a whiny beep.

"That's right," I reply as the ship shoots off. "We're going to Dathomir. The planet of witches."

 **Mid Rim Region, Quelii Sector, Dathomir System, 39 BBY**

The red planet looks like bad news even as we fly in closer. KZ-4 shivers, and I steel myself for the challenge. It's not easy to convince a witch to help you, but I have some tricks up my sleeve. I wouldn't be a Sith if I didn't.

We park in a secluded forest area not far from the largest city. It's disturbing walking through the forests, the gold and silver eyes flickering from the dark shadows and following our progress. The Force around here is strong, made even stronger by the planet. Almost all the Nightsisters and Nightbrothers here can use the dark side of the Force. I've both fought against and worked with many Dathomirians and Zabraks before. My master has a soft spot for them, but he has a soft spot for _anyone_ using the dark side of the Force.

I walk through the main streets, the darkness unnerving. This is isn't a light and sunny planet with rainbows and unicorns. The sun is red, casting a strange tinge of light on everything, and and I know I can't fight my way through this mess if things go south. The Nightsisters and Nightbrothers are mercenaries and assassins, and though I could fight them one-on-one, I know I'm hugely outnumbered. KZ-4 follows closely behind me, often bumping into my heel. He's a wuss when it comes to these kind of things.

There's a roar in the distance, probably from a Rancor. With dark magic comes dark and vile creatures. Snakes and lizards are the tame ones on this planet. Overhead, Veeka - red-plumed birds eaten by the Dathomirians and the Kiffars - screech and fly, claiming the sky as their territory.

But I don't think the red sun or the darkness or the wild creatures are the reason for my unease. It has to do with the Force and with the Dathomirians and Zabraks themselves. I get the feeling one or more of them are intertwined with my future, and not in a good way. My powers of a Seer are limited to other people's futures, but I still have the Force, which allows me to be sensitive to things other people are not. And I'm getting the bad feeling that someone on this planet is one day going to destroy my life.

Shrugging it off, I continue on. If I want to get my memories back, I can't let fear get the best of me. I am fearless, or at least I should be. The thought makes a flash of images of darkness and a...black fountain... hit me, and once again I'm left frustrated that my memories are so close, yet so far.

With my black hood all the way up and my face covered in shadows, it's impossible to tell that I am a Human and not a Nightsister. My droid is a little odd, but I wasn't going to leave him all alone in my ship. He won't admit it, but deep down he's a scaredy-cat who needs me.

There's a Nightsister sitting on the dusty ground at the base of a tree, eyes closed and mind concentrated. She's connecting to the Force, but she's having trouble. I can feel her frustration and deep hidden anger, which, ironically, is exactly why she can't connect. Heading her way, she doesn't even register me standing above her.

"Try letting go of your emotions," I suggest in a quiet voice. "Let go of everything tethering you to this world."

She doesn't open her eyes, but she must heed my advice since I sense her emotions slowly slipping away, and her mind catching a hold on the Force. Her red and black striped lips curve upwards in satisfaction, and she pops open silver eyes to look at me.

"Who am I to thank for the help?" she asks, and I sense her searching the Force to try and identify me. I know she won't have much luck, since I am not from this planet.

"I am a fellow dark side user in need of a little help myself," I reply. "Where might I find the Clan Mother?"

"A foreigner," she muses. "The Force is strong with you...but you are frustrated by something you do not know. Yes, I will take you to Talzin. She will be able to help you, for a price." She stands, and glances at my droid before back at me. Her eyes glow out from the red shapes around them which almost look like blood against the white skin of her forehead and the sides of her face. "I am Senka Ventress."

We walk through the dusty road in silence. I'm getting strange readings from her, a future that is not her own but someone like her… "Do you have a sister?" I question.

Senka shakes her head. "No."

"A cousin? An aunt? Any female relative?"

"I have a daughter," she replies, giving me a strange look. "Why?"

"I can see glimpses of the future," I answer. "What's your daughter's name?"

"Asajj," she says before stopping. "She's not very old. What do you see?"

I rub my forehead with my fingers. "It's not complete, and I shouldn't be telling you this, but...She will be taken from you soon, a gift to ensure peace. She will betray you and the Clan, and she will be betrayed by the one she turned on you for. She will return and join the Clan again, under Talzin...but she will never know you."

"Have you seen anything else?" Senka asks breathlessly.

"Asajj will be one of the few survivors when your coven is all but destroyed." My head spins, and I wonder why all my visions have to do with death and darkness.

Senka nods her head. "Thank you, sister. You bring me great peace."

I frown. "Peace?" Death and betrayal doesn't sound like peace to me.

"My mate has been dreaming too, of death. We feared it was Asajj's death, but your words confirm it is not." She smiles a small smile before continuing on.

I'm getting the feeling that she's perfectly okay with sending her daughter away as an infant to ensure peace, and that's a little disturbing. How can you be that dedicated to a coven? It blows my mind, but then I realize that she could say similar things if she knew why I had joined the Sith. By becoming an agent of the dark side I surrendered my humanity and my morals. For her that might sound as bad as giving a baby away sounds to me.

We arrive at a large hut in the forest. There are two young boys wrestling outside, a woman - their mother, I assume - watching from the porch. She looks up as Senka and I enter her view, and she narrows her eyes at me. She knows who I am.

"Maul! Opress! Come back inside!" she calls. My body flinches at the name Maul, though I don't know why. I've never met him, and I've never heard of him.

"Talzin, this is…" Senka trails off as she realizes she never learned my name.

"Minerva," I fill in, knowing it's not worth hiding it from the witches. They'll know who I am soon enough. I bow slightly in respect of the tall woman standing in front of me. Like Senka, her skin is white, but the colored shapes around her mouth and eyes are black. She, too, has silver eyes, and those bore into me, seemingly reading straight through me. "I have come for assistance."

Her bright red outfit is a shade darker than her orange-red shawl that covers her bald head and shoulders. The two tassels on the end of the shawl, one on each side, bounce a little as she tilts her head. She's trying to read me, I can tell.

"Come in," she finally says, holding the door open. Senka and I enter. The inside is smaller than the outside makes it appear, but we're led to a small table in a warm room. There is a dark candle with a red flame dimly illuminating the room. After all take our seats, she begins. "What is it you need from me, daughter of the dark side?"

A scent is emitting from the candle, one that smells of cinnamon. Focusing on it, I convince my muscles to relax, and I let out a deep breath. "My memories of the last few days escape me. I feel strange, as if whatever I did was not entirely of my own doing."

"A disturbance in the Force," she comments, and I nod. "If I restore your memories, what will you give me?"

"The future," I offer. "I can see parts of the future."

She presses her lips into a tight line and nods, and I sense she's worried about the future. Now isn't the time to be worrying about her, though. Now is the time for my memories to return to me. "Close your eyes," she orders, and I do. Talzin begins chanting lowly in an unknown language, and I feel the Force engulf me, swallowing me up. The chair I'm sitting on disappears, as does the hut and the table and the Dathomirians around me. The only thing that follows is the faint scent of cinnamon…

 **72 Hours Ago -** **Outer Rim Territories, Thrasybule Sector, Malrev System**

Power and the need to make it known thrums through my veins. The bodies of dozens of Irrukiines are the only clues left behind of my journey to the Sith temple of Malrev IV. KZ-4 sets a course to another planet, but I hear the voices of the previous Sith lords whispering in my ear, influencing my thoughts.

"No, KZ," I say, my voice sounding robotic. "We're going to Moraband."

My droid shudders and whines, and I feel the fear. Moraband is the home of the Sith, the original planet of my people. It had been abandoned after years of war, and no one had gone there since. I would be the first in decades. "Set the course. I have to meet someone."

 **60 Hours Ago - Outer Rim Territories, Unknown Sector, Unknown System**

My feet slip again in the loose dust of Moraband's ground. The air is hot and dry, and not a single gust of wind breaks the odd silence of the planet. Ruins are everywhere - starships, broken lightsabers, Jedi tools, homes, military bases - a scavenger could make a fortune here. Except scavengers don't dare enter the home of the Sith. No one dares enter here.

Legends tell of the ghosts of the old Sith that still haunt this old place. Looking at the planet from the ground, I can tell you it would make sense. I haven't encountered any myself, but this whole place looks like a horror story waiting to happen. It's deathly quiet - the entire planet devoid of any life forms - and only my goal of power and confidence drives me forward. I can never return to being the coward I once was, and this is the only way to firm my resolve.

Again I stumble, and this time I fall, my arms swinging forward to catch myself. My face is only inches from the ground, but I'd caught myself in time. Opening my eyes, I suddenly jump up, shrieking in terror. There's a grinning skull facing me, half buried in the once fertile dirt. My eyes scan the ground closer from then on, and I wish I'm not so paranoid, because once I start looking, all I see are the skeletons with tattered remains of clothing. All the unburied casualties of the ancient wars are my company as I continued my hike, searching for the Valley of the Dark Lords.

Eventually my curiosity gets the best of me, and I start scavenging from the ruins I pass. I find a satchel in decent shape that I use as an artifact bag, and I pick up broken lightsabers and ancient Jedi and Sith tools, tucking them away for safekeeping. This whole planet is right out of the pages of history books, but no one has ever written about it. Maybe I can be the first...and the only, since no one else dares to come near this place.

The dark side of the Force is strong here, stronger than even in the Sith temple on Malrev IV. I feel it all around me as I travel, searching for the sacred place that is calling to me.

The arid climate wears me out, and I fold up my black robes, tucking them into the satchel with my hidden treasures. I continue stumbling forward, searching the Force for directions. I get the feeling as though I'm getting closer, and I start jogging, sensing answers soon.

The brown, rugged mountain peaks rise up in a circle, and I instinctively know that they protect the Valley of the Dark Lords. My speed increases and soon I'm at the opening, staring down below. Whispers similar to those I heard in the temple are even louder here, emitting from shrines of the past Sith.

One in particular calls to me. It's the biggest and grandest, and I stumble towards it, collapsing on my knees in front of it. Carved into the black obsidian is the name "Darth Bane". This is the tomb of one of the most powerful and famous Sith lords. Forgotten by most now, he still remains important to the Sith.

His ghostly form appears next to me, but I'm not scared. It's just a spectre, albeit a fiery one at that. And he's the one who called me here, so it's not like I'm unwelcome.

"Why did you call me here, Master?" I ask, my head bowed in respect. He doesn't answer the way I'm expecting.

"This planet was once the home of many powerful dark side users," his deep voice says, the words echoing across the empty valley. "It was not a peaceful place. The Sith killed each other, victims of their own greed. But from the ashes of destruction, _I_ was the last survivor. I understood what lust and the love of power does to a race, but I could do nothing but watch as my people weakened each other to the point where the Jedi could defeat them. The war raged on, and the Sith fought valiantly, but there was never hope for them to win. The Sith cannot exist in large numbers, else we tear each other apart." He pauses, letting his words sink in. "I created the Rule of Two. One Sith master, and one Sith apprentice. Only two, and no more or no less. The master holds the power, and the apprentice craves it. This is the only way the Sith can exist and be strong enough to defeat the Jedi."

It's a nice lesson in Sith history, but I did not crawl across miles of graveyard and ruins to hear what Sidious had already told me. I came to learn how to be powerful and how to not be weak. "Why are you telling me this?" I question.

"For one thousand years, this arrangement has worked. Then you joined as Darth Sidious' apprentice." His fire eyes bore into my orange ones. "You don't crave power like the others. For a millenia I've existed in this form, watching as the plans of the dark side slowly come together. Your master is the most powerful Sith in many years, and the wisest. His biggest mistake, however, was choosing you."

"May I ask why?" If not, too bad. I just asked. And he better give me a good answer, because I'm feeling very insulted right now. Am I a mistake because I am too weak? Because I'm a coward? Because I'm a disappointment? My childhood fears come back in a wave, beating me down. I try to bury them, but I can't. Darth Bane, one of the most powerful Sith lords ever, has just called me a _mistake._

"You're supposed to want power as much as your master, but the only power you want is to prove to yourself and to the world that you're not weak," Darth Bane answers, mirroring my thoughts. "You don't care about overthrowing the Jedi as long as you know you can defeat them whenever you want. You don't care about making people fear you as long as you know you can make them scared. You just want to prove to the world that you're not a terrified little eight-year-old who can't even stand up to your father, because you're afraid he'll hit you like he hits your mother. And you never want to be a coward like your brother, who - "

"No," I hiss, interrupting him. My voice is pure venom. I don't care if Darth Bane is the most powerful Sith ever, but he just did not go there. "You don't ever compare me to that eight-year-old girl, and you never, _ever_ , bring up Xavier. You don't get to do that. I'm not that person, and I've earned the right to bury that past. I worked my butt off for Darth Sidious, learning to put my past behind me and to not be afraid. I took all his abuse, knowing it would be worth never going back. I went to that temple on Malrev IV to bury my emotions, to feel powerful again, and I came here because I thought you were going to help me, not tear me down and insult me. Instead you call me a mistake! Well, I'll show you. I'll prove it to you, and to every Sith buried here, and to Darth Sidious. I'll prove I'm powerful and and deserve to be feared. I'm not a mistake, and I'm not weak." The blood in my veins is pumping wildly, and my heart is racing with adrenaline. "What do I have to do to prove I'm worthy?"

His mouth turns upwards into a smile. "That's the fire you showed when Darth Sidious first saw when he was looking for an apprentice. That resolve is why you were picked above all else. You're dedicated, Minerva. Just a little misguided. If you want to prove your worthiness, travel to Eriadu. There is a man there under the name of Tarkin. He will prove valuable to Darth Sidious and the Galactic Empire when it forms. He just needs a little...nudging in the right direction."

"How so?" I ask, standing up and looking Darth Bane directly in the eyes, squaring my shoulders to display confidence and power.

"Well, for starters, he needs a reason to work for Darth Sidious. He's a good man, but a little tragedy and suffering will lead to anger, and anger will turn to want for revenge...and Darth Sidious will come in then, and promise him that revenge in return for his services."

"I understand my job," I say firmly. "And it will be done. But I am not returning to Darth Sidious. I refuse. He will kill me before I even have a chance to speak."

Darth Bane nods. "That is understandable. But you will always have to be on the run from him if you choose to stay a Sith."

Swallowing, I finally bow politely. "Thank you for your wisdom. My mind is clearer than ever, and I am not without direction." His spectre blows away as if the wind had carried it, but there is no wind.

I begin the long trek back to my starship, but a nagging thought continues to follow me - is my mind really clearer than ever, or is it even more murkier than before?

 **48 Hours Ago - Outer Rim Territories, Seswenna Sector, Unknown System**

KZ-4 and I set down in Phelar, the biggest city on Eriadu. This city - and the entire planet- is known for it's Lommite export, but in a few decades it will be known for something much more. If I do complete my mission, that is.

If I cause enough tragedy in Tarkin's life now, he will join Darth Sidious and eventually become leader of this planet (and of one other extremely important thing that is blocked from my view. Like I have stated before, I don't see everything in the future) and bring it to a high status. The entire universe will know and look up to Eriadu.

I'm in a tree near Tarkin's house. He still lives with his parents while attending the exclusive Phelar Academy. No one is home, and I don't want to interact with others before completing this mission. If you asked me to my face, I'd say it's because I don't want to get distracted, but the truth is that I'm scared the resolve I had on Moraband will fizzle away once I rejoin society. Darth Bane had been right when he said I'm not as power-hungry as other Sith. Actually, all of what he had said had been true, even if I try to deny it. I don't care about ruling the universe as long as I know I'm not weak and cowardly. I just want reassurance that I will never be that person again.

I can't believe he had brought up my brother, though. And I bet had I not interrupted him, he would have mentioned my sister, too. He out of all people should know I don't discuss them. Even Darth Sidious had been careful to never bring them up. Everyone has their no-no topic, and that is mine.

His words keep echoing in my mind, though, and the memories I had long stored away decide they've been shelved for too long…

 **Outer Rim Territory, Unknown Sector, Anthan System, 50 BBY**

 _It's raining again. It always seems to rain here, but I suppose without the rain the vegetation wouldn't grow and the forests would be dried out and brown. That's how I feel right now. I feel like a dried out husk, a shadow of a shadow. Even as I stand outside the rain doesn't reach me past my heavy black robes. The hood is pulled over my head and it's deep enough to cover my face. Underneath my black dress and black dress shoes are dry, dry and brittle unlike the cobblestones, or the wood of the coffin, and unlike the corpse of my brother._

 _The casket is open as the beasts pull in forward, the members of the village following in a mournful procession to the graveyard. My brother is already dead, but it seems he has to drown in his own child-sized coffin to confirm it. If there's a God out there, he really has it out for my family._

 _Thunder rumbles, a sign of a storm front, but nobody retreats inside. Funerals are a big deal in our town, especially those of children. Xavier is -_ was _\- only ten._

 _My parents walk beside the coffin, one on each side, a hand on the polished wood. They look solemn as they progress on, but they don't deserve that position. They're the reason he's dead. Because my parents had both broken their vows of loyalty and decided to split up, also dooming us children to be split up, my brother had been offered one choice: to stay with our father. Our father, who we often heard beating up his wife late at night after returning from his mistress'. Our father, who ignored and neglected us. Xavier couldn't bear to live with him, so he'd made himself another choice: death._

 _Killing someone takes resolve. Ending your own life takes nerve, because even though you hate where you are and who you're with and how things are, everyone still has a part of them that doesn't want to die. A fear of the unknown, a fear of being forgotten. It takes bravery or complete, utter hopelessness to get over that fear and take the final steps, and my brother had taken them. He didn't have to die. I don't agree with his choice, and I don't condone it, but he did die a braver person than I can ever hope to be._

 _But how it hurts. It hurts to be walking behind the coffin with his cold body floating in the few inches of water at the bottom. It hurts to see my mother and father putting on sad faces as if they're really sorry they lost their first and only son. It's just plain harsh to see people who ignored our pleas for help and who bullied us, wiping tears from their eyes as if they'll really miss him._

 _It hurts most of all for Lillea and I, for he is -_ was _\- the only person to understand what we are going through. Without him we are on our own, and we need him. He had always been the one to hold Lillea during a particularly violent fight, and he had been the one to make sure we had three meals a day. I don't understand why he would leave me, the weak one, to be the one to comfort Lillea. He had been the one to help us with our classes, and he had been the one to fend off the bullies. He had held us together, and now he's gone. I would give anything to switch places with him._

 _And it's all because our parents weren't loyal to each other. What's really insulting is that they don't even think they're the ones to blame. They're too blind to see how weak and cowardly they are, and they're too prideful to see the chasm below their feet that we had all been stuck in. And even now they make up pathetic excuses about why Xavier would have done something like this._

 _I don't cry as they bury my brother six feet under. I can't. Lillea does. She sobs, thick tears and soul-wrenching cries coming from her. Xavier had been her hero, her big brother. She has no one else except for me left. Lillea clings to me as the dirt is shoveled on top of our best friend, unable to accept the fact that he's gone._

 _My arm is wrapped around my younger sister, but I only feel numb as he disappears. I don't know what to do. I keep standing in the rain long after the village disappears back to their houses, and long after my father leaves with his girlfriend and my mother leaves with her boyfriend. They're traitors to me, traitors to Lillea, and were traitors to Xavier. I guess they can only let down two of us now._

 _Lillea's sobs turn into screams, and she falls on her knees, screaming her injustice at the world, at our parents, at the trees, at anyone who will listen and those who won't. The rain drowns her out, just like they drowned Xavier, but I'm still dry, protected by the dark fabric and my shattered heart. The only emotion in me is rage, the slow burning type, but I'm not sure who my anger is directed at. Is it my unfaithful parents? Does it belong to the fake mourners? Or am I upset at myself?_

 _No. If anything, I'm angry at Xavier for leaving me all alone in this. I'm mad at the one person who could cause me this much pain. The one person who I trusted not to leave my side. If anyone in our family is disloyal, it's him. He promised me he'd never leave me, and then he goes ahead and does something like this. I trusted him, and he let me down. Disappointed me._

 _Standing in the rain and watching the water drip down my brother's gravestone onto the freshly churned dirt, I promise myself two things: I will never be disloyal, and I will never trust anyone._

 **46 Hours Ago - Outer Rim Territories, Seswenna Sector, Unknown System**

The memories are returning, and I can't have that. They hurt too much to think about, so I scan the items in my satchel that I had picked up from Moraband. There's a few broken lightsaber hilts, and I pick up the one that seems least damaged. I tinker with it for a while, scrapping parts from the others ones to repair it. When it looks fixed, I hit the button, and a yellow blade springs out.

"Yellow?" I ask myself, wondering at the strange color. The crystals that affect the color of the lightsaber are found mostly in blue, green, and red, so other colors like yellow are rare. The Jedi almost always pick blue, green, and sometimes purple, while Sith tend to like red. Usually the color tells you something about the person who made it.

I retract the blade, but I don't stop thinking about the odd color choice. It has to mean something special, but what? The weapon has been buried on Moraband for too long for me to pick up clues about the previous owner, but I wish I knew what had been on their mind when they build it. Yellow is a neutral color, not red like Sith but not blue like the Jedi. Who had they been?

Unfortunately their legacy had died on Moraband with them, and I am never going to be able to discover what had been on his or her mind. Shrugging with slight annoyance, I slip the lightsaber by my own one on my belt.

 **45 Hours Ago - Outer Rim Territories, Seswenna Sector, Unknown System**

A man and woman enter the house, and I know the time has come. Taking a deep breath to clear my mind, I pull my hood down lower and tuck my hair into the robe. If I'm identified as the perpetrator of the crime, then Tarkin will know the Sith are behind his parents' death, and he won't join Darth Sidious. But if he thinks it's just some lightsaber-wielding maniac then he shouldn't have any qualms about the dark side.

I slip into the house by way of the back door. The man is sitting on a chair in the kitchen, reading something aloud as the woman begins to cook. Neither hear me as I creep closer. I'm about to make my move when I hear the front door open and close, and a man in his late twenties or early thirties appear. It's Tarkin. I am about to slip back and rethink my plan when I realize this will be better executed if he watches.

He stands in the doorway of the kitchen, and when he leans down to untie his shoes I make my move. Rushing from my hiding spot, I pull out the yellow lightsaber and use it to make short work of his parents. With smoking holes in their chests, they fall to the ground.

It all happens before he even has a chance to straighten back up. He hears the thumps of their bodies, and he looks around, catching sight of me. Of course he can't identify me, though, except as wearing dark robes and holding a yellow lightsaber. He reaches into his belt and pulls out a gun. "I'm going to kill you!" he screams, pointing the blaster and shooting wildly. I easily deflect the blasts, redirecting them to the walls and furniture before turning and running out the back again. I use a Force jump to land on the roof, and I watch as he slams out the door, looking around the backward and the neighborhood for me. He can't find me, and that frustrates him to no end. He flags down some Rodian law enforcers, and the green-skinned humanoids sent out messages to their other buddies to try and find me.

"We're looking for a black-robed person with a yellow lightsaber...humanoid figure...I don't know what gender or what exact species."

"That's not much information to go on," one Rodian with large, completely purple eyes remarks.

"If they have that kind of training then we'll be no match!" another one with declares, rubbing his long, slender nose.

As they spread out across the neighborhood, I run across the rooftops back to my starship, get in, and take off quickly.

Where do I go? I feel lost now that I've completely Darth Bane's order. I thought that by doing this act to help the dark side I would find guidance, but it appears I'm just left feeling more lost than ever before. I thought that by murdering those people I would feel powerful and fearless, but instead I feel dirty and numb.

KZ-4, who had borne witness to the entire thing, shudders as I look at him. He's scared of me. He had just seen me murder two innocent people, and now my only friend is terrified.

Who have I become?

I set my own course, since my droid refuses to acknowledge me, and I set off. Where I'm going I'm gonna hate, since it's nothing but desert and loneliness, but I need to figure some things out. I have some choices I need to make, and as much as I think my thoughts are clear, I know they're not. Between the flashbacks and the ugly deeds, I need space and a reminder of why I do what I do. Because right now it seems that I've played right into the hands of Darth Bane and Darth Sidious, and I don't want to be their pawn. They're using my emotions to control me, and I can't let that happen. I should never have gone to the Sith temple. By this point I should know that wherever the dark side of the force is, my master is there also. And I refuse to be his hit man, the one who does his dirty work.

I may be a Sith, but I'm not him.

During the flight my exhaustion finally hits me, and I slump unconscious in the pilot's seat, my head hitting the control board hard. My sleep is light, so I'm aware of my surroundings in a sluggish way, but I can't do anything except sleep. Vaguely I feel the ship angling down and landing, but I'm so tired the jolt doesn't wake me. In my sleep I can hear the frantic beeps of my droid before slipping away to a deeper sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** This is the first part of a two-part episode (is that what I'd call it?) Part two you'll get next week. Enjoy!

 **Chapter 8**

 **Mid Rim Region, Quelii Sector, Dathomir System, 39 BBY**

The first thing my senses pick up on is the smell of cinnamon. It's all around me, a comforting and relaxing smell. The hard wood of a chair is beneath me, and red light flickers behind my closed eyelids. Opening my eyes, I blink several times before the blurriness goes away.

"A Sith, eh?" Talzin asks, placing a steaming cup of what smells like tea in front of me. Giving her a grateful look, I slowly sip at the hot liquid. It's bitter to the taste, but I like it. Bitterness is a familiar sense to me, one that has made its home in my heart. One that reflects my heart.

"Yeah." My voice is rough, and I wish I hadn't seen those memories. How could I have killed that couple? And in such cold blood? Sure, I'm a vigilante, but they did nothing wrong. If anything, I had helped out Darth Sidious. The thought alone makes me want to puke. I don't just go out of my way to kill innocent people. And yet, I had. All the pressure from my master and Darth Bane and the darkness in me...It turned me into someone I am not.

"Well, I'd like to say it's a surprise, but I figured you were a dark side force user of some sort. No one from the light side comes here, and I don't blame them." She sits across me, and I notice Senka had disappeared, her chair empty.

My mouth and throat feel dry, and my stomach feels like an empty pit. It's the feeling you get when you're free-falling, or when you're falling general. It feels bad. An emotion I've never felt before flitters around in my head, capturing all my attention.

"So you had a rough day," she adds, prompting me into conversation. Her comment is an understatement if anything is.

"Why do I feel guilty?" I inquire, as if she would know the answer if even I don't. "My master...he does things like that all of the time. He harms innocent people and he causes destruction and pain. _I_ have done it many times before, too, and I've never felt...regret." Something about that statement feels wrong, but I would remember if I had ever felt regret, right? Of course. I have a perfect memory.

"You do realize he was using you," Talzin says quietly. "When you've done things like that in the past, you were doing it for yourself, right? You did it of your own free will, and for your own purposes, correct?"

"Well, yeah. It's what I do. I travel around the universe, dealing out justice as I deem fit."

"Maybe the reason you never felt guilty was because you justified it. You kill people who you think deserve to be killed. That's how your master feels no regret, either. Both of you believe the end justifies the means, and he believes that his end goal makes it acceptable for the killing of innocent people. But you have a different goal than he does, so it felt wrong for you do harm those people for him." She leans back and sips at her own tea.

Her words make sense, and I commit them to memory. "Thank you for your wisdom, sister Talzin. And for your assistance. I believe I owe you a reading in return."

She nods, and I close my eyes, searching the force to see what lies in store for her. Surprisingly, the futures of her kids are more vivid in my mind than hers is. "Your family is very important," I begin, opening my eyes. "You will be tempted with a great offer, but while your greed blinds you, you will be betrayed and lose your own flesh and blood. You will welcome home a lost member of the coven to assistant you with your revenge. All your plans will fail, and you will lose everyone." My voice softens at the last part.

"Everyone in my family?" Talzin asks.

"No." I close my eyes again, not wanting to be the one to deliver this news. " _Every single Nightsister and Nightbrother_ except for one."

She sighs and slumps a little in her seat. seeming to age years in only a moment. "Knowing the future is a heavy burden to bear. How can you live knowing how it's going to end? Not for yourself, but for everyone? All that pain and darkness...you see it all."

Her remark makes me uncomfortable, and I push the chair back and stand. "Thank you for your assistance. Maybe our paths will cross again." Talzin also stands, and she walks me out.

"Good luck with your travels," she replies, and we part ways. Somehow I know I'm going to see her again. I can feel it in the Force. My future has strong ties to this place and its inhabitants, in both good ways and in bad ways.

Reaching my starship an hour later, I hear KZ-4's frantic beeping. "What is it?" I ask the droid.

He lets out a quick series of beeps and boops. "An intercepted Jedi message?" KZ-4 shakes his dome and repeats his sentence. "Wait. The Jedi sent _me_ a message? No way." My droid opens the projector hatch and displays the holo message. It's from none other than Qui-Gon Jinn. Why he's messaging me, I have no idea, since we've only ran into each other a couple of times.

The holo message flickers, and Qui-Gon looks as though he's in the midst of a fight. "Minerva, please meet me Gorse tomorrow at noon."

The message ends, and KZ-4 closes his hatch. "That's it?" I demand. "No explanation, no 'Hey, how ya doing? It's been three years and I miss you!'?"

KZ-4 beeps. "You want to go help him, huh? Fine. We'll go see what he wants, but only because we have no where better to be. And don't you dare ditch me for him, or I'll have you scrapped on Jakku."

My traitorous droid lets out a happy beep as we take off.

 **Outer Rim Territory, Unknown Sector, Anthan System, 50 BBY**

 _Today I walked into my room and found Lillea hanging from the ceiling, her face bloated and purple. She killed herself, just like Xavier. She always looked up to him and followed in his footsteps so closely that it doesn't surprise me in the least when I find her dead._

 _It's a terrible thing to say, I know. I'm sad that she's dead, but at this point in my life I've become numb. I can't feel. I can't deal with all this suffering. I pulled her down and held her cold body in my arms, but not a single tear would come for her. They say when a heart breaks, it cracks a million different ways, every reason for sorrow pulling away from what held it all together. Mine shattered and scattered across the galaxy. It'll never grow back together. Not after what I've witnessed._

 _My mother and father were too embarrassed to hold a public funeral, not after her death being so close to Xavier's. They buried her in secret and had a gravestone put up next to my brother's, but it was blank. They don't even have the decency to put her name on it._

 _I did. I used a knife to scratch out her name, the jagged edges of the stone and my jerky movements causing the side of my hand to tear open and bleed out all over the gray stone. Somehow it feels fitting, leaving a piece of me here with them, leaving my pain where it will stay buried with them for all time. That small action is the least I can do for my little sister. She was only five, can you believe it? In one week I've lost both of my siblings, and I'm the only one who genuinely cares._

 _My mother ordered me to pack up. My father is staying here on Anthan Prime, but my mother and I are moving to Coruscant. I should be elated, because I've always hated this planet and I've always wanted to go to the famous city planet, but instead I feel sad. Xavier and Lillea should be here to experience it with me. The three of us always spoke about all the adventures we'd go on if we ever visited Coruscant, but now they're buried six feet under and I'm expected to move on._

 _Nobody wished me goodbye, not even my father. I hope it's the last time I ever see him. My mother loads me onto the shuttle and pays the pilot, and we're off. Just like that, I'm leaving behind my entire life - pathetic as it was - and moving on with only one bag of items. My mother is trying to assure me that this will be a fun experience, but how can she be so happy and enthusiastic when two of her children just died? No, not died - committed suicide._

 _Coruscant is a huge place, and it shouldn't be too hard for me to get lost in the crowds of all the different species. If I never see my mother again, then so be it. My life will be all the better. I don't need her anymore. If we're being honest, I never needed her. Xavier practically raised me, as young as he was, and I raised myself and Lillea. My mother had only ever been a source of pain and misery. She and my father both are baggage I'm happy to leave behind._

 **Inner Rim, Unknown Sector, Gorse System, 39 BBY**

Gorse is a unique planet in the way that only one-half of it is habitable. Due to gravitational forces, one side is permanently tilted towards the sun and the other is tilted away. The side near the sun is hot enough to melt a droid and is therefore uninhabitable. The shadowy side away from the sun is humid and covered in cities with residents from all other the galaxy, including Wookies, Twi'leks, Besalisks, Ithorians and more. Why the Jedi, specifically Qui-Gon, is here, I have no idea.

I sit at a table in an outside cafe in Gorse City. KZ-4 had sent a message to Qui-Gon to meet me here tonight. He should be here any minute now. If he's not, then I'm just going to continue enjoying my drink and then maybe explore the city a little. I've only been here once, and only for a few hours.

Two hooded figures make their way towards my table and pull up chairs. One of them scans the surroundings while the other pushes his brown Jedi-issue robe hood down. "Glad you got my message, Minerva."

"It's been three years, Qui-Gon," I reply, leaning back and acting as if meeting here had been my idea, not his. "And I have absolutely no idea what you've been up to in all that time."

He spreads his hands and offers an apologetic smile. "I've been busy keeping justice and peace like all the Jedi do. My duty is to the Republic, not you." He says the last part in a light tone.

"But we do know what you've been up to," the other figure says, his accent giving him away even before he lifts off his hood.

A smile grows on my face of its own accord. "Obi-Wan? Is that you? It can't be!"

"It is very much so," Qui-Gon states, looking between us. "And I'd say you both have changed very much in these last three years."

"You grew, like, three feet," I tell Obi-Wan. "I was a foot taller than you last time we met, and now I'd guess it's safe to say you're much taller than me. What are you, eighteen years old now?"

The Jedi Padawan nods, and I shake my head in disbelief. He's only a year younger than I am, but when we had last met he'd been pre-puberty and looked like twelve. I barely recognize him. Then again, both he and Qui-Gon are probably thinking the same about me, even if I have always been more mature than my age might suggest  
(learning the dark side of the Force and being guided by hatred and anger and bitterness really does age a person).

"But back to business," Qui-Gon says, getting right to the point. "We're here chasing down a bounty hunter. Cade Bane. He's from Duro, and he's the second best bounty hunter in the galaxy, bested only by Jango Fett. You might recognize him."

"He doesn't sound familiar," I answer truthfully, taking a swig of my drink. The two Jedi trade glances suspiciously, and I narrow my eyes at them. "What? Did I miss something?"

"A little more than a week ago we discovered where he'd been hiding," Qui-Gon continued, raising an eyebrow.

Seriously, they're both acting so strange. I feel like I'm missing out on something big. "And? Where was he?"

"He had a base on Hoth," Obi-Wan finishes, and the truth sinks in. I let out a sheepish smile.

" _That_ bounty hunter. Okay." Nodding, I slouch down in my seat, but really I want to hide right now. Usually I'm not embarrassed, but they had seen me, _a Sith,_ bested and tied up by some Duros guy. It's pathetic.

"I sent for you for two reasons," Qui-Gon explains. "For one, we need your help to track him down." I have to admit, hearing him, a Jedi Master, say he _needs_ me, is quite a boost to my ego. My posture straightens itself and my former embarrassment is forgotten. "And two, we want to know how you knew he was on Hoth before we did."

"I _suppose_ I can find time to help you out," I answer airily, feeling cockier than ever. "But as for your second reason...well, some things a girl just knows." It's a pretty obvious lie, but I deliver it well, and I'm pretty sure they're buying it. Then I hear a series of beeps and boops and KZ-4 is cuddling up between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan's chairs, completely selling me out like the traitor he is.

"She programmed you to be able to intercept Jedi messages?" Qui-Gon asks. "Hmm." Both Jedi look at me and I see the master's hand resting on KZ-4's dome. Little, useless, good-for-nothing, traitorous droid.

"I'm going to trash you for real," I mutter at KZ-4. This is why exactly why I don't trust anyone. They always betray you in the end, whether it's your parents, your brother, or your droid. You can never rely on anyone to be loyal. "Stabbing me in the back would hurt less."

"That's not really important right now, though," Obi-Wan states, directing my attention away from the droid. "We need to find Cad Bane before he can sell it."

"Sell what?" I question suspiciously. The two Jedi exchange looks again (seriously, are they telepathic? Oh, wait. The Force. Duh). "What aren't you telling me? He took something from the Jedi, didn't he?"

"He stole the Heart of the Guardian," Qui-Gon admits, his face dead serious. His Padawan's is also solemn, but I can't help the loud laugh that escapes from my throat. They give me strange looks, and I cover my mouth.

"I'm sorry. That's not funny. Well, it actually is. And if we're being honest, I'm not sorry. But this is just _gold_. How did you manage to lose one of your most protected artifacts?" Taking in deep breaths, I manage to calm myself down enough to listen to them seriously, but amusement still has a home inside.

"The Heart of the Guardian, as you know, is one of the most important artifacts to Jedi culture. We believe it was involved in the founding of the Jedi Order. And - "

"Well, _I_ believe it's a Sith artifact," I interrupt. "After all, it is the crystal that powered Revan's lightsaber." The Heart of the Guardian is an ancient crystal that had been discovered by a Rodian named Suvam Tan on the surface of Yavin 4. Its history gets shaky after that, but it is believed that Revan, the only Force user to ever successfully master both the light side and the dark side of the Force, used it to power his lightsaber. The special crystal has a yellow core and gives the blade of the lightsaber a unique bronze color and alters it to be fast and devastating in the hands of its user.

"Regardless," Qui-Gon states dismissively, "it was being held in the vault at the temple on Coruscant. Cad Bane broke in there and stole it."

"Did he steal anything else?" I question, and at the dismayed looks on the faces of the two Jedi, my suspicion is confirmed. "What else did he take?"

"He took the Mantle of the Force as well," Qui-Gon answers, his voice low. This time I'm too shocked to even laugh. My jaw drops open and I look to Obi-Wan for confirmation. "Is he serious?" I mouth to the Jedi Padawan in disbelief.

He nods too, and I shake my head dramatically. "Wow. You guys really got screwed over. Two of the most powerful and ancient crystals in the history of the Force, and you lost them to one little bounty hunter. It can't get worse than that!"

"Both of the crystals were in lightsabers already," the Jedi Master says, proving my exclamation wrong. "And he's had them for long enough to know how to use them." I don't even gloat this time. This is actually pretty serious.

"So that's why you need my help," I ponder. "You need someone to help you fight him. Tracking him down isn't the problem, it's catching him."

They nod, and I let out a suffering sigh. "You Jedi really know how to get yourselves in trouble," I remark. They remain silent, staring at the tabletop in defeat. "Okay. I'll help you. What are we waiting for?"

"Nothing," Qui-Gon replies, snapping out of whatever haze he and his Padawan had fallen into. "Let's go. He's at the outer edge of the city, and if we catch him now he'll be isolated."

"We should wait," I argue. "According to Coruscant time, it's late at night, and I'm willing to bet you both are as tired as I am. We can't take on Cad without being rested and full of energy, especially if he has two of the most powerful lightsabers in the galaxy."

Qui-Gon looks like he disagrees with me, but Obi-Wan speaks up. "She is right, Master. If we fight him now we run the risk of making unwise decisions."

His master nods after thinking it through. "You are correct. We can rent out a room for the night." He flips his hood up and stands, and Obi-Wan and I follow his lead. We leave the cafe and check in at a hotel with a nice balcony.

I stand on the balcony, and from this high up I can see the entire expanse of cities on the habitable side of Gorse. To some, this would be a beautiful sight, but to me, it's ugly. People are ugly. I prefer nature, which doesn't lie to you and has an unchanging set of laws. People are unpredictable and don't follow rules. They hurt you on purpose, and they enjoy it. People also let themselves be bought out, like Cad. He wouldn't have stolen those artifacts on his own. Someone had paid him to do it, and he had sold them his soul for a bag of metal coins.

It disgusts me. The things people do for money. Power, I understand. Power comes in many different forms, and some of it is good, and some of it is bad. My master wants power to rule over everyone. Why? I don't know, but I know it's wrong. The kind of power I want is the power to make myself better and stronger. That's good power. Then there's lots of grey areas where it can be good or bad, or it's somewhere in the middle.

"The Jedi monitor you closely." Obi-Wan joins me, standing a respectful distance away. "You're the first Sith we've made contact with in a thousand years."

"If the Council knows where I am all the time then why don't they send in a group to destroy me?" I ask, keeping my gaze on the sprawling stretch of cities below.

"You pose no threat to us. For years, the Sith have worked quietly, under our noses, really. Always eluding our grasp and tiptoeing around our influence. Then you appear. You do not cover yourself or your tracks; rather, you flaunt your powers and traipse about the galaxy, with a considerable reputation lapping at your heels. There has never been a Sith quite like you."

Finally I turn to look at him, blue eyes meeting orange ones. Jedi meeting Sith. Good meeting bad. Innocent meeting sinner. "I keep hearing that. But why? Why am I different from my people?"

He looks ahead, not meeting my eyes anymore. "My master thinks there is good in you; he thinks you will turn to the light side one day."

A bitter laugh escapes me. "And what do you think?"

Obi-Wan pauses, deliberately choosing his words. "I think he's wrong. Wise he may be, but rarely does anyone switch, as if merely taking off one hat and putting on another. Only one person has ever done it before, and that precedes us by thousands of years, not to mention all the time and energy and meditation it had taken. I think you might one day find that you're not a Sith and never were. You'll start using the dark side of the force for the good of others. The dark side will have no power over you, but you shall command it as you will. You started using fear, hatred, and anger to connect to the force, and you used it for dark deeds under your master, but not anymore. Not forever."

"Are you saying I'm not full of fear, hatred, or anger?" I question skeptically, barely keeping my eyes from rolling.

"Yes," he replies without hesitation. "You have let go of your anger since we last met, you never exhibited hatred, and you are fearless. What once led you to the dark side has not bound you there."

The corner of my mouth curls up in a small smile. It is a dangerous one, like the smile I imagine my master will wear when the galaxy is his to command. It's the smile that every predator puts on right when he has cornered his prey. It's a smile that betrays the dark side within me."You think I'm fearless?"

"I know you journeyed to Moraband alone. No one has travelled there in centuries for fear of what they might encounter. If that's not fearlessness, I know not what is." He makes eye contact with mine, seeing in them only sincerity. It's an increasingly rare look, I've come to realize over time.

"You are wise beyond your years, Obi-Wan," I say. "But fear comes in many forms, and not all of them physical. There are many things I fear, but old Sith spectres are not among the list."

"What do you fear, then? If not Sith lords, then what could makes you afraid?"

Shaking my head, I step away from the balcony and head back to the hotel room. "Putting all my hope in someone who could make a mistake and betray me," I answer. He follows me.

"If you can't trust anyone, then how you do live?" he asks. There's still so much innocence in his features. He won't understand if I told him, even if I wanted to attempt to explain. Instead I question back, "How do you live if you trust people?"

Obi-Wan doesn't have an answer for that. I had thought as much. "Here's the thing, young Jedi." Even though I'm only his elder by a year, I condescend to him on purpose - to put him in his place. But he never takes offense. He just acknowledges my veneer, my facade of superiority and lets it pass. He has a way of silently putting me back in my place. I sigh, resigning myself to step back down to his level and simply explaining it to him in the least complex way possible. How could he ever understand what I've been through? The person I've become has been born of my experiences, and that's not something I can show him.

"People will always let you down. Always. They'll stab you in the back if you trust them." Flashes of the future run through my mind. It's his future. "It will be your biggest flaw," I explain. "Trusting people. You are wise, but the people around you are manipulative. Time after time you'll be betrayed by people you trust."

He frowns, a crease growing on his brow. "You know my future?"

Not a conversation I want to get into now. Talzin's words spring back to me: " _Knowing the future is a heavy burden to bear. How can you live knowing how it's going to end? Not for yourself, but for everyone? All that pain and darkness...you see it all."_ After seeing Obi-Wan's future, I am beginning to realize she is right. I've only seen the futures of those who live tragic or suffering-filled lives. Maybe I can only see those people's futures.

"It's late, and if we're going to get those artifacts back we need rest," I say, avoiding his question. Pushing past him, I continue to my room, but I sense he watches me the whole time. It's not my place to tell him his future, especially as painful as it is. He doesn't deserve to have his innocence ruined this early, because one day soon enough he'll start down the path of grief.

Besides, I don't think I could ruin his innocence even if he wanted me to. All my life I've known what it feels like to be in pain, and what wouldn't I have given to get a peaceful and worry-free childhood?

I would have given anything and everything.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Chapter 9**

 **Inner Rim, Unknown Sector, Gorse System, 39 BBY**

"I thought you said he was hiding out here," I grumble for the billionth time, kicking a small rock across the dusty ground. We're at a part of the planet that is only a few miles from the inhabitable part, meaning it's hot, almost sunny, and abandoned. And when I say abandoned, I mean even Hoth felt like it had more life in it.

"You don't have much patience," Qui-Gon observes, closing his eyes and looking with the Force. Obi-Wan jogs over from a small cave he'd been searching. "Not there, either."

"Patience ruins my killer battle reflexes," I murmur, knowing the Jedi Master won't hear me. Crouching down, I run my hands along the dry and cracked ground. There are some faint, oval-shaped indents. "Has it rained recently?"

"The day we arrived," Obi-Wan answers.

"Which was?"

"Early yesterday. We tracked him here, but as you can see, there's not sufficient cover. After the rain passed we went back into the city."

"There are tracks here. We should follow them as far as we can. KZ, get over here." My droid reluctantly leaves Qui-Gon's side and rolls up to me. "Scan these tracks and follow them. I think they'll show us something we missed."

KZ-4 rolls forward, the sensors leading us from track to track.

As we walk, I begin to interrogate the Jedi. Some things just don't add up. This whole arrangement, for example. "Why did you guys want my help? There's plenty of Jedi around, and instead you settle for a Sith? We're supposed to be mortal enemies and stuff."

"The difference between Sith and Jedi is the philosophy that drives us to do what we do," Qui-Gon explains. "Our morals and thoughts collide with those of the Sith. The Sith only want power, and we only want peace, so we worked to eradicate them to bring peace."

"Okay but you didn't answer my question."

"Some of us don't really consider you a Sith," Obi-Wan jumps in, cutting to the chase. "You want power, but not ruling-the-galaxy power. Your philosophy seems to differ from ours and that of the Sith. I suppose you could say the enemy of my enemy is my friend."

"I've done some horrible things in the past, though," I tell them, a flash of memory jumping up. There's a body and my name spelled out in blood. It's an incident I try my hardest to ignore and forget about, especially since I don't remember actually committing the crime. I did, though. Somehow I know I did. And that's not the only felony. There's the Tarkins on Eriadu whom I had slaughtered mercilessly for no reason except to regain my lost reputation among the Sith Lords. Those are only two of many incidents.

"But it's in the past," Obi-Wan argues. "Lately you haven't been as violent."

Someone hasn't heard about the incident on Eriadu yet. He'll learn in time, though, and the two of them, just like everyone else, will be ready to try and take me out of the equation.

"You say the Jedi monitor me," I say slowly, gauging their reactions. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon simply nod, betraying nothing. I continue, "So let me guess. Because of our history, you were assigned to recruit me on a mission to judge my morals and basically watch everything I do. Once this mission is over and we split paths you'll run back to your little Jedi Council and tell them all about me, and then the Council will decide whether I'm a threat or not."

Qui-Gon doesn't attempt to hide the truth. "Partially, yes. The Council is interested in your progress."

"My progress? What, the level of badness in me? Do you think I'm being 'cured' of the darkness inside my heart?" It's ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. I hadn't thought the Council was this naive.

"Ever since departing from the other Sith and travelling alone, your morals have shifted drastically. You don't just kill anyone in your way; now you only harm those who are already bad. I saw it when we worked together three years ago, and I've seen it again through the accounts of others," Qui-Gon corrects.

The accounts of others? I'm being spied on? Great. Don't you just love the subtlety of the Jedi?

"My ambitions are simply not as high as my master's are. I am a Sith still. I use the dark side to accomplish my goals. I'm not a good person."

"For a Sith, you are." And suddenly I understand why the Jedi aren't trying to kill me, at least not yet.

"There can only be two Sith," I declare, stopping and making eye contact with both of them. "And while I'm alive, my master cannot take on another apprentice - an apprentice who will actually crave power. Because I don't follow my master and since I'm not a threat to the galaxy as a whole, you're keeping me alive. I'm only here because I'm the lesser evil!" A laugh escapes from my lips, wild and loud. "You Jedi sure are twisted."

"Not Qui-Gon," Obi-Wan defends. "I'm here because the Council ordered us to be here. Qui-Gon believes in you. He's been waiting for an excuse to be able to work with you again for three years."

"You believe in me?" I question, turning to the Jedi Master. Obi-Wan's words from the first night on Gorse come to mind: " _My master thinks there is good in you; he thinks you will turn to the light side one day."_

"Oh, I see. You want to take me on as your newest project. You like to find people with potential and help them along with life, right? And your goal is to make me what, not a Sith? A valiant effort, but it's not going to happen. Once the dark side takes control of you there is no going back."

"That's not true." Qui-Gon shakes his head. "If you master both sides of the Force you can be free of the hold of the dark side. It is a constant battle, but not one that is uncommon. Even the Jedi fight the darkness inside of ourselves on a daily basis. The difference between us is that the Sith would rather use that power instead of fighting to balance it."

"You're hoping that if I hang out with you guys for long enough that I'll have the urge to learn the light side or something? Good luck with that." The conversation closes and I continue to watch KZ-4 scurry around, his scanners wildly spinning as he works hard. He's probably trying to impress the Jedi.

Another thought occurs to me as we continue hiking. If Cad Bane really does have two of the most powerful lightsaber blades in the galaxy, then why would they risk Jedi to capture him? By having Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan - arguably the best combat team among the Order - team up with a Sith - who can hold her own quite well, I might add - they're only putting out two Jedi to potentially be defeated. If I am injured or if I die, well, that's one less problem for them to deal with later on. For them, it's a win-win situation.

Glad I'm so indispensable.

We follow my droid for about an hour as he leads us closer and closer to the inhabitable part of the planet. "If he goes any farther we'll burn up," Qui-Gon observes, rolling up the sleeves of his robes. It is indeed getting hotter, and sunnier, too.

"He couldn't have gone much further unless he wanted to melt alive," Obi-Wan agrees.

My droid suddenly stops, beeping. "He says the tracks end here. There's nothing here." I turn in a circle, seeing only dust and dirt and some big rock formations. It's silent, only a few gusts of wind interrupting us. Those gusts of wind might be welcomed if they weren't as dry and hot as the still air.

"Have I mentioned how much I hate the heat? In this week alone, I've been on Tatooine, stranded on Jakku, stuck wandering around Moraband, and now I'm here. I'm not going to wait for him to show up." Yeah, I'm being whiny, but patience has never been my strong suit. Besides, when you're a Sith, you get away with being spoiled.

"You're going back?" Obi-Wan asks, disappointment on his face. He thinks I'm deserting them. That stings, even though it shouldn't. Who is he to talk? He's only here with me because the Council ordered him to spy on me, to gauge my threat-level and to see how bad I really am. Still, I find myself feeling defensive.

"What? No. I'm _loyal_. Once I make a commitment, I follow it through. I'm just going to draw him out instead of waiting." Jogging forward, I begin to scale the large rock formation in from of us. Nothing like getting on the high ground. About halfway up I glance behind my back at the two Jedi. They're watching me with amused looks. Glad I can entertain them for a while.

I'm about three quarters of the way up when I hear the shout. My head snaps up and it's then that I see the blue skin and large red eyes of the Duros male. There's a buzzing sound and I see the tell-tale bronze blade of the Heart of the Guardian crystal-embedded lightsaber in one hand, the unique cyan blade of the Mantle of the Force crystal lightsaber in the other hand. Both swing towards me in an X formation, and I thrust my arms up, using the Force to fling myself high into the air. I land on top of the rock pile and turn around to face Cad Bane.

His blue face is completely passive as he advances. I'm not fooled by his pretense; I know the Mantle of the Force crystal can enhance Force abilities and the Heart of the Guardian enhances speed and agility. "Glad you could make it," he says slowly, a smile inching across his face.

My black robe hits the ground as I fling it off and reach at my belt for my lightsaber. My red blade glows like fire as it streaks through the air to intercept Cad's bronze blade. Then he attacks with both of them, his arms flying as he forces blow up blow at me. It's all I can do to intercept his blades with mine before they slice off parts of my body. I can't imagine that would be pleasant at all.

We duel for a few minutes before Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon make it up, but even as they join the fight he kicks out, his foot hitting my stomach with the Force behind it and causing me to fly backwards. My body hits the ground hard, the breath knocked out. Judging from the pain it takes to breathe, I'm guessing he hit me hard enough to bruise or even crack some of my ribs. Not cool.

Eventually I make my way back up, pain flaring at every movement. Pain is just an illusion of the mind, I tell myself, forcing my body to keep moving. My vision dots in and out for a second and when I blink it clear, I see that Obi-Wan is nowhere in sight and Qui-Gon is getting his butt handed to him. Great. What help those Jedi are. Looks like I'm going to be saving them - again.

I make it to the battle right as Cad is going in for the killing strike. My red lightsaber catches the bronze one, flipping it into the air and away. The bounty hunter kicks the fallen Jedi Master off of the cliff - Qui-Gon will probably survive, he'll just be in a lot of pain - and turns his attention to me. We spar for a few minutes, glowing blades clashing and spinning through the air. I'm weakened by my weariness and my injuries, and every breath painful, but he's fresh and empowered by the special blades. Even my skills, which I've honed over the years, are no match for the ancient crystals. He finally uses the Force to yank my lightsaber out of my hands and to throw it off the formation after Qui-Gon. I look around frantically and see the Heart of the Guardian lightsaber, but before I can call it to me Cad beats me to it. Turning it on, he confidently gets closer. I stumble back and my foot catches on a rock and I fall backward, hitting the ground hard. Cad walks over me, holding the two lightsabers an inch from my neck on both sides. I attempt to get up but he steps on my dominant wrist and puts weight on it. The pain intensifies for a moment before exploding as I hear the delicate bones snap. I can't stop the cry of pain that forces itself from my throat.

He must really like to see me suffer because he steps on my other wrist, too. By now I'm in shock from the pain, and I don't feel anything. My vision begins to spot again, and he raises the two lightsabers.

This is it. He's going to kill me. In a last-ditch attempt I try to stop the blades' progress with the Force, but my mind can't focus with all the pain. The weapons seem to come down in slow motion, and I can't help but notice this doesn't feel right. This isn't how I'm supposed to go.

Then a bright blue lightsaber appears, catching the bronze and cyan ones and thrusting them up and away. The bounty hunter is disarmed, and he stumbles away in defeat, probably trying to escape the immediate threat. I hear his footsteps as he runs, but there isn't a second pair following. Why aren't any of the Jedi chasing him?

My eyes flicker uncontrollably and close, and before the darkness completely takes over I feel someone picking me up. My last thought is of their loyalty and how they didn't ditch me. I'm just a weakened Sith, and instead of killing me or leaving me for dead they're taking care of me.

For the first time in my life, I'm not being abandoned.

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 50 BBY**

 _My mother and I have a small apartment in the lower levels of Coruscant, "affectionately" called the Underworld. It's crowded and dark down here. The air is toxic, having been cut off from the surface thousands of years ago, and crime runs rampant. It's dangerous, and every day I huddle inside the house with the lights off and the door locked. I'm too scared to journey out._

 _Yeah, I had been too cowardly to run from my mother's side when he had first docked here, too. That's all I am. Terrified. Weak. A coward. It seems it's all I'll ever be. Once again I'm hiding, shutting out the world around me in favor of safety. Trust me when I say it's not living._

 _My mother, on the other hand, does nothing but live. She's always gone, always partying with her scum friends. When she stumbles home she reeks of alcohol and is dizzy from the many drugs she takes at the parties. Maybe if she didn't spend all her money on destructive items we could get an apartment in a respectable area of the city where I would feel safe. But she never will. She barely even eats anymore, not needing food to sustain her when she has her drugs, and she obviously doesn't notice my need for solid substance. We're both growing thin and gaunt, and I find that my energy is lacking. I'm afraid I'm going to die here if we stay any longer. My mother wouldn't notice the corpse until it started stinking, and even then the landlord would probably sniff it out first since her nose is stuffed with powder._

 _Today is the Eve of the New Year, and my mother is out partying even more. She actually left a note this time saying she'd be back in a day or two, and she'd actually stocked up a few cans of expired food for me. I should be happy that she acknowledged my existence, but instead I get a bad feeling. Something is off, but I'm not going to go and track her down. It's too dangerous to leave the house._

 _Instead I'll celebrate on my own with a breathing mask on and two-month expired vegetables with the doors locked and lights turned off. For me, this is home, even as terrible as it sounds._

 **Inner Rim, Unknown Sector, Gorse System, 39 BBY**

My eyes flicker open to a tight but warm area. Pain surrounds me, and everything is off. The slightest noises and lights blare into my ears and eyes, and the loud sounds and heavy lights seem to come at me from a distance. Breathing is a chore, and my eyelids keep trying to close themselves. My mind is foggy and unclear, and I try to sit up. It doesn't end up happening, and instead I collapse back on the...am I on a bunk?

"Don't move," an accented voice says. It sounds warped and off, and the face that appears above me twists and blurs. Bright blue eyes swim around, the brightest splash of color I can see.

Turning my head to the side, I see there's another bunk a few feet away. A man with long silver hair lays on it...I recognize him, but from where? Everything keeps moving and swaying. My consciousness fades and darkness returns.

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 49 BBY**

 _A "Happy" New Year passes and I'm still hidden in this apartment. My mother hasn't returned, even though her note said one or two days. It's been a week._

 _I don't think she's coming back. It's hard to accept, but it's the truth. At first I had thought she had just passed out from the alcohol somewhere and is coming back later, but after a close inspection of the apartment I can see that all her personal items are gone. There's one photo of our family, taken a year before. She left me one photo. Everything else is gone, not that there had ever been much to begin with._

 _The place feels so empty, just like my heart. Tragedy after tragedy has ripped through, scraping all my feelings out one spoonful at a time. There's nothing left now, it seems, except anger and hate and fear. Suffering._

 _I hate my parents. I hate them for all they've put me through. My father for being unloyal, and my mother for being a coward. Even my siblings have their share of hate directed towards them. They disappointed me, my brother by breaking his promise, and my sister by abandoning me in my moment of need. They all let me down, and I hate them._

 _With the hate comes anger. Red, hot, and full of rage, I let it all simmer as I curl up against the back of the couch, hidden from all sight. I'm angry at my family for teaching me those terrible traits, and I'm angry at myself for caring. No, I'm angry at myself for being myself. I hate myself. All I am is a cowering, terrified, weak, little girl who can't do anything for herself._

 _These emotions just sink in, breaking into my heart and filling it with red and black. I have no way to get rid of them, no way to use them, so they taint me. My once innocent face becomes twisted with them, a reflexion of my soul. Once I looked in the window outside, and when I saw myself in it I didn't recognize who was looking at me. The skin under my eyes have dark bags under them, my forehead etched with thick lines, my mouth is a permanent scowl, and my eyes...my once beautiful, storm-grey eyes have turned to be rimmed-with red and so dark they're only a shade from being black. My skin has grown pale from lack of sunlight, and my clothes are ragged and dark and threadbare. My body is thin and gaunt from lack of food and nutrition._

 _I look as though I have come from the dead._

 _I'm not even nine years old yet._

 **Inner Rim, Unknown Sector, Gorse System, 39 BBY**

Again I wake up, but this time the pain has faded enough for me to be able to sit up. A groan rises in my throat, but I push it down and ride out the spots of black and the wave of dizziness. The sound of a door sliding open seems too loud, and I raise my hands to cover my ears, only to suck in a sharp breath at the pain. Looking down in my lap, I see two pale arms with purple and misshapen wrists. These can't be my hands! My kinetic sense says otherwise, and when I try to lift them they send waves of pain through me.

"I couldn't reset them while you were unconscious," a young voice says. I look up to see Obi-Wan approaching, the wide sleeves of his Jedi-issue robe covering up something in his hands. "You would thrash uncontrollably if I or Qui-Gon tried to touch you. It was dangerous for all of us."

There's a red scratch under his eye, and I bet that's what he is referring to. He steps closer, showing a brown bottle. "This is the best we can do for the pain." Alcohol. Just what I need. He unscrews the cap, but instead of letting him treat me like a baby and spoon-feed it to me I use the Force to take it and float it towards me. I chug the whole thing, letting the liquid burn down my throat. The Jedi Padawan opens his mouth as if to protest, but then he closes it. A wise move on his part. I'm even more dangerous awake than asleep.

When I finish I float the bottle to a small stand on the edge of the bunk. "Where are we?" I ask, trying to get information before the alcohol takes effect.

"My master's ship. We didn't know where you parked yours, and you were in no shape to leave behind. Qui-Gon recently recovered."

My mind is beginning to grow cloudy, but not from the pain. I'm running out of time. "Where is he?"

"KZ-4 led him to your ship an hour ago. He's taking the crystals back to Coruscant." Obi-Wan turns and digs in a cupboard above the other bunk.

"Why didn't he take this ship?"

"We couldn't move you in any case. Even in your sleep you seem connected to the Force. It was unsafe." He sounds as if he is hiding something.

"What did I do?" Silence. "Tell me, what did I do?"

"You caused an earthquake," Obi-Wan answers softly. "It ran across the entire planet. We were protected inside this ship, but everywhere else was hit."

I'm so glad I'd drunk that alcohol. Taken this news sober...it seems like too much. My mind is fuzzy, and everything is blurry. My common sense is leaving. "Fix my hands now," I demand. "Before I pass out. I don't want them to heal wrong."

"I'm not entirely sure that's a good idea." There's something underneath his calm...is he scared? Of me? Part of me is pleased. Good. He all his other Jedi friends should be terrified of me. But another part of me is disappointed. Why must I hurt everyone who tries to be kind or considerate to me? I push all those thoughts aside, knowing now isn't the time for them.

"Do it!" I exclaim, my frustration at myself bubbling over.

He picks up the materials he'd gathered earlier and places them on the bunk next to me. He hesitates noticeably before gently taking my arm. I close my eyes against the onslaught of pain but I don't react. Showing pain is for the weak. I am not weak.

The pain continues, but the alcohol helps tone it down. My face is set and passive as he moves the bones back in place and splinters them. Pain is something I'd been trained to withstand.

Minutes go by, and he finishes one hand, tieing everything together with a leather band. When he moves onto the other hand all common sense leaves me as the alcohol digs itself into me. I'm usually careful not to get drunk because I lose my control, but I had broken my rule and now I'm paying for it.

"Do you know Quinlan Vos?" I ask, my words slurred. Obi-Wan glances up, raising an eyebrow, but continues to work.

"I've met him once."

"We ran into each other on Bespin right before I ended up on Hoth. He's kinda a pansy. I beat him without even having to use my lightsaber. But he also scares me."

"Why's that?" Obi-Wan yanks on something around my wrist hard, and my forehead wrinkles.

"His future is dark. He would've killed me if I had let him. You know, I only see the futures of people who have suffering and pain ahead of them. It drives me crazy, seeing all that grief and darkness. It's not like I need to experience more of it." My mouth keeps blabbing, running a million miles an hour. Somewhere deep down I know I wouldn't be saying this if I was sober. The Jedi realizes this, too, for I can tell he's listening attentively.

"Is that why you wouldn't tell me what you saw of my future?" he questions, trying to seem casual.

"Yeah." I abruptly stop and look away. He notices the change.

"Can you tell me now?"

"No. _Knowing the future is a heavy burden to bear._ I heard that from a witch." A giggle escapes my mouth. "She's right, though. I wish instead of seeing the future I had the power to un-see the past."

Obi-Wan looks up, curiosity in his eyes. "What's wrong with the past?"

"Not _the_ past. _My_ past. You know, Quinlan asked me why I was a Sith. And this little boy named Isaiah asked me why I wasn't a Jedi. They don't get it, though. No one gets it. Everything everyone is today is because of their past. Our memories and experiences shape our future. And just because I act like I know everything and like I'm the best doesn't mean I really think that."

The Jedi finishes up my hand and takes care of the materials before sitting on the edge of the opposite bunk. "Then what do you really think?"

My mouth turns into a frown. "No one's ever asked me that before. They just make assumptions and think that they're right about everything. People really are horrible, aren't they? They act like they care and they tell you that you can trust them, but inside they're ugly and they lie. They stab you in the back and then dramatically wipe away tears at your funeral."

"It sounds like you're hanging around the wrong people," Obi-Wan suggests. A laugh escapes my throat.

"Make that past tense. I don't hang around anyone except my droid, and even he constantly betrays me. But like I _had_ a choice who I hung around! They were terrible people. I hate them all. They made me so angry." Even my drunk self feels some of those old emotions rising up. "It's okay, though. They're all dead now."

"You killed them all?" the Jedi's voice is incredulous.

"Of course not. I wish I had, though, but they killed themselves." An insane smile curls up on my face. "First my brother, by jumping off a bridge. Then my sister, whose body I unhooked from the ceiling. My mother killed herself with drugs, and my father with his own weakness. I watched them all go, one at a time. Then I was left all by myself." The smile drops from my face as the memories come back. "I was too weak. I was a coward."

The blue eyes boring into mine darken, and Obi-Wan stands up. "You should get some sleep. I'll wake you up when my master returns."

Two words exit my mouth that I know would never come out if I wasn't drunk. "Thank you."

The Jedi stops at the door and turns around. "For what?"

"You're the only one who has never left me behind." My voice trails off. "The only one who didn't abandon me…" Laying back on the bunk, my eyes finally close and sleep washes over me, taking away the pain of both my injuries and my memories.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait. Both my beta and I have been extremely busy with school (exams are the worst). Anyway, I hope this chapter answers some of your questions

 **Chapter 10**

 **Outer Rim Territories, Unknown Sector, Unknown Region, 39 BBY**

Jelucan has to be the most dismal planet I've ever stepped foot on. Located far from Coruscant - far from any other planet, to be precise - this is a planet far worse than Jakku or Tatooine or even Hoth.

The jagged, mountainous landscape seems to encourage the chilly air that flies around me. This is the home of exiled Humans and the native Muunyaks, pack animals enslaved to carry the exiles' belongings and to be sheared for their wool. A sad, dismal life to match the mood of the planet. Or maybe to reflect it.

"Are you sure this is where Qui-Gon said Cad would be?" I ask from the doorway of the starship, reluctant to leave the warmth of the interior. "This is where sad people go to meet other sad people and die." _A place I could call home,_ I think to myself wryly.

"These are the coordinates; I double-checked," Obi-Wan repeats, coming up behind me. "Let's go. We should try and capture him before Qui-Gon gets back."

"I don't think this is a good idea. I'll be useless in a fight," I say, lifting up my bandaged hands limply to prove my point.

"Use the Force," Obi-Wan replies, stepping past me onto the snow-covered ground.

"It's easier when you can move your hands," I mutter, but I follow him. The ship's door closes behind us, leaving us in the cold. The saddest thing is that I can't even pull up my hood to block the icy wind. "I'm _so_ going to kill Bane," I comment as I struggle to try and use the Force without directing it with my hands. It doesn't go so well and just leaves me frustrated and freezing.

Obi-Wan makes a small motion with his first two fingers and my hood flies up. It makes me grouchier than ever the fact that he, a Jedi Padawan, is currently stronger and more able than I am. "We're not here to kill him. Our orders are to capture him and bring him into the Council, or interrogate him here, whichever works out better."

"Those are _your_ orders," I mumble, kicking a rock as we continue our hike. "Sith don't take orders from Jedi." My argument doesn't have much heart behind it; it's hard to care when you're surrounded in such an apathetic place.

"My orders are also to neutralize you if you interfere in any way," he adds solemnly, though there's a hint of playfulness underneath the seriousness. It leaves me to wonder if he actually would kill me or capture me if I tried something.

"Oh, so scary, Obi-Wan. I'm trembling in my boots. You know, if I thought you actually could take me down, then I wouldn't be here."

"Except, as I recall - " He pauses deliberately, " - you couldn't seem to pull up your hood without help," he points out, a ghost of a smile on his face.

He seriously needs to tone down the sass. If I had my powers, I would teach him a lesson. "No thanks to you. Speaking of which, where were you when Bane was kicking your master's butt and I had to sacrifice myself to save him from being decapitated?" A bit exaggerated, I know, but hey, that's me.

"You're just jealous that I can give it right back at you," he replies, and I have to admit, he's not wrong. "And I was retrieving my lightsaber. It fell off my belt when I was climbing up, and Qui-Gon ordered me to get it before joining the fight. I was a little late getting back to the battle."

An image flashes in my head. There's an older Obi-Wan Kenobi, still a Padawan, but older. He's on the metal surface, lying as though he'd just been thrown. He gets up, jogging back towards a fight...he doesn't make it in time. There's a flash of red and Qui-Gon is falling to the ground, a burning hole in his chest…

Shaking the vision away, I bring myself back to the present, knowing nothing good can come out of mentioning that image. We walk silently for a few minutes, a sparse village in front of us. There are a few measly fires burning, and some ramshackle tents erected, but no people in sight yet. Some other strange structures that I can't identify lay around in the snow.

"What did you see?" The young Jedi asks, giving me a sideways look.

"Nothing." Stupid Jedi senses.

"I've noticed you have a distant look in your eyes every time you receive a vision and then you grow silent." I don't respond, and he looks away. No one else has noticed the little tell-sign before. I suppose there's a reason I tend to stay away from people who are unnaturally observant.

"Would you be all rainbows and sunshine if you caught glimpses of death and destruction?" I question, trying to keep my tone light.

"Point taken," he admits, and the silence returns, although this time it's a comfortable quiet. We approach the edge of the village, and yet no one stirrs. "I have a bad feeling about this," he remarks, his hand drifting to rest on the top of his lightsaber.

"Me too. Let's fan out and search." Steeling myself against the pain, I lift my hand slightly, just enough to summon the Force to open tent flaps. There are piles of blankets and spilled food as if the homes had been evacuated quickly. The situation becomes clear soon enough. The fires are dying embers because whoever is supposed to feed them has disappeared. The strange structures we had seen are actually destroyed remnants of huts.

Obi-Wan and I meet up in the middle of the ruined village. "Where did they all go?" I wonder, scanning the area. There are no tracks, and it appears as if they'd deserted recently and suddenly.

"Cad's employer might be an exile here. He's a powerful person if he knew about the Heart of the Guardian and the Mantle of the Force. Maybe he forced them all out."

"For what purpose, though?" I question. Then it hits me. "It's bait. Cad would have told him he was being followed. Then he kidnapped the entire town knowing that the Jedi were in pursuit."

"Those people are in danger," Obi-Wan realizes, turning and starting to jog away. "We need to find them!"

"Stop. We need to think this through." I walk up to his side, gazing up at the mountains in the distance. "They're expecting Jedi to come after the people. What would a Jedi do in this situation?"

"We would track the criminals down and try to negotiate with them. If things don't work, we'd turn to aggressive negotiations," Obi-Wan recites. His creativity really could use some work.

"And what if they use the people as hostages? He'll hold a weapon to the person's head and send his minions to capture you. Then he'll use you as a hostage to get what he wants from the Jedi Council."

"The Council won't trade those artifacts for a Jedi," Obi-Wan states. "When we join the Order we go in knowing our lives are constantly at stake." He pauses. "How do you know how this is going to turn out? Did you see it in my future?"

My eyes roll dramatically. "Of course I didn't see this in your future. You need to let that go. I'm not going to tell you. The only reason I know their plan is because I'm a Sith and it's exactly what I would do."

"Good to know for future reference," Obi-Wan mutters to himself.

"What I'm trying to get at," I say, ignoring his comment, "is that they're expecting a Jedi. We're not going to give them a Jedi."

"You're going to be the one to go in and confront them? Great plan, especially since you can't even put up your hood."

"One, roll back the attitude. Two, you really need to let that go. And three, I don't need to be able to use the Force. _You_ are going to use the Force but I'm going to pretend it's me." We're approaching the base of the mountains now, and if I search the Force using my mind I can sense a lot of fear coming up ahead. "They're in the valley."

"You want me to hide nearby and use the Force while you stick your Sith image in front of them and do the talking," he guesses. "It's actually a good plan. The only thing missing is information. We should figure out who Bane's employer is before we march right in."

"Exactly. We'll do some scouting before we finalize the plan." Only one problem - the mountain terrain is hard enough to get through with all limbs working, and I currently can't use either of my arms. Maybe I can use Force jumps. It'll be painful, but it's the only way.

We scout out the area for a while, hiking and jumping and getting through the tough terrain. When we get to the top we find a good hiding place where we have a clear view of the valley.

All the villagers are huddled in a fenced-in area like cattle, children and adults. There's a large ring of fire, and inside is a large blob…

"Jabba the Hutt?" I question, trading a perplexed look with Obi-Wan. He frowns and looks closer.

"It's a member of the Hutt family, but not Jabba," he finally answers. "One of their distant relatives. They're famous crime lords, but they're not stupid enough to hire a bounty hunter to steal Jedi artifacts."

"What would he even use them for?" My head spins for a few moments as I try to think things through. "Unless…"

"The Sith want their artifacts back," Obi-Wan concludes. "Your master, I mean. Earlier you even said you believed those crystals belong to the Sith, not the Jedi. But why does he want them now after all those years of being in our vaults?"

"He's looking for a new apprentice," I answer, my focus on the scene in front of us. "Maybe he thought that if he had those artifacts the Sith could finally beat the Jedi. But he has a plan in action already, so I don't know why he wants these."

"You know his plans," Obi-Wan says, his attention on me. "Why won't you tell us who he is or what he's doing?"

His accusation cuts through me. I turn to him sharply, my eyes narrowed. "There may not be any lost love between my master and I, but I promised myself to the Sith. Just because I help you and your master on occasion doesn't mean I'm going to betray the person who made me powerful. I owe him my life, and I'm loyal. He told me his plans in confidence, and I'm not going to tattle just because he hates me."

"Last night you said I was the only one who hadn't abandoned you," he argues. "That means at some point, he did. You don't have to be loyal to him if he wasn't loyal to you."

"I can't believe you're using that against me," I reply, shocked and hurt. I was drunk, and I'd thought we would just pretend that the whole conversation never happened. Now he's using it to try and guilt me. I can't believe this. "He saved me. Gave me everything I wanted. I left him, not the other way around. You don't know anything!"

"He saved you? Well, he's hunting you down now. It's pretty obvious, the way you're always running from planet to planet. We can help you. If you tell us who he is we can take him down and you won't have to worry about him catching and killing you anymore. Just trust the Jedi Order!" His eyes are pleading, but he doesn't understand.

"I don't trust anyone, especially the Jedi Order. They sit in their chairs and debate things over until they're blue in the face but they never take action! And my master can't die."

"Why not?" Obi-Wan demands.

"Because if he dies then the Jedi would come after me!" I exclaim.

"You pose no threat to us."

"If my master is destroyed, then I am the new Sith master. I would have to train a new apprentice, and then I would be a threat. You're forgetting the Rule of Two. There always has to be two Sith, no more, no less. I'm only safe because my master lives." The statement is quiet and full of acceptance. Obi-Wan sighs and shakes his head.

"Why did you get mixed up in all this in the first place?" he asks softly.

"I was nine. I had just seen my two siblings commit suicide. My mother abandoned me, and my father...don't even get me started on him. I was scared and alone and weak. I lived in the lower levels of Coruscant, breathing in toxins and always checking my shadow for fear of all the criminals looking to prey on young children like me. I had nowhere to go, and I was lost. He found me and offered me everything I wanted. I had no other choice. No one else cared about me." It's hard to swallow past the lump in my throat. This conversation should have ended long ago. Obi-Wan doesn't press, though, which is a relief.

"Let's finalize our plan now that we know what we're up against," he suggests after a long and tense silence. The change in topic is welcomed.

"Good idea."

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 49 BBY**

 _It's been two weeks. My mother hasn't returned. I overheard the landlord mentioning something about a wild party that went overboard not far from here. Apparently a bunch of people overdosed. It wouldn't surprise me if my mother was among them._

 _Food ran out two days ago. The landlord slipped a notice under the door yesterday. I'm leaving now. Even if my mother didn't die, she obviously isn't ever coming back. I have to accept that I'm on my own now. I need to leave here to find work or to scavenge for food. I'm already weak, both physically and mentally. Having so much stored up hate and anger wears one out._

 _It's scary in the Underworld. There are druggies smoking in every corner, and alcoholics passed out on every sidewalk. There's no work to be found for someone as young and weak as I am. I've given up. There's a nice, drug-free dark corner that I found, and now I'm sitting here, ready to die. I feel lost and broken. Is this how Xavier and Lillea felt before they died?_

 _As I'm lying here, wearing the same black coat I wore to Xavier's funeral, the dark hood pulled up to cover my face, I hear footsteps. Maybe it's a kind stranger who will put me out of my misery before I suffer any longer._

" _I feel so much hate and anger," a coarse and deep voice says. Opening my eyes, I catch sight of an ugly fellow wearing long black robes. The shadows seem to bend to him, and I can sense power radiating from his being. "You sense it, don't you?" he asks._

" _You're powerful," I reply hoarsely, my lips cracked and bleeding. My heartbeat races; he really is going to kill me. Suddenly I'm not sure if I want to die or not._

" _You want power, don't you? You don't want to be weak, like your mother, or cowardly, like your father?"_

" _How - how do you know that?" I swallow down a dry throat. Maybe I'm hallucinating all of this. Maybe I'm already dead._

" _I am powerful. And I can make you powerful like me. You can be the strongest person in the galaxy. No one will know about your past. Just take all that anger and pain and hate and channel it," he instructs._

" _How do I do that?"_

" _I'll teach you," he offers. "Come with me, and I'll teach you everything I know. Your days of being weak are over."_

" _What's the catch?" I question, numbly pushing myself up. My weak legs stumble a bit, but I'm up. I'm alive._

" _There is no catch. I want you to be my student. The Force is strong with you. I can sense it. Follow me." He turns and walks away, and I don't even hesitate before following. I have no other choice. There is no one else who cares for me, no one who even knows I exist. How he knows me, I have no idea, but I can't pass up on this offer. I have absolutely nothing to lose._

" _Who are you?" I question, struggling to catch up to him. His red-rimmed eyes grin down at me._

" _I'm Darth Sidious."_

 **Outer Rim Territories, Unknown Sector, Unknown Region, 39 BBY**

"Great hostage situation you have here," I remark casually, striding into the open. My bound wrists are hidden underneath the long, flowing sleeves of my black robe, and my lightsaber is attached to my belt in visible view. They have no way of telling that I'm injured.

"Who are you?" the Hutt cousin asks, both him and the Duros bounty hunter showing shocked surprise.

"She's a Sith," Cad hisses. "She was with the Jedi earlier on Gorse."

"We were expecting Jedi, not her!" the Hutt exclaims. "You said the Jedi would be the ones to come. Why is she here?"

"I don't know. But you need to calm down, Yamma. We can still make this work," Bane soothes the slug-like creature. "If she is friends with the Jedi, then maybe we can bargain her instead."

"Hello? 'She' is standing right here!" I call out. The captured villagers are all looking my way. I know I'm commanding all the attention with my look and confidence - not that there's any other distractions on this dump. "And for your information, I'm not friends with the Jedi."

"Then why were you fighting with them against me?" the bounty hunter inquires. "That seems like an alliance at the least."

I roll my eyes dramatically. "Please. Those crystals are Sith artifacts, not Jedi ones. Befriending the Jedi was my way of getting the information on you. Then I fought you for possession of the lightsabers." The lie is hard to get out, since I hadn't told Obi-Wan about it. What if he thinks I'm telling the truth and he deserts the plan, deciding to take advantage of my weakness to kill me instead of capturing Cad Bane?

"You could have let that Jedi master die, but instead you saved him. That doesn't sound like something a Sith would do."

"Everything I do has a purpose," I say, dismissing his accusation. "The Jedi managed to take back the crystals, thanks to your incompetence and you injuring me. We could have worked together, you know. But now I have to kill you."

"You're still injured," Cad argues, but his voice holds doubt. "You couldn't have healed that fast."

"You underestimate me," I answer, my eyes narrowed. This is it. This is where our plan either works or falls apart. Hopefully Obi-Wan can tell that my earlier claims are all lies to disarm this situation.

Cad pulls a Blaster pistol from his belt and fires it towards me. I close my eyes, trusting Obi-Wan to use the Force to protect me.

Time seems to slow down, and I feel my mouth drops to a frown. Did I just admit to trusting the Jedi Padawan? I never trust people. So why now?

 _Because I need him._ The realization strikes me hard and quickly. I need him because I'm injured and helpless. And if I can't trust him to do his part, then I might as well have died on Gorse.

Time resumes as normal, and I feel the lightsaber in my belt rise up on its own, turn one blade on, and angle itself to reflect the blast. Both Yamma and Bane pause in shock, and I step forward, channeling my most evil look. The crime lord and his bounty hunter both take a step back, fear in their eyes. They think I'm using the Force simply by thinking, and that terrifies them.

"You will let these people go," I order. "You will leave this place and travel to a distant planet."

"I will let these people go…" Yamma repeats, under the influence of the Force. Both he and Cad walk over to the pen, open the gates, and step back to let the poor exiled villagers leave. They run, several daring to look back in wonder.

Then the two criminals walk away, probably to their starships. When they're well out of sight, Obi-Wan emerges from his hiding spot not far away. "It actually worked," he muttered to himself. "I don't believe it."

"Let's go," I say in answer, turning around. "We have to tell Qui-Gon his assistance is no longer required." My voice is dull and muted; I'm still haunted by the fact that I had trusted my life to a Jedi. And a Padawan, at that.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** Sorry for being late again! I'm trying to stay caught up with everything, and I'm a bit overwhelmed. Anyways, this is a two-part adventure, and will be continued in the next chapter (hopefully updated on Wednesday like normal). Enjoy!

 **Chapter 11**

By the time we reach the Jedi starship, neither of us has said a word. The tension is thick, however; I can sense that Obi-Wan has something to say, even though he knows I don't want to talk.

He splits off to send Qui-Gon the message of our success while I head to the small room with the bunks and medical supplies. Rewrapping my bruised ribs is a painful task for both my ribs and my wrists, but I feel better afterwards, both mentally and physically. I had just accomplished something on my own, and now my ribs don't feel like a bag of loose change.

I'm rummaging through the cabinets for more alcohol when I hear the swish of the door opening. It closes, and Obi-Wan stands still, his arms crossed over his chest.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Looking for alcohol," I admit, giving up and sitting on the bunk. "It's probably better if I don't find any, though." Although I don't remember everything that happened the night before, I do remember my traitor mouth opening and spilling all sorts of previously hidden secrets.

"Since we've teamed up, I've trusted you," Obi-Wan begins, getting right to the chase. I open my mouth to make a remark about how much of a mistake that is, but he holds up his hand to stop me. "I needed to. And I get the feeling that today you trusted me." He pauses, as if expecting me to argue, but I don't. I can't. He isn't wrong, and denying it would get me nowhere. "That's a big thing for you, and I'm thankful that you think I am trustworthy."

This is not where I had thought this conversation would go. It's actually kind of nice, though, just being able to be open and honest with someone. Of course I'm not going to make a habit of it or anything - it's a one-time thing. "About what I said to Cad about only fighting with you guys for my own gain and purposes...you know that's not true, right?" I don't know why I feel the need to clarify it. It's such a foreign feeling.

Obi-Wan nods. "I trust you."

And just like that, everything is normal again. Well, if "normal" means a Jedi trusting a Sith and a Sith who doesn't trust anyone suddenly trusting a Jedi, that is. But this is as close to normal as we can get.

"Qui-Gon is still in Coruscant. We're going to meet him there," the Jedi explains.

"We can't," I object. "I mean, I can't."

Obi-Wan doesn't ask why. Instead he simply nods and turns around to input the course to somewhere else. If that's what trust looks like then it can't be that bad. It's actually kinda nice.

A few minutes later I follow him into the cockpit, sitting in the co-pilots seat. He looks over at me, his hands poised on the controls. "Where to?"

"Trandosha," I answer, ignoring his look of surprise.

"Why? There's nothing there but cruel, merciless hunters," Obi-Wan replies, still trusting me enough to input the coordinates despite his own opinions on the place.

"There's something there my master lost years ago, and I need to make sure he never finds it again," I explain. There's no further questions and the Jedi simply takes off, leaving Jelucan in the distance. "What will you tell the Council about Cad Bane?"

"I will tell them he is not to be underestimated, but that he was working under the orders of a crime boss. Yamma the Hutt just got in way over his head."

"Who did they think hired the bounty hunter?" I question, leaning back in the seat and propping my feet up on the control board.

"The Sith," he replies, glancing over at me. A smile creeps up on my face.

"Glad to know they're only getting wiser in their old age," I say sarcastically. Obi-Wan tries unsuccessfully to stifle a smile. "I mean, what did they expect us to use the lightsabers for? We already are powerful enough to take you guys down without them."

"Says the one who couldn't put her own hood up," he reminds me for the third time.

"I'm going to kill you," I mutter, crossing my arms and then wincing at the pain from my wrists. "Don't the Jedi have powers of Force healing or something?"

"Qui-Gon does, to some extent," he answers. "I don't. But why can't you heal yourself?"

"Because I have more practical Force powers, like being able to see the future and being able to Force-choke people. Also lightning. I'm getting that one mastered."

"You can seriously do the Force-choke?" he asks, his eyes widening.

"Just ask your buddy Quinlan. He might still have bruises on his neck." I pretend to check my nails as he gapes at me. "What? He attacked me first. I simply tried to defend myself."

"Did you really think he was going to kill you on Bespin?" Obi-Wan inquires seriously. "He's one of the more unpredictable Jedi, yes, but killing you?"

Images flash through my mind of Quinlan's future. "I read his future for him...and he didn't like it. He accused me of lying, but his rage told the truth. He's scared of what I told him because deep down he knows it's true."

"What did you see that's so bad?"

I shake my head. "That's not for me to tell. If you want to know, ask him yourself."

"You consider it being disloyal to tell the secrets of his future, don't you?" Obi-Wan is perceptive. Dangerously so for me. He reads right through my pretenses.

"It is disloyal. I shouldn't even be able to see such things, let alone go around the galaxy telling all his friends."

Silence falls in the cockpit. It's a few minutes before he speaks again. "Loyalty is the most important thing for you, isn't it? You hate those who aren't loyal and you love those who are. In your mind there is nothing worse than betrayal."

"You don't think loyalty is important? Tell that to your painful future." As soon as I realize what I had said I shut my mouth tightly, lips pressed together.

"I am going to be betrayed?" he asks, oh-so subtly.

"You know why I don't want to tell you your future?" I reply, forging on without waiting for him to attempt an answer. "Quinlan Vos hates me because of what I told him. He became an entirely new person after hearing what the future had in store for him. I literally ruined his life. And...I can't do that to you."

Obi-Wan looks over at me, making eye contact. "Why not?"

"You're the closest thing I have to a friend," I mumble, barely comprehensible. The words are hard to get out, and I slouch deeper into the seat, letting my hair fall forward and cover my face. I'm not into touchy-feely moments or deep confessions, and this is so hard for me. He understands, though.

"We're an odd pair, aren't we? The Sith and the Jedi." He crack a grin, and I manage a small smile. "Who would have thought?"

"We can't be friends, though," I say, and both our faces fall. "The Jedi Order would never allow for it. You and Qui-Gon both would get in trouble. I know you love doing what you do, and I'm not going to be the reason you get expelled from the Order. The most we can ever be is allies."

"And even that is frowned upon," Obi-Wan agrees. He turns back to the controls, maneuvering the starship out of hyperdrive. "We're here."

 **Mid Rim, Mytaranor Sector, Kashyyyk System, 39 BBY**

The planet appears large in front of us, varying shades of green and white swirling about. The moon Wasskah is orbiting slowly around it, also green. Shivers run down my spine at the sight. The moon is a hunting reserve where the Trandoshans capture and set loose prey to eventually hunt. It's sickening, even for a Sith.

"Set down on the moon," I instruct the Jedi. "Qui-Gon can meet us there."

"On Wasskah?" he exclaims, incredulous. "They'll hunt us!"

"We don't have to leave the ship until Qui-Gon arrives, and, even then three Force users are more than enough to fend them off long enough to switch out ships. Then you guys can leave and go back to Coruscant, and I'll take care of my business here."

"I still don't get why you can't come to Coruscant first," Obi-Wan says, aiming towards the moon.

"He's there," I answer, my voice growing quiet. "I can sense my master is there. He's strongest on Coruscant, and he would kill me. Besides, this is really important."

"What even are you getting? It can't be that bad or destructive. Not like those ancient crystals Cad Bane stole."

"Oh, it's much, _much_ worse. It's killed its share of Jedi in the past, and it will only kill more if my master gets his hands on it. I'm going to find and hide it away for good." The starship gets a bumpy landing on the forest moon, and I uncross my legs and sit up, being careful not to jostle my ribs or wrists too much. "How far away did you say Qui-Gon was?"

"He should be here any minute," Obi-Wan remarks, turning off the engine and resting his hand on his lightsaber. "I hope he gets here soon, though. Trandoshans are not exactly my favorite species, especially when they're hunting me."

"They just look big and scary. They're actually pretty weak against the Force. Even a youngling could beat them if they tried hard enough." The cockpit goes silent for a while, and the sounds of the forest surround us. Hundreds of unnamed species crawl across the ground, flit up around the treetops, or chase each other around trees.

We sit for about another hour, neither of us talking. Something seems off, and I prick my ears up, listening hard. "Do you hear that?" I question.

"I don't hear anything," Obi-Wan comments.

"Exactly. There is nothing to hear. Where did all of the native species go?" Realization strikes, and the once-comfortable silence turns full of tension.

"The hunters are near," the Jedi whispers. "They're after us."

"Just stay still," I mouth back, unsure of why we're being so cautious. They can't hear us from outside of the ship, and they're probably hunting one of their other prey in the area, not us.

There's the sound of an aircraft and the green canopies above us sway before parting to reveal my starship. Qui-Gon is here...and he just revealed our location to all of the Trandoshan hunters.

As my ship lands, KZ-4 sitting on the outside in his little seat, Qui-Gon's face peering through the windshield, we can finally hear the trampling sounds of sprinting beasts.

A dozen Trandoshan hunters burst through the treeline to surround our ships, their weapons held in front of them aggressively, their sharp-toothed expressions smug. I can just imagine what they're thinking: Our most dangerous and exciting new prey just delivered themselves to us!

"We're going to be hunted. And one of us is useless," Obi-Wan says, shocked.

Well, he's not wrong.

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 49 BBY**

 _The house Darth Sidious leads me to is a nice one in the upper levels of Coruscant. The air is purified and fresh, and I feel myself lighten up a little. There's a large table piled up with all the food I could ever imagine._

 _I start to head towards it, but an invisible force suddenly pulls me back and halts me. Darth Sidious shakes his head. "If you want the food, you must summon it to yourself."_

" _How do I do that?" I ask, my face falling. The food smells amazing, and my stomach has been empty for far too long. I'm barely strong enough to keep standing, let alone try to think and do whatever he wants me to do._

" _Use the Force."_

" _The Force? What's that? I thought it was a myth." Stories of Jedi had reached our planet, but no Force user had ever gone to that waste dump. It's far away and useless._

" _You are less than a mile away from the Jedi temple," Darth Sidious hisses. "Of course they're real. They might be flying around overhead even as we speak. Now you must harness the Force to summon the food. You know how to connect to the Force. You've felt it your whole life. Every time your mother was in pain from your father's words and fists? You felt it because you were connected to her using the Force. How did you know deep down that your father was cheating the whole time? You could sense it. Now you have to learn how to use it. You can have whatever food you can call to yourself from here. If you move, I'll take you right back to that dark alley in the Underworld."_

" _What if I can't figure out how to get it before I starve?" I question, my lower lip trembling. I don't know the Force like he says. In fact, I'm very much scared I'm going to die here, the only think I need to survive right in front of me._

" _Then I'll sweep up your dead corpse off the floor and dump you somewhere remote. I'll be back in a few days. And I will know if you cheat." He walks out, leaving me ten feet away from heaven with no way to reach it._

 _This is torture. This is the worst thing a person could ever do. I'm weak and barely alive, but I'm still supposed to discover my powers of telekinesis? Yeah, highly likely. This Darth Sidious is an evil guy with a cruel sense of humor. I don't like him one bit._

 _An hour later, I'm sitting cross-legged on the floor, my hands pointed towards the food, my head pounding from a massive headache as I've tried everything I can imagine to try and get the food to me. Finally I stop trying and lay back down, giving up. Silent tears slide down my gaunt cheeks. It's over for me._

 _Just when I had thought I couldn't get much lower, it seems I have dug past rock-bottom. Great. Digging my own grave._

 _I had thought I had nothing to lose, but it seems I lost what little dignity I had left._

 **Mid Rim, Mytaranor Sector, Kashyyyk System, 39 BBY**

I exit the Jedi starship, Obi-Wan protesting but still following me. I knew he would; I'm injured and he won't leave me alone. Yeah, I might be abusing his friendship a little bit, but when I resolve this situation and send him and Qui-Gon off safely he'll thank me later.

The Trandoshans instantly turn their spears and make-shift weapons on us, snarling noises coming from the back of their throats and through their alligator-like faces. The growling sounds only grow as Qui-Gon steps out of my starship and joins us.

"I never thought I'd end up here," the Jedi Master mutters, his hands relaxed at his side. He's probably one of the most controlled Jedi I've ever met. I know his philosophies are slightly different than those of the other Jedi, but he should have a seat on the Council. He'd bring a lot to the table.

"I assume she has a plan," Obi-Wan replies, his eyes flickering in my direction. His attitude really needs to change soon or I'm only going to help Qui-Gon get out of here. No one gets to sass me except KZ-4.

A Trandoshan with green skin and bright orange eyes steps out from the group. I vaguely recognize him. "Cadask, isn't it?" I ask, fixing my eyes on his. His fiery eyes narrow and he glares at me.

"Cradossk," he corrects with his low voice. "And you are the Sith apprentice, here with two Jedi. We are not fools. We know why you came."

"Oh, really? You do, huh?" I step forward, getting right in his face. My injured wrists twinge with pain and I suddenly hope that he doesn't decide to backhand me into a tree or something. Maybe it's too late to have this through. "What do I want?"

"This," he answers, reaching into his red robes to pull out a yellow and black device. It's old, from many millennia ago, and it hasn't been seen since Darth Baras and his apprentice used it to try and extract information during the Cold War. Long thought lost, it appears this Trandoshan bounty hunter has had it for a while.

"The Ravager," I agree, eyeing it carefully. "A powerful Sith artifact that I'm going to be leaving here with."

"Do you think I'll just give it to you?" he questions, and suddenly all of them are laughing deep, throaty laughs. Some of them turn into coughing fits, but it's still terrifying and humiliating. No one laughs at me, not even lowly big-game hunters.

"Do you know what it can do?" I inquire coldly, my eyes burning a hole through Cradossk. "You wouldn't laughing if you did."

"How about a demonstration, then?" he shoots back, looking at the Jedi fighters behind me. "I wonder what we can learn…"

"No." My voice is final. The Ravager is a device used to extract - I say extract but I really mean _rip_ \- information from the victim's mind, driving them insane and killing them in the process. And it's painful. Not blaster burns painful, but getting your mind liquefied painful. I will not be having my friends' minds liquefied because I brought them into this. "We are here to make you a deal."

"What sort of deal?" Cradossk asks, stepping back and pacing. "You have nothing to give us."

"Yes, I do." My eyebrow raises and my head tilts, the actions getting the Trandoshan's attention. He stops pacing and stands in front of me.

"What?"

"The thrill of a hunt." The words sink into him, getting the desired effect. A small smile curves up on his face. "Have you ever hunted a Sith or Jedi before?" I continue. "We'll give you one full day to hunt us. Sunset to sunset. If you catch us, you get to kill us and take us as your prize. If we manage to evade you for that time, we get set free _and_ we get the Ravager."

His smile widens, his sharp white teeth showing. "You can't escape us for a whole day. Not on this moon."

"Then it's a win-win situation for you," I reply, stepping back and scanning all the other Trandoshans. "Is it a deal?"

"I think so," Cradossk answers. "You have one hour to hide, starting now." He makes a motion and all of the natives scatter, disappearing into the forest and jungles. The two Jedi and I are left, still standing in place.

"That's a brilliant plan," Obi-Wan says sarcastically. "I think we should put her on the Jedi Council."

"Not now," Qui-Gon chides, and then he turns to me. "This is your plan, so you are in charge. What's your first move?"

And so the hunt begins.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** I finally updated on time! Go me! So this is a longer chapter, but kind of exciting, and there's lots of action. It's a continuation of chapter 11, so make sure you read that first. Enjoy!

 **Chapter 12**

 **Mid Rim, Mytaranor Sector, Kashyyyk System, 39 BBY**

"We need to get somewhere safe for the night," I answer, starting to head off into the forests. "And I need to get my wrists healed if we're going to be fending off those beasts. Obi-Wan says you can do some Force healing?"

Qui-Gon nods as he walk next to me. Obi-Wan lags a little behind like a third wheel. I don't feel sorry. He had tried to sass the sass master, and that's not cool. My sympathy levels for him have gone down.

"The Trandoshans know this place like their backyard. I mean, it pretty much _is_ their backyard. Any caves or hidden places we find they most likely know about. Our best bet is to stay hidden in the trees. They're big and bulky, and not good at climbing trees at all." We walk carefully down a slippery and steep slope, heading the opposite direction of the Trandoshans. "Their noses are great for smelling, so we'll have to make a fake trail. I think two of us should find a tree with good cover to hide in while the other one continues the trail on before doubling back."

"That's a good idea," Qui-Gon agrees. "Be on the lookout for the right tree."

About a half and hour later we're staring up at a tree with thick branches and heavy leaves. You can't see up to the top from the ground, which is the limit of the Trandoshans' sight. "To get up high enough to climb we're going to have to Force-jump," I observe, tilting my head up to get a good look.

"I'll go on to create the fake trail," Qui-Gon volunteers. "I have some experience."

"We'll need to give you our robes so our scents don't stop here," I add, carefully and painfully sliding off my black one. Obi-Wan follows suit, and we hand the garments to the Jedi Master. "Come back by leaping from tree to tree if you can so it will be harder for them to track you. When you come back you can work on my broken wrists." They are feeling a little better, but it's only been a couple of days since they broke, and even my advanced healing isn't that quick. Most people take six to eight weeks to heal, but mine usually only takes four. However, if you're a Sith, those four weeks feel like an eternity because when one or more parts of your body is not in combat shape you are vulnerable. And in this case, with both wrists useless, there's very little I can do.

And there's nothing I hate more than feeling vulnerable.

Qui-Gon heads off in a completely different direction and Obi-Wan and I stare up at the first branch, which is fifteen feet above us. "I can jump, but I can't keep my balance," I admit, hating my weakness. "You'll have to go up first and make sure I don't fall off."

He nods, serious now that our predicament has sunk in. We're being hunted by some of the most infamous hunters in the galaxy. Trandoshans train all their lives hunting all sorts of different prey, and we haven't ever been trained for evading them. Survival skills 101 takes a big twist when it comes to this. I have faith in us, however; I wouldn't have forced the Jedi to join me in something I considered the equivalent of suicide.

Obi-Wan jumps, his brown boots landing softly on the branch. It holds - so maybe another, slightly small reason for wanting him to go first was so if the branch wasn't strong enough he would be the one to fall, not me - and I take in a deep breath, reading to propel myself in the air. Without the momentum from my arms this will be more difficult than usual, but I think I can do it. No, I _know_ I can do it.

Taking a few steps back, I get a running start before pushing off the ground hard. I soar through the air for what feels like forever before aiming myself towards the branch and starting to fall. My combat boots hit the bark and I stumble forward, Obi-Wan reaching out to steady me before I pitch over the side. Once I get my balance he lets go and steps back, and we both look up to the next branch. It isn't so far up.

"It had to be my arms," I grumble, seeing the climb. "He could have killed me and it would have been kinder, but no, he had to break my wrists."

"You need more help?" Obi-Wan asks sincerely. It's a nice gesture, but since he asked, _no_. I'm a strong independent Sith woman who needs no help from a young Jedi Padawan.

But what if I'm also a young girl with broken wrists who needs help from her friend? Maybe this isn't about being tough and always trying to prove my self-worth and my power. Maybe this is about being wise and accepting help when I need it.

I don't _need_ help, not from anyone, a different part of my mind argues. When I was growing up I never needed help from my parents. I never needed anyone's help, in fact. Except for Darth Sidious. Dying alone in a dark alley under the shadows of skyscrapers, I had needed his help. And look where it's brought me? Where I wanted to be, yes, but at what cost? People don't give favors for free. They always expect something in return. I had been too young and naive to see the high price.

Maybe I _want_ help, though. Maybe for once I don't want to be strong and powerful. I just want to let others take control and just give me instructions. That way there's not as many responsibilities on me, and that means less burdens. God knows I have many to carry already. It's a wonder my shoulders haven't caved in from the pressure yet.

"Is everything alright?" Obi-Wan asks suspiciously, his voice breaking me from my thoughts. "You look like you're having an argument...with yourself."

"I'm fine," I snap, more harshly than I intended to. "You can go first."

The look on his face is passive and unmoving, but in his eyes I see victory, as though it's such an accomplishment that he managed to get me to subtly admit I need his help to make sure I don't fall. That just makes me grumpier, of course.

"Only because if the branch is weak you'll fall and I'll know not to go up any higher," I add. "And your eyes betray your emotions. That's not the Jedi way. You should really work on that." Cruel, I know. But hey, it's me. What else did you expect? Kind hugs and warm feelings?

When I look back up at him again I'm expecting to see hurt or even a little bit of anger but instead his expression is completely placid and unreadable. I realize he had just been trying to be friendly, and I feel a little bad, but I can't bring myself to apologize. Instead I say, "I'm actually going to go first."

"What if you fall?" Even his voice has no worry or concern. It's completely emotionless, and so unlike him that it kind of scares me.

"Then I fall, and you and your Jedi friends have one less Sith to worry about," I reply, inhaling deeply before jumping. I land close to the tree trunk so I can use my side and hips to keep myself from falling off.

There's a whoosh and Obi-Wan lands next to me, balanced and poised. We continue up the tree one branch at a time until we get far enough up that we're invisible from the ground. Without my thick black robes the tree bark rubs roughly against my skin, but I still try to find a somewhat comfortable position. Obi-Wan sits a few feet away, silent and passive.

"I'm sorry." The words are out of my mouth before I can stop them. "I shouldn't have said that. You're a good Jedi."

He blinks, his eyes flickering to me. "Did you just apologize?"

"Of course not," I scoff, shaking my head. "I don't apologize. You're hearing things."

He shrugs and turns back to playing with the handle of his lightsaber, but the tension that had existed before has melted away.

Qui-Gon returns a little while later, handing us our heavy robes. Mine just lay in my lap as I wait for the Jedi Master to do some healing. My inability to do anything is getting ridiculous.

"This might hurt a little," Qui-Gon warns as he takes my wrists. The leather wraps are still on my arm, keeping my bones set straight. "And it's not going to be fully healed, so you're still going to have to be careful."

He closes his eyes as he works, and I feel my bones and muscles and skin shifting. It itches more than it hurts, but I don't move or flinch. Qui-Gon lets my hands go, and I move them, twisting them a little. There's still some pain, but at least I can move it.

"An injury like that...you realize it may never heal completely, right?" Obi-Wan's voice carries softly from the other side of the branch. My heart drops into a deep pit as I realize he's correct. Instead of responding, I ignore him and slip on my heavy robe, thankful for the basic use of my hands again.

"We should set up a watch," I say aloud. "One of us is to be awake at all times. I'll take the first watch." Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan nod as they settle in to catch a little bit of sleep. I rest against the tree trunk, keeping my ears pricked and my mind attuned to the Force.

Nothing happens for a few hours, and eventually I feel my eyes start to droop. I crawl across the branch and tap on Obi-Wan's shoulder until he wakes up. "Your watch," I inform him, and then I return to my position to get some sleep of my own.

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 49 BBY**

 _I can't take this humiliation anymore. I can feel death's fingers brushing against me, straining against his chain to take me away. It's not yet time, though. Not quite. The chain is weak, though, and it's only getting weaker._

 _My anger is bubbling, almost up to the brim. I've never let it out before, but that fruit is sitting there right in front of me, tempting me. Hate comes with it, too; who is that Sidious guy to do this to me? To put me in this position? I'm too scared of his threat to stand up and walk to the table, but I'm sure I'm too weak, too. All I have are my negative feelings swimming around my mind, consuming me, tainting what good is left. I'm a creature of hate and suffering now._

 _Through the windows I can see starships buzzing around and I can hear the conversations of dozens of people from different species, all of them oblivious to the suffering going on right here in this little house. How can they be so blind? Why don't they care enough to help me? Why are people so cruel and heartless? In my isolation, I begin to look at them darkly, too, and from the corners of my mind they seem to be ugly, horrid creatures who enjoy my pain._

 _My hate finally brims over, and I let out a frustrated scream. The furniture in the house shakes and rattles, and I feel the presence of something bigger than myself in my mind. I grab onto it, turning it over in my mind and exploring it. Upon discovering it, I search through it, learning and experiencing. A wicked smile grows on my face as I figure out how to use it. Fueled by my darkness and controlled by my mind, I make a weapon and a tool out of it, and it obeys my will._

 _Channeling all my rage and hate into one big ball of emotion, I let it out, demanding the presence to get me that food on the table. Slowly but growing more rapidly, the fruits and vegetables and bread convulse and then slide forward, flying towards me and landing right in front of me. I grab at it desperately, shoving it into my mouth as if I'd never eaten before in my life._

 _Eating such rich food so fast after not eating for weeks is not a good thing, but of course I'm not thinking about it when I get that food._

 _Suffice to say, for the first day I'm sick to my stomach, heaving up everything I'd just eaten. After that I eat more slowly and in moderation, keeping it down much better. I'm still too scared to move from my spot, but I really have to go to the bathroom. Like, really bad._

 _The bathroom isn't even that far. It's just across the room. How would Darth Sidious even know if I moved? There's no way…_

 _Taking a deep breath and gathering my courage, I stand up, sprint to the bathroom, and go. I sprint back to the spot, but then I realize how bad everything is. There's food remnants and vomit everywhere, and I smell bad. I should really clean up before the owner comes back. Sidious hadn't noticed me moving to the bathroom…_

 _More confidently than before, I leave the spot again, this time going to the little kitchen to get some cleaning cloths. I wet them and clean up the area, and then I clean up myself in the shower. There are some black baggy pants and a girly dark grey shirt in my size in one of the bathroom cabinets, and I change into them, feeling clean and refreshed._

 _Then I catch sight of the fogged up mirror. Approaching it cautiously, I slowly wipe my hand across the murky surface, clearing it up. I have to look twice before I realize it's really me._

 _I look so different. With the dirt and the grime gone, my pale skin shines out, enhancing my orange eyes. My hair is not ragged and greasy anymore; instead it's clean and smooth and much longer than I'd thought. It's also lighter than before. My cheekbones still stick out from my skinny face, but I don't look as starved as before. The dark bags under my eyes aren't as pronounced anymore. A scowl seems embedded in my features, and it seems as though a shadow has passed permanently over. There is beauty in front of me, but it's a cold beauty, like ice that is gorgeous to look at by will slip you up if you get too close. That's who I've become now._

 _Something still seems missing, but I can't place it…my eyes keep drifting back up above my nose…_

 _My eyes. They weren't orange before. They were grey, like a storm. Now they're the color of fire and flames, the color of anger and hate. It is contradictory to the iciness that is my skin and my expression, but the two together make for a dark combination. I know if I had seen this face walking around the streets a couple of weeks ago I would have run. Now I'm the one bearing such a look, and all I can think about is how it's a reflection of who I am inside._

 _What have I become?_

 **Mid Rim, Mytaranor Sector, Kashyyyk System, 39 BBY**

Daylight rises without incident. We could try and hide up in the trees all day, but I don't think it's a good idea. We've already been here for too long. The Jedi share my opinion, and we jump down the tree branches, hitting the ground silently. Pulling our hoods up, we quietly make our way through the forests, all of us staying carefully attuned to the Force to be able to sense the Trandoshan hunters.

Mid-day comes around and there's been no sight or sound of them. We jump up a tall tree to scan for as far as we can, and about a mile away we catch sight of the moving group. "Let's go to the North since we see them approaching from the South," Obi-Wan suggests.

"Nope," I state, pointing to the North. "There's a group of them approaching from there, too. And from the West and East. They've cornered us."

"We'll have to go through the trees, staying above their heads," Qui-Gon says. "There are plenty of vines to use. How are your wrists holding up?"

"Fine." And just like that, it's settled. "We'll have to move quickly because they will throw their spears at us. They have strong arms and a long range."

Keeping low to the tree branches, we each find a sturdy vine and grip it tightly. We wait patiently until the Trandoshan hunters are all gathered within ten feet of the tree we're in. Once they've all started pointing and looking up for us, I stand up, regrip the vine, and push off with all my strength. I soar through the air to the next tree, where I let go and gently land in a crouched position on a branch before getting back up, sprinting to the end, and finding another vine to swing with. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are not far behind, if the spear shafts flying around and the other assorted long-range weapons are any indication.

They can't outrun us on the ground. I switch directions randomly, the two Jedi following no matter what. It feels exhilarating to be flying from tree to tree, nothing but my newly healed wrists and my strong arms keeping me from plummeting to the ground. I feel powerful, too, as I confuse the expert hunters below. My heart races in the thrill of the hunt and my breath catches in exhaustion.

We keep on going for what seems like forever. The Trandoshans are always just one step behind, which is one step too close. My wrists, as Qui-Gon had pointed out, are not fully healed, and I'm beginning to think Obi-Wan had been correct in saying they might never fully heal. They'll always be a little weaker than before.

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are still going strong, but my arms are shaking and my the bones in my wrist feel like they're grinding together. We still haven't completely lost the hunters, but I can't do this anymore. The pain has returned in almost full-strength, and black dots show up in my vision when my weight is on my wrists. Passing out while swinging on the vines will only cause death.

I can't keep going, but I can't let Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan be killed for my mistake. They're the closest thing to friends that I have, and I don't want to be known as an disloyal person who made up a wild plan to get what she wants while dragging her friends into it and then letting them die because she's weak. No, that's not going to happen. I told the two Jedi I would get them out of this alive and I'm going to keep to that.

Stopping on a branch, I wait for Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon to catch up. They both give me confused looks as they near me. "What is it?" Qui-Gon questions.

"We can't do this forever. You guys keep swinging, but I'm going down to hold them off." My voice is level and calm, despite the abyss in my stomach. I'd never thought I'd die like this, at least not since I'd discovered the Force.

"You're going to sacrifice yourself for our safety?" Obi-Wan asks, surprised.

"It's only sacrifice if I die," I reply confidently, my chin raising despite my inner fears. "And I'm obviously not going to. They're just large, intelligent lizards. It'll be an easy fight. We'll meet up at the starships at sunset." I jump down a branch before adding, "Just make sure you keep _yourselves_ alive until then."

With that I quickly head down the rest of the tree, landing softly on my heels at the trunk. The Trandoshans are already swarming the area, creating a circle around me. I keep my back to the tree trunk, knowing it's one less direction they can attack me from.

"You're dead," one of them hisses, and the others laugh. Throwing off my black robes, I reach into my belt and pull out my lightsaber.

"I don't think so," I answer, turning both blades on. I fear death, yes, but when I die I'm going to go out in a fight. That weak person I once was is gone, and now I'm just raw power and strength. Giving up or surrendering is not in my nature but fighting is, and I'm going to fight them until death, whether it's my death or theirs.

A half dozen spears are thrust into my direction, but with one swift swing of my lightsaber the razor edges are burned off and they thud uselessly into the ground. The other weapons are presented then, and every single one of the Trandoshans are eager to kill me and claim bragging rights. All of them have forgotten the other two prey, the ones that are now safely far away.

My lightsaber makes quick work of the Trandoshans in my reach. The others, seeing their dead friends and realizing that _hey, this person is actually pretty serious about not dying_ , step back and use distance weapons. A few of them have blasters, probably scavenged from their past victims, but it's not hard to deflect the blasts.

We're stuck in an awkward stalemate. They can't kill me, but I can't get out of my corner without killing all of them, which I'm not sure I can manage. My wrists are tingling and sore, even with the leather braces laced up tight to keep them from overextending themselves. My arms are shaking from the stress of all the vine-swinging and then the fighting, and my knees are about to give out. For the first time in a long time I don't know what to do.

The sun is getting lower in the sky, signalling that the twenty-four hours is almost up. I have maybe two hours to survive before besting Cradossk and his cronies, and I can't spend them here, facing off a dozen angry Trandoshans.

Running isn't really my style, but in this case I'll make an exception. I rush forward before using the momentum to jump high and flip over their heads. The moment my feet hit the ground again I'm sprinting, summoning my black cloak to me and tucking my lightsaber handle into my belt. The Trandoshans follow, and I realize how terrible of an idea this is. Oh well. Running for my life through a forest while being chased by a dozen game hunters is preferable to having an awkward stand-off with them. At least now my blood is pumping and my pent-up energy is being used. Now I'm doing something.

I can't head back to the starships because I told Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon to meet me there. Instead I head a different direction, leaping over fallen tree trunks and jumping large springs. I only pause when I reach a wide river too far to vault over, even with the Force aiding me.

The hunters aren't far behind, though, so I make a quick decision. Shoving the Jedi breathing device into my mouth I dive gracefully as far out into the river as I can. It's much deeper than it looks, and I use my arms to pull myself to the bottom. There's some large boulders and coral structures sitting on the sand, and I hide within them. Although I can breathe just fine the water is cold, and I feel my body temperature lowering. I can't stay here forever, but I can't come up until the Trandoshans leave.

After shivering in my hiding place for about ten minutes I continue on, staying near the bottom of the river but still moving forward. There's no way the hunters can see me from the surface. I swim as far as I can before my body is convulsing with chills and then I head towards the surface, popping up some distance away from where I first submerged. There are no hunters around, and I can hear the birds chirping, a good sign. Wading out of the river, I wring out my robe and my clothes as best as I can before moving on. The climate here isn't warm enough at this time of the year to keep me from freezing, and I hold my arms, tucking my body in as close as I can to conserve heat while still hiking. I must look like a mess by now, my hair dirty from the murky water and wet, my clothes hastily wrung out and still dripping.

Great. Not only am I being hunted but I get to look like a swamp monster, too. Don't the females in action stories get to have perfect hair and fancy clothes? You never hear a story about a girl who has frizzy hair with twigs in it or smells like she just, I don't know, was stuck somewhere without showers for a long time? It's not fair.

The sun is about to begin setting, so I trudge back to where I think the starships landed. Too bad the Force doesn't have built in maps or anything. That would be helpful right about now. But no, I get to wander around a forest moon with hunters who want to kill me. I guess this is what your social life looks like when you're a Sith, though. With only a faint notion of where I'm going and the Force not really helping much, I continue my trek.

Finally, as the horizon above is turning to the colors of fire, I reach the starships. There's no one there. No Jedi, and no Trandoshans. What's going on? It's sunset after the twenty-four hours. The deal is up. We won.

Then I hear them. From behind the treeline come Cradossk and his buddies, and they have Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon captured. Great. Those Jedi had _one_ job. I almost sacrificed myself for their safety, and they managed to screw it up. Way to go, Jedi. _Way to go_.

"You lose," Cradossk hisses in satisfaction. "We caught them."

"Nope," I say, popping the "p". "You caught them. Not me."

The Trandoshans look confused, as if they had never considered that only part of our group may have been caught. "So...we won? But you also won?"

"Seems like it," I reply. "And there's only one way to settle this."

"We kill the Jedi and release you!" Cradossk exclaims, proud of himself for figuring it out. Yeah, well, that's not how things are going down. I'm not letting Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon die because I wanted an old Sith artifact.

"Of course not. We have a duel. Me and you. Whoever wins claims victory overall." Shrugging my black robe off, I pull out my lightsaber and turn on the two red blades, pushing out my elbow and bending my knees slightly in preparation. "Or are you too scared to fight a girl?"

That last sentence did him in. With a shout of rage and narrowed eyes, Cradossk reaches into his own robes and pulls out...a lightsaber? How did he get one?

Sensing my surprise, he answers, "We captured a young Padawan once. He was formidable, but we eventually caught him. And he gave us this. Well, we actually took it off his dead body, but it's all the same." The lightsaber opens up green, and over Cradossk's shoulder I see Qui-Gon's eyes looking downward sadly, and Obi-Wan's face tighten with anger. "Oh, I'm sorry. Is that a sore spot?"

"I'm a Sith," I snap. "I don't have sore spots. Now stop talking and fight me."

He lunges forward first - seriously, what is it with guys always being so aggressive? The defensive side always has the advantage - and I block his strike easily. He twirls the blade expertly before aiming for my side. Tilting one side up I effortlessly push his blade back while swinging up with the other side. He jumps back and raises his blade again.

I'll give him this: he's not completely terrible. What he is is inexperienced and untrained. Which is to be expected, since he stole the weapon off of a little boy's cold, dead body. Who does he think he is? Killing children for sport is just ridiculous and cruel. Even the Sith don't sink that low. Well, they might kill young kids, but it isn't for sport. That's sick and twisted.

He rains blow upon blow at me and I deflect them with one hand curled around the handle of my lightsaber, the other hand spread out so I can examine my nails. Man, they're getting kind of dirty. I'm going to take a long and hot shower as soon as I get off of this planet.

"Why won't you fight me?" Cradossk wails. "You insult me by standing there without a care. I thought this would be a fight! You're a disappointment."

My head raises instantly, one of my eyebrows shooting up. "A disappointment, you say?" He so did not just say that. I'm not a disappointment. You want a disappointment? Go find my parents. Not me. "I'm sorry. I can't hear you over the sound of my reputation as one of the most feared vigilantes in the galaxy."

A roar of anger escapes him. He doesn't act upon it, though. Instead he takes in a deep breath and continues talking in a calmer voice. "Your reputation, huh? People say you're scary because you can use the Force and you have a red lightsaber, not because of anything you've done. The only reputation that follows you is the ancient stories of the Sith, and after meeting you I'm starting to believe that either those stories are lies or you're the most pathetic excuse for a Sith I've ever met. I mean, just look at you! You're soaking wet, you have twigs in your hair, there's dirt on your face, and you can't even fight. Not to mention you hide behind Jedi to protect yourself. You're just a weak and cowardly little girl who got herself into more trouble than she can handle."

He called me weak. He called me a coward. He called me pathetic. And he doubts my reputation as a Sith? I should be angry, raging, in fact, but I've worked hard on mastering my emotions. It pays off in times like this. "You're absolutely right. I am a weak, pathetic, and cowardly excuse for a Sith. And I can't even use the Force. It's all a lie that other people buy. This lightsaber? I just found it in a junkyard and it happened to be working still. It's just an ancient relic." I drop my weapon on the ground and raise my hands up to my shoulders, palms out. "I surrender."

Cradossk grins. "See? She's an imposter! She lied to us from the very beginning!" He's really not that bright, I realize.

And as for what he said, yeah, _no_. No one calls me those ugly, horrible names without punishment. Death would be too kind for him. Instead I shoot my hand out straight when he turns his back, wiggling my fingers and straining my mind to summon Force lightning. The purple strikes hit him in the back and he goes down, writhing painfully on the ground while all his friends watch. His screams rise up, blocking all else.

Still keeping the lightning steady, I lift up my eyes and scan the remaining Trandoshan hunters. "You still think I'm weak? I'm an imposter? Please, speak up. I'm very curious." None of them respond, and they continue to avoid eye contact, fear evident in their expression. My head is starting to ache from the pressure of sustaining the Force lightening, and I feel something dripping from my nose. Blood, most likely. This isn't one of my strong suits, but I push on, my eyes narrowing and my forehead creasing deeper.

"That's enough," Qui-Gon says, catching my eye. "You've proven your point. Let him go."

I return my gaze to the native hunter who is in complete agony right now. A small smile curves up on my face. "Why? He hasn't apologized yet. He hasn't admitted his fault."

"I'm sorry!" Cradossk screams. "I was wrong!"

"Beg," I demand, making the lightning more intense. He screams anew before whimpering, "Please just let me go! You're powerful and scary and I was wrong! Just please let me go!"

"Minerva!" Qui-Gon shouts. "Enough!"

My head snaps up. "Oh, and you're my master now? I don't think so. You knew that working with me meant that I would do things my way. This is my way. No one insults me like that and gets off easy. I'm teaching him a lesson."

Somewhere deep down, though, I know he's right. I need to stop. But the revenge feels so good, his cries of pain and misery filling up my cold heart with happiness. I'm not weak. I'm not a coward. And I'm not a disappointment. I am a powerful Sith who won't take any crap from anyone.

There's a blur of movement and suddenly a blue lightsaber blade comes out, blocking the lightning from fingers. It's Obi-Wan, and he's protecting Cradossk. But why? Why would he do that? Didn't he hear the awful things the Trandoshan had said? Isn't Obi-Wan my friend?

I stop the lightning, stumbling away as the pressure suddenly disapears, and knowing that the Jedi Padawan is not strong enough to hold it in without hurting himself. Scowling at him and his master, I collect my cloak, my dropped lightsaber, and the green lightsaber Cradossk had taken. Without looking back I stomp up to my starship and open the door. Before I can get in my astromech droid beeps at me.

"You want to go with Qui-Gon? Fine. Abandon me like every single one of my other friends," I shout at him, and he pulls back a bit, beeping a small apology. Whatever. I'm done. People mess up everything, and you can't rely on anyone. That's the lesson life has taught me.

Sitting in the cockpit by myself, knowing that even my droid had abandoned me - wow, this has got to be a record low - I feel my eyes sting in an unfamiliar sensation. No. I am not crying. I don't cry because I don't feel. I'm a Sith. And more than that, I'm Minerva, the ruthless and cruel Sith who cuts down anyone in her way and doesn't hesitate to torture anyone who insults her. Angrily I smear the back of my hand across my nose, wiping away the thin trail of blood.

I hear the door whoosh open and a pair of boots quietly treading towards the cockpit. The person stands in the open doorway. "Minerva?"

I look up to see Obi-Wan standing there. Just who I wanted to see. He seems taken aback by expression, and instinctively I raise my hand up to touch my cheek. It's wet. Wonderful.

He opens his mouth to speak and I point towards the exit. "Go."

He doesn't move, though. Instead he speaks. "I'm sorry I hurt you, but I couldn't just let you torture him. It's not the Jedi way."

"Well screw your Jedi ways and get out of my ship," I answer harshly. "And take that traitorous droid with you, if he hasn't already run to go tell Qui-Gon all about how badly I mistreat him."

"Not everyone is against you," Obi-Wan says softly. The response I had dies as those words hit me. I don't have anything to say to that. My whole life everyone has always been against me, so who is he to come here and tell me differently?

"How can you say that?" I finally manage. "Everyone is against me. They always have been. You of all people should know that." The words are hard to get out, and they hurt. Why do they hurt? Because they're true, and the truth hurts so much more than any lie. And also because I never wanted to believe it before, but now, saying it out loud, I finally let myself accept it.

"And you of all people should know I'm not against you. Qui-Gon isn't, either. If we were against you we would have let you kill him. Killing and torturing - that only hurts you. It never helps."

"It doesn't hurt me because I'm already on the dark side," I say lowly. "That's what we do. We hurt people who hurt us, and we hurt people who are a threat to us, and we hurt people because that's what we do."

"Have you never considered redemption?" His words make me laugh.

"Once you've fallen to the dark side you can never go back. It consumes you, and it forever holds you captive. I'm stuck this way forever, and I know you and your band of saints would like to convert everyone to the light side, but it's too late for me. Maybe if the Jedi had found me and my siblings suffering eleven years ago I wouldn't be here now. But I guess life is full of regrets and we just have to move on."

"You should go back home," he says unexpectedly.

"What?"

"You should go back to your home planet where you grew up. It seems as though you hold it in contempt. Every time you speak of your past you mention how much you hated growing up and how much you detest that planet. I think you need to make peace with it by going back."

"I don't see how that would help me in any way," I reply skeptically.

"You associate your childhood with that planet, and with your childhood you think of the version of yourself that was weak and cowardly and a disappointment. Go back to it as your new self and prove to all those people that you're not weak. It will help." He sounds so confident, but how can he ever understand? I can't go back.

"You know how you asked what someone like me could be scared of?" I question, and he nods. "I'm scared to go back to Anthan Prime," I admit.

"Exactly why you should go," Obi-Wan says. "You can't be scared of it. You have to make peace with your past. I'll go with you."

I blink, and it's a moment before his words register. "What?"

"I'll go with you, if you want. Qui-Gon can dispose of that Sith artifact while we go to Anthan Prime." He's dead serious. I can't believe any of this.

"Why would you do this?" I really don't get it. What good does he think going to my home planet will do?

"It's important for you to go back, but I know you won't go back by yourself. And I'm your friend, and this is what friends do."

Suddenly I can't swallow past the lump in my throat. He's my friend? Yes. Okay. But the whole concept of friendship is foreign and confusing to me. He's willing to take time out of his life to help me make peace with my childhood? That's so...kind. No one has ever been kind to me like that. Everyone who has ever helped me before has had an ulterior agenda.

"Okay," I say, but it comes out as a whisper. The Jedi nods and goes to tell his master the change in plans, and I sit numbly in my pilot chair, not understanding or comprehending anything. Surely Obi-Wan has another reason for coming with me. Maybe he has unsettled business on that planet or maybe he wants to get away from his master. There's no way he's doing it out of the kindness of his heart.

He returns and I'm still sitting numbly in the chair. Instead of saying anything he sets the coordinates and sits by me in the co-pilot's chair. It's a silent take-off and a silent ride.

I'm still shocked by the first kind and selfless act I've ever experienced.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** This is my last update for two weeks! I am going Hawaii tomorrow and will be gone for over a week. I will return next Thursday, but I since I will be catching up on schoolwork and sleep, I will not update until the week after. In the meantime, here's one more chapter. We're almost half-way through this fanfic!

 **Chapter 13**

 **Outer Rim Territory, Unknown Sector, Anthan System, 39 BBY**

My hands are clenched into tight fists in my lap, despite my wrists screaming out in pain from the pressure. I can't do this. Just being on this all-too-familiar planet is suffocating, and I haven't even stepped foot outside of my starship.

"This was a terrible idea," I say to fill up the silence. Obi-Wan looks over at me and then stands, and I get a bad feeling. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going out on the planet, of course," he answers. "I didn't come all this way for nothing. When you're ready, you can come out."

"No, don't leave me here alone," I order. He continues walking, and I realize he's serious. Panic sets in. The only thing worse than being on this wretched planet is being here alone. "Please don't!"

"The sooner we get this done the sooner you can leave," he replies, pausing at the doorway. "Now, are you coming or not?"

Cursing him under my breath I slip on my robes and follow him. I'd taken a shower on the ride here, and I have to admit I'd cleaned up nicely. My brown hair is combed through and braided in a long cord down my back, and clothes are freshly cleaned and dried with no wrinkles. My skin is clear and smooth, and I smell good. Looking good makes me feel more confident. Not confident enough to come back here alone, though.

"Where should we go first?" he asks after we exit the ship and stand on the town limits. Some new buildings have been put up and technology has advanced, but it is still the same old town I grew up in. "This is the main road," I say quietly. "It leads out to the cemetery where my siblings are buried."

"You're not ready for that yet," he says, and I silently agree with him. Instead I head up towards the main town center, my hood pulled up to obscure my face. Obi-Wan follows suit, and I have to admit we probably look like quite the sinister couple in our dark and long robes.

There's a bar in the middle of town my parents used to frequent. I've always been curious about it, so I lead Obi-Wan there first. It's a safe, neutral place where no one should recognize me, and if they do, it won't have too many bad memories.

An Ortolan bouncer keeps watch at the door, but he doesn't even try to challenge us, his blue-skinned trunk and big, floppy ears waving us forward. We enter the bar and manage our way through the tables full of Ishi Tibs, Jawas, and Ithorians. Anthan Prime has always been a melting pot of all sorts of sentient species.

We make it to the main bar and pull up stools. The waiter is a Nautolan with green-grey skin and big black eyes. He serves us our drinks and then hovers for a while.

Finally he speaks. "I haven't seen you guys around before. Are you new here or just visiting?"

In answer to his question I pull my hood back and allow the fabric to fall down on my back. The waiter seems to recognize me.

"Kaila's daughter?" he asks in surprise. I tense up at the sound of my mother's name but I don't visibly react other than that except to nod. "I thought she had moved on to Coruscant. More opportunities or something like that."

"We did," I answer, consuming my drink in one swallow. "I came back to visit."

"How is Kaila doing? She was a regular here years ago." Hmm. A regular. _Wonder why she needed all that alcohol,_ I think sarcastically. Probably to deal with her cheating husband.

"She died years ago," I answer dismissively. "Drug overdose."

He frowns. "That's too bad. She was a good woman." Lies. "So what brings you back? Is it your father?"

That shocks me. "My - my father? He's still around?" I had always assumed he'd died years ago. Never once had I thought he still might be alive.

"Of course," the Nautolan nods. "He's remarried and lives on the other side of town. He hired a bounty hunter to search for you years ago but you were gone without a trace. Finally he gave up. He'll be delighted to know you're back."

"How did you recognize me when I've been gone for ten years?" I question, switching the subject. "Do I look the same as I used to?" It may seem like an innocent question, but to me it means the world. Do these people look at me and see the same coward and weakling as they had seen when I had left?

"You look like your mother," he replies. Great. That's much better. But to all these people, my mother was a normal person. Only my family knew how weak she really was. "And you look a little bit like you did. But different, too. You look stronger and wiser."

A small smile appears on my face at the compliment. "Thank you." I tip him well and slide of the stool, pulling up my hood again. Obi-Wan follows me outside of the bar where I finally break down a little.

"My father is still alive," I shudder, not totally believing it. I had held it together in the bar, but now I can't seem to grasp reality. "He's still here. And he searched for me. He's still alive."

"What are you going to do?" Obi-Wan asks gently. "Are you going to see him?"

"You want me to, don't you?" I accuse lightly. "You think it will help me make amends with myself."

He nods slightly. "I think it would. But if you're not ready, then don't do it. It will just upset you more."

He's right. But he's also wrong. I can't wait until I'm ready. I'm never going to be ready. It's been ten years and I still hold enmity for him in my heart, and I can't have peace until I've met up with him. It has to happen. And it has to happen now before my cowardly and weak instincts take over.

"I'm just going to see an old guy. I'm a Sith. This shouldn't be hard." I continue talking to myself as Obi-Wan and I head down to the address the Nautolan waiter had given us. "I can do this."

The house is much nicer than any house I had grown up with. It's a pale shade of blue with white lace curtains in the windows. The door looks formidable and I have to brace myself before pounding on the door. I mean it to be loud and authoritative but my fist hits weakly and quietly. Somehow it still hurts my damaged wrists. Great.

A man with grey and black hair answers the door, his shocking grey eyes so much like my old ones. Lines mark his face, creases in the skin that hadn't been there before. His eyes widen in shock at the sight of me. "Kaila…" he whispers. "You look so much like her."

"How?" I demand, an edge to my voice. "I'm not exactly cowering in front of you." Behind me, I Obi-Wan's hand on my shoulder gently, as if to remind me not to be so harsh. This isn't about revenge, this is about closure and making peace.

"I looked for you, Rina," he says, ignoring my comment. "I did for years."

"It's Minerva now," I correct. He stares at me blankly. "Are you going to let your long lost daughter come in or not?"

He finally steps aside and hesitantly motions me inside. I step in, not bothering to take off my muddy combat boots. A little dirt on his carpet is nothing compared the filth he made me feel like my whole life.

My initial fear gone, I regain my confidence and stride in the house as if it's my own. As I push past my father to step into the living room, I see a little boy playing with toys on the floor. A woman a few years younger than my father approaches from another room, a crease appearing on her forehead as she takes me and my friend in. So this is the woman who my father cheated on my mother for.

"Who are these people?" she asks my father, a hint fear in her voice. She's completely opposite of my mother - her hair is light blonde, unlike my mother's dark brown. Her eyes are brown, unlike my mother's light blue ones. She's tall and confident, unlike my short and terrified mom.

"This is my eldest daughter," he answers, looking over at us. She looks wary for a moment.

"And the other one?"

Now both of them turn to us. Obi-Wan has been silent this whole time, and I doubt he's about to speak now. I just love how he told me this was a big deal and that he'd have my back, because it sure seems like he's being a silent sentinel. "This is my partner," I say, making it a general statement on purpose.

"Rina, right?" the woman says, stepping forward and offering her hand. It takes me a moment to realize it's a greeting. Wow. I'm so off on my social cues.

"I go by Minerva." I reach out my hand to shake hers, my black robes falling back slightly enough to see the leather braces wound tightly around my wrist. She stares at it before I take my hand back.

The tension in the room is high, and I'm not doing anything to make her feel welcome. She isn't. This talk, this whole trip, is supposed to be between my father and I. He senses it because he gently ushers the woman and her son out. Once they've disappeared I slump on the couch, not bothering to sit with good posture. When I was younger, I always made sure to sit up straight and keep my feet down. My father notices the moment he comes back into the room.

"You've...changed," he comments slowly, sinking into the armchair on the opposite side of the room as the couch I'm on so he's facing me. I have a sarcastic answer to his question, but one glance up at Obi-Wan, who's standing motionless next to me, reminds me to be civil.

"I had to," I answer. "Circumstances changed."

"I remember when you were a little girl," he continues, and though him calling me "little" is severely offending, I keep myself from saying anything. "You were so shy and so quiet. You would hide up in your room as if…"

"As if I was scared of everyone and everything?" I finish. "Yeah, 'cause I was."

He lets out a long sigh. "What happened to you? You're not the same person who left here ten years ago. Your name isn't even the same. When you left you were hiding in Kaila's shadow and now...now you are confident and powerful…" His gaze lowers and I see he's staring at my stomach, which had been uncovered by my loose robes. My lightsaber is sticking out of my belt, a stark contrast to the pale skin.

"Mother died of a drug overdose three months after we moved to Coruscant," I reply. "I had to fend for myself."

"So you became a Jedi?" Father looks between Obi-Wan and I.

"He's a Jedi. I'm not." I leave it at that, but he isn't to be satisfied.

"Then what are you?"

"A Sith."

He blinks. "A Sith?"

I look over at Obi-Wan. "That's what I said, isn't it?"

"But those are bad people!" my father exclaims. "How did you get caught up in something so vile? I didn't raise you that way!"

"You're right," I say, dangerously calm. "You didn't raise me at all. I had to teach myself everything. And when my mother died and I was starving and dying in an alley hoping one of the many murderers would come and finish me off quickly one of those 'vile' Sith came and saved me. I would have died, hundreds of feet below the sky in an area smelling like factory toxins and crap, if it hadn't been for them. I remade myself. Hours spent training my body and honing my mind - and now I'm more powerful than you could ever imagine. And it all started when you decided to be disloyal to my mother and divorce her for some other side hoe."

Father is silent for a while. I motion for Obi-Wan to sit down next to me, and he finally does. This conversation is far from being over, I can tell.

"It explains your orange eyes," he mutters to himself. "So how did you two meet?" he asks aloud. "If you're a Sith and he's a Jedi?"

"I helped his master years ago with a mission, but more recently I was captured by the bounty hunter he was tracking on Hoth. We teamed up to take him down, and we've been together ever since." It sounds so simply, as if we were just two teenagers travelling from planet to planet with one chaperon. Sometimes I wish it were that easy.

"And what happened to your wrist? I saw the bindings on it." Is my father showing compassion? Worry? He actually cares about my well-being?

"The bounty hunter stepped on me and crushed the bones in both wrists, his strength aided by the Force. Our other Jedi friend did some healing, but they'll probably always be weaker." The bones in my wrists will always be damaged, just like my life. Because of my rough past my future will always be a little weaker.

There's silence again, and the room is thick with tension. It always will be. I don't think I can totally make peace with my father. We have too much history behind us.

"Do you abuse your new wife like you abused Kaila?" I question, the words just coming out. I can't stop them. "Does your son get neglected like Xavier and Lillea and I did?"

I expected him to be mad, but he just hangs his head in grief. "No. I made many mistakes with you and Kaila. Too many. I don't blame you for hating me. I wasn't exactly the greatest father figure."

That's an understatement, but I don't say that. "Good. Because if you do start making their lives the same hell I grew up in then I'm going to come here and kill you myself." I stand up with that. It's the closest thing to peace I can make with him. As long as he treats his new family better than me, I can go on with life and get past this. But the threat is still there. He needs to understand how badly he messed up my life.

"Are you ever going to come back?" he asks, still not moving from the seat.

"No. You're my past. I need to move on. And you don't need a constant reminder of your worst mistakes."

I walk out, Obi-Wan behind me. Both my father and I know it's the best goodbye we can manage. We cut all our strings and let all the baggage out, far behind us. Never again do I have to look back and worry about him. It's over.

"That was not the reunion I expected," Obi-Wan admits as we walk down the street. A bitter laugh escapes me.

"In my opinion it went better than I thought it would. It actually did help a lot to get all of that off my chest." I give him a smile. "Thanks."

He shakes his head. "This is something I'm going to have to get used to," he murmurs. "You saying thank you."

"I never said that," I scoff, pulling up my hood. "Now you're making things up. You should get your hearing checked. But let's go. We have one more stop to make."

"Who are we going to see now?" he asks, letting my earlier comment slide.

"My siblings."

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 49 BBY**

" _Very good," Darth Sidious says as he enters the house. Panic overcomes me as I realize I'm not in the spot on the floor he had left me at. What if he gets mad?_

" _You know, I didn't think you had it in you to move. Or to use the Force. But you did. It felt good to finally put all that hate and anger to use, I bet." It's a question. I nod in response, too scared to say anything._

" _You've taken the first steps. Now join me on the journey to become all that you want to be. Powerful, feared, confident. Strong. You never have to be weak or useless again. It's everything you ever wanted, isn't it?"_

 _I nod again, and he laughs. "A new person deserves a new name, don't you think? Rina doesn't fit you anymore."_

" _What do you think I should be called?" I question in a soft, trembling voice._

" _You certainly were wise to take up my offer. I think your new name should be Minerva. It's the name of a warrior, of a crafty person. You'll be strong under it. So what do you say, Minerva? Are you ready to continue your training?"_

 _My body is still shaking, but I manage to push up my chin high in the air. "I am ready to become Minerva and to leave Rina behind. Anything it takes."_

 _A wicked smile spreads across his face. "It will take anything and everything. I'm glad you're prepared."_

 **Outer Rim Territory, Unknown Sector, Anthan System, 39 BBY**

We walk across the stone bridge that leads to the cemetery deep in the words. I stop in the middle of the bridge, leaning over the side to look at the shallow water underneath.

"This is where my brother jumped," I say quietly. "He hated the idea of being left with our abusive father so much that he prefered death. I remember them fishing his body out. There was so much blood."

Obi-Wan leans on the stone railing next to me. "How come no one noticed how much you and your siblings were suffering?"

"Everyone on this planet was - is - preoccupied with their own business. What's a little boy jumping off a bridge when you have no money? When your boyfriend is breaking up with you? When your best friend is fighting you? We were nothing here. It's why I had to get away." I push myself away and continue walking towards the forest. "What's your home planet like?"

Obi-Wan laughs. "Stewjon? It's a joke. There's nothing there. It might as well not exist and no one would notice. I don't remember much of it since I became a Jedi Padawan at a young age. I didn't really know my family."

"Family is overrated," I state abruptly. "Don't feel too bad about it. Besides, you have Qui-Gon. He's like the cool uncle who lets you get away with lots of stuff your parents wouldn't let you do."

"He is," Obi-Wan agrees, and we fall into a comfortable silence. The forest seems to get darker and scarier to closer we get, and I can start to see the weathered grey headstones peeking out of the ground.

The mood grows darker and more ominous as we approach. Our soft footfalls are the only sounds, as even the birds seem to avoid the graveyard. The shadows from the trees cast the area in darkness, and the sun seems blocked out by the overhead canopies.

I head to a small duo of granite graves. The mounds that once were overturned with fresh dirt are now grown over with yellow grass. My steps slow as I get closer and closer.

I kneel in front of the first grave, my trembling hands reaching out to trace over the fading stone. _Xavier_ is carved in calligraphy across the smooth substance, clear and beautiful. He was so young and innocent. "Xavier was my older brother. He...he was the angelic sibling. He had light hair and big, blue eyes. Everyone loved him, my parents excepted. He was so sweet and kind, and so generous." My hand falls to the ground, taking in a deep breath. It doesn't smell like death here, but that's the only thing in this place. The living don't come here. I'm probably the only one to visit this grave since it had been dug.

A couple feet away is my sister's grave. This one is smaller and, misshapen. My parents had been embarrassed that two of their children had committed suicide in such a short time and they didn't want anyone to know. They had put minimal effort in making her stone, and they hadn't even bothered to put her name on it.

Again I kneel, but this time my hand is shaking so severely it misses the gravestone several times before I manage to put it on the cool stone. The name _Lillea_ is scratched on the stone crudely and is almost illegibly, reddish brown stains dripping below the paint like messy paint. Flashbacks of bright crimson splatters and pain and the silver glint of a knife come to mind.

"Lillea was my younger sister. She was shy and quiet and always followed Xavier like he was her religion. In truth, though, he was the one who held us all together through those dark years. She was...she was five." I lean forward and rest my forehead against the stone. My fingers slide down the rough stone, catching a sharp edge and tearing. I can't even feel the pain. "She hung herself in my room. My parents...they were so humiliated they didn't even have a funeral for her. Not even a proper gravestone. I came here in the dead of night and carved her name on here...She deserved better," I say, and finally the dam in my heart bursts. Sobs come and they don't stop. I hadn't cried like this in ten years, and I feel so vulnerable and ugly. This isn't me. I don't cry.

But this isn't me visiting this graveyard. This is the old me, Rina. This is a lost and abandoned little girl mourning her dead siblings and best friends. I hadn't let Rina out in a long time and now it's all catching up on me.

Arms wrap around me gently and I lean into them gratefully, not remembering when I had last had an open shoulder even offered. For the first time in a long time I realize how much I had being lonely. I travel the galaxy and live my life by myself, but deep down I hate it. I've only been alone because I'd never tried to make friends or even find people worth being around.

Finally things let off and I step back, taking in a deep breath. "Okay. Thanks." I turn my back and walk away, leaving my past far behind. I'd been living in fear of it for far too long. Now it's time for things to continue on. It's time for me to let go and not look back.

My mind clearer than in a long time, I feel a small smile curl up on my face. Things are good now. I am free to do whatever I want with whoever I want and nothing is in my way. The force feels stronger than ever, its presence obvious without me even searching for it.

We arrive back at the ship, and I resume my slouched position in the co-pilots seat. Obi-Wan looks over as he starts the starship up.

"Where are we going?" I ask casually, pretending that everything on Anthan Prime had not happened.

"Back to Coruscant to meet up with Qui-Gon," he answers. "Are you ready to go back?"

"Sure. It is the main hub of the galaxy, after all," I say, taking out my hair from its braid and re-doing it. "I haven't been there in years."

He grins. "It's changed a lot. You'd be surprised."

"Do I get to go into the Jedi temple? I've always wanted to talk to the Jedi Council. The things I'd like to say to them…" The malicious smile on my face only grows as I imagine the moment.

"I'm not sure that's a great idea," Obi-Wan argues gently, but he drops it. He knows I'll be good and stay away. Besides, there are places better than the Jedi temple to spend my time. Coruscant is a big place. "But Qui-Gon and I have to go there, so you'll have plenty of time to explore."

And just like that, I've been added to their dynamic duo. No discussion, no arguments, just a simple and subtle hint that from now on, I'm one of them.

I could get used to this.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** Sorry for the long wait!

 **Chapter 14**

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 39 BBY**

I ditch the Jedi as soon as we land. Obi Wan's meeting Qui-Gon at the temple, and I know I'm not welcome there, so instead I plan a day of exploring. KZ-4 actually accompanies me for once - although I think Qui-Gon may have talked him into it - and as we walk across the tops of the lower buildings, I blend into the crowd for the first time.

It seems weird to think of myself as just another tourist, especially after years of training here. All that time I had been locked away in Darth Sidious' small home, training my mind and body to become the perfect warrior, I had seen the people walking around on the different levels, couples holding hands and families bouncing along. Hate had always been my immediate reaction, and I detested them for not suffering like I had suffered. How could they live life happily with people like me around? How could they ignore such pain and agony?

Now, though, I realize there's much more to them. There's a freedom and a liberty to walking around in the crisp city air, the smell of vendors and restaurants all around, the laughter and the buzz of conversation, the whooshes of the flying ships and taxis, and the blinking lights of the city. This is more than surviving. This is actually living, taking in time to appreciate the good in the world. Someday this whole planet will be shrouded in darkness, and someday everyone here will suffer. So why not make the most of it while it's still good?

Darth Sidious had taught me to hate and to despise, and the entire time I had blindly followed, not realizing how much I was losing by having such a narrow view of the world.

Although I'd cleared my mind since leaving Anthan Prime, I can't but feel a stab of regret and pain that Xavier and Lillea never had the chance to see this. They would have loved it here. Coruscant is the city that never sleeps, and we could have done so much. Instead they died on that planet many miles away, throwing away their chance to see the world forever. There's so much they are missing out on, and now it's up to me to make it up for them. I have to experience these things so one day I can tell them all about it.

One day...I believe in life after death. The specifics escape me, but I know that one day I'll be with them again. I'll have so many stories to tell, and we'll finally be free and happy. A chill runs up my spine as I get the feeling it won't be long before I join them. A few years maybe, but not much longer. I'm destined to die young.

And somehow, that's okay. Looking at it from a distance, I'm glad I won't have to grow old. I want to be remembered as I am now, young and free and terrifying, a shadow in the dark with the power of the force behind her. I don't want to be remembered as old and frail, barely being able to handle my own.

Something snaps in me at that. I turn sharply, catching a street vendor by surprise. "Where's the nearest portal?" I ask authoritatively.

"Next block to the left," he says. I turn to leave and he adds, "Be careful. It's more dangerous than ever down there."

Oh, trust me. I'm not the one who should be worried. Following his directions, I take the portal down to the Underworld, KZ-4 protesting behind me weakly.

"I'll protect you," I promise my droid. "I'm going to deal a little justice down there. Clean up the Jedis' mess."

He lets out a squeak but follows as I step into the dark and smelly streets. The walking spaces are narrow, the sides covered in shabby shacks or little shelters. Struggling and dying people live down here, poor and bereft. Looking up, I can't even see the sky. Anger grips me; why do the Jedi sit in their temple up high, their chins raised up so they can't see the suffering and pain right below them?

I was once one of these people, and I know how bad it is. Not being able to even see the sky...it's like having no hope. I had no hope. Every alley corner reminds me of the one I laid in to die, hoping someone would come along and end me quickly. No human should ever feel that low, and I'm here now to help.

There are a trio of smokers leaning against a graffitied wall, smoke rising from their mouths as they exhaled the poison into the air. I stop in front of them, lifting my head and flicking it to disarm them of the drugs. The rolled up substance falls to the ground where I grind it in with my heel.

"Hey! Lady! Who do you think you are? You can't just do that!" They glower angrily at me, but I simply shake my head.

"Go home. Get a job, and never touch drugs again." Waving my arm across, I listen as they repeat it in a daze and start walking off to do as I order. Sometimes the force is pretty helpful.

I continue my way through the Underworld, changing things as I go and improving the lives of the poor people who live here. I'm not doing it to make the world a better place, I'm doing it to help the people. No one deserves to suffer like I did.

I've been roaming the Underworld for a few hours when I hear the scuffle. There's a shrill and high-pitched scream, one that can only belong to a child. My heart stops and I race forward, my chest tight and a lump in my throat I can't swallow past. All I can think of is my little eight-year-old self, hiding in the shadows from those who would do me harm (before I practically starved to death, that is). I'd been terrified, and it had been a miracle I'd remained unharmed. This child, though...they don't stand a chance unless I get there in time.

Skidding around a corner, I see the scene unfolding before my very eyes. A young twi'lek girl being surrounded by a trio of Kel Dors. The scary-looking species are closing in on her, and they all have clubs in their hands.

"Hey!" I yell, reaching into my belt and grabbing my lightsaber. The red blades glow brightly in the dark area. "What's your business with her?"

"Her mother owes us a debt. We're taking it," a brave answers, and my eyes narrow.

"Wrong. Try again." I run forward, but there's dozens of metres between the Kel Dors and I. Two of them begin to beat on the girl even as I run forward, the other one standing defensively in front of them. The screams filling the alley send chills up my spine but I keep pushing forward, hoping to stop it before it's too late.

A single swipe of my lightsaber takes out the guard Kel Dor, and two more lashes take out the other two. I retract the blades and drop them in my belt quickly before kneeling down on the dirty ground and reaching for the little girl. She can't be older than Lillea was when she died.

The screams had stopped before I'd killed the Kel Dors, and my heart drops as I see the girl's eyelashes fluttering weakly to stay open. Her stomach is heaving, her breathing loud, and I see her small hands holding her bloody stomach.

"It's going to be okay," I assure her as I scoop her up into my arms. My heart falls in my chest, and I swallow hard. "I'm here to protect you now."

"Is...Is my mom going to be safe?" she whispers, and I have to close my eyes hard and grit my teeth together to avoid the oncoming wave of rage. How could she ask about her mother when her mom is the reason she's dying?

"Yes," I say, but only because it's what she wants to hear. "And you're going to be safe, too."

"You're...you're a kind person. Are you my guardian angel?" her mouth curves up into a little smile, her eyes gazing past my face into the sky. She won't even get to see the stars or the sun before she passes, I realize, once again quelling the anger inside of me.

"Angels are only found on Iego," I reply, forcing a small smile. "I'm the opposite of one, actually."

"How? You came to save me…" her words trail off, her body deflating and her eyes starting to glaze over. "You were my dark defender…" She goes limp in my arms, and it takes me a moment to fully realize what had happened.

Time stops for a moment as I look at her body, her small, young corpse. Blood and bruising had stained once green skin, and the bright blue eyes had turned dark and dull. I'm transported back to when my sister died...I had held her in my arms in a very similar manner…

This time when the anger comes in, I let the crimson wave crash in me. Seeing only red, I push myself up, clutching the girl's body close to my own. My strides long and powerful with the rage blowing up inside of me, I make my way back up the portal and all the way to the Jedi Temple in the top levels of Coruscant. All thoughts of logic and wisdom are gone, replaced by insanity and anger.

The Jedi Council is all present when I burst into their doors. The guards on the previous floors had taken simply a flick of my hand to dispose of, and my power had heightened with my madness. Now I'm unstoppable.

I barely notice Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon in the corner as I walk straight through the red chairs and deposit the little girl's body on the table in the middle of them all. They all look so horrified at the sight but I simply step back, my arms crossed and my expression fierce. There's silence for a long time.

"What is the meaning of this?" Mace Windu finally asks, his voice gruff. "You are not welcome here, and you are certainly not allowed to bring your kills here." His hand dances along the handle of his lightsaber.

" _My_ kills? I don't kill innocents. I protect them because you cannot," I seethe, my anger not subsiding in the least. "She was murdered in the Underworld a few minutes ago while I tried to save her. She's not the first, and she's not the last. Ten years ago I was laying a corner dying, and where were the Jedi to help protect and save me?" No where near.

It's a rhetorical question, but I get an answer anyway. "The Jedi protect the peace and the good of the people, not every single person. We try our best, but we're not bodyguards or policemen." It's from Yarael Poof, a Quermian with a long, pale neck. "We're sorry you suffered."

Ugh. I didn't come here for pity, especially not from the Jedi. In fact, their pity is the last I want. They can sit here and give me sad looks and kind words but I'm not going to take it. It's all fake, anyway. They all hate me deep down and I'm honestly surprised none of them have tried to kill me yet. " _I'm_ not sorry. Because guess who picked me up and made me strong? The Sith. While you all sat here on your thrones, playing God and raising your chins up to the sky, completely oblivious to the suffering and pain of others, the Sith were recruiting and training right under your noses. I spent years here mastering the force and combat, and not once did you guys even suspect a thing."

The shock on their faces is priceless. They hadn't even realized a single thing amiss in all those years. Now that I'm admitting it, they feel stupid. Which is good. I hope they feel shame and embarrassment. It makes my anger quiet down a little to a more controllable level.

"Gods we are not," Yoda says quietly, but I see even he is pondering my words. He's supposed to be the wisest Jedi, yet even he has become a victim to his pride. Sometimes the Jedi are no better than the Sith, and I think they are beginning to realize it, even if it has taken me coming and and telling them all off. So I, of course, continue.

"There are thousands of you guys, and you can't even protect little, defenseless children from dying at your feet? Her blood is on your hands, and so is the blood of all the others. You parade around as if you are so strong and wise yet you trip into the chasm at your feet." I shake my head, completely disgusted.

"And you think you are better than we are? You, who uses the dark side of the force to achieve your own selfish goals?" This time the opposition is from Chalactan Depa Billaba. Her face is passive and her mind clear as she addresses me. I almost have respect for her (except she's a Jedi and right now I don't respect any of them, my friends Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon included).

"I've put more effort into cleaning up the Underworld in the past few hours than you've spent in decades. And doing good things isn't even part of my philosophy. You all are so blinded by thinking you're perfect when you miss what is right in front of you." I uncross my arms and step forward, my arms outstretched. "I mean, for one, you didn't even know there was _one_ Sith on Coruscant, let alone two until I told you. My master comes here often and not once have you even detected it. Part of your problem is that you've build this temple on an old Sith shrine, which uses dark magic to affect your thinking, but that's a minor thing. Your biggest problem is that you're not as wise as you think you are, and some day soon it's going to cost you."

It's silent in the Jedi Council for a while. For the first time I notice Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon in the corner, both of them with their heads down. They're avoiding me, but whether it's because they realize my words to be true and they're ashamed or because they think I'm lying is beyond me. I tend to think it's the former.

"Wise, you are," Yoda finally says, speaking up. The others look at him in shock. "Blinded us, our pride has. Foolish, we have become." Thank you, Master Yoda. The most intelligent Jedi has finally given me credit where credit is due.

"How can you say that?" Ki-Adi Mundi questions, the slightest edge of anger in his voice, his tall cone head bobbing up. But seriously, how can he _not_ say that? I love embarrassing the Jedi, but if they hadn't been so messed up I would have never come up here to their very council room.

"See the future you do," Yoda continues, ignoring the others and looking at me. I nod in agreement.

"I see the Jedi killed. All of you. A disturbance in the force, and a shifting of power. The dark side will rule for years, unchallenged and ruthlessly. Destruction will reign over the galaxy."

"All of us?" Mace Windu exclaims. "That's impossible. There are too many of us."

I shake my head. "All but a small handful, but even those will go into exile and many will give up the Jedi ways in order to survive. You all are doomed."

Silence reigns as they all think about it. I know many of them don't believe me, but Yoda does. Deep down, at least, I can feel he senses my words to be true. The others don't. They think I'm lying to try and scare them or to intimidate them. They really do think themselves to be gods, indestructible and perfect in every way. And that's exactly why they will all fall so hard one day.

"You are lying to try and deceive us," Yarael Poof accuses. "First you march in here as if you belong and now you try to manipulate us. We are not fools, and we don't buy this. Leave this temple, Sith." He sneers the last word, and I feel tension creep up into my muscles. They all are such fools! Just when I think it doesn't get any worse it does.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why I have zero respect for the Jedi Order.

My eyes narrow and I draw myself up, power and confidence and danger coming off of me in waves. "When you fall into the hole at your feet do not ask me to help you dig yourself out. I can put the warnings up, but if you choose to foolishly ignore them then that is your choice, and all responsibility is on your hands." My voice is low and terrifying, and everyone in the room is taken aback. My eyes feel as if they're glowing fires, directing my rage at the idiots in front of me. "I will leave, and I will never come back. You will one day want something from me, but I will not give it. Our galaxy is in the hands of fools, and I will do my best to try and keep it together for my people to one day unite again."

I gently scoop up the Twi'lek girl's body and walk out, and lights flickering as I exit. This time the dramatic elements aren't on purpose; they're a direct result of my anger. At this point I really believe that in order for the galaxy to rebuild itself it must die and let the Sith take over. My master is not a good man, but his evil will force the people and planets to unite in order to take him down, and he will abolish the Jedi Order, which is what is tearing this place apart in the beginning. In order for a new and fresh start, the old must die. And at the hands of the Jedi this will all die.

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 49 BBY**

" _Pain is in your mind. You must train yourself to not feel pain." Darth Sidious stands in front of me, his sickly looking hands raised menacingly. "Do not flinch or move. You must learn to take pain."_

 _Blue tendrils of lightning shoot out of his fingers and hit me, and my body convulses and falls to the floor, the pain blocking out everything. I can't see or feel or think past the pain. It just hurts so bad._

" _Don't feel the pain! Stand up!" he yells, and I struggle to even sense where my body is. The pain is a constant, ever-present pulse. It's stopping me from moving or doing. A cry rips itself from my lips._

" _I said, stand up!" He increases the voltage and my body screams out in agony again. "I can do this all day. Until you stand up, I won't stop."_

 _Seconds go by, and then minutes, and then hours. He stays true to his word. My body is in pain, so much pain, and I know I can't take this much longer. It's stopping my heart, or it will soon. Steeling myself, I first force my body to lay still and not shake. It takes a few precious moment, but I finally manage to do it._

 _My next task is to get my hands under me and push myself up. The pain is constantly there, but I work hard to not think about it. Anything but the pain._

 _I'm on my knees, and then I pushing myself up on unstable legs slowly, finally reaching my feet. He doesn't stop, though, and the pain is just increasing. He lied. Rage fills me, and I open my before-squeezed-shut eyes, glaring at him with all my anger and power behind it. He laughs and stop the lightning, his smile wide and his eyes bright._

" _Well done, young apprentice. You are progressing well." His hands shoot forward again, the violent strikes coming out, but I raise my hands out defensively, calling out to the force to defend me. It does one better, pushing him backwards into the wall. He cackles again, his ugly teeth showing. "Even better. There is much anger and rage in you. So much potential."_

" _Then why don't you just teach me?" I hiss, my eyes narrowed._

" _I am. You said you would do anything it takes, and this is only the first part. You have much to learn yet."_

 _I nod my head, looking at the ground in submission. I_ had _promised him. "Yes, Master."_

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 39 BBY**

"Where are you taking her?" Obi-Wan asks, catching me as I stride out of the Council room. My steps are wide and fast, but he keeps up.

"To get a proper burial. It's the least I can do." I continue on my way, hoping he gets the hint that I want to be left alone, but he doesn't.

"Where? We're in a city that takes up the entire planet. Unless you're going to take her back to the Underworld."

"You have a better idea?" I snap, my frustration coming out.

"Yes, actually." His words cause me to stop and confront him.

"Where?"

"We'll give her a proper Jedi burial," he declares.

A few minutes later we're standing in front of a raging fire, watching the young girl get consumed by the flames. Cremation is a high honor, especially here. It's a burial fitting for a Jedi or Sith. And she won't ever have to go back into the Underworld.

I glance down at my hands, where her blood has stained my skin. Another death I'll never get rid of in my conscience. Another reminder that I'll never be good enough, fast enough, powerful enough. I'm still too weak to save everyone. I let her down.

And yet, she still thought of me as her guardian angel. In her dying moments she looked up and saw not a cruel Sith, but a kind protector. What had she called me? Her "dark defender?"

Obi-Wan sees where I'm looking, and he sighs slightly. "The Council may not believe you, but Qui-Gon and I do. He is keeping his eyes out for the Chosen One. You've heard the prophecy, right? About the one who will bring balance to the force. He feels he will be the one to find him, and then the Council will have to believe you."

"The Council is blinded. A mist covers their eyes. They will never believe me, even when the truth is staring them right in the face." My hands drop to my sides limply. "You say I am not a threat to them, but they will come for me one day. They will sense things are amiss, and they will try and force me to reveal the Sith. I cannot fight all of the Jedi alone."

"You will not fight them alone," Obi-Wan promises. "I won't let them. You're my friend. I won't let them take you or harm you."

His promise touches me, and I send him a grateful smile. "You're not half-bad, you know that? One day you'll be as wise as Master Yoda."

He frowns, staring into the fire pyre in front of us, deep in thought. "Will the destruction of the Jedi Order happen in my lifetime?"

"You know I can't answer that question," I say, avoiding his eyes. "I won't tell you your future. It will ruin you, as it ruined Quinlan. No one is strong enough to carry that burden."

"You are," he replies immediately. "You're strong enough. You carry the weight of many lives and futures on your shoulders."

Yeah, well, not everyone has suffered like I have. It takes experience to gain the strength to carry all that weight. And trust me, I'm not asking anyone else to. I wouldn't dream of it.

"Where are we going next?" I ask, switching up the conversation. "Has the Jedi sent you and Qui-Gon on a new mission yet?"

"Actually, yes," he answers, not missing a beat. He gets when I don't want to continue a conversation. "There's a Jedi Master in need of some assistance in Kintan."

"Haven't been there before. What are we waiting for?"


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** Captain America: Civil War was amazing! Any Avengers fans here? I saw the Rogue One trailer at the theatre and it also looks so good! I'm really excited for it to come out! Unfortunately, I do not agree with the actor for the Han Solo spin-off. I doubt I will ever watch it. Also, I apologize in advance for this chapter. You may hate me after reading it.

 **Chapter 15**

 **Unknown Territory, Unknown Sector, Kintan System, 39 BBY**

We exit our separate ships, entering the hot, dusty planet. I had left my heavy black robes on my starship, and it's refreshing to not be constantly sweating for once. My droid follows me out as I meet up with Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan.

"Who are we meeting up with?" I question as I raise my hand over my eyes to block out the bright sun. "There's plenty of Jedi Masters from this planet."

"Ima-Gun Di sent for us," Qui-Gon answers, continuing forward into the city limits. "He has some rogue Kajain'sa'Niktos causing trouble. Apparently they work for Jabba the Hutt."

"I really don't like him," I mutter under my breath. "One day one of his slaves is gonna be the death of him. I can feel it."

Obi-Wan grins at that assessment, and even Qui-Gon's face makes something bordering on a smile. We're our own little squad, the two Jedi and me, the Sith. I can't imagine the Jedi Council is happy about this arrangement. Unless…

"Does anyone know that I work with you guys?" I ask. The two Jedi exchange a look, and that's all the confirmation I need. "Well, aren't you quite the rebels? Keeping secrets from the Council."

"Not everyone is as accepting as we are," Qui-Gon admits. "Obi-Wan and I both know you mean us no harm, and we trust you. The others don't understand, and they wouldn't approve."

"Now I get why you aren't on the Council," I say. "I mean, I'm not complaining. You guys are wiser than most of them, but it makes sense. They're all about strict order and rules, and you guys are more casual and easygoing. Whatever keeps the peace is alright, and all that fun stuff."

* * *

Ima-Gun Di meets us. His dark orange skin contrasts sharply with his bright blue eyes as his ivory white horns. His lightsaber handle swings from his belt freely. "Master Jinn," he says, nodding his head. "Padawan Kenobi. And...who are you?" He stares at me, and it makes me uncomfortable. I feel as though he can see right through me. He obviously can't, though, since he doesn't know who I am.

"I'm a Force user who sometimes helps them out," I answer, keeping it general. "We ran into each other recently so I thought I'd tag along. Taking out rogues is kind of my thing."

He bows slightly. "You help is appreciated..." he trails off, searching for a name.

"Rina," I supply, not using my current name in case he recognizes it.

"Rina," he finishes. "I have not heard of you before. Where do you hail?"

"I'm from Anthan Prime. I don't usually associate myself with the Jedi, so that's why you haven't heard of me." It's not a complete lie. Besides, the best lies are the ones seeded in truth.

"I am Master Ima-Gun Di. Welcome to my home planet of Kintan." He ushers us inside his red clay brick house, and inside I find it is much cooler than the outside climate. We crowd around a table where he has two papers laid out. "These are renditions of the rogues. The Kadas'sa'Nikto Is Klaatu, and the Kajain'sa'Nikto is Vizam. They are both very young and inexperienced, but also impressionable. They both are good with weapons and will not hesitate to fire. I don't want to harm them, but they must be captured and put into exile. The crimes they have committed here are unforgivable."

"Anything else we should know about them? What are they armed with? You say they're inexperienced, but how inexperienced?" A profile is starting to build up in my mind, the first steps to thinking of a plan to get them.

"Klaatu is good with fixing things. He's the technical one of the pair. Vizam is the fighter. He is skilled with the different gun and weapon types. He's the bigger threat, but do not underestimate Klaatu." Ima-Gun Di makes eye contact with us all, his gaze lingering extra-long on my eyes. He can't have missed the unmistakable Sith orange color. Other species have orange or red colored eyes, so maybe he thinks I'm a hybrid or not entirely Human. The Jedi may be fools, but they're not stupid. Especially not this one, it seems.

"What even did they do that was so bad?" Obi-Wan asks as we exit the little hut and board speeders.

"First they were petty thieves, but eventually they grew more powerful and starting robbing higher and higher risk targets. Then the killings started. They only ever killed in their own defense, but they still cannot be allowed here anymore. They're kids yet still, so we don't want to kill them."

"It always starts young," Qui-Gon remarks, a hint of regret in his voice. "If they go into exile, they'll only become thugs there."

"Then we'll place them somewhere that only thugs inhabit," Ima-Gun Di replies. "What matters is that we give them the opportunity and chance to change."

I find myself agreeing with his words. Darth Sidious had given me the opportunity to change myself, and I had. If it hadn't been for him I would have been long dead. Instead I'm powerful and feared, and I keep company with powerful people. If I can give others the power to change then I will. It's the least I can do.

* * *

"How far out is their outpost?" I question, leaning over the steering mechanism of my speeder. These things are fast, and Kintan is not an overly large planet. We've already passed several towns and even a city.

"Not too far from here," the native Jedi Master replies. He glances over at me. "Patience is not one of your better virtues."

Ouch. That stings a little bit. It's not like I don't know that. "Patience is slowness in battle, and being slower than your opponent is the easiest way to die. I am more of a fighter than a politician."

"That would explain why you are no Jedi," he muses. "The Jedi Order teaches a mix of combat and politics."

A small laugh escapes me. "There are many reasons why I am not a Jedi. That is one I've never even considered."

It is silent as he thinks over it, and I push my speeder just a tiny bit faster to be slightly ahead of the others. Ima-Gun Di will stop me when we get closer. For now, though, I want to be alone to enjoy the thrill of the speed and the feeling of the wind rushing through my hair and raising goosebumps across the surface of my skin. This is freedom, and this is what I live to feel. This is life, and I'm living it to the fullest.

I owe it to all the people I've left behind. I have to live life so I can tell Xavier and Lillea all about it when I see them again. I owe it to the little Twi'lek girl who died on Coruscant. I owe it to that man and his family stuck on Jakku. I owe it to Padmé Naberrie, whose life is short and bittersweet. I owe it to the slaves on Tatooine. If I wasted my life then it would be disrespectful to them, for they don't even get this chance. And I can't let that happen. I won't.

That is one reason I can never be a Jedi. The Jedi devote their lives to the Order, and that's a waste, in my opinion. Instead of abiding by strict rules and regulations I do whatever I want, wherever I want, with whomever I want. This is living, getting to choose what I do. I can chase down whatever dreams I want to, and even ones I don't want to. I get to make mistakes and have regrets, but in the end they're just all memories to look back on. Everything I do is experience to add on to my resumé, another story to one day tell my siblings. My journey has been a long and rough one, but also wild and free. I am who I am, and I am no one else. I don't let anyone define me, and that's why I am unique and different.

I am a Sith, but I do not conform to the Sith ways. I am a Force user, but I do not let the Force control me. I am not good, but I do not serve the side of evil.

And it's an interesting predicament my life is stuck in right now. On one hand I hear the Sith Lords of the past calling to me, my master included, all of them begging me to not waste my abilities and my training. On the other hand I hear my own consciousness telling me to do whatever I want with my life, to not waste it serving any master who doesn't have my best interests at heart.

I'm stuck in the middle of a raging war, and I have no one to help me fight it. The only way to avoid the headaches is to live in the now and try to block out everything else. Keeping focused on the task at hand is one way I know how to keep going.

And so keeping focused on the mission is what I will do.

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 47 BBY**

 _My master is gone and has left me alone. He does this often, leaving me with a task or something to work on. He has political business, as he calls it, and I'm not ready to be in the real world again, even if it's been two years that I've trained. There's nothing for me out there yet, and I use the free time to hone my force abilities and to work on my fighting skills. It turns out the "little" home actually has an entire lower floor designed for combat training, all sorts of technology there to aid me._

 _I use an old red lightsaber my master left behind, but I do not like it much. It's too small, and I'm not always fast enough to wield it against the floating orbs that dart around me, their targets constantly moving. I need something more unique, but I do not know how to create my own. My master says one of the tests is to build one for myself, but how am I supposed to do that?_

 _I spend the day searching the house for some simple tools, and then I start taking apart the old lightsaber, writing down everything and what I think it does. A whole notebook is dedicated to the cause. After an hour I finally reach the crystal in the center, the unnatural red bright and glaring. I'd never really liked red until I left Anthan Prime. Looking out of the starship's window at the quickly fading planet, I had seen that the whole thing was green and blue. Ever since then I'd despised those colors, since they remind me too much of that horrible place._

 _Even now I'm not a huge fan of the color red, but it's different and symbolic. It represents the rage and anger I put into my training, the madness and harshness of the real world. I rise above my problems and I use my emotions to fuel my power, and I feel like red represents all of that. It makes me proud to use a red lightsaber now._

 _An idea pops into my mind as I gently remove the crystal. Looking back over my notes, I make some quick calculations and rip out another sheet of paper to do some planning on. Then I get up and scan the training room for some of the old staffs I'd learned combat on first before moving to the actual lightsaber. Taking two of those, I find some other materials and fuse the two ends together to make one long staff. Then I begin the simulation again, this time using my new wooden staff. The reach is extended greatly, and the balance is better for my preference. I can hit the orbs better and more accurately, and I find a sort of gracefulness in twirling the weapon around my body with my hand grip in the middle. It allows for a speed I hadn't been able to use before, and I find rhythm in this deadly dance._

 _I set up a new simulation and begin, making deft and quick blows as I spin the staff around, my feet moving expertly and my wrist barely applying any pressure but still delivering fatal blows. The weapon and I are one, and I find it is much more fun than the regular lightsaber._

 _Another thought occurs to me and I take two more regular-lengthened staffs, wielding one in each hand as I reset the simulation and start again. Like the previous time, I feel more freedom and more power in using two weapons instead of one. I can block and spin and lunge faster than before. I'll bet I'm even more deadly with these two wooden staffs than with one regular lightsaber._

 _Putting the staffs down and rushing back to my notes, I scribble more designs down. The rest of my afternoon is spent laboring over the drawings and the calculations. Once an idea hits me, you can't stop me._

 _The entire night is spent up, still working. Once the designs are finished and perfected, I spend an hour searching the house for the materials I need. I use many of the materials from the old lightsaber, mixing it with new ones. Then I begin assembling my new weapon._

 _Before dawn but early in the morning, I am frustrated to find that only one piece is missing from my creation. I am one crystal short from my beautiful weapon. My master doesn't keep spare crystals around, but that's the only thing left I need. Now I can't ever get one until he gets back, and I don't how long he'll be away!_

 _Despair hits me, and I collapse my head in my hands, exhausted and frustrated. I had been doing so well until now. All my training had made me feel powerful and strong, but in this moment I had failed. I had failed myself._

 _Unless... A daring thought occurs in the new part of my brain that had only been developing since I had started my apprenticeship. What if I sneak out and go get a lightsaber crystal? If I'm quick my master will never notice my absence!_

 _The plan is flawless except for one factor - the only red lightsaber crystals in Coruscant would be stored in the Jedi Treasury. Am I ready for a stunt as big as breaking into the Jedi stronghold? Especially since I currently don't have a working weapon._

 _The debate rages on in my head for the better part of an hour before I finally stand up, knowing this is a terrible idea. I just can't stand the look of disappointment my master will have on his face if I don't finish this, though. Either I die today or I'm going to finish this weapon._

 _This is a chance to prove my strength and my dedication, and I'm going to prove it, if it's the last thing I do. I made a promise to my master to do anything and everything to become what I want to be, and I'm not going to let him down. I don't let people down._

 **Unknown Territory, Unknown Sector, Kintan System, 39 BBY**

The outpost is in front of us. The four of us slow our speeders down, levitating over the dusty ground a mile away. This is a capture mission, so hopefully we won't need to pull our lightsabers. And by we I mean me, since I don't want to get Obi-Wan or Qui-Gon in trouble for hanging out with someone from the dark side. As much as I love my baby, his red coloring is too obvious.

Qui-Gon must sense my direction of thoughts, for he says, "Obi-Wan and I will go in first. We'll take the hits and hopefully take out the guns. You two can move in after us and clean up."

The pair zooms off towards the outpost. Ima-Gun Di and I wait a few seconds before taking off after them. As we get closer we see the blaster shots from a mounted gun firing off. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon zig-zag on their speeders to avoid getting hit and the shots fire uselessly into the ground, a cloud of dust and dirt poofing up in a mini-mushroom cloud. We do the same, but a few seconds after the other two Jedi disappear into the outpost the mounted gun blows up, leaving us to avoid debris instead of blaster shots. I push my speed a little faster and enter into the narrow opening with Ima-Gun close on my heels.

We see where the other Jedi had parked their speeders and we park next to them, jumping off and running towards the sound of gunfire. As we run into the huge room the blasts stop, and we're greeted with an unusual sight.

The two native Niktos are standing on opposite ends of the room, the green one behind the controls of some mechanical device and the red one behind two blasters which are gripped tightly in his hand. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are caught in a metal net that is hanging off the ceiling. With a start I realize the entrance to the room must have been booby-trapped. Which means Ima-Gun Di and I might be standing on a rigged device also...

"Watch your feet," I shout to him in warning as he continues forward, his lightsaber about to be activated. It's too late. He hits a trip wire with his shins and an entire strip of the floor gives out under him before Klaatu hits a button on his panel, sending a metal grate to cover to hole and prevent his escape.

"Foolish Jedi," Vizam says, slurring the words together as if his mouth can't open more than a millimeter.

"Can't argue with you on that one," I reply, my eyes flicking from my feet to the rogues. It's a dangerous dance, looking for any signs of a trap while keeping up a conversation and possibly fighting. But if anyone is up to the challenge, it's me. "Unfortunately for you, though, I'm no Jedi."

Klaatu's black eyes narrow as I step over a section of the floor that looks a slightly different color. His reaction assures me that I had just avoided a trap. It's good to know he's not a great actor.

"Jedi or not, I will not let you capture us," Vizam continues. "We've come too far."

"Not far enough," I answer, still tentatively stepping forward. It's slow progress and tedious, and once again I'm reminded of how little patience I have. All my muscles are tense, ready to fling myself into battle, but I can't do that here. "You should have left the planet while you had the chance."

"This is our home. We have nowhere else to go," Klaatu speaks up from behind his panel. He's watching my feet intensely, ready for me to make a mistake and fall into one of his traps.

"There are plenty of places for people you like to go to. I can think of two off the top of my head." I take a deep breath before jumping a few feet forward to pass a whole group of floor panels that look like they could be rigged. "We're not here to kill you. We're just going to put you in exile."

"This is our home," Vizam insists. "We will not have outsiders like you removing us!" He raises his blaster and fires, and I drop to the floor to avoid getting hit before rolling into a crouched position. I raise one hand and fling one of his guns to the side. It hits a trap and that part of the floor sets itself on fire.

"You know, when I was young I hated my home planet. I still hate it. There's a whole galaxy to be explored. I don't know why you want to stay here so badly." Standing up, I continue to get closer. Originally I wanted to release the net Obi-Wan and Qui-Gonn are tangled in, but I don't want to risk them landing all over the triggered floor and dying that way. It seems like I'm it. Maybe I can still capture this duo without getting my lightsaber out.

Pausing, I go over my options. Klaatu would be easier to capture, but Vizam would protect him. Vizam is harder to fight, but Klaatu might either flee or spring a surprise on me. It seems like I'll have to take on both of them.

I push out my hand, using the Force to send Vizam flying backward into the wall. Then I use a Force jump to leap from the middle of the room to land on Klaatu's power panel. My feet and weight destroy the mechanisms, random traps setting off. The grate over Ima-Gun Di's pit slides halfway open.

Before I can jump off the panel I hear a noise and feel something burning bury itself into my shoulder. I whirl around to see Vizam back on his feet, firing his blaster. He'd hit me. The shock numbs the worst of the pain, but it still hurt to move. Jumping down from the panel I hit the floor and backhand Klaatu, sending him onto the floor in pain. Vizam is still shooting crazily, and in the heat of the moment I whip out my lightsaber and use the red blades to block the blaster shots. Klaatu struggles to his feet, and I punch him in the face hard enough to knock him out. With him out of the way, I sprint over the top of the control panel and launch myself toward Vizam. I use my free hand to summon the Force to fling his remaining blaster away and then grab the back of his head, bringing it down to slam against my knee as hard as I can. He also is rendered unconscious.

With the immediate threat out of the way, I cut down the metal net, using the Force to lower it down gently and slowly so Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are not squished or harmed. Then I retract my lightsaber and hook it back onto my belt before turning to find Ima-Gun Di.

He's right there, his blue lightsaber pointed right in my face. His eyes are narrowed, his face hard. I realize my mistake. He had seen my weapon and figured out who I am.

"Sith," he accuses, and I sigh in frustration. I had saved his life and his friends' lives, but all he can think about is the color of my weapon? Do my actions mean nothing?

"Yeah, and so what?" I spread my hands out. "Why does it matter? I saved you."

"You lied to me," he continues. "Your name isn't Rina. It's Minerva. I had my suspicions from the moment I saw you."

Qui-Gon appears at Ima-Gun Di's side and he lays a gentle hand on his arm that is holding the lightsaber. "Peace, friend. She means us no harm."

The Nikto Jedi gives him a disgusted expression. "I can't believe you let her manipulate you. I thought you were wiser, Qui-Gon. It seems even the best of us are not below this."

"He has nothing to do with this," I say, exasperated. "I'm different than the other Sith. I don't hurt innocent people, and I don't kill Jedi."

"You mean to tell me you've never hurt an innocent person before? You've never killed someone in cold blood?" His accusations are not wrong, and we all know it. I lower my head in defeat. "I know about the massacre of the Tarkins on Eriadu. I've heard about the boy on Coruscant. Those are just two of the known times. There are dozens of others whose bodies are credited to you. Anyone who gets in your way is slaughtered. You are no different than the others. All Sith are the same."

Even Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan look at me differently as they hear the names of those I killed spoken aloud. They must have known, though. All this time, they must have known that the Sith training and initiation isn't innocent. The baggage I carry around is heavy and dark, and they should have known. Their expressions make me die inside as the only friends I have - have ever had - are turning away from me in front of my very eyes.

Ima-Gun Di senses my surrender and he lowers his lightsaber. "Leave this planet. If I ever see you again, I _will_ kill you. And take those rogues with you. They belong with your kind." He turns away and leaves, leaving me standing shaken and silently. His words shouldn't hurt so much but they do, they bury into my skin and tear me apart.

Slowly and mechanically I move around the mess of the room, tying up Klaatu and Vizam and dumping them on the back of my speeder. Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan still stand in the room, having some kind of silent and borderline telepathic conversation. I leave them behind and I kick start my vehicle and go as fast as I can back to my ship. Several times I'm tempted to go straight into a tree.

I park the speeder by my ship and load up the two rogues. KZ-4 notices my dark mood and he keeps quiet. By the way he scans the area I can tell he also notices the lack of Jedi.

"They're not dead," I inform him shortly. "We're just not going to see them anymore."

As I return to take the speeder back to the town the two Jedi ride up. They stop in front of me, pulling down their hoods to talk. Even as Qui-Gon opens his mouth I wave him into silence, speaking first. "I know. I'm leaving now, and I'll make sure to stay far away. I'm sorry you guys are in trouble because of me."

Qui-Gon seems a little shocked at my apology. I am a Sith, afterall. Apologies are not my thing. The fact that I'm saying one now...it means a lot, and we all know it.

"Minerva, it's...it's not your fault," Obi-Wan says, struggling over the words.

"Isn't it? I chose to become a Sith, and I have to take responsibilities for my actions, whether I like it or not. We can't work together because of who we are. It's all my fault for becoming this."

"You're not a bad person, though!" the young Jedi exclaims. "He just doesn't understand you like we do."

His words touch me in a good way, but I can't dwell on it. This goodbye is hard as it is, and I can't make things harder. Being around Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had changed me in a positive way, and I'm not sure I can go back to who I was before. "No one understands me. No matter what I do or what I say, in the eyes of the Jedi I will always be a murderer and a source of evil. My past mistakes can never leave me. People look at me and see a Sith, and it will be like that until the day I die." My words shut them up, sending a solemn mood over the group. They know I am right. Revan was the only Force user to ever master both the dark sides and the light sides of the Force, and everyone except him is either light or dark. Good or bad. You can go from the light side to the dark side, but you cannot go back once you've been tempted by the dark side. It takes ahold of you and doesn't ever let you go.

"I don't see you as a Sith," Obi-Wan remarks quietly. "I see my friend, and I see a strong and brave person." He leans forward and embraces me, and I accept the hug.

"Thank you," I whisper in his ear. He steps back and Qui-Gon gives me a parting hug also.

"Take care of yourself," the Jedi Master says. "I will miss your companionship."

"You should be the one taking care of yourself," I reply, trying to keep a light tone. "I've saved you guys so many times."

They manage small smiles. "And don't be hard on your droid, either," Qui-Gon adds as he boards his speeder. "I don't want to have to rescue him from a trash compactor."

They speed away, leaving me standing in a wake of dust. As it settles I still stand there, watching their faint forms fading away. The sun is high, and the day is not old yet. It seems too bright and cheery for having just lost my friends and the only two people in this galaxy that I trust. KZ-4 beeps mournfully, and I finally head back to the starship.

When I sit in the cockpit I feel my hands clench into fists. Anger fills me suddenly, hot and red. The unfairness of it all hits me in a wave. All I ever wanted was to be strong, but it seems in becoming powerful I must lose everyone who means anything to me. By following my aspirations I am forced to live a lonely life.

Pain replaces the anger and the tension in my muscles melt away, leaving me to slump deeper into the leather seat. I had made this choice years ago, and I had always known my life wouldn't be easy. I just didn't think it would be this hard. You can only take so much hardship before the burden on your back starts to crush you.

"Let's drop these criminals, KZ," I say, my voice quiet and melancholy. "Then we'll find somewhere the Jedi would never go."

He beeps sadly. "No. We really won't ever see them again. We can't."

 _I_ can't.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Chapter 16**

 **Western Reaches, Tashtor Sector, Unknown System, 39 BBY**

Takodana is a planet that still lives in the past. An old battleground of the Sith and Jedi from before the rule of two, not much has thrived there except the vegetation. It's completely covered in trees and bushes and everything green that grows in the galaxy. Hidden in the forests are two major locations: the capital, Andui, and the famous castle of Maz Kanata.

The castle is home to all sorts of smugglers and criminals and travelers, and it's there that I feel drawn after I dropped off Vizam and Klaatu on Tatooine. I can disappear in the bar's crowd, and no Jedi will go there.

The pain has turned to numbness and acceptance, and KZ-4 and I walk silently up to the castle. I hide my face behind the hood of my black robes, closing myself off to the world. Making friends and caring had put me through the pain that had brought me here, and I'm not going to open myself up to make that mistake again. I'm a Sith, and as such, I can't have friends. It just ends badly on both ends, mostly mine.

I take a seat in the back corner of the bar, hidden in the shadows. The place is alive with activity, small brawls and gambling and games, drinking and betting and conversation. I see more than a few petty thieves making jokes and laughing as they steal money and other items right from the person they're interacting with. One even tries to approach me but one hard glare with my orange eyes sends them skittering away quickly.

Alcohol doesn't even seem strong enough today. Being surrounded by rejects from all ends of the galaxy can't even bring about forgetfulness. My mind is dark and clouded, and ridiculous and insane thoughts are spinning around my head. I need to push those back before I start giving in to them.

I'm staring at the bottom of my empty shot glass when I hear someone sit across the table from me. Looking up, I see wrinkled orange skin and dark brown eyes enlarged by huge goggles. It's Maz herself. I had always imagined meeting her under different circumstances.

"You look like someone in a dark place," she muses, staring into my eyes and adjusting her goggles. I know she's reading me, but I don't care. All pretenses of caring has dropped away at this point. Let her read everything about me. What is she going to do? Announce to the world who I am? Judge me? None of that affects me anymore. "I see...indecision."

Indecision? That's the word she chooses? There are a lot of words to describe me, but that is the least likely one I'd thought anyone would choose. "Why do you say that?" I ask, my voice hoarse.

"You made a decision years ago you regret now. Why do you regret it? It gave you everything you wanted. Well, it seems to me that you didn't really know what you wanted when you made that decision. But you're not willing to give up what you gained for what you want. This internal argument is destroying you inside, and there's only one way to stop it, but you don't want to do what it takes to end it. Everything about you screams indecision, dear."

Strangely, her explanation makes sense. When I was young I thought I had wanted to be strong and powerful, anything but weak and cowardly. So when Darth Sidious had made the offer, I'd taken it right up. As he made me do more questionable things, however, I had begun to realize what I really wanted was love and acceptance. For too long I had been rejected and neglected. But I didn't, and I still don't, want to give up the strength and power the dark side of the Force gives me, even though being a Sith means I can't be friends with the people I want to be friends with. It's too late to just quit being a Sith, and the only way to get out of the dark side's clutches is death. And I don't want to die. I can't waste my life when I have to live it to make up for Lillea and Xavier and everyone else who has died young.

"That's right," I whisper, the realization dawning on me. I'm stuck in a rut, even though I had tried everything to ensure I didn't get caught in one. "What else do you see?"

"A part of you wants it to end, and you're considering extremes. The other part of you doesn't want it to end because you feel as if it would be a waste…" she trails off and pops up her goggles, looking at me with her real eyes. "Who do you owe your life to?"

"My siblings," I say quietly. "They died at a very young age. I can't die now because I can't waste my life. It would be disrespectful to them who didn't even have a chance at living."

She thinks it over for a long moment, her small mouth and thin lips pressed together. "Don't you think it's more important to do worthwhile things than to live a long time? A long-lasting legacy would be more honoring than living long and doing nothing important."

I had never thought of it from that angle before. It takes me back to the extremes she had mentioned and that I had been thinking of. I don't want to die, but I want this internal struggle to end, and having a last stand against my master would be the only acceptable way to go. I know I cannot defeat him, but I at least can die doing something noble. And maybe I can weaken him enough to make the rest of his life a little more difficult.

"Are you saying I should challenge my master?" I question quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear.

"That's suicide," Maz states abruptly. "I don't peg you as that type. I'm met many different people in my long life, and I know a survivor when I see one. You're one of them. You need to find a different option."

"There are no other choices," I argue. "Trust me, I've thought of everything!"

"Then _make_ another path," she says. "You're good at making things. Like your lightsaber." She points to the weapon hanging just visibly under my robe. I pull it out and slide it across the table, watching her pick it up and examine it. "I haven't seen a double-bladed one in many, many years. They disappeared after the the near extinction of the Sith. Some sentinels use them, but no Jedi or other Force user does. How old were you?"

"Eleven," I say, the memories long ago but not faded in the least. It feels like yesterday I was sneaking out of my master's apartment and searching for another crystal to finish it up.

"And why were you inspired to make it like this is not in the traditional way?" she inquires, turning it over to look at the name branded into the handle.

"The regular ones felt unbalanced and top heavy. I felt stiff trying to use them, and I couldn't move very fast or fluidly."

"So you needed to create one that suited you, right?" Her point sinks in. Just like I had worked hard to build a lightsaber that met my unique needs and tastes, so must I create a path that fixes all of predicaments and doesn't end with my death. "Do you want to be with your friends again?"

I nod, and she narrows her tiny eyes at me. "Then do what you need to do to ensure you can be with them without worrying about getting them in trouble. Become someone else, someone that is not a Sith."

"How do I do that?"

"That," Maz Kanata declares, "Is something only you can figure out."

And, deep down, I know exactly what I need to do and exactly where to go.

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 47 BBY**

 _My heart beats wildly as I shrug on long black robes and make a harness so I can attack my long staff on my back. Hopefully I won't fun into anyone and won't have to use it, but there's no way I'm going out without a weapon, even if it's a long piece of wood._

 _Recalling a story my master had told me, I close my eyes and connect with the Force, using it to enhance my staff. According to the story, a Jedi Master had imbued his staff with the Force to be able to withstand even a lightsaber. It had worked for years until his apprentice, who had turned to the dark side and had become a very powerful Sith Lord, had been dueling with him. When the Sith had revealed his second blade, the stress of the staff became too strong and it had cracked, leaving its owner vulnerable. He, of course, had died. My master had told me this story to explain that the Sith are more powerful than the Jedi always, but it's helping me with something else this time._

 _Once I'm as prepared as I think I can be, I open the door, the cool night air only touching my face. Reaching up, I pull my hood lower and scan the area. The night is alive with activity, but it's all in the air. The rooftop sidewalks are empty, and the Jedi Temple is only awake with the ever-present lights. If I'm going to make my move, it has to be before the sun comes up._

 _Closing the door softly behind me, I tread silently and quickly across the rooftops, blending in with the shadows. The whooshing of a close air vehicle bids me to look up, and it's when I see the stars that I pause for the first time._

 _I_ _haven't seen the stars in three years. And I for sure haven't seen the Coruscant stars ever. These ones are completely different than the ones on Anthan Prime, the shapes and patterns different, but one thing remains the same: the feeling I get when I see them. The bright spots against the darkness always give me hope. It also makes me sad, though, too; they're so far away that we're seeing them in the past. Some of them might be dead or exploded already, and we wouldn't know. The ones I'm gazing at might be gone but I will continue to see it for the rest of my life. The stars remind me of all the places I want to one day travel to. I'll fly right past them in my starship, heading towards a new life. A better life._

 _Longing fills me, so deep and yearning that I turn away and continue. If I stare at them too long I'll be tempted to never look away, and I know it will be a while before I'm allowed to see them again. I'm not even supposed to be out right now, and my time is running short._

 _I'm at the base of the Jedi Temple, my body trembling and my legs feeling like jelly. This is the moment where I either prove to myself, my master, and the world that I am strong and powerful or this is the moment I'm dead._

 _Sneaking into the temple is easy. Finding the treasury, not so much, but eventually I get there without incident. Inside is a mess of powerful artifacts, ancient treasures, or just spoils of war. There are so many lightsabers, devices, even clothes - it's amazing. I skip past all the ancient and powerful relics to the spoils of war section. I just need a red crystal, and taking something valuable would not go over well._

 _There are mostly green and blue ones, a few purple, but I find a red one. I slip it into my pocket and close up the container as I leave, locking the door behind me. Relief floods over me. No one had seen anything, and I'd avoided confrontation. Now, to just get home -_

" _What are you doing?" a voice calls. Slowly, painfully slow, I turn to see a Jedi Master standing there, his straight brown hair reaching to his shoulders. He looks calm and wise, but I know he won't hesitate to take me out. I'm a Sith, and he's Jedi. I disrupt the peace and he keeps it. I am dark and bad and he is light and good._

 _There's nothing but silence as we stare each other down, him with his open and kind eyes, me with my terrified and wide eyes. The sound of footsteps behind the Jedi is what disrupts us._

" _Master," says the voice of a young boy. The elder Jedi puts a finger to his lips as the young Jedi apprentice comes up next to him. The boy is no older than I am, his short hair and long lock identifying him as a Padawan. The boy sees me and stops. "Who is that?"_

" _I don't know. That's what I'm trying to find out." The Jedi both turn to look at me. My legs are shaking so hard now I don't know how I'm still standing. "You took something from the treasury, did you not?" His voice is still calm, and there's no sign of anger or aggression. Still, this is my greatest fear. Being discovered._

 _An idea formulates in my head. I nod, and reach slowly into my pocket for the crystal. "My family is poor," I say softly. "These unnatural crystals are rare. I stole it to buy food." Making sure my lip trembles just right, I feel confidence surging as I begin the manipulation. I'm proud of myself for not cracking under the pressure._

" _That's all you took?" The older Jedi looks surprised. "All this work to steal one little crystal?"_

 _Uh-oh. He's not buying it. What do I do next? No - what would a little girl caught stealing by Jedi Knights do? She'd cry. I haven't cried in two years, though. I don't like crying; it makes me feel weak. This would be for an act, though. I'd be manipulating them. Channeling my shaking and trembling into tears, I burst out in sobs. "I just need food," I gasp out, my vision blurring because of the tears. "I'm always so hungry."_

" _We'll need to take you in," he says, then he turns to his young apprentice. "Go ahead, Obi-Wan. Escort her to the Council room."_

 _Nope. That's not happening. As he gets closer I reach my arm back and pull the staff off of my back, twirling it and swiping it forward, catching his knees and driving him to the ground. He scoots away, stunned._

" _I thought you were a poor girl," the Jedi Master accuses without raising his voice._

" _I am." My story makes itself up in my mind, half truth_ - _half lie. "In the Underworld you have to learn two things to survive: combat and stealing. When you've lived there as long as I have, you get good. Now just let me leave in peace."_

 _He shakes his head as the other Jedi, Obi-Wan, gets back to his feet. "We can't. I don't want to harm you, so please just come with us."_

 _I purse my lips and shake my head tightly. He sighs and draws his green lightsaber, and I can tell by his relaxed position that he's planning on just cutting my staff in half so I can't fight with it any more. Well, joke's on him because he's in for a surprise._

 _Lunging forward, I swing the staff forward towards his chest. His lightsaber meets it in a controlled manner, and his blow is so soft it glances off of my staff. The shock on his face says it all. "Where did you get that staff?"_

" _I stole it," I reply, my eyes narrowing. "Now let me go. Unless you're going to kill me, I can hold my own."_

" _Against two Jedi?" Obi-Wan asks, his boyish features tight. He has drawn his blue lightsaber. Crap. I can't take two of them, not without training myself on this staff more. Instead I turn and sprint away, my reaction taking them both by surprise._

 _They chase me down the hall, but luckily for me the Jedi Temple in on a high level with a portal to the Underworld nearby. I may not have left Darth Sidious' apartment in two years but I remember my way around the Underworld as if it was written on the back of my hand. Taking the portal down, I turn tight corners and melt into the shadows. The Jedi attempt to follow, but it's obvious they've never been down here. Their lightsabers glow in the dark, and it's easy for me to avoid them while still keeping them in my sights. After an hour of following them as they struggle around the dark alleys I turn and head back to my apartment._

 _My legs give out as soon as I shut the door quietly behind me. I inhale and exhale deeply, the relief taking over me. That had been a close call. A really, really close call. But that's never going to happen again because the next time I encounter Jedi I'll have an awesome weapon to wield and not just an enhanced staff._

 _After getting a big drink of water I rush back downstairs to finish my lightsaber. Sliding the red crystal into place and fusing the rest of the handle together, I finally stand up and wipe my eyes before holding the weapon at arms length and hesitantly clicking the button. The first blade fires up, and as my finger hits the second button the other blade fires up. It's so beautiful. I stare at it much longer than necessary._

 _Now comes the second experiment. Turning them off, I places my two hands on opposite sides of the long handle, twisting it in different directions. The two separate handles twist apart, and I hold them with one in each hand before clicking on the blades again. They both turn on, fiery and perfect._

 _A mad laugh escapes from my mouth as I slowly begin training with them. My form is graceful, like a deadly dance being performed by an elite warrior. The orbs can't hide from me now._

 _I finally put it down and go to sleep just as the sun is beginning to rise. I sleep for days and by the time I wake up I'm refreshed and ready to continue training. I start slow and eventually I'm whipping the blades around, twirling and spinning and instilling damage everywhere. No one is going to beat me now. I am the best fighter, and I am the ultimate warrior. Not even my master is as talented with the lightsaber as I am._

 _No one will ever be able to beat me._


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** Try not to kill me after reading this chapter...you may not be very happy with me :/ Anyways...this is the story's 6th month anniversary! Thanks for sticking with me through these long months!

 **Chapter 17**

 **Mid Rim Region, Quelii Sector, Dathomir System, 39 BBY**

Darth Sidious prefers using his Force abilities to fighting with a lightsaber. He has mastered the Force like no other. Even Yoda, as wise as he is, cannot compare. I, on the other hand, have always prefered combat. But if I'm going to challenge him, I'm going to need to work on my power over the Force.

And no one knows the Force like the Nightsisters and the Nightbrothers. So I've returned to Dathomir to train my mind.

This time I know where to find the Clan Mother. Something seems off on this shadowy planet, though. It's darker than normal. I pause and find the Force, only to be overwhelmed with a sense of rage and hate. Something horrible has happened here. Someone important is not happy.

Quickening up my pace, I continue to Talzin's house. Unlike the last time I was there, no sounds of young boys playing greet me. In fact, the only difference here is that the angry part of the Force seems stronger.

Uh-oh. Everything clicks into place as I jump up the stairs, all of them at once, and rap my knuckles against the wood door. It takes a few minutes before the door opens a smidge and a set of silver eyes peer out of the dark interior.

"Talzin?" I ask softly.

"Minerva? I think...you need to come on in," she answers, her voice hoarse. She pulls the door open all the way and I slip in. Not a light or a candle glows.

"He came, didn't he?" I question quietly. She nods, and I almost miss it in the darkness.

"He took Maul, just like you told me. He manipulated me into thinking he wanted me to become his new apprentice. I fell for it, of course. The power that comes with being a Sith...I couldn't refuse it. But then he took my son and left me behind." Her voice is not loud but there's a razor sharp edge to it. I can't bring myself to tell her that being a Sith isn't all that it's cracked up to be. Instead I let her continue on. "I'm going to get revenge."

"You won't succeed," I remind her gently. "I have seen it."

"And you would have me just sit here while he has my son?" she shouts angrily. Her face relaxes and her voice quiets. "I just can't wait. I have to do something. You wouldn't understand. You're not a mother."

"You're right. I am sorry for your loss, but I have come here for guidance. I plan to duel my master, but if I am going to have any chance at succeeding I need help with the Force." Learning that he has taken Maul as his new apprentice means he is not going to wait long before taking me out of the picture. He's ready for someone new to do his work, and as long as I'm alive he cannot start. This is all I need to be sure of my decision. "If I manage to defeat my master, I will bring your son home."

Her eyes glow brightly. "Then let us begin," she says, leading me back to the table where I had last used her assistance. We sit on opposite ends, and once again she lights the cinnamon-smelling candle. Talzin takes my hands in hers, and we both let the real world melt away as we connect with our all to the Force.

"He is a master of the Force because he has cleaned his mind of all feelings. There is nothing separating him from it. You need to do the same. Let go of everything tethering you to this world. Search your mind and clean it all out. The slightest memory or feeling left could be your undoing."

My feelings...I think back to my trip to Anthan Prime. I had felt a lot back there. Sorrow. What had caused me sorrow? The loss of my siblings and my family. Now, how do I rid myself of those traces left behind? Ah, yes. I need to tell myself why I don't feel sorrow anymore. My family is already dead or gone, so why feel sorrow? I couldn't stop them, and they made their own decisions.

Grief. That one goes along with sorrow. I felt grief because I had lost all I loved. They were suffering, though. Now they're not suffering anymore, and neither am I. They're in a better place, so I don't have to feel any types of sadness for their passing.

Guilt. That's a strange and rare one. Did I feel guilty for not stopping them? Well, they made their choice. I made my mine. I am not responsible for their deaths, and I shouldn't have to feel responsible.

Anger. My father is living the life while everyone else is buried six feet under. He has a beautiful wife and a young son. He's healthy and well-off. He doesn't deserve that, not after all the pain and suffering he caused everyone else. But I'm in a better place, and I'm the only left that cares. He's changed, and I have changed. We both have regrets. I can't hold onto that anger.

Fear. It was subtle, but it was there. I don't want to die. There's a mystery about what comes after, and I'm scared of it. I like living, and I enjoy my life. That's not all of it, though. There's a fear of not being remembered, and a fear that I had disrespected my siblings by not living longer when I had the chance. By making my life worthwhile, though, I'm eliminating that factor. And as for fear of the unknown...we'll, everyone dies eventually. I'm just hastening my journey.

With those emotions cleared out, there's not many more to cover. Bitterness has quite the collection in the corner, many things attributed to it. Most dominant and recently, though, is from the situation on Kintan. The way I had been called evil and a Sith and all my past sins had been revealed...that had left a mark. Then being ripped away from the two people I consider my friends - it just leaves a sour taste behind. I'm fixing everything, though. By turning on my master I will be giving up my title as a Sith. Things will smooth over. I won't die being branded as bad.

My mind clear, I breathe in deeply. The scent of cinnamon is oddly familiar, though. It tugs a long-lost memory from my mind. The last emotion I had not rid myself of, because things had happened so quickly and violently. The situation that had really pushed me over the edge.

The horrible, beautiful, dark, and dangerous emotion of love.

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 44 BBY**

 _I'm almost fifteen. Can you believe it? It's been six years that I've trained with my master, learning the ways of the Force and training to be a warrior. I've been to a few different planets, shadowing him as he does his work. His power is amazing, and I want to learn all of it. I want to be just like him._

 _He's grown proud of me in the past years. From the very day that I'd showed him my new lightsaber he had clasped me on the back and had told me how well I've done. I demonstrated my new fighting style, and he'd commended me on that, too. The smile growing on my face had been hard to stifle._

 _He still leaves me in Coruscant for long periods of time, though. Such as right now. I'm allowed to go out into the world and do whatever I want, though. I've gained his trust and his respect. He knows I'm committed to this, and he also knows that some of the best training is done on-the-spot._

 _Walking around the streets of Coruscant, my lightsaber hidden under dark robes...this is the life. I am powerful and confident and nothing can get in my way. My master has given me all that I want, and I couldn't be happier. The cool summer air hits my face and sends wisps of hair blowing around, tickling my skin. The smells of street vendors surround me, and the conversations of people from all over the galaxy fill the air. And, best of all, not a single person here knows who I once was. They only know who I am now, and even that is a twisted perception since I don't exactly go around advertising my Sith status._

 _With a few coins jingling in my pocket, I head to my favorite vendor and order something to eat. In a matter of a few minutes it is done, and I eat it slowly as I walk across the rooftops. I'm actually quite bored. There hasn't been a run in with dangerous enemies or a good fight in months. My arms are itching to swing my lightsaber around, and my body is straining for the thrill of some action._

 _There's only one place in Coruscant to get that kind of energy out. I find a portal and head to the Underworld, hoping to run into some crime lords or something so I have a justification for fighting them._

 _I wander around for hours but there isn't anything worth fighting. There is a standard, and even the people here seem to be above it for the most part. This is completely worthless._

 _As I'm walking around a corner someone hits me, knocking me over and causing my body to hit the ground. The person lands right on top of me, and when I shove them off and stand I see it's a boy my age. He's breathless, and his dark brown eyes are wide with fear._

 _There's the sound of footsteps and some vicious looking guys round the corner,spiked clubs in hand. They make eye contact with the boy and narrow their eyes, and he backs up to the alley wall._

" _Move," one of the thugs orders me. I raise an eyebrow at him, and since the boy knocked my hood back they all see the gesture._

" _Don't tell me what to do," I snap back. They all trade glances before they start laughing. "What's so funny?" I demand, my features twisting angrily._

" _You're just a little girl," another one of them points out and the laughing continues. Finally they stop and return to their vile look. "Now get out of our way. We have business with him."_

 _The boy looks absolutely terrified. I sigh, reaching for my lightsaber. "And I said to not tell me what to do."_

 _They see the handle of my weapon emerge from my robes. "What's that? Your little toy? Scrap metal?"_

 _I turn it on, the two red blades glowing in the darkness. "It is my little toy. And it trumps your little toys." Swinging the blade forward, I chop off the top of all the clubs. The men glare at me, but they don't run. Not yet. And they can't, because now they've seen me and they can't live to tell the tale._

 _It doesn't take long to finish them off. The first two didn't even see it coming, and the others were no match for my skills both with the lightsaber and with the Force._

 _Putting away my lightsaber, I turn back to the see the boy staring at me. There is a strange expression in his face, and he seems to be in a sort of trance. I snap my fingers in front of his face to get his attention. "Hey. You."_

 _He finally shakes himself out of it. "Who are you?" he breathes out, wonder in his voice._

" _My name is Minerva," I say, stepping back. "You didn't see me. I don't exist." The threat is unspoken but still heard. His face doesn't change._

" _I'm Damari," he adds, reaching his hand out. I stare at it for the longest time before hesitantly shaking. He grins. "You're beautiful, did you know that?"_

 _A small smile curves up on my face. "Thank you," I reply honestly. No one has ever called me beautiful before. Maybe it's because they're all intimidated by me. Not Damari, I guess. If anything he's drawn to my power._

 _I know I should be heading home, but I don't want to leave him yet. There's something about being with a person who has seen you for who you are but doesn't judge you or look at you with anything but admiration in their eyes. Damari seems pretty nice, too. "Where do you live?"_

 _His face falls. "Um...I live down here." He's embarrassed for being poor. He shouldn't be. There's no shame in not having money or wealth. I know all about it._

" _I used to live down here, too," I assure him as we start walking. We make small as he leads me down winding paths and alleys. No one bothers us, and it's actually really nice getting to talk to someone my age. I've never really had a friend before._

 _All too soon we've arrived at his shabby apartment. I don't want to leave him, since I don't know if I'll ever see him again, but we're just standing on his doorstep awkwardly._

" _Will you come and visit me?" he asks after moment of silence._

 _My head pops up, my eyes wide with surprise. "You want to see me again?"_

" _Of course," he replies. "I want to see you every day."_

 _A warmth fills me and I find myself grinning. "Is tomorrow too soon? I'm not busy."_

 _He beams, too. His face is positively radiant. I've never met anyone quite like him. "Tomorrow is perfect."_

 _With that I leave, but there's an extra spring in my step and the ghost of a smile dancing along my lips. I've only just met him, but already I want to spend more time with him. He's so sweet, and he listened attentively to me, adding in exciting stories at the right times. Why had I never had friends before?_

 _Of course I'll have to keep this a secret from my master. He would never approve. He doesn't need to. This is my life, and sometimes I'm going to make my own choices. What he doesn't know won't hurt him._

 _Tomorrow seems like so far away. I go about doing my normal chores, cooking myself some dinner, eating it, cleaning up, practicing my combat for a while, sitting quietly and connecting to the Force - all the same routine, but something is different. I can't stop thinking about my new friend. His dark hair, his innocent brown eyes - he's all I can think about._

 _Sleeping is a rough affair. I just want tomorrow to come! For the first time in a long time I have something to look forward to. Someone to look forward to. After living a lonely and isolated life like I live, seeing and communicating with only my master, the thought of spending time with someone and having fun is beyond exciting. Words can't even describe how I feel._

 _When the sun's rays finally paint the sky, I jump up and do my morning chores, making my bed quickly and skipping breakfast. Hopefully this isn't too early for Damari._

 _Finding the portal, I take it down, impatient for every second. I maneuver through the Underworld until I find his apartment. He's sitting on the front steps, and his face brightens at the sight of me._

" _You came!" he exclaims, standing up._

" _Of course," I reply, trying to keep my cool and walk at a leisurely pace. "I told you I would."_

" _I was worried someone as awesome as you would forget about someone as lowly as me," he admits. "I mean, I was a coward yesterday."_

 _I shake my head. "Nah. Most people would be terrified if they were being chased by armed thugs through a dark alley. It's completely normal."_

" _Not you," he insists. "You're...you're extraordinary."_

 _His compliment brings heat to my face. I duck my head so my hair makes a curtain to hide it. "What are we doing today?" I ask, changing the subject. He steps up to my side as we begin walking._

" _Ever been to a black market?" he questions._

" _Can't say I have," I answer, trying not to notice how his hands sometimes brush mine as we walk. There's something strange about how the contact feels, but maybe I'm just not used to touching another person._

" _I work at one here. I thought I'd show you around before my shift. You don't have to stay if you don't want to." After a while of walking we come to an alley I've never been in before. It's crowded, and Damari grabs my hand to lead me through the people. I see vendors and stands of produce and handmade items. It's like a whole other world._

 _Damari works at a fruit stand, it turns out. He takes over from an older man, and I sit on the curb next to the stand as he works. He keeps telling me I can leave if I get bored, but I don't want to. There's nothing else for me to do, and I like watching all the people that come by. Whenever there's a lull of customers he sits by me and we talk. He tells me stories about all the different stand owners and I point out different species and tell him about their home planets._

 _The day is over way too early. The time had flew by. Damari packs up the produce and waits for the owner to come back. In the meantime I snatch an apple and toss it up in the air, suspending it in place using the Force. There's no one else to witness my action, and I trust Damari. He didn't tell anyone about what he had seen yesterday, so why would he tell on a little trick?_

" _That's cool!" he says, ever-so-enthusiastic. "What else can you do?" I appreciate that he never asks how I do the things I do. He never talks about personal things, or asks about them. It's nice not having to hide anything from him._

" _Watch," I instruct as I juggle it without it actually ever touching my hands. Then I chuck it forward, towards him, and he reaches us and catches it lightly._

" _You're really cool," he tells me. "Can you come tomorrow?"_

 _This time I'm the one who says, "Tomorrow is perfect."_

 _And so every day passes. I spend a good portion of my time with my new friend, and at the day's end one of always asks, "Tomorrow?" to which the other replies, "Tomorrow is perfect." It's a special phrase,_ our _phrase, and never do one of us miss a day. My master is gone for a long time, so I never worry about him coming back to interrupt our schedule._

 _But, of course, as all good things must do, it eventually ends. My master returns, and I tell Damari I can't see him for a while. I explain the situation as best as I can without giving anything away, and he promises to wait for me. I know he'll keep that promise._

 _A week goes by without seeing Damari, and I find I miss him more than I've ever missed anything before. My master is back for a while, and I don't want to wait to see my friend. My nights are sleepless and rough, and during the day I have trouble connecting with the Force. My thoughts are filled with the dark-haired, brown-eyed boy and his bright smile that lights up even the darkest parts of the Underworld._

 _On one of those sleepless nights I finally gather up the courage to sneak out. I take a portal down to the Underworld and I find his apartment. He's not sitting out on the porch, but I knock softly on the door. After a few minutes of waiting the door opens, and a messy-haired Damari appears. His tired eyes open wide as he sees me. "Minerva!"_

" _I can only come at night now," I tell him as he lets me in. It's a tiny space, but there's a ratty couch in one corner and a broken mattress in another. I sit on the couch as he shuts the door behind us. "I just couldn't wait any longer to see you. I...I missed you."_

 _It's in that moment a truth strikes me hard: I like him. A lot. Why else would I lose sleep over not being able to see him? Why else would he make me laugh in a way no one else could? What other explanation makes sense for why I would dare defy my master and sneak out in the middle of night to see him? And why would my thoughts be clouded with his voice and his face?_

 _He doesn't smile for once. Instead his face is dead serious as he sits next to me. "Minerva, I...I missed you, too." That's not what he was going to say. He had other words in mind, but he didn't say them. But what is it that he didn't say?_

 _I tell myself it doesn't matter, and we trade stories and talk like we used to. After a few hours I leave, saying, "Tomorrow?"_

 _He smiles a little as he ushers me out. "Tomorrow is perfect."_

 _And so a new routine sets itself up. Every night I travel down and we sit on the old, ugly couch and talk, and every day I return to my master's apartment and go about doing whatever my master has for me. Weeks pass, and I'm still staying under the radar. Things are good, and I'm getting what I want most. It's hard to imagine how low I'd been in the past when things are so good in the now._

 _My master takes another trip to Naboo. Things are changing, leadership switching hands. He has important plans for the politicians there, and it's vital for him to be on that planet instead of this one. He leaves me with a daily schedule, but I find time to spend with Damari._

 _One day we're sitting on his porch. He starts coughing, and for the first time in a while I realize the toxins in the air are really bad down here. I'd grown used to them, but it's understandable that if you live here they would make you sick over time._

" _How long has it been since you went up on the higher levels?" I ask him._

 _He thinks about it for a long time. "I can't remember," he answers honestly. I grab his hand and pull him up. "Where are we going?" he questions, startled._

" _Where do you think? We're going up to the surface." I lead him up the portal and through the city, taking him to one of my favorite scenic stops. It's an open courtyard on a high level overlooking a good portion of the city. There are little plots of dirt where flowering trees had been planted, and there's a bench where people have carved their names into._

 _He looks stunned as he stands at the railing, breathing in the fresh air and taking in the sights of the city. "Is this really Coruscant?" he asks, the same wonder in his eyes as when he had first met me._

 _A small laugh escapes me. That had been my reaction when I had first come here. "This is the city that never sleeps. The better part of it, that is." I move to stand next to him, the air blowing my hair around gently._

 _I'm looking at the scenery, but as I turn to point something out to Damari I notice him staring at me. Out of all the things to look at, he's watching me. His big brown eyes are beautiful, and they're watching my orange ones. How can he look at me like this? Doesn't he know who I am? He saw me kill those men the very first day we met. Why is he looking at me like I'm the best thing in the galaxy?_

 _A huge part of me likes the attention, though. I've accepted my feelings for him long ago, but I try to push them away when we're together. After all, we're just friends. Right? So then why is he looking at me like this?_

" _Damari?" I say softly. A gentle smile takes up his face._

" _Remember what I told you the first day we met?" he asks. The memory comes up, fresh in my mind as if it had just happened. I nod, too scared to speak. This isn't a bad fear, though. This is...is something else. "I was telling the truth. You really are beautiful. And you're extraordinary."_

 _It's hard to swallow past the lump in my throat. This is all so wrong yet right at the same time. "How can you say that? You say what I did to those men."_

 _He shakes his head. "I saw a brave girl protecting me when I couldn't protect myself. You were so powerful and strong, and I...it inspired me. The thought of you keeps me going everyday."_

 _What do I do now? How am I supposed to react to a statement like that? It touches me deeply, yes, but I don't hang around people often enough to handle sappy moments. These are foreign waters for me._

 _I don't have to do anything though. He's the one who leans in, the one who presses his lips to mine first. I guess I do have to do one thing, though; I have to respond. I kiss him back._

 _When he pulls away, all he says is, "Tomorrow?"_

 _To which I reply, "Tomorrow is perfect."_

 _My master returns, and my night visits replace the day ones. Damari and I aren't sure exactly what we are, but we know that we both love each other. It didn't take long for us to realize that our little phrase is the way we say "I love you" without using the actual words._

It's too soon _, you might argue._ You're too young. _Ah, we're young, but we're also older, too. We've both had to survive on our own, and both of us have fought our demons. We're strong, and we're much older than we look. Saying we're too young isn't a valid argument, and even "it's too soon" is inaccurate. We've known each other for months now. It's not like we're committed to each other forever or anything. We're just living each day as it comes, not worrying about tomorrow except to confirm that we'll see each other somehow. That's all that matters._

 _He works and I train, but at the end of the day we find time to be together. Our lives can go on without the other as long as we have the promise of tomorrow. That's all we need. It's a sweet feeling knowing that there's someone to hold you when things are rough or having the knowledge that someone will always listen to what you have to say._

 _It's on a normal day when it ends. My master is back, so I've returned to visiting Damari in the night. He's waiting on his porch in the dark, the promise of seeing me trumping any fear of criminals in the area. He greets me with a hug as he always does, and we're about to enter his apartment when I hear his voice._

" _So this is who you've been visiting," my master says, his voice sending chills up my spine. I freeze, fear locking into me and my heart beating so fast I fear it will fly out of my chest. This is the worst thing that could possibly happen._

 _I'd been getting away with the deception for so long that I must have become sloppy and made a small mistake. Now my master knows everything, and I am fearful for what will come next. He's a cruel man, and I fear for the life of the boy I love._

 _Darth Sidious uses the Force to drag Damari to him. There's fear in his brown eyes, fear like the first time I had met him. But there's also calm. He trusts me. Oh, no, he trusts me to save him._

 _There are many things I can do, but the one thing I can't do is save him from my master. There's nothing I can do for him._

" _What are you doing?" I ask, trying to be strong but the words coming out shakily. My master turns, still dragging Damari with him. I have no choice but to follow as he takes a portal up to the higher levels._

 _He leads us to rooftop in a busy part of the city. There's no one here right now, though. It's just the three of us and the cover of darkness. During the first part of the journey tears had streamed silently from my eyes, my pent up fear and anger coming out quietly, but now my eyes are dry and my nerves are steeled. I had brought this upon myself, and I am responsible to fix it._

" _Love is a dangerous emotion," Darth Sidious says, throwing the boy on the ground roughly. He turns to me as he speaks. "Love ruins everything. It clouds your vision. You have struggled with the Force lately. I question your loyalties."_

" _I never meant to betray you, Master," I reply, my head bowed and my eyes on the ground._

" _When I took you in, you promised to do anything and everything required to complete your training," he continues. My heart drops and my stomach sinks as I read between the lines. This is it. This is the end of one of the best things in my life. "In order to be strong, you must not be distracted by anything or anyone. As long as he's around, you will be distracted. You must cleanse yourself of your emotions. Complete detachment. That is how I am as strong as I am now."_

" _What must I do to achieve detachment, Master?" I ask submissively, my voice low._

" _You must prove you don't feel," he answers, and then he pulls out a small, shiny blade. "Take him out of the picture first."_

 _Anger fills me, and with it hate. Not only is he asking me to kill the boy I love, he's also making me do it with a tiny knife. That way I have to get close, and to make it quick I'll have to stab him more than once. I'll have his blood on my hands, literally. My master really is cruel._

 _What makes me more angry, though, is that I'm not willing to give up my training. I had made a promise to Darth Sidious, and I'm not going to be weak like my father and give up everything for a person I enjoy being around. He had betrayed my mom with another woman, and I'm not going to be disloyal and turn my back on my master with a boy. If I do I'll become everything I fear and everything I've promised to not become._

 _Exhaling deeply and pushing all thoughts of my feelings behind, I stalk up to Darth Sidious and snatch the knife out of his grip. He laughs lowly, knowing he has me cornered._

 _Damari looks up with fearful eyes as I approach. My eyes feel like they're glowing with hatred and anger, all of it directed towards him. He is the reason I'm suffering right now. If he hadn't been weak and stupid and been chased by those men that I wouldn't have ever run into him. If he hadn't befriended me and tricked me into liking him then I wouldn't be in this situation. It's all his fault._

 _All traces of what he had made me feel are gone, replaced by these ugly emotions. I raise the knife, hesitating for the longest moment. Can I do this? Every moment we ever spent together rushes through my mind, cutting through the haze of red._

 _Damari isn't upset, though. "If this is what you have to do, then do it," he says quietly. "You saved my life in many ways, and if I'm to die, it's you who has the authority to be in control over it." The knife shakes in my hand, and it almost slips. Damari then says one word that breaks through my indecision. "Tomorrow?"_

 _With a cry of rage, I drive the knife forward with all my power, right into his heart. I draw my hand back and plunge it in his chest again and again, losing count after the first few. How dare he say he loves me? How dare he tell me it's okay that I kill him? How dare he say those kind words when I'm holding his life in my hands? He should be angry that I even considered killing him. He should be furious with me. He should have shouted or yelled, not tell me that it's okay and that he loves me. I betrayed him, and I couldn't save him, and he didn't hold it against me in any way._

 _He's past dead, and I shove his body to the ground, tears of anger running down my face. My thoughts are spinning around, everything out of control. Do I hate him, my master, or myself? Who am I angry at? Do I still blame my father for causing the fear years ago that led to this?_

 _I begin to stalk away, but my master calls out to me. "You're not done yet, my young apprentice."_

 _I turn eyes on him that must be blazing fires. "What must I do now?" I hiss. I'm unstable and dangerous, even to him. Thoughts of stepping right off the building even flash in my mind._

" _You must tell the world who you are," he answers, motioning to the body and all the blood. "Don't let some lowly person take credit for your work."_

 _My eyes narrow. "I won't do that. I refuse. You can't make me." Pain flares up, and everything's a mess inside. I want to do his bidding, but I want to run, and I want to kill him, but I also want to kill myself. I hate him and the world and myself and my parents and the fates and the entire galaxy. I feel as though I'm going to combust with all the destructive emotions inside._

" _I can make you forget," he says, and those words hit me. If I forget then all this pain will disappear._

" _What must I do, Master?"_

 _An hour later we're walking away from the rooftop. I don't remember what happened, but my legacy is written in blood for the world to see._ Minerva _, painted red in large letters across the rooftop with the broken body of a boy I don't know._

 **Mid Rim Region, Quelii Sector, Dathomir System, 39 BBY**

Love. The last emotion. As the memories come back, I start pushing them away, ridding myself of them. There's a cold presence against my skin that brings me back to the real world before I can finish.

"No," Talzin says, one of her hands over mine. "I'm changing my mind."

"What?" I question, and when I blink I find it hard to do. With my free hand I reach up and I discover my face is damp and my eyelids salty. I'm not ashamed of my tears, though; this time they are justified. I had done a horrible deed in the past, and I would be completely heartless to not feel upset.

"That memory changes things. It changes everything," she replies. "Your master wields the Force by not feeling. He connects to it with nothing in his way, and he's extremely powerful. But you have something he doesn't have, and if you connect to the Force through the same way he does the most powerful you'll ever get is the same level as him. You have to be his opposite. Tell me, what's the opposite of indifference?"

"Feelings," I answer, still slightly unsure at what she's getting at. In fact, my whole grasp on reality is a little altered after remembering Damari and what I had done to him…

"More specifically, love," Talzin says. "Love and hate are two sides of the same coin, and their opposite is indifference. Your master uses indifference, so to have a chance at beating him you must use those feelings of love and hate."

"If I fight with my emotions I won't be in control of myself," I argue. "I'll be unstable and sloppy."

"But you'll also be unpredictable, and you master will assume he knows your every move. He did train you, after all. We'll work on honing your abilities and fighting with your emotions without losing control. It's possible, and if anyone can do it, it's you."

Am I ready? No, the real question is, do I have any other choice? I don't. My master has ruined my life in so many ways. Maybe part of it is my fault for letting him do those things to me, and for continuing to follow him, but not anymore. I'm going to take him down or I'm going to die trying.

"I'm ready."


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Chapter 18**

 **Mid Rim Region, Quelii Sector, Dathomir System, 39 BBY**

"Who do you hate the most?" Talzin asks. We're standing outside under a tree, and she has a variety of objects laid out on the ground. My eyes are closed and I'm thinking hard.

The memory hasn't left my mind since I'd recovered it. The pain had returned, too, bright and sharp but also deep and aching. The years between the act and now haven't done anything to help.

My master is the one who pops up in my mind first. It makes sense. He's the one who put me in the corner. He's the one who had forced me to kill Damari. He turned me into the monster I had become, and he's responsible for many of my grievances.

It just doesn't feel right, though. To hate someone you have to love them first, and I had never been fond of him. I'd always felt indifferent - sure, he was giving me everything I wanted, but he was also making my life a living hell at the same time.

My father's image comes up next, and he too makes sense. When I was young I had loved him (until I learned how terrible of a person he actually was) and if he hadn't cheated on my mother, making me fear that one day I, like him, would be disloyal to someone I had promised something to because of my feelings, then I would have never killed Damari. And if my father had never cheated my mother wouldn't have come to Coruscant in the first place and I would have still been on Anthan Prime instead of falling in love with Damari.

He, too, doesn't feel right, though. The trip back to Anthan Prime with Obi-Wan had helped me clear up my past enmity. I have made peace with him.

Who else is there? Damari? In that moment years ago I had hated him for being so wonderful and for making me fall in love with him even though it had been forbidden. I had hated him for loving me so much that he had been okay with dying at my hand if it meant I wouldn't be in trouble by my master. My rage had come from him being so perfect and me being so messed up.

But I had loved him, and the "hatred" had been more anger. And even then I had only thought it was directed at him.

Deep down I know that all my hate and rage and frustration is because of me and directed towards myself. Even now I hate myself for constantly putting myself in situations where I hurt innocents because of my choices and actions. Looking back, my life is just one collection of bad choices after another.

"It's me," I whisper, the realization hitting me hard. "I'm the one to blame. I'm the one I hate the most."

Talzin nods slowly. "Take that rage and harness it. Use it to take on your master, and show him that you're strong enough to rise above what you've been through. Show him that he made a monster, and that you're going to turn his creation right back on him. Betray him like he betrays others."

Oh, there's plenty of rage to hit him with. An endless abyss, if my dark soul is to be believed. I've been storing all it up for years, pressing it down on itself for so long that it's unbelievable how dark I am inside.

"Be passionate when you connect to the Force. Convince it to do your will because what you want is right. It's a living, moving thing. Persuade it to join your side, and you will be more powerful than your master."

Taking in a deep breath, I follow Talzin's advice by connecting to the force and letting the memories and emotions flow through me. I beg it to do my will, to follow my commands, and then I let go. My hands raise up and my eyes open as I start manipulating the objects Talzin had placed out. First I levitate one, then two, and then all of them at once. I make half of them spin and the other half fly in circles, and then I switch things up. Everything happens instantaneously, and never before have I felt stronger. Inwardly I keep channeling my thoughts and feelings, and the Force keeps responding.

It's amazing work, but it is also exhausting. Using my emotions and keeping a constant stream to the force - it wears me down after only a short time. I finally drop the objects and plop on the ground, massaging my temples lightly.

"You'll have to make the fight quick if you want to defeat him," Talzin advises. "He can channel the Force all day at a steady level, but you can do it powerfully in a short time. Make the encounter quick and use your lightsaber if you have to. Your combat skills are greater than his. He only keeps his lightsaber around for protection, and the moment his new apprentice learns how to use one he'll ditch his. He prefers having a guard."

"He's going to want the fight to be on Moraband," I say, dropping my hands to the ground and looking up at her. "It's fitting and it's dramatic. Also that way no one will come and interfere. Everyone is terrified of that planet except for the two of us."

"Seems like you know exactly how this is going to play out," she replies dryly. At my defeated look she steps closer. "Do you?"

A long sigh escapes me. "I have a feeling he will beat me. All my visions of the future have seemed to point out that he's still very much alive. Maybe my visions aren't of the future set in stone, though."

Neither of us believe my lame excuse. Deep down we both know it's a suicide mission. I don't have a chance against him. All this training is just an excuse for me to ignore the inevitable. My master will will in the end, and I'll die alone on that dusty old planet. Eventually I'll rot away and just be another one of those ancient skeletons that some future Sith Lord steps over on their way to the Valley of Kings. Maybe a brave scavenger will search my corpse for something to sell at a black market.

"Are you scared of death?" she questions softly. My head nods on its own accord. There's no point in hiding the truth anymore.

"I'm scared I have wasted my life, and once I die I'll never be able to make up for it. But as long as I'm a Sith, and as long as the dark side has its grip on me, I'll never be able to make up for it, either. Dying an honorable death is the way for me to somewhat atone." My eyes drop to the ground.

Talzin's voice isn't filled with judgement or reproach, though. She speaks with wisdom. "The brighter and hotter a fire, the faster it burns out," she says. "The best people always die early. There is no shame in it."

"I just don't want to be a waste," I confess, my frustration coming out. "I want to make the most out of life, but I'm stuck being a Sith. There are so many things I can't do."

"Then you're making the right choice. Look," she begins, sitting down next to me. "I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, some of them recently. And you know I'm going to make many, many more. But I know it's the right choice for me, so I'm going to go ahead with it. Life isn't about being perfect. You make mistakes, and you have to live with the consequences. But if you're given the choice to make things right, then you have to go and make things right, because you might not get another chance. If this is the way you're life is supposed to go, then the only way you'd be wasting it is if you hid from everyone to avoid death. Sure, you'd live longer, but it would be a wasted life. So go on, make the right call."

She's right. Her confirmation of my earlier thoughts help bring a sense of closure and assurance to my unrest. I need to do this. This is my destiny. Whether I live or whether I die, this is what I'm meant to do. Even if it all leads to my death - and it appears it is - I will be brave and do this. I will accept responsibility for my actions, and I will be strong in the face of my fears.

It's in that moment when I realize I really have changed. Little Rina had always been afraid of being weak and she had always hid when she was frightened, but I am not her. And I'm not Minerva, either. Minerva had valued power over strength, two completely different traits, and she had never taken responsibility. So who am I? I am a stranger in a familiar body, a stranger that has achieved everything I've strained for.

This isn't how I thought things would go. Then again, life rarely happens as you think it will. A sense of solemness fills me, and the pit beneath my heart opens up, leaving an empty space. The weight of a dying man is on my shoulders, and with it comes acceptance. Submission. Numbness.

This is bittersweet, this moment. It's important, oh so vital, but also sour. Is this what a dying man thinks as his life is draining out of his body? Is this how a prisoner feels as he is being escorted to his place of execution? Is this how Xavier and Lillea felt before they took their own lives? My mother felt this before she left me for the last time?

And yet, this feeling isn't entirely foreign to me. I had felt it in that alley in the Underworld ten years ago. It's been so, so long…

A life passes before my eyes. I'm only nineteen, but all the places I've been and all the sorrows I've felt...I've lived. My life hasn't been wasted. I won't be forgotten. There is nothing to regret. This is the way of life, of being born and living and then dying. Sometimes it's early, and sometimes it's late, but most of the time it's just right.

"I'm ready," I announce, looking up into her silver eyes. "I'm ready to finally accept what comes my way instead of trying to change myself."

"Then you truly are wise."

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 44 BBY**

 _My name is everywhere. The message spreads through the city-planet quickly. No one knows who I am or why I killed that boy, but they know my name, and a reputation has begun. I'm a murderer, and I'm ruthless. There are reward posters for me everywhere, though they are foolish and know nothing. How can they expect to catch a shadow?_

 _There's something constantly nagging at me, but I can't seem to figure it out. I have a strong feeling it has something to do with the boy, but whenever I ask my master he shrugs it off._

" _That boy tried to harm you," he tells me. "He tried to take you from me in the worst way possible. You protected yourself, and that's the message everyone in this city will get. You won't take what they dish out."_

" _What if they find me?" I always question. "What if they send the Jedi after me? I can't fend them all off."_

" _You're too good for them to catch," he answers, not a trace of doubt in his voice. "And you are more powerful than your realize. If you do not want to be caught, then they can't take you."_

 _Worry still eats me up, and I spend more time than ever training. What had I done with my free time before all this endless combat? I can't remember. I must have been bored out of my mind._

 _My lightsaber has become a part of me, and I never leave it behind. The name Thanatos is branded on it, my special touch. No one else will ever touch my baby, not after all the time and effort I had put into it. He's an extension of my arm, and no one else will ever be able to fight with it like I do. At this point I believe I am the greatest warrior to exist in the galaxy. My master rarely uses his lightsaber, keeping it hidden deep in his robes for a worst-case scenario. He trusts me to defend him._

 _I've never been interested in girly things like dancing, but the grace I have when I swing the red blade around is smoother than even the best dancers. My spins are fluid like water, and so fast that my weapon looks like a ribbon instead of a deadly blade. What I lack in power and brute strength I make up for in skill and speed._

 _Sometimes when my master watches me practicing I see a strange emotion in his eyes. It almost looks like fear. What does he have to fear? Am I not talented enough? Is he worried someone will get past me?_

 _Worse than those theories, though, is a startling one I thought of one day: What if he's afraid I will one day turn on him? That's ridiculous, though. I may not be overly fond of him but he has been the one to take me in and train me. He takes care of me and gives me the tools to achieve everything I want. There's no fathomable reason he'd be worried about me turning on him._

 _I owe everything to him. And unlike my father, I'm loyal. I'll follow my master to the ends of the galaxy and back if he wants me to. He gave me the life I wanted so badly those years ago._

 _One day he pulls me aside to tell me a story. He gives me lessons in the form of stories often. "Do you know why the rule of two was created?" he inquires._

" _To keep the power-hungry Sith from ripping each other apart," I answer, proud I know it. He simply nods._

" _There's a master who has power, and an apprentice who craves it. Do you crave my power?"_

 _What's that mean? I want power, but I don't want_ his _power. I want my own power, power to do whatever I choose to do. "I'm not sure. I know I want power, though."_

" _But do you want to overthrow the Jedi? Do you want to rule the galaxy at my side?" He has my arms grasped tightly in his hands, so tight it hurts. I don't flinch, though. There's desperation in his eyes._

" _I guess. I mean, the Jedi do get in our way a lot. And if we ruled the galaxy no one would ever think I was weak. They wouldn't even dream of it. They'd look up to me and see power and strength and they'd wish they were me." My voice grows excited as I speak. My master nods slowly and lets go._

" _That's good enough, for now at least." He seems only partly satisfied._

" _What do you mean? Do you want me to wish everyone was dead?" My brow is creased and my words are slow._

" _The Jedi should all die," he hisses, strangely emotional. "They don't understand our ways. They destroyed our kind on their home planet. Of course we want them all dead. But if you would rule for people to grovel at your feet then I guess you have enough passion in you. You see, Minerva, in order to reach your goals you have to strive for them. And you won't strive for them if you don't really want them. I have to know you're with me on this."_

" _Of course," I nod quickly. "I'm with you in everything. I made a promise to you I don't intend to break."_

" _Good." There's still a shadow in his eyes, though. He's worried about something. And I'm getting the feeling that something has to do with me somehow._

" _You know I would never break my promise, right?" I push, wanting to prove to him how dedicated I really am. He nods, but it's too quick._

" _Of course. I wouldn't have trained you if I thought you wouldn't be right. As long as you remember the pain you felt as you were abandoned and the anger that consumed you when you were betrayed by your father then you will be the most powerful Force user - besides me, of course. The apprentice never surpasses the master. Everything you know I've taught you, and therefore I know your every move before even you know it."_

 _Is he threatening me? It's subtle, but very much there. Why? I've never given him any reason to doubt me. In fact, he's been acting very strange as of late. "Of course, Master."_

 _He walks away, leaving me completely bewildered as to what had just happened. Things like this seem to happen more and more often, and it's starting to make me doubt him. More accurately, his sanity._

 _As long as I keep myself to a habit that follows my master's rules everything should be okay. If I don't give him a reason to doubt he won't. It's as simple as that. I just can't shake the uneasy feeling I've been getting…_


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

Author's Note: Sorry for the long wait! I just came back from visiting family and I had no way of updating. Anyway, I think you will find this chapter brings things full-circle :) There are about ten more chapters before the story is over.

 **Chapter 19**

 **Mid Rim Region, Quelii Sector, Dathomir System, 39 BBY**

The walk back to my starship is melancholy, my steps slow and even, my breaths deep and filling. The world around me seems strangely acute, as if my mind knows the decision I've made and it has decided to pay special attention to my surroundings. A last taste of the world. Deep down I know this is the last time I'll ever come to Dathomir.

My droid senses my mood change as I approach the ship. He beeps out softly, and I longingly run a hand over his smooth green dome. He instantly notices the unusual compassion and hums under my touch. "Yeah, KZ. Things are going to change."

He sends me a series of noises, clearly worried. "I've finally found my purpose," I assure him. "It's not a bad thing, but you're not going to like it. I'm going to challenge my master."

KZ-4 beeps out shrilly. "I know it's suicide. Trust me, I've thought about this thoroughly. But it's the right decision. I have to do this."

He shakes his dome side to side quickly. I turn to go climb into the cockpit when he suddenly starts booping excitedly. I look back to see him streaming a holo message of a small male figure. "Who's that from? Is it... _Isaiah_?"

The little boy I'd rescued on Tatooine from Jabba the Hutt months ago is sending me a message? But why? I'd thought he understood we were done once we parted ways. I continue watching the hologram version of him, and at the frantic look in his eyes and in his gestures I know something is wrong. Horribly wrong.

The Sith in me wants nothing more than to turn a cold shoulder at the plea for help, but that part of me no longer holds any power. The part of me that had decided to save him in the first place had grown attached to him in the few hours I had known him, and that part doesn't hesitate to take action.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" I ask, loading in my MagnaGuard fighter. "Let's go to Bespin."

 **Outer Rim Territories, Anoat Sector, Bespin System, 39 BBY**

I land in the same place as before, but this time I help KZ-4 down so he can accompany me to go see Isaiah. My time left with my droid is limited, and I want to spend as much of it with him as possible.

The mood in the city is not good. The clouds in the sky seem a dark shade of grey and shadows cover everything. Few people are walking about, and even they are walking quickly with their heads down.

The mansion Isaiah lives in is dark and seemingly abandoned. I don't even bother with knocking as I instead burst through the double-doors, taking the steps two at a time as I race up to the balcony where I had last seen Isaiah. The glass doors to the outside are shut, but he stands in front of them, his eyes glued to the gathering storm outside and his fingers pressed lightly against the clear substance. He turns around slowly at my entrance, and when he sees it's me he walks lethargically in my direction.

"They're gone," he whispers, his voice choked up with emotion as he wraps his arms around my waist. His head buries in my stomach, and I hesitantly hold him tight, understanding the need a child has for affectionate touch but not being entirely comfortable with being the one giving it.

"What happened?" I say quietly, feeling as though it would be wrong to speak loud in the empty house. KZ-4 nudges my leg lightly as if reassuring me that I'm doing the right thing.

"He took them. This guy came and took them like I was taken." Isaiah sobs.

"Did they say anything?" I ask, putting my fingers under his chin to gently point his face upwards so that I'm looking him in the eyes. There's no time for grieving. If I'm going to save his family then I need to get on with it.

"He said to call you," the little boy chokes out. "I don't know why, but I did. Only you can rescue them."

A bad feeling rises in the pit of my stomach. "Was it an old man in black robes?"

He shakes his head. "No. He's was younger. I don't know who he was, but rumor has it he has taken other political hostages, too. He said he was taking them to Thisspias."

Strange how this man, however he was - most likely a bounty hunter - told Isaiah all of this. He must be a rookie in way over his head. Or it's a trap. Either way, I can't just walk away from all this. I push the suspicions back and kneel down to Isaiah's level.

"I'm going to find your parents. I promise. I always keep my promises. Do you trust me?" He nods, a few tears slipping down his cheeks. "Good. You're a strong boy, Isaiah. Can you be stronger for just a little while more?" He nods again. "Now, it might take some time before I find them. Do you have a neighbor or a friend you can stay with until your parents return?"

"My friend lives next door," he says, wiping his face with the back of his hand. "I'll go over there."

"Isaiah…" I start to say, my words trailing off. "Sometimes bad things happen in life. You can't let them get to you, though. You have to rise above them and be strong even if you don't feel strong. You can't make decisions you'll regret later just because you're feeling crappy at the moment. It's better to be patient and wait."

Why am I telling him this? It has nothing to do with what's going on, and if anything, I'm wasting time that I could be spending rescuing his parents. I guess I just feel like it's important he hears what I have to say. There's no one else to pass what little wisdom I have on to.

"Will I ever see you again?" he asks, his eyes hopeful. He reminds me of Xavier in a way. So young and innocent and full of hope...

"No," I answer. "Probably not. But you will see your parents. I swear on it." He embraces me again, and this time I accept it. "Now go run along to your friend's house."

"I'll always remember you as my dark defender," he promises me before he runs off. His words sound so familiar as they echo in my mind. My thoughts are interrupted by KZ-4 beeping at me.

"Thisspias, right." I say, standing up and taking off at a sprint towards my starship, my droid wheeling behind frantically to try and keep up.

 **Unknown Region, Unknown Sector, Thisspias System, 39 BBY**

KZ-4 uses his scanning technology to scan the planet as we fly over, and he finds a location that is suspiciously lighting up like a beacon. It practically screams "POLITICAL PRISONERS". This bounty hunter, whoever he is, really must be a rookie. Maybe I'll catch him and teach him a lesson while he's young enough to learn better.

Unless it's a trap. Those suspicious thoughts nag at me until I push them away for good and focus on my task.

Setting down about a mile away, KZ-4 and I make the trek through the sparse and warm clearing. This planet is warm year-round, but not hot and sandy like Jakku or Tatooine. The inhabitants are snake-like in the way that they are warm-blooded, making it necessary that their planet is warm. Otherwise they'd all freeze.

It's a cavern carved out into the cliff face, but it's not a cave. Instead it has elaborate designs and is clean and cool as if it was once a palace or owned by rich nobles years ago and recently re-inhabited. My feet are silent as I enter, leaving KZ-4 to keep guard near the entrance. As far as I know it's the only way in.

The lighting is steady and bright, leading me through twists and turns in hallways adorned with rich carpets and furniture. Tapestries depicting history line the walls. It's a really nice place, but I can sense that something is wrong. It's the vibe I'm getting from the political prisoners, of course.

There's a dark hallway lined with shadows right next to an open room. I slip into the dark hallway, blending into the darkness as I scan the room. There are a dozen senators and their spouses trussed up in the middle, but no bounty-hunter. Where is he?

Isaiah's parents are in the middle, and to my relief they are unharmed. In fact, no one here is injured or hurt in the least. This makes my job easier. It feels too easy, though, as if I had just walked into an elaborate trap. Maybe this bounty hunter is better than I'm giving him credit for.

I continue to sneak around the corridors and hallways, but all I'm getting is the same consistent bad feeling as though something is amiss. One time I even hear a noise behind me only to turn and see nothing. This is really unnerving me, and soon even the sound of my own footfalls is making me jump.

There's no bounty hunter to be seen. Giving up, I march back to the main room to go release the prisoners. Maybe he'll only show up when I take action.

The senators look worried when I first approach, but I march straight over to Isaiah's parents, ripping the gags out of their mouths. I hadn't given it a single thought that maybe they'd only remember me as a Sith and not as the woman who'd saved their son.

Isaiah's mother scoots backwards, fear in her eyes. "It's you!" she cries, and suddenly I hear something from the shadows. Cloaked figures jump out, their dark brown robes unmistakable. Then they draw their green and blue lightsabers, and the situation is even more obvious.

The Jedi have finally come after me. I stand up quickly, stepping away from the senators. A few of the Jedi Knights put away their weapons to help the people escape, and I draw my my red lightsaber, keeping a defensive stance. There are about a half-dozen of them, many of them recognizable.

The one that steps forward first has the all-too-familiar purple weapon. It reflects on his dark skin.

"Mace Windu," I say, drawing out his name. "What brings me this pleasure?" My sarcasm is not lost on any of them. Beside the Jedi Master, one of the others reaches back to pull away her hood. It's Depa Billaba, and she looks fiercer than ever.

"How could you do this?" she demands. "These people did nothing to harm you!"

What? No, this is all a misunderstanding. I didn't touch those people. I came here to rescue them, same as they did.

"I just arrived here!" I exclaim. "One of their sons contacted me to come and get them. You've got it all wrong."

"Funny, since we have witnesses saying they saw a black-robed figure with a red lightsaber in hand," Oppo Rancisis, a Thisspias native Jedi, says. "Who else could that have been? You're the only Sith not in hiding."

There it is. My master had made the final move. He'd hired someone to kidnap Isaiah's parents and then dress like me and kidnap the others, making it seem as though I had done the dirty deed. Then he had made sure I would be here just in time to get caught by the Jedi, who he had undoubtedly tipped off.

He really is brilliant. Brilliant and cruel. By setting this into motion he's guaranteeing that either the Jedi will kill me or that I will be angry and upset enough to track him down and attempt to kill him instead. He's cornered me again. He really does know me better than I had thought.

"It's a trap," I try to explain. "An elaborate ruse. I've been framed!"

Of course they don't believe me. I've never given them a reason to. One of the Jedi near the back steps forward to reveal himself. "Don't listen to her. She's a manipulator." It's Quinlan Vos. And here I had thought we'd left things off on a good note.

"You can't hold that against me," I snap at him. "You were going to kill me in cold blood. I did what I had to."

"She's lying," he hisses, lunging forward with his green lightsaber. "That's all you do! You lie and you hurt people." Jeez, someone's salty today. He's probably been having nightmares confirming my vision of him going to the dark side and he, of course, blames me for it. He seriously needs to see someone for his anger issues.

"At least I've accepted my fate," I reply, easily parrying his thrust. "Maybe you should do the same." I know this isn't helping my cause, but I know the Jedi don't believe me anyway. They won't ever believe me. I'm going to have to fight my way out of this. And it's not like I have to worry about them chasing me; I'll be going straight to Moraband to challenge my master, and the chances of me returning aren't likely.

Quinlan swings his blade up from underneath, and I jump up, bringing my lightsaber behind my back to throw down with lots of momentum. It clashes against his green blade and he throws me off, but I flip in the air as I jump, landing in a crouched position. "Is that all you've got?" I taunt, knowing it'll set him off.

He doesn't attack alone this time. Depa Billaba rushes forward to join him, and I stand to better fend off the two of them. Both sides of my lightsaber swing up to intercept their attacks, and though I'm better than either of them, the combined attack keeps me from advancing too quickly. Not to mention that even if I manage to take out both of them I still have to fight Mace Windu and Oppo Rancisis.

Spinning and twirling, my robes flying up from the ground and floating, I can only imagine I look like an angel of death. My orange eyes are glowing with the thrill of battle and my red lightsaber gives a crimson shadow as it flows through the air and collides with the Jedi weapons. This is my area of expertise, this art of battle. I've trained for ten years to perfect my form and my attacks, and my style is original enough that the Jedi haven't trained against it. In every way I am superior. If I wanted to kill Depa and Quinlan I could easily do so, but I don't want to hurt them. The only person I want to kill is my master, and killing these Jedi will only make me hate myself more. They're just doing their jobs, and I'm unfortunately stuck at the other end.

That being said, fending them off with still controlling my attacks so I don't kill them is increasingly difficult. I don't want them to kill me, either. My dance is tight and quick, but there are two of them and they aren't holding anything back.

I throw out my free arm to fling Quinlan into the wall with the Force and I flip off one of my blades so I can knock Depa out with the butt of it. She falls to the floor and I sprint away, hearing Mace and Oppo taking flight after me. I'm considerably more worried about them than I was with the other two Jedi. These two are Masters, and I might not be able to hold them off without harming either of them.

They catch up to me just as I'm exiting the cavern. The dusty ground is loose under my feet, and keeping my balance will be more of a challenge here. At least I know ahead of time while the two Jedi Masters will come running out with no idea. If I can trip them up in the beginning...They come running out not long after, and I sweep my lightsaber under their legs, forcing them to jump. When they fall their feet slip out from under them, and both of them hit the ground face-first. I jump over them and put my lightsabers out, tucking the handle into my belt and beginning to scale the cliff quickly.

Mace is up faster than I would have given him credit for. He starts following me, his purple lightsaber still out and ready to finish the job. Great. I knew he had never liked me but I didn't think he'd try to kill me. Seems to be a theme among the Jedi.

My hand slips as the rock underneath it crumbles and I lose that grip. With three of my limbs hanging in thin air, Mace has an open shot at me. With a groan, I wrench my arm up, catching another grip. The strain hurts my weak wrist but I continue forward, seeing the edge of the cliff coming up. I have maybe ten feet left.

Disaster strikes at that moment. My lightsaber tumbles out of my belt and falls, hitting Mace on the way down. He looks over his shoulder to see my weapon tumbling down, and a triumphant smile graces his face. "Game over," he says. "Give it up."

Nope. Not when I'm this close to fulfilling my life's purpose. They won't catch me. I won't let them. With a deep breath, I launch myself off the side of the cliff face, flying down to the ground towards my lightsaber. When I hit the ground I absorb the impact evenly with a roll, coming up and throwing my hand out to summon my lightsaber towards me.

There's nothing. It doesn't fly into my open and outstretched palm. Snapping my head up, I see Oppo Rancisis holding my lightsaber tightly. He's staring at the name engraved into it.

"Thanatos?" he questions skeptically. "You named your lightsaber after the god of death?"

"I was eleven and impressionable," I answer with a sigh, standing up and walking towards him. "How about we end this with a real fight? Sith against Jedi. It will be legendary!" Maybe by convincing him of the glory of a fight he'll give me a chance to grab my lightsaber and run.

He shakes his head, his big white beard swaying. "Those are against my orders."

"So you'll kill me in cold blood? You're no better than me if you do that," I say, hoping that guilting him will help work out instead.

Again he shakes his head. "That is not the Jedi way." His voice is infuriatingly calm. Ugh. How do the Jedi live this way?

"Then what are you going to do with me?" I question, edging around him slightly. He doesn't seem to notice.

"We're taking you into Coruscant," he replies. His declaration confuses me but I push it to the side, making my move quickly. I snap my leg up, kicking the wrist that holds his lightsaber. He drops it and I summon it to me with the Force, holding it up to defend myself. Oppo is startled, and I use his hesitation to land another kick in his ribcage, pushing him back and onto the ground. I rush forward to grab my lightsaber, but I'm grabbed from behind, strong arms wrapping around my waist and throwing me backwards. Oppo's lightsaber tumbles out of my grip and disappears several feet away.

Mace points his purple lightsaber at me, an inch away from my neck. "It's over," he insists, his voice grave. Well, he's in for a surprise, because I'm not going to give up. It isn't my style.

I drop flat against the ground and roll to the side as far and as fast as I can before popping up and sprinting towards the area I had seen Oppo's lightsaber fly towards. Mace is in full pursuit, and I barely have time to reach down and scoop up the Jedi weapon before flicking it on and turning to face the Jedi again.

After using my specially crafted lightsaber for a decade, trying to fight with a normal one is a challenge. I'm still proficient at it, but I'm not smooth or graceful like with my normal one. This style is about brute strength and is made for slashing and stabbing while mine is styled for speed and long sweeps. And there's no way I can fight off two of them using this. Luckily Oppo is out of sight, and unless he wants to use my weapon, he's unarmed. The other two Jedi haven't emerged from the cavern yet.

I spin the lightsaber teasingly, ignoring the painful crack from my wrist. "Just you and me, huh?"

Mace narrows his eyes. "That lightsaber is unfit for you. You have lost all your advantages. Come quietly and you will be unharmed."

"Surrender isn't in my nature, sorry," I reply as we circle each other warily. "And you have no reason to harm me. I have not injured any of your Jedi past bruises and scrapes, yet you still continue to hunt me down. I am no threat, yet you proceed to brand me as a criminal with only circumstantial proof. Right now I'm purely on a defensive stand."

"Your very existence is a threat," he shoots back. "Quinlan has told us about how your master takes control of you."

"That happened, like, once," I say with a sigh. "I was lying to him about the other times."

"And you say we should trust you when you admit to things like that?"

I let down the lightsaber and with it my guard for a moment. Frustration colors my tone. "Look at my history! I don't kill people in cold blood without reason. I've never harmed a Jedi unless they attacked me first, and even then it was more of a discomfort."

"Are you denying the incident in Coruscant five years ago? The boy you stabbed dozens of times and then crudely signed your name in his blood to make sure we all knew it was your work? What reason did he give you to do that to him?" Mace's lightsaber shakes slightly, as if he's itching to fight but is holding back until he gets some solid answers.

Now it's my eyes that narrow. The memory comes back, and with it pain and regret. Strong and dangerous emotions, those are. "That was a mistake. I was young and emotional, and that boy...he was trying to take me from my master." It's the same lie Sidious had used to justify my actions, and I know it's wrong, but this is a subject that isn't meant to be brought up. It's a shaming moment in all sorts of different ways.

"We investigated it," Mace says, his voice with an edge to it. "He was a kind and hard-working kid who had a future planned out with the girl he loved. And you took that all away from him."

He doesn't know. None of the Jedi do. They don't know that I was the girl he loved, and that he never had a future with me. He was a distraction, a way to fend off the lonely hours. A way to feel wanted and accepted for once. At least that's what I tell myself to avoid the relentless guilt.

"Damari never had a chance at a future," I snap, my patience thin. This talking is just stalling, and we both know it. I'm done with stalling. I need to get out of here.

Unfortunately it seems I said too much. Mace Windu may not be the wisest of the Jedi, but he is smart. His face drops in realization. "You were the girl he loved...and you loved him back, so your master killed him and blamed it on you so that you would gain a reputation as a cruel Sith and you wouldn't be taken from him."

"No. _I_ was the one who killed him." If he's going to try and figure it out I might as well correct him. "I pledged myself to the Sith ways, and I made a mistake. I had to fix it."

"So you killed an innocent boy instead of taking responsibility for your actions and your emotions," Mace sums up, his face contorting in anger and disgust again. "Sounds like killing someone in cold blood to me. Just the sort of thing a Sith would do."

"He knew who I was, and he knew the risk he was taking," I seethe, some of the stored anger leaking out. "He even told me it was okay to do what I had to do."

Mace shakes his head. "So you decided you either had to kill him or leave your master. Total absolutes, just like every Sith."

"I am not just like every Sith!" I cry, my voice raising an octave. "How dare you stand there as if you're righteous and accuse me of all the bad things I've ever done! Do you ever look at the good things? Like how I saved a boy who'd been kidnapped as a political prisoner on Tatooine while you sat in your Council seat doing nothing? I saved a girl and her father on Naboo while you had no idea she was even in trouble. And who was there to stick up for that Twi'lek girl in the Underworld while thugs had been beating her to death? Not you!"

"You think a few good deeds can make up for all the damage you've done?" he shouts. "You are just like every Sith because you make excuses instead of taking responsibility. You think in absolutes and hurt people who get in your way. You lie and manipulate those who are trying to do good in the world, and you are a poison to those around you. Everyone you loved is dead, and you're the only thing any of them had in common. You are not worthy to walk on this ground or talk about doing good deeds. You are not worthy to say you are different than murderers or thieves or liars. You are the reason good people die early, and you are who parents warn their children about at night. You are the lowest scum the universe has to offer!"

His last declaration causes me to charge with a deranged cry. His accusations aren't true. His words are lies. He's a liar. He is manipulating me. He can't be right. I am not those things. I am not a bad per-

No. If he had been lying then I wouldn't be feeling this rage. By reacting I am proving that he did tell the truth and that I am all those terrible things and more. Deep down I know it's true. I just can't accept it.

Our lightsabers collide, the green of the one I'm wielding against the purple of Mace's. He pushes, his strength greater than mine. My muscles tense in resistance but he pushes the crossed lightsabers closer and closer, forcing me onto my knees and then onto the ground. A scream rips from my throat as I try in vain to push back, but I only gain a few inches before he is putting all his weight on it. I'm laying on the ground now, barely keeping the weapons from burning me. They hover a centimeter from my face, and it takes all of my effort to keep them from killing me.

"That's enough," a voice says, and I see Oppo lay a hand on Mace's shoulder. "She is beaten. We'll take her in now."

No. It can't be over. I won't let it be. With a cry of rage, I let go of the lightsaber in my hand, hoping Mace's momentum and my lack of resistance causes the blades to press into my neck and finish me off. It's a wasted sacrifice, yes, but I will not be captured by the Jedi. Death is preferable.

Something painful hits me, and everything goes black.


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** Sorry for the long wait! I'll try to be more consistant from now on. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

 **Chapter 20**

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 39 BBY**

I'm shaken awake roughly just as the starship lands outside of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant. A quick check shows they've completely disarmed me, and my hands are tied together in front of me to keep me from using the Force or from fighting them. Four hooded Jedi flank me and Mace Windu leads the way as they lead me into the Temple.

My suicide attempt had failed. Apparently Depa and Quinlan had showed up just in time to Force-summon the lightsabers to them and pull Mace away, also managing to knock me out at the same time. They really do want me alive, it seems. My master must be disappointed that I had been so close to death and still spared.

My eyes glow with hate but I managed to shrug my black hood up to hide my face and my humiliation. My body trembles with energy that isn't spent, and thoughts of escape are running through my mind. I see my lightsaber hanging from Mace's belt, and I know if I can loosen the hasty bounds on my hands then I can summon my weapon to me and fight my way out. Unfortunately they're watching my every move, and even a twitch of my hands are noted. The anticipation is killing me, and it seems as if they're parading me around like their prize horse.

The Jedi really are not all they're cracked up to be. Deep down they're prideful and bitter. Foolish and cruel. I won't let them get to me, though; I keep my dignity my holding my chin up and walking confidently, my silence infuriating them.

Finally I speak. "Are you going to give me a chance to prove my innocence?" It's a civil and calm inquiry, and it makes one of my guards stomp a little. I have a sneaking suspicion of who it is.

Mace turns to glare at me. "You were going to kill yourself to evade capture. That seems pretty guilty to me."

"I did everything in my power to evade capture because the Jedi are foolish and I knew you would never see me as more than a Sith. I'm not a person to you, I'm an enemy." My voice remains level despite my tense body yearning for action.

"You don't trust any of us - which is the way it should be - but that leaves you out options for a situation like this. None of us trust you, either. No one here has a good word to say about you. So will you tell me your ingenious plan to prove your innocence?"

"I was on Dathomir studying the ways of the Force to improve my power when those people were kidnapped. You can go there and ask them, but I don't think you will. You wouldn't believe the word of a witch. You can question my droid, but you would assume I tampered with him to force him to say what I want him to say. That leaves me only one choice."

"You are correct. What is this final choice of yours?" he asks suspiciously.

"Qui-Gon Jinn will vouch for my innocence." It's a bold claim, but I trust him to tell the truth. He can make it sound like he hates me, I don't care, but I know he is a man of the truth and he would tell them he doesn't believe I have it in me to kidnap those people.

"Master Jinn happens to be on a mission in the Outer Reaches and it is unknown when he will return. For your sake, you better have another way out of this."

What else? Or, rather, who else? My mind spins as I try and consider who would know me well enough. Who do I trust?

Only one other name comes to mind. "Is Obi-Wan with his master? He would also validate my claim."

"Obi-Wan is here at the present moment," Mace replies, motioning us forward. We start moving again, and I feel like a cattle being herded around. "If he speaks well of you, you will be released. If not, you will be interrogated and kept here."

Relief floods me, and I quietly let out a previously held breath. Obi-Wan will tell the truth about me, and his word will set me free. Though we are separated, now and forever, we are still friends, and I still trust him. We hadn't parted out of enmity but out of necessity. I remember his words clearly: " _You're not a bad person, though! He just doesn't understand you like we do."_ Obi-Wan himself had even admitted that the other Jedi don't see in me what he and Qui-Gon do. And if there had been any doubt about our parting status, he had cleared it up simply: " _I don't see you as a Sith. I see my friend, and I see a strong and brave person."_

He will vouch for me. I know it to be true. He is my only hope left, and there is not a doubt in my mind as I am marched to the library, where I assume he is at the moment. The dark procession halts a few feet outside of the building, and a few moments later I see my friend being brought out, a puzzled look on his face. Mace is speaking to him in low tones, but he's not talking about me. He hasn't mentioned me, not yet. It's a wise move; they're looking for his first reaction at seeing me.

Mace brings him over to stand in front of me, and two of my guides step back. Now I'm only held by two of them. My eyes flicker over to my lightsaber on Mace's belt. No, I don't need to plan for that now. Obi-Wan's word will set me free without conflict.

He looks straight at me and one of the guards pull my hood off roughly. Underneath, my hair is messy and wild, but my eyes glow out, bright and familiar. There's recognition in his eyes as he stares at me, his blue ones so familiar and welcoming. A friend among a pit of snakes.

"She was caught holding political prisoners on Thisspias," Mace explains, loud enough so that we can all hear him. "She claims she is innocent, and that you would put in a good world for her."

With my chin lifted high and my eyes focused on him, I know I look as confident and put together as ever despite how emotional and messy I had been yesterday during the duel with the Jedi. Ugly truths had been revealed that afternoon, but I've shoved them all down to unleash only when I'm ready to challenge my master.

Obi-Wan is silent for the longest time, his young features showing no emotion but his eyes telling a much different story. There is much conflict in him, and anyone with even the faintest connection to the force can tell he's indecisive about what he's going to say. I don't have any doubts, though; he is just trying to figure out how to word it. I know that by mentioning his name he might get in trouble, but it will all blow away after I challenge my master on Moraband and my death or victory will prove my change of heart.

"Well?" Mace demands. "Do you know her?"

"I know of her," Obi-Wan replies. "I met her in this very temple eight years ago. She was stealing a red crystal from the treasury to build her lightsaber." He trails off, still conflicted.

"And?"

"She...she lied to my master and I. She said she was a poor girl living in the Underworld and that she needed to crystal to trade for food. Then when we went to bring her in for questioning she fended us off and ran."

What? Why is telling this story? My face drops in shock, and from his obvious swallow I can tell he notices. "That was eight years ago," I say slowly, still stunned. "What about everything since then?"

"Several weeks ago my master and I were tracking a bounty hunter on Hoth. He had captured her and was planning on trading her life for his, but we attacked him before he could make a deal. She stole my Tauntaun and left, leaving us to fend the bounty hunter off alone. He had the Heart of the Guardian and the Mantle of the Force to aid him. We had saved her."

He doesn't even look me in the eye anymore, and I feel my heart drop to a bottomless abyss. My face clams up, level and calm, as the full force of the betrayal hits me. It takes a while for my brain to comprehend how utterly I'd been backstabbed. For a few minutes everything is numb, and then suddenly my vision is red and my blood is rushing and pain erupts, pain like I hadn't felt since Damari.

"I trusted you," I say softly, my voice like a pin drop. That pin then shatters against the ground and with it, all the good I had been working on since I had come into contact with Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon. It all leaves me, and only my famous Sith rage is left. All pretenses of calm drop away, and my face contracts in anger. I throw myself forward, trying to get out of the clutches of the cursed Jedi who hold me back. "I trusted you!" I scream, thrashing and kicking, ripping myself away from one of the guards - only to be held tightly by another one. "You betrayed me!"

"Take her away," Mace orders, but I'm not done yet. I want Obi-Wan to know just how badly he hurt me. I want him to feel the same pain of guilt as I had when I had stabbed Damari. Only this time there's no one to wipe his memory. He'll have to live with it his entire life, knowing he damned me in order to save his name.

"You're worse than my father _and_ my master," I hiss under my breath, and his eyes shoot up to meet mine for the last time, pain evident in them. He doesn't say anything, though, holding stubbornly to his silence. That one last look is enough to convince me that my work is done; he knows exactly how deep his betrayal goes.

After that, though, I lose all the fight left in me. Now that I've finally been betrayed by _everyone_ who I ever loved or cared for, and now that I've hurt them all in return, I don't feel like fighting anymore. Life doesn't hold any meaning.

All that inspiration to challenge my master...it just evaporates. I'm just going to die, anyway. Part of the reason I had wanted to duel him was to prove to the world, to the Jedi, to Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon especially that I had truly changed. By dying trying to bring him down I would be proving that I am a decent person and not evil.

That's all changed, though. Obi-Wan openly lied - no, not lied; avoided liberating truths and produced damning evidence - about my character. The Jedi listened to him, and they now think I'm just like every other Sith. And the world? What do I owe them? They never gave me anything kind or even warm. Why should I have to prove my character to them?

There's no reason for me to try anymore. Let the Jedi interrogate me all they want, I'm not going to answer any of their questions. Let them try to force it out of me, but I'm not going to speak. My mouth is shut forever, and my body has shut down with it. I will not move or talk, and I will not give them anything they want.

I owe the world nothing.

My body goes limp in the guard's arms and they have to drag me to wherever they want me to be. Mace looks back and when he sees my state there is only hardness and coldness in his dark eyes. He sees a Sith trying to manipulate him, not a girl who has finally given up.

That's right. I've given up. I'm done. There is nothing more for me. I have been betrayed too many times, and I have been forsaken too many times. Let them do or think what they will, but this is not an act. This is the most honest thing I've done in forever.

They pull me to a room deep under the main floors of the temple and strap me into an upright board, my wrists and hands encased in metal, my feet and ankles and waist pushed back in a similar manner. I feel nothing as they lock me up. They're going to try and break me, but they can't because I'm already broken. They've done their work. There's nothing more I have left to give.

Quinlan is the one who approaches me first. He's alone, and he's angry. He stands in front of me, his arms crossed and his legs shoulder-width apart. For the moment he's level-headed, but I don't expect that to last for long, even without me doing my usual taunting.

I raise my head wearily up, and finally my eyes settle on his. He stares for the longest moment and I'm the first to look away. "Is this you or is this your master controlling you?"

Nothing. He's being sarcastic, and we both know it. He has come to poke fun at my defeat and to regain his lost dignity and pride from our fight on Bespin and the one on Thisspias. And you know what? I don't care. He can insult me and make fun of me all day long. I'm not going to react. I simply don't have it in me anymore.

"You were so invincible when I first stumbled upon you. I had heard all the stories, and I had talked to so many different people who had encountered you. I really was desperate to find out my fate, so see if those nightmares had any weight to them. And you know what all those people I talked to said?" He pauses, but whether it's for effect or to give me time to answer I don't know. "They said a trail of dead bodies follow you _and_ precede you. They consider you a goddess of death with your black robes and red lightsaber and your lack of mercy. You're drawn to death, and you deal it out."

Quinlan uncrosses his arms and starts pacing in front of me as he continues. "Some people said you are cold and heartless, and others said you feel too much. Indifferent and emotional all at the same time. I still wonder which one is true." He stops again, and a shadow comes over his face. I know what he's going to say next, but it doesn't faze me. "Mace Windu told me all about the boy on Coruscant. You loved him, and you killed him. How did you feel when you did it? Were you emotionless and cruel or were you crying and full of pain?"

For the record, I was neither, but in reality I just kept watching him with tired eyes.

He seems a little frustrated at my lack of a reaction, but he tries to keep it wrapped up. "How do you do it? One moment you're a storm and the next moment you're calm. And how are you staying calm now? I'm throwing everything I can think of to hurt you at you and you're not even interested. If anything you look like a lost puppy."

I still continue to just watch him, and he throws his hands up in exasperation. "That's it. Okay. I'm going to give it to you straight: I need to know who your master is. Who is the other Sith?"

Yeah, not going to happen. He comes closer, gets right in my, but I don't flinch. "If you give us his name we won't kill you." Yeah, right. I'll always be a threat to them after this. And if they capture my master and dispose of him themselves then I'll never have the chance to make things right. I'll die a Sith, and I can't have that.

"You don't think I'm serious?" He pulls out his lightsaber and angles the green blade a fraction of an inch from my neck. I can feel the heat from it and even a small burn, but I still don't react. If he finishes me now, then so what? I'm going to die anyway. Life has just lost all reason. I can't prove to anyone that I'm not a bad person, so there's no point in challenging my master and dying that way. There's just no point anymore.

Quinlan retracts his lightsaber and shoves it back into his belt with a groan of frustration. "So you don't care about your own well-being. What do you care about?" He thinks long and hard, but his search will come up empty. There's nothing or no one I care for anymore. He was right; they're all dead. And of my only living "friends" one betrayed me and the other one is untouchable. Actually, as they're both Jedi, they're both untouchable.

I can't even bring myself to revel in his defeat. I'm just so numb and dead inside that nothing else seems to matter.

What takes me aback is when his face lights up and a sly smile appears. "I know what will convince you to talk," he says before running out. Although it had surprised me at the moment I fail to stay worried or surprised. He has nothing on me. Whatever he thinks will work won't. Nothing will get to me anymore.

Quinlan enters in, this time with a bag in one hand and something rolling behind him. He sets the bag down on the ground and displays my droid with a flourish. "This is your droid. If you don't cooperate and tell us who your master is and all of his plans, I will personally destroy him."

That gets to me. My eyes widen as KZ-4 beeps shrilly. He's so scared and fragile! How could he threaten me by using my droid? That's beyond cruel. And I had been wrong: not everyone I love has betrayed me. KZ hasn't. He's the only one who hasn't.

I swallow, hating myself for what I'm about to do. Just as I open my mouth to speak KZ-4 turns to me and lets out a series of beeps that change my mind. _I trust you_ , he says. How can I betray him when he's been there for me all along? Sure, we've had our differences and he's abandoned me for the Jedi before, but I love him, and he trusts me with all his little mechanical heart. I can't just let Quinlan destroy him.

But I can't betray my master, either. The Jedi have gone too far in their actions to get those kind of answers, and I will gladly watch them burn at the hands of Sidious. I will not tell Quinlan of my master, and I will not let my droid be destroyed.

I let out an audible sigh before I take action. This is going to hurt. I set my shoulders and take in a deep breath before I twist my left wrist so hard it snaps, the fracture lines of my previous break giving under the pressure I'm applying. My own strength isn't enough, but a big push with the Force does the job. A shout comes out as I wrench my broken - and now smaller - hand through the metal cuff and point it at Quinlan. The Force shoves him backwards and he hits the wall hard. KZ-4 looks over at me but I motion for him to go. He does, taking off at the fastest speed I've ever seen him go.

By the time Quinlan recovers, my droid is long gone. A spark of defiance lights me up and I lift my chin up at him as he stands, rage on his face. He'd been outsmarted by me so many times I don't even know why it's a surprise anymore.

He doesn't even have words for me as he storms over to his bag and reaches inside of it. My heart stops at what he pulls out.

"You tasked Qui-Gon with destroying this, but I took it and switched it out for a fake one. No one knows I have it, but soon we'll know if the legends are true." He brings it over to me to see, in its full glory.

The Ravager.

* * *

KZ-4 gets out of that room fast. He doesn't like that Quinlan guy one bit. All he ever does is try to hurt Minerva, and KZ doesn't like anyone who doesn't like her. He may only be a droid, but he knows good people from the bad people, and right now Quinlan is a bad person. He's angry and dangerous. Even Minerva gets dangerous when she's angry.

But she never hurts KZ. All she does is protect him. Sure, she makes fun of him and always threatens to get rid of him, but she doesn't mean it. It's her way of showing her love. And now it's KZ's turn to show his love.

He rolls down the hallways and up the elevator and all over. Minerva needs help. His scans had shown pain and damage when she had saved him, and now it's his turn to save her. The only problem is that he's a droid, and what she needs is a person. A powerful person. A friendly person.

KZ-4 knows that Minerva doesn't have very many friends. He doesn't understand why, but he does know that one of her friends is here. And he's going to get him to help.

He checks every room and every little corner, but he can't find the friend. Where did he go? KZ finally decides he must have left the temple, and he exits the doors. No one questions him, but why would they? He's just a lost droid to them.

There! Sitting outside on the steps is friend Obi-Wan. He looks sad, though. The droid approaches him slowly, bumping into him lightly. The Jedi looks down at him. "What are you doing here?"

 _Minerva needs help,_ he beeps. _She's hurt._

"She doesn't want my help. Not now, not ever again." Obi-Wan looks away.

 _You're her friend,_ KZ tries again. _Go help her_.

"Not anymore. I did the worst thing I could possibly do. I betrayed her, KZ. I said things I didn't mean because I was scared to admit she is a good person." He shakes his head. "She said I was worse than her father and her master."

 _The reason it caused her pain was because she cares about you. If she didn't care about you and your opinion then she wouldn't have been upset._ KZ-4 needs to convince him to help. He can sense Minerva's in danger, and it's up to him to rescue her.

"She doesn't care anymore," he replies softly. If KZ could do an eye roll, he would.

 _Do you still care about her friendship? Then go and save her now. She's in danger! You may have betrayed her, but if you go to her then you won't have abandoned her. She's trying to be a better person, but when you lied you made her doubt herself. If you go and help her she won't be upset anymore._ KZ beeps it all out in a rush, trying to make the young Jedi understand. No one knows Minerva like the droid does, and no believes in her as much as KZ. He always has, ever since she first picked him up.

"What kind of danger?" Obi-Wan asks, and at that moment KZ-4 knows he has won him over. The droid ignores his question and instead starts rolling back towards his master. Obi-Wan has no choice but to follow. KZ feels a sense of pride and accomplishment; he has finally managed to prove his worth to Minerva, and with it, his love.

He will never abandon her.

* * *

Getting my brain melted is exactly what I wanted to do today. The Ravager may be made to extract information but I will let it destroy me before I speak. It will be the worst pain ever, but I will resist it because my word is all I have left, and I will not let it be said that I'm disloyal because I betrayed my master.

Quinlan is out of his mind. He's not seething anymore, not yelling, but he's in a calm, cruel sort of of anger. It's the most dangerous kind. He stalks forward slowly, the device gripped tightly in his white knuckles.

"Your kind invented this so it's fitting that you will either confess or die by it," he says, looking at it longingly. "You have shown strength and resolve, and I really do hate to break you this way. It's unfair. But life often is, don't you agree?"

I still say nothing. Life is unfair, but taunting me isn't going to change anything. I've long since learned that lesson.

He comes closer still, and now he's right in front of me. My broken hand twitches painfully, but I don't dare move it. Not that I care about death, anyway, but suffering? My brain liquifying sounds like suffering to me.

"Last chance," he says lowly. "Confess freely or be forced into it."

My face doesn't even twitch. He reaches up with the Ravager in his hands, ready to put it on me. It's the end, I think. It doesn't feel right, but nothing recently has. My whole life has been one wrong thing after another, so it's fitting it ends wrongly.

There's commotion in the hallway and the door bursts open. Quinlan whirls to see KZ-4's green dome roll through and Obi-Wan's white tunic with his dark brown robes. "What are you doing?" the Jedi Knight hisses. "You're interrupting an important interrogation!"

Obi-Wan takes stock of the situation immediately. "I'm interrupting murder," he corrects, his voice hard. "Hand over the Ravager to the Jedi Council."

Quinlan's eyes narrow. "Or what? I'm trying to save our kind. If her master has a plan, then he could potentially bring about an imbalance of the force. The Sith have been hiding for years, and I highly doubt they've been idle in all that time."

"You're out for revenge," Obi-Wan accuses. "She told you your future, and you don't like it, so you blame her for it. The Council sent you down here to reason with her, not to threaten her. You can either hand over the Ravager to the Council yourself or I can report you. The choice is yours."

"You really don't want to do this, young Padawan," Quinlan threatens. "Your master is outspoken in more ways than one. I have much power in the Council."

"The Council will see through you," Obi-Wan warns. "Even they will not condone torture. Give it up, Quinlan."

He doesn't like it, but Quinlan abruptly turns and leaves. Obi-Wan immediately drops his hard expression and rushes over to unlock the cuffs. "What did you do?" he asks, holding my shattered wrist in his hands gently.

KZ-4 answers him, but I still don't say anything. How can I? He had betrayed me in the worst way possible. Qui-Gon and him were the only two people I trusted, and to be backstabbed like that…

It should make me angry. I should be furious and filled with hate. Searching inside myself, though, I find none of those emotions. Instead there's...is it forgiveness? I had noticed that I'd been changing lately, but not that much!

When I'm standing on my own and not strapped to the wall anymore, my first move is to lean down and pat my droid. "You're the best," I tell him. He hums proudly in response. My apathy fades and I find myself inspired by my little droid's bravery.

"Minerva," Obi-Wan starts, then hesitates. I turn to see him standing dejectedly away. "What I told them...I didn't mean it. It's just that Qui-Gon gets these projects and he puts all his time and energy into it. Usually he picks up outcasts and tries to help them, and of course the Council turns him down, time after time. His standing in the order bumps down a notch each time. He isn't bothered by it - he believes wholeheartedly that he's doing the right thing - but I am, and when the pressure was put on me to stand up for you, his most recent project - "

"You didn't want to lose status by being associated with me," I finish quietly. "It's okay. I'm not mad at you. Not anymore, at least."

"You're not?" his young face is surprised.

I start walking out of the room and he and my droid follow. I pull up my hood with my uninjured hand to conceal myself. There is no way I'm getting captured again. I won't be lucky enough to escape again. If I'm going to do what I have to do, I have to do it now. KZ reminded me of my duty, and I will honor him by finishing my task.

"I'm going to Moraband to challenge my master," I tell him quietly once we exit the temple and are a safe distance away.

"That's suicide!" he exclaims, putting his hand on my arm to stop me. "You can't do that."

"I don't want to be a Sith anymore," I whisper, my voice cracking. "If I'm a Sith, people look at me and see a bad guy. If I'm a Sith, I can't be friends with you and Qui-Gon. If I'm a Sith, I'm not free to be who I really am. I'm not strong enough to switch over to the light side, so death is the only way I'll be freed."

Obi-Wan doesn't say anything. Instead he lets go and continues walking a few feet, deep in thought. When he turns around his face is set. "We all make choices in life that we have to take responsibility for," he says solemnly. "If this the path you choose, then it's your choice and your choice alone. But you're not going to face it alone."

"I have to," I reply. "You can't come to Moraband. It's too dangerous. I'm not going to let you kill yourself. Your future is too important. This is my burden and I will bear it alone."

He nods once. "I don't like it, Minerva. Not in the slightest. I respect you too much to fight you, though. If this is what you must do, then finish it. But take him down with you."

This is it. The end of the journey I started on years ago when I had first taken up Sidious' offer. At that time I never would have thought it would end this way, with me being full of regret for all the lives I could have lived. All the things I could have done. All the ways I could have changed the world and the people I encountered.

"Before you go," Obi-Wan speaks out. "I've been working on something." He holds out his hands and motions for me to present my damaged wrist. I offer it up and he closes his eyes, summoning the Force to do his will. My bones knit together again, though my wrist is still weak. Obi-Wan stumbles back a little, the effort of the healing exhausting him.

I lace up the wrist braces on both arms to add support to the weak joints. I won't be struggling with them for much longer, I think wryly. Instead I thank the Jedi. "Oh, and one more thing," I add. "KZ-4. Will you take care of him?"

My droid beeps and whistles in protest. He doesn't want to leave my side. I appreciate the gesture, but it's not fair to let him rot on Moraband with me. Not after all he's done for me.

"He doesn't want to stay," Obi-Wan remarks. "Maybe it's best you take him with you."

"At least try to talk reason into him," I beg. "He likes you and Qui-Gon a lot. He doesn't deserve to die with me."

Obi-Wan nods in acquiescence and takes my droid aside for a few minutes. They talk back and forth before the Jedi comes back, shaking his head. "He will not be moved. That is indeed a loyal droid you have there."

I take in a deep breath. KZ-4 is as stubborn as his master, apparently. And now I'm just stalling. I don't want to go to my death. I really don't. All my fears rise up again, but I have to do this. I have to prove I'm not bad. I don't want my only legacy to be of the terrible things I did.

"Goodbye, Obi-Wan," I announce. "I will see you one day on the other side."

And with that, KZ-4 and I head towards certain death.


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** This is not the last chapter, although it seems very final.

 **Chapter 21**

 **Outer Rim Territories, Unknown Sector, Unknown System, 39 BBY**

My master is here already, waiting for me. I can sense him. He is a dark shadow in the force, menacing and silent. I have never openly defied him before, but I have seen evidence of what happens to those that do. My heart pounds in my chest, fear filling me.

Suddenly I have the desire to go back. Obi-Wan would help me hide. Or I could go to my safe house in Naboo and live to an old age there, just KZ-4 and I and all the native fauna. It wouldn't be a bad life. Any life sounds good right now.

Faced with inevitable death, I discover just want to live.

I thought I had come to terms with it before. Many times before. I had steeled myself in every way possible, but now that it is right in front of me, my mind has changed. Is having a good name really worth throwing away my life for? Is my dignity and honor and legacy really worth ending things so abruptly for?

Deep down, the answer is yes. I inhale deeply and exhale long several times, calming my scattered emotions. KZ-4 is silent and stoic in his pocket on the outside of my ship, and I order him to stay there. He decided to come, but he doesn't get any more say than that. I can't bear to watch him be destroyed. He's the last shred of innocence left in my life, the last untouched and pure thing that I've ever come into contact with.

Talzin's words and advice come back to me and I connect with the Force, letting it flow through me and thrum deep in my veins. The bottled up emotions linger just below the surface, ready to be released when the moment is right. My eyes close in concentration. This is it, but it's not going to be a quick death. I am going to confront my master and lay bare for him his sins, and then I will fight to my very last breath.

I feel as though everything has led up to this moment. For the first time in years my mind is clear and I know exactly what I'm supposed to do. There are no moral questions left, no excuses. Everything is coming to end here right now. After years of betrayal, abandonment, pain, suffering, power, strength, fear, fearlessness, anger, love, impatience - every emotion on the spectrum, it seems - I have finally found peace. Peace from the storm that has raged inside my heart and soul my entire life.

So even though I'm afraid - terrified, in fact - I still feel a sense of serenity. It won't last long, not if I'm going to be using my pent-up emotions to boost my power to put up a fair fight against my master, but for the moment it's a relief.

After a few minutes of meditation with myself and with the Force, I feel I am ready. Shrugging my hood on and lacing up my boots tightly, I gather up my lightsaber and tuck it into my belt firmly. My hair I braid back tightly into a long cord that falls down my back. If this is the end, I'm going to go out ready.

Stepping out of the starship and onto the dusty plane that spans the entire wasteland of a planet, I sense the darkness where my master must be. It's several hundred meters from my ship, and I begin the trek slowly, not eager to run towards death.

It's fitting that it ends here, here on the planet where the Sith originated. They fought each other back then, too, but their fights were over power. This fight between my master and I will be for freedom, for liberation. I've been a slave to the dark side and to him for so long that I cannot remember what liberty feels like.

Freedom is life's greatest disappointment, though. My parents separated to free themselves from the suffering of being near each other, and look where that got my mom. My siblings ended their lives to free themselves from the pain of living, but all it brought them was the imprisonment of death. I became a Sith apprentice to free myself from the clutches of death and poverty, and all it brought me was right here, right back to death.

If freedom is so disappointing then why does everyone crave it? Why do we reach towards a goal that doesn't get us far? The answer lies in ourselves. When we have freedoms, specifically the freedom to choose, we feel in control. We feel strong and able, independent. And to most people, that feeling is enough to sacrifice whatever freedom might take from us. In my case, I am willing to sacrifice my life for freedom.

My master is standing next to the remains of some ruins. Yes, the old marble and rusty metal structures are old enough to be considered remains of ruins. This planet has been abandoned for such a long time that each of my footfalls brings up a dusty shroom to rise from the thin soil that covers the ground.

I stand ten feet from my master, my arms at my sides and my posture straight. He watches me for the longest time, and I realize it has been over three years since I left. To him, I am a new person.

"You are different, Minerva," he says, his voice carrying through the wind. "And yet you are exactly the same. What has changed in the last few years to prompt this treachery?"

"I have not betrayed you, Master," I reply, raising my voice slightly to be heard. "Not once has your identity slipped my lips, nor your location. No secrets of the Sith have been discarded in my absence. I have not harmed you in any way. You know this to be true for you know I cannot betray you. It isn't in my nature."

"Then what are you doing here?" he hisses, not satisfied with my answer. "You hold not the bearing of a prodigal apprentice or a wayward protege. Only treason comes from your stance."

"I have come to bring justice," I declare solemnly. "You destroyed my life. I am here to correct that damage."

"You have been lied to!" he shouts. "You have been tricked! I made you who you are today. I saved your life when no one else came to your rescue. I gave you everything you wanted. You were the one that promised to do everything and anything it took to become a Sith."

"I was desperate and dying, and you took advantage of my youth," I accuse calmly, saving my emotional energy for when the fight starts. "You told me you'd take away my fears and give me what I wanted, and that there was no catch. I unwittingly gave up my freedom, for once the dark side claims you it never leaves. You were the one who manipulated me."

"Look at yourself!" he scoffs, disgusted. "You are who you always wanted to be. I gave you the power you wanted. I did take away your fears - you coming here to confront me is evidence enough. I gave you the skills to stand up for yourself and the ability to remake everything. What more did you want?"

"I wanted strength, not power," I say softly, my words barely audible. "My fears never left me; they just evolved. The skills you gave me were to kill anyone who opposed me when all I wanted was to be able to hold my own. You took away my humanity and turned me into your pawn. I wanted happiness, and when I found it, you made me destroy it." The words flow out easily, all my barriers lifted. This is my master, and he knows everything about me. I have nothing to hide. How can I be shamed by him when he was the one who made me?

A cruel grin curls up on his hooded face. "Ah, the boy. You remember him, then?"

My heart clenches. "How could I forget? He was the first one I killed, and no amount of Sith magic can make me forget what I did or how I felt."

Sidious shakes his head. "You see it all wrong. That was your greatest moment. You overcame your restraining emotions and made good on your promise. You proved to yourself that you weren't like your treacherous father or your cowardly mother. You didn't take the easy way out like your siblings. That was the first time you had ever made your own choice in something important, and you did what you had to do. I was so proud of you that day. It was your defining moment."

My defining moment as a killer, maybe. As heartless and savage. "No, that was _your_ defining moment. The moment you defined yourself as a liar and a traitor, that is. You said I could be whoever I wanted to be, and I wanted to be with him. You cornered me and left me with no choice. If I hadn't killed him you would have killed me. You were the one who betrayed me."

"I see you have truly made up your mind, then," he remarks. "You are turning your back on the way of the Sith. My greatest apprentice turned against me. We could have ruled the galaxy together. We could have done anything we wanted to do."

"I never wanted to rule the galaxy. And you knew that years ago before I left. I saw how you looked upon me with worried eyes. You were afraid I would grow too powerful for you to control and that I would challenge you. It's only because of your mistake that I'm living, for I didn't want the power that killing you would bring. I just wanted to be free to do what I wanted to do. Now I'm being held back because of the dark side, and I have no choice but to fight you."

He's silent for a long moment, but I can sense that I am right. He had been terrified of how weak my loyalties would turn out to be.

"Have you ever thought of what would happen if you win here today?" he questions, and I catch my breath. He'd found the only opening in my fortress, my only unsure footing. I have been so confident in his power to defeat me that I hadn't ever considered the consequences of winning. "You'd be the last Sith. You would have to train a new apprentice."

"I would kill myself and let the Sith die out rather than ruin someone else's life," I answer. "But we both know you will win today."

His face brightens. "You have seen my future? You know I will succeed?"

Crap. Hadn't meant to let that slip. Now he'll be more confident than ever. "I just know you have trained me. You know everything I know. As you said, you created me."

He isn't listening to me, though. He's daydreaming about his new empire. "What shall I call it? It will have to have a name. I will not be known as the ruler of a republic. People should hear the name and be afraid. They will know of it far away in other galaxies…" Sidious turns again to me. "It's a shame you won't be alive to see it."

The duel has begun. I know he will not fight with a lightsaber, but fighting is my strength, so I pull my weapon from my belt and click both sides on, shrugging off my black robe at the same time. The red glows brightly on the dull planet.

I can sense through the Force all the old Sith Lords hanging around here as they gather near, the anticipation of a duel between two incredibly powerful Sith breaking through the monotony of their existence. There are many of them, and I can sometimes catch their whispers clearly. They know all that is at stake, and yet none of them are judging me for my decision to break away from the dark side. They respect me for my power and strength.

They can't be in the way of me and the Force when the battle begins, though, so I clear them from sight and sound as I focus on the present.

Darth Sidious makes the first move. He motions with his hands to pull free rubble from the old ruins and throws it my way. I avert it with my left hand and spin my lightsaber with my right, turning it into a windmill of death. Sprinting forward, I use the Force to aid me as I somersault over him and land behind him, swinging my blades forward. It should have dissected him but he had anticipated the attack, stepping quickly out of range and putting out his hands to send Force lightning my way.

I intercept the blue and purple spikes with my blade, focusing on it so the lightning with not shatter or short circuit my weapon. The last thing I need is to lose my one advantage. My master cannot fight with a weapon, or at least he chooses not to, so if I have any chance of wounding him it will have to be with my weapon.

He finally stops the rays and instead throws more objects hurtling my way. I deflect them all as if they are pesky nuisances, even the largest ones, and he is surprised by my power. Oh, this is only the beginning. I haven't even touched the emotions packed down inside. This is just a warm up.

Sidious is becoming desperate. He knows my power has only grown since I left, and he has been too busy with politics to bother with training his mind. Maybe I will win this fight after all.

I chase him around the area a few times, both of us dislodging old ruins and trying to sneak in Force lightning attacks to no avail. We are equally matched in this arena. Until he changes strategies, that is. He uses the Force to fling my lightsaber away and it turns off, the metal hilt disappearing behind some ancient wreckage. The movement catches me by surprise, considering how cheap of a move it is.

"Now it's just us and our knowledge of the Force," he announces. "A fair fight, I think."

"I have learned much in my travels," I warn him, and he, predictably, goes for a Force choke. I push out my palm in defense, and the  
Force throws him backwards a few feet. Now the emotions are flowing in an unchecked line. He struggles to his feet as I advance on him. "I am the opposite of you. And I am more powerful than you." It's a true statement, and he knows it.

Sidious tries the lightning again, but I jump up and forward, landing behind him in a crouch. This time I try for a Force choke, and he struggles for a few minutes before managing to dislodge my hold and throwing me back. My head hits something hard and everything goes black for a second before my vision returns, dark spots still lingering. I force myself to my feet and face him again right as he's launching another attack. Whenever I feel myself giving way to him I remember the damage he did to me and my power levels surge up again. We grapple for what seems like hours but is actually close to half of one. Neither of us has the upper hand as we lay blow after blow with the Force on one another. Each of us take heavy hits and deals them out; we truly are equal.

I finally get the upper hand as I send him flying against an old, half-standing column. He hits his head hard and goes down, crumpling in a heap. Slowly I walk towards him, finding my lightsaber and summoning it to me. I switch it on as I approach him, angling one blade towards his chest. When he opens his eyes I'm staring down at him in hate.

"You truly are the best apprentice I ever had," he swallows, pushing himself up a little bit. "You learned everything I had to teach you and more."

"Flattery won't save you," I say coldly. He shakes his head.

"No, it won't. Because I didn't say that as a compliment." He rolls under and over, and before I can lunge forward with my blade and deal the killing blow he reaches into his robes and pulls out his own red lightsaber, blocking my blow. "You were right when you said I suspected your loyalties. I kept my fighting skills a secret so that if you ever challenged me I had a failsafe. Flattery won't save me; my combat abilities will."

I back away to allow him to stand up and we collide instantly, the buzzing of our lightsabers as they whirl through the air and the clashing of them as they hit each other filling the air. He wraps two hands around the hilt of his, relying on his strength to combat my speed.

My speed isn't as fast as it usually is, though. The Force part of the battle had worn me down, and my strong muscles are now shaking from nonstop tension and the build up of lactic acid. Dust is floating thickly in the air, making it hard to breathe, and blood from a cut above my eye is dripping down, making my skin itch uncomfortably and partially blinding me in one eye. He wears me out and pressing down, again and again, and my legs are starting to shake under me, and my arms are sore and aching. I can't keep this up for much longer.

He bears down on one of my blades, putting all his strength behind the push. I lean back, but my feet are slipping on the dusty ground. Sweat and blood make their way down my face, and a groan of effort comes out of my mouth. He knows he has me, and I know I can't keep this hold.

Summoning up bravery and/or stupidity - though I think it's a mix of both - I spin away as I retract the blade of my lightsaber. I turn in time to avoid being impaled by his lightsaber, but the blade carves down the side of my bare back. It's only a scratch, but a lightsaber scratch is excruciating and burning. White spots dance around my vision and I turn to face him again, trying to breathe steadily to avoid passing out from the pain.

I take a second to reach behind and lightly press against the wound with my free hand, discovering with a burst of agony that it wasn't as much of a scratch as I had thought. It's actually deeper, and I was lucky he hadn't severed my spine. It's a terrible wound that I will pay for greatly once my adrenaline fades.

"I have trained you well," Sidious says, facing me off as we slowly circle each other like vultures. "You put up an honorable fight. It is only too bad that you fail to see how great your life was. You had so much to look forward to, and you're throwing it all away."

"I threw my life away the moment I agreed to be your apprentice," I shoot back, and with that I lunge forward, aiming for an area between his neck and his chest. As I jump forward, partially in mid air, he throws his hand out and uses the Force to throw me backward. My grip on my lightsaber is loosened and it flies out of my hand, far out of reach and sight.

Sidious walks over to me, towering above as I lay on the ground in pain. "What did you expect to come out of this?" he asks cruelly. "Do you really think that by challenging me you'd be redeemed? Will killing me or by dying while trying wipe out away the blood on your hands? Will it bring back all those you killed? You're an even greater fool than I thought. You cannot redeem yourself. Minerva is a murderer, and nothing will ever change that."

He's right. But at least this way I'll be avenging those I killed. "I know nothing will make up for what I did. That is why I'm dying now, to prevent further harm. Minerva will become a name of legend, a bedtime story mothers tell their children to keep them from wandering out at night. I personally will never be able to hurt anyone again, though."

"So now you've become a saint?" He brings the lightsaber closer to my neck before dropping it. "I'm not going to kill you. Not immediately, that is. Some say regret is the worst emotion. Others say guilt is. I'm going to leave you here long enough to figure out who is right. Just long enough." He brings his lightsaber down and slashes, cutting two long diagonal lines deep into my stomach, parallel to each other. They're just deep enough to be fatal but shallow enough so that it will take hours to kill me. I would know, because I've inflicted it upon others before. But I had never thought I would be the one accepting the injury.

Pain explodes and for a few seconds I black out. When I come to again, I see my master picking up my wayward lightsaber and tucking it into his robes. "This will serve my new apprentice well," he informs me. "Thank you for your service," he adds with a grin before he turns and walks away, his black robes billowing behind him as he leaves me to die alone on this cursed planet.

All I can do is lay, the suns overhead burning my skin and drying me up. Everything hurts, and I can barely roll myself over to where my discarded robe lay, using it as a sheet to lay on. After that I close my eyes and try to find peace, but I can't seem to get it. What he had said about never being able to redeem myself had really stuck.

And, like he had said, both guilt and regret fills me. I had murdered dozens without remorse. Sure, most of them had been hardened criminals, but there are a few innocents. Damari sticks out the most, his big brown eyes and his bright smile ingrained in my mind forever. My life would be completely different if I hadn't killed him. Would I have happy? We could have lived together, building a better life for both of us. We would have been each other's family.

There is the regret part. It's not just Damari I regret, either. I regret all of the lives I'd taken. Who was I to play God and decide whose lives were worth less than others?

There were good things I did, though, too. If I hadn't been on Tatooine I wouldn't have ever rescued Isaiah and brought him back to his family on Bespin. If I hadn't been on Coruscant I wouldn't have ever been able to honor that Twi'lek girl in death. And that family on Naboo. I'd done good things in my life, and maybe they didn't outweigh the bad, but I had tried.

It wasn't worth it. All of my life - my horrible decisions, my conflicting emotions, the loss of my family, not being allowed to be with my friends - none of it was worth this. I had the chance to be happy, time and time again, yet I chose strength and power over everything else. My fears had controlled my life, and I hadn't ever risked anything. It just wasn't worth it, I think, a sob getting stuck in my throat and tears streaking down my face.

Suddenly I realize I don't want to die alone. I don't want to be here. No one will know I died except KZ-4, and he'll rust out eventually with my starship. No one comes here. And no one cares, anyway. In my life I was a murderer, a Sith with a terrible reputation for cruelness and violence. If anything they'll throw a party because I died.

My friends...I realize with a wave of sadness that Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan will never know what became of me. They'll assume I died or left the galaxy or hid, but they'll never know for sure. My body will rot here on this Sith planet, and eventually I'll become one of the many skeletons here.

And Isaiah will always wonder what became of his dark defender. He's with his parents now, I bet. A small smile manages its way on my face at that thought. I may have done many bad things in my life but at least I reunited him with his family. They won't be broken like me and my family. No one deserves that.

I just want to live! There's so much in life I had passed by or missed, and now that I'm dying, I realize I don't want life to end. It had been painful and full of suffering, but it had been living, and what more can I ask for? Life is precious in all forms.

Eleven years ago I had been in a situation not too different. I had been slowly wasting away in an alley in the Underworld of Coruscant, with no one to notice if I had been gone and no one to mourn me. But my attitude couldn't have been more different. I had wanted to die back then, wanted nothing more than to let the suffering and sorrow end. Now I'm in a similar situation but I want to live.

 _I choose life!_

Life just doesn't work that way, though. It never did. Why would it change for me?

My body shudders quickly, pain flashing hotly, and my eyes flicker before closing, darkness claiming me.

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 43 BBY**

 _Today I turn sixteen. The sweet age, apparently. In order to celebrate it, I'm leaving my master. A bold move I barely have the courage to make, but a necessary one. I'm tired of being his puppet, the one who does his dirty work without question._

 _It's time I make my own decisions. It's time I find myself, discover who I really am without him behind me. I want to take advantage of my life and live it to the fullest._

 _He will be angry when he discovers I left. He will hunt me down and will always be ready to destroy me or turn me back. But I'm not going back. I can't. There's just something wrong about him, a bad feeling that I get whenever I'm around him. I don't doing his work or following him. He trained me well, but now it's time to go my own way._

 _My life is just beginning, and there's so many places I want to travel to, so many people to meet and things to try. I can't constantly be under his shadow, not if I want to succeed._

 _He's been an important part of my life for several years now, but it's time to let go. Our paths will cross again some day. I feel it. For now, though, I'm on my own._

 _Just the way I like it._

 **Outer Rim Territories, Unknown Sector, Unknown System, 39 BBY**

Obi-Wan lands on the dusty planet, doing his best to ignore the bad feelings he gets. This planet is the source of the dark side, and he wouldn't be here unless it was of the utmost importance.

And, according to KZ-4's frantic message, it is. He leaps from the cockpit of the starship, running to the one nearby that he recognizes as a MagnaGuard fighter. It's Minerva's, and her green astromech droid beeps wildly from his pocket. Obi-Wan goes over and places him on the ground.

"Qui-Gon's on his way," he tells the droid quickly. "Where is she?"

KZ beeps as he takes off, hurdling towards a group of ruins a half a mile away. The Jedi follows as fast as he can, but no one can catch catch up to KZ-4 at this point. He's never been more rushed in his life.

Obi-Wan sees the body before he even gets close. KZ-4 reaches Minerva and lets out a series of sorrowful whistles. The Jedi increases his pace, coming to a stop at her side. Her eyes are closed and her skin is pale, blood smeared across her face from a cut above her eye. The source of her condition is startlingly evident, though. Two crispy lines gouge deep in the skin of her stomach. The Jedi has seen injuries like that often enough to know it's from a lightsaber.

He kneels next to her, keeping calm to check for a pulse. There is one, but it's weak. Too weak. And increasingly failing. KZ bumps into her side, and her eyes flutter open slightly.

"Minerva?" Obi-Wan asks gently. Her eyes don't focus on anything, though. Not for a while at least.

"You came back," she whispers, brokenly.

"Of course," he replies, small smile curving up on his face for her benefit. She returns a weak smile.

"Your future - " she begins, but he cuts her off.

"If you don't think I should know it then don't tell me. I trust you and your judgement," he says, and she gives him a grateful look.

"Thanks," she chokes out. "Just...just take care of KZ, okay? Please."

Minerva never says please, and just as rarely does she ask for favors or thank anyone. This really is the end, Obi-Wan realizes. "Of course," he assures her. "Anything." But even as he watches her body fails. "Minerva? No, stop. Don't die. You can't." Her hand on his arm falls, hitting the ground duly.

It happens too quickly after that. Her features relax as she exhales for the last time, those bright orange Sith eyes closing lethargically. He holds her closer, pain filling him as his friend dies, right in his arms. "No," he whispers, his face contorting with grief. "No!"

When Qui-Gon makes it to them, Obi-Wan doesn't know how long he has sat there for. His face has since become passive, and he has calmed down since. Acceptance has come over him. This is the cycle of life, and she hadn't died without honor. No, Obi-Wan knows she had died doing something for herself, something she needed to do to redeem herself. Her life hadn't all been for naught.

"She's gone," he says numbly, rocking back on his heels to look up at his master. Qui-Gon turns sadly to her body, kneeling down to lay a hand on her cold forehead.

"She was brave to take on her master," he remarks solemnly. "Braver than most. She will be a legend."

Silence reigns for a long moment as the two of them let reality sink in. Minerva had been so young, and had so much potential. Now she's just gone, and they're left. KZ-4 lets out one long and heartbreaking mourning note, and then another. He keeps bumping into her, waiting for her to wake up. She isn't, though. She won't.

"She's not coming back, KZ," Obi-Wan tells him softly. The droid can't seem to accept it, and that makes everything even more painful.

"We won't leave her here," Qui-Gon says to his young apprentice, laying a hand on his shoulder that's as heavy as his heart. "We'll give her a proper funeral on Coruscant."

Picking up her stiff body gently, the two Jedi and the green droid walk to their ships, leaving behind the old, dusty planet of Moraband and the old ruins that had once been great buildings. It had all been destroyed, premature and cruelly.

Moraband had fallen just like Minerva.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

 **Non-Existing Location**

Everything is black. I'm floating in a black sea with no sense of time or direction. There's nothing but darkness. I can't feel anything, can't hear anything, and I can barely think.

Memories from my life come back, words and phrases and images all assaulting me with no rhyme or reason. Dredged up scenes hit me, sending me flying in my mind.

There's my sweet brother, with his kind features and compassionate eyes. " _It's okay. I'm always going to be with you. We'll get through this together. I promise."_

There's Quinlan Vos, with his flashing eyes and angry face. " _You're a Sith with a reputation for violence!"_

There's Cad Bane with his marble blue skin. " _You hop from planet to planet, killing people as you see fit with the powers of the dark side."_

There's Jobal Naberrie. " _You don't know what constitutes a good life, do you?"_

My master's voice from inside of the Sith temple. " _You have taken the first steps."_

There's my father, many, many years ago, his face level and emotionless. " _We're separating. We've both been unfaithful."_

There's Talzin, the first time I'd met her. " _What is it you need from me, daughter of the dark side?"_

There's Darth Bane's ghost from Moraband. " _You don't crave power like the others. For a millenia I've existed in this form, watching as the plans of the dark side slowly come together. Your master is the most powerful Sith in many years, and the wisest. His biggest mistake, however, was choosing you. You're supposed to want power as much as your master, but the only power you want is to prove to yourself and to the world that you're not weak. You don't care about overthrowing the Jedi as long as you know you can defeat them whenever you want. You don't care about making people fear you as long as you know you can make them scared. You just want to prove to the world that you're not a terrified little eight-year-old who can't even stand up to your father, because you're afraid he'll hit you like he hits your mother. And you never want to be a coward like your brother, who - "_

There's my little sister, her big eyes and young face broken as she screams Xavier's name over and over again until her voice is raw, her knees soaked from the wet ground by his gravestone.

There's an image of a yellow lightsaber, a rare and unique one over two thousand years old. A mystery surrounds its former owner.

A young Grand Moff Tarkin after he sees his parents murdered in front of him at my hand: " _I'm going to kill you!"_

I see Lillea as her pale body hangs from the ceiling. My baby sister, gone.

There's Obi-Wan with his boyish face but wise and mature eyes. " _I think you might one day find that you're not bad. You'll start using the dark side of the Force for good things. It's all about how you use it. The Sith use it for dark deeds, and the Jedi use it for good. You started using fear, hatred and anger to connect to the Force, and you used it for dark deeds under your master, whoever he is, but not anymore."_

Talzin is back, but this is from before. " _Knowing the future is a heavy burden to bear. How can you live knowing how it's going to end? Not for yourself, but for everyone? All that pain and darkness...you see it all."_

There's my mother, leaving our apartment in Coruscant for the last time. I hadn't known it at the time, though. Would it have made a difference?

My master again, this time in a dark, shadowy, alley in Coruscant. " _I am powerful. And I can make you powerful like me. You can be the strongest person in the galaxy. No one will know about your past. Just take all that anger and pain and hate and channel it. I'll teach you. Come with me, and I'll teach you everything I know. Your days of being weak are over."_

Cad Bane again, this time on Jelucan. " _You could have let that Jedi master die, but instead you saved him. That doesn't sound like something a Sith would do."_

There's a memory of the first time I had used the Force successfully, bringing the life-saving food to my starving self.

There's Obi-Wan again, his voice gentle and kind. " _Not everyone is against you."_

There's my father again, but this time more recently, disappointed when he learned I had become a Sith. " _But those are bad people! How did you get caught up in something so vile? I didn't raise you that way!"_

There's the little Twi'lek girl from Coruscant. " _You're...you're a kind person. Are you my guardian angel? You came to save me…You were my dark defender…"_

There's Depa Bilaba, from the Jedi Council. " _And you think you are better than we are? You, who uses the dark side of the Force to achieve your own selfish goals?"_

There's Master Yoda, also sitting at the Jedi Council. " _Wise, you are."_

There's the Kintan Jedi, Ima-Gun Di. " _You mean to tell me you've never hurt an innocent person before? You've never killed someone in cold blood? I know about the massacre of the Tarkins on Eriadu. I've heard about the boy on Coruscant. Those are just two of the known times. There are dozens of others whose bodies are credited to you. Anyone who gets in your way is slaughtered. You are no different than the others. All Sith are the same."_

There's Maz Katana and her goggles that see through anyone. " _You made a decision years ago you regret now. Why do you regret it? It gave you everything you wanted? Well, it seems to me that you didn't really know what you wanted when you made that decision. But you're not willing to give up what you gained for what you want. This internal argument is destroying you inside, and there's only one way to stop it, but you don't want to do what it takes to end it. Everything about you screams indecision, dear."_

There's Damari, with his dark, mysterious, and loving eyes. " _If this is what you have to do, then do it. You saved my life in many ways, and if I'm to die, it's you who has the authority to be in control over it. Tomorrow?"_

Talzin, again. " _Love and hate are two sides of the same coin, and their opposite is indifference."_

There's Isaiah, his face so much like my brother's. " _Will I ever see you again? I'll always remember you as my dark defender."_

Quinlan again, even angrier than the first time. " _Don't listen to her. She's a manipulator."_

Mace Windu, hailing from our battle on Thisspias. " _So you killed an innocent boy instead of taking responsibility for your actions and your emotions. Sounds like killing someone in cold blood to me. Just the sort of thing a Sith would do. You think a few good deeds can make up for all the damage you've done? You are just like every Sith because you make excuses instead of taking responsibility. You think in absolutes and hurt people who get in your way. You lie and manipulate those who are trying to do good in the world, and you are a poison to those around you. Everyone you loved is dead, and you're the only thing any of them had in common. You are not worthy to walk on this ground or talk about doing good deeds. You are not worthy to say you are different than murderers or thieves or liars. You are the reason good people die early, and you are who parents warn their children about at night. You are the lowest scum the universe has to offer!"_

There's Quinlan again, this time on Coruscant. " _You were so invincible when I first stumbled upon you. I had heard all the stories, and I had talked to so many different people who had encountered you. I really was desperate to find out my fate, so see if those nightmares had any weight to them. And you know what all those people I talked to said? They said a trail of dead bodies follow you and precede you. They consider you a goddess of death with your black robes and red lightsaber and your lack of mercy. You're drawn to death, and you deal it out. Some people said you are cold and heartless, and others said you feel too much. Indifferent and emotional all at the same time. I still wonder which one is true. Mace Windu told me all about the boy on Coruscant. You loved him, and you killed him. How did you feel when you did it? Were you emotionless and cruel or were you crying and full of pain?"_

My master, from our battle on Moraband. " _Ah, the boy. You remember him, then? That was your greatest moment. You overcame your restraining emotions and made good on your promise. You proved to yourself that you weren't like your treacherous father or your cowardly mother. You didn't take the easy way out like your siblings. That was the first time you had ever made your own choice in something important, and you did what you had to do. I was so proud of you that day. It was your defining moment….I see you have truly made up your mind, then. You are turning your back on the way of the Sith. My greatest apprentice turned against me. We could have ruled the galaxy together. We could have done anything we wanted to do. What did you expect to come out of this? Do you really think that by challenging me you'd be redeemed? Will killing me or by dying while trying wipe out away the blood on your hands? Will it bring back all those you killed? You're an even greater fool than I thought. You cannot redeem yourself. Minerva is a murderer, and nothing will ever change that."_

It's like hearing and seeing my life in review, all the important things flooded back into recent memory. The good things, the bad things - but in death, what really is the difference? The things I had done in my life no longer matter. Nothing does.

My memories are my only company. I had always assumed I'd see my siblings in death, and that way I'd be able to tell them all of my stories from my life. It turns out I'm all alone here.

Death is different than I had imagined in every single way. If this is it then many things I had done in my worth have turned out to just not be worth it.

Just as I've resigned myself to accepting my fate, a being appears. The form is slim and curved in a feminine way. There are milky white wings protruding from her back, two sides with sections like a butterfly's, only hers has three sections to each side instead of two, to make a total of six wing sections. Her skin glows golden, two emerald orbs showing her eyes. Straight, platinum blonde hair cascades down from her head, the dark amber and turquoise robes flowing beautifully from her perfect figure.

She's so beautiful. The most beautiful person I've ever encountered, in fact. In an instant I know exactly where she's from. "You're an angel," I say aloud, my voice sounding strange. "From the moons of Iego."

She nods her slender neck gracefully. "You are correct." Her voice is as beautiful as her appearance.

This really doesn't make any sense. "Why are you here? This isn't the death I should have. I wasn't a good person in life."

She frowns, her light pink mouth turning upside down. "Who are you to judge how your life was? That is not your job."

"So you're saying that whoever decides who is good and who is bad in life decided that I wasn't bad?" I'm confusing myself just as much as I'm confusing you.

"Minerva was bad," she tells me. "But you are not Minerva. She disappeared as whoever you are surfaced. You are...neither. We cannot judge you based on her."

Because this makes so much sense. "I don't get it. I am Minerva."

"You have been several different people in the course of one life," she explains. "You were born Rina, and Rina was a scared little girl. When you started harboring hate and anger, it led to Minerva, who came about when you became a Sith apprentice. Minerva started disappearing a few months ago. You rescued a little boy on Tatooine, and that was the beginning. For the remaining months you struggled between the two, between Sith and...not Sith."

"I didn't have to die to kill the Sith part of me?" I exclaim, suddenly upset. I had sacrificed my life just to learn that it had been a waste.

"In theory, no," she agrees. "Everyone else still would have thought you were a Sith, and no amount of excuses or explanations would have convinced them otherwise. Dying was the only way to prove to the galaxy that you really had changed."

"If I'm not Minerva then who am I?" I ask, my voice quiet.

"Only you can find that out," she answers, a small smile lifting up on her full lips. "But first, there's some people who want to see you. They've been waiting a long time."

It's only when the strangers start walking up that I realize I'm no longer drifting in a black sea. The background around me had been changing, and now I'm in a bright green meadow, the warm sun shining down in a kind manner. It's not too hot and it's not too cold, and the sky is a light blue color with lazy cotton ball clouds drifting around.

It's what I had imagined life after death being. For good people, that is. Warmth and sunshine and laughter - a beautiful place for beautiful people.

And the people walking up to me aren't strangers, I realize, my heart jolting to a stop (is that even possible? I mean, I am dead already. My heart has already stopped). A young man looking only a couple of years older than I am approaches first, his tousled blond hair and bright blue eyes so different and yet so familiar.

"Xavier?" I say aloud, my surprise evident. My gaze turns to the teenage girl next to him. Deep down I know who she is, and I know she would be sixteen now. She's beautiful; she looks like me, but with the youthfulness and innocence of our brother. Long brown hair falls down her back, her blue eyes sparkling warmly. "Lillea?"

They laugh at my shocked expression and come closer, wrapping me up in a tight embrace. My body is stiff at first, shying away at the human contact I had not felt in...I'd never really been held or hugged in a way as genuine as this. But, oddly enough, it's just what I need. So I let out the tension in my muscles and hold them closer, letting out my own laughter.

Honestly, I had always worried that they would judge me for not following them all those years ago or for all the horrible things I had done. At least I had expected some awkwardness. What I had not even considered was that they would accept me with open arms - literally. They act as if nothing had changed in the eleven years since I'd seen them, and I'm more than grateful.

"You've really grown up!" Xavier enthuses, stepping back to check me out. "I mean, I've been watching you all those years, but seeing you in person…"

"You saw everything?" I question, my defenses suddenly shooting up again. Xavier and Lillea trade glances.

"You're our sister," Lillea says softly. "Of course we were with you through everything."

"But...all the bad things I did…" I trail off, not even being able to finish.

"At least you were brave enough to stay alive," Xavier says firmly, looking regretful.

"By killing ourselves we took the easy way out," Lillea agrees. "Living is harder than dying. Who are we to judge you when you at least stayed alive, fighting and trying to make the most out of the cards you'd been dealt?"

That's so...sweet. Generous. At this moment I wish more than ever that they had never died. We could have had a really good friendship, the three of us. Except now I'm dead, too, so I guess things will be like that. "I've missed you guys a lot," I admit, ruffling Xavier's hair and laying my arm on Lillea's shoulder casually.

"There's someone else who wants to see you," Lillea tells me softly. She and Xavier move off to the side, giving me a little bit of privacy. Who I see next stuns me, rendering my body paralyzed.

Dark hair, dark eyes, an open and forgiving face…

Damari. He stands a few feet in front of me, watching me careful. Like Xavier and Lillea, he too has grown up as if he hadn't died. He stands taller than me now, but he hasn't changed much more than that. His mahogany hair is swept to the side slightly just like in the memories, long enough to be styled but not long enough to be shaggy. His dark bronze eyes sparkle with excitement at seeing me, and my heart races just as much at the sight of him as it always had. It feels like what had happened five years had happened yesterday.

"Hey," he offers, trying to ease the tension a little bit. His stance is comfortable and casual, but I'm still frozen in place. I had never considered seeing him ever again, and now the shame of my actions keeps me from reacting. How can I say anything after what I had done to him?

Despite my insecurities, though, I feel ready to run forward into his arms and ready to tell him all about what had happened in my life. I want him to know all my fun adventures and all my feelings. There's a warmth deep in my heart that I haven't felt in a long time, and all I can think about is him. I can't stop staring at him.

I still love him.

From the moment I had recalled those lost memories, I should have known. If his personality has changed as much as his appearance then I for sure still have the same feelings as all those years ago. How could I stop loving him?

"Say something," he begs, his arms falling helplessly to the side as my paralysis continues. He looks sad now, an emotion I hate seeing in his eyes. He's so innocent and kind that I just want to shield him from what's making him sad. In this case, though, I'm the one to blame.

"I'm so sorry," I whisper, and it turns into a sob as I cover my eyes with my hands. My face fractures and breaks, and suddenly it all crashes down on me. "I'm so sorry, Damari."

He hasn't seemed upset yet, so it shouldn't surprise me when he wraps his arms around my shaking body, holding me close. He smells of cinnamon, a familiar scent of home and warmth. _Love_. "It's okay, Minerva," he comforts me, stroking my back gently. "I've never been mad at you. There's nothing to be sorry about."

I pull away, wiping at my eyes. "How can you say that? I killed you. In my anger, I murdered you in cold blood. How can you not be mad?"

"Everyone dies eventually," he says softly. "If you hadn't shown up that day five years ago and saved me from those thugs I would have died that very day. But you saved me, and I lived several months longer. And you made those months better by simply being there."

"That doesn't justify my actions," I protest quietly, not wanting to upset him. I've done enough to him already.

He shakes his head. "You're right. Nothing will. But I am glad you made the choice you did because I would rather die to let you live than either live without you or die _with_ you. Your master would have either killed you or both of us, and that would have just been a waste. Look at all the good you've done in your life since then!" A smile grows on his face, but I can't mirror it. How can I with all these feelings of regret?

"But all the bad things I've done," I argue again. He's an optimist and I'm a realist, and the difference has never been more clear.

"You haven't smiled since I died," he remarks suddenly, changing the topic. "I mean, you smile, but it's not genuine. I've been watching you all these years and you've never smiled like the way you smiled with me."

Thinking back on it, I realize he's right. There hasn't been much in my life for me to be happy about since Damari died. "It's because that smile is reserved for you," I say, half-teasing and half-serious. His face brightens, and at that I do start smiling a little. Maybe he really does forgive me. Maybe this really is a second chance.

The guilt is melting away in his look. I really do love him so much. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me. How could I have ever given him up? No wonder I had to erase those painful memories in order to continue living.

"You're so beautiful, Minerva," he tells me sincerely, touching the side of my face lightly and almost hesitantly with his fingertips. "I wish we had had forever together."

"Me too," I agree, grabbing his hand tightly in mine. "I learned at an early age that life isn't fair. Never have I understood that statement more than today."

"I'm going to miss you." His words are quiet and solemn as he leans his forehead against mine gently. His words confuse me.

"What do you mean? Can't I stay with you now?"

He captures my eyes with his, staring into them for a long moment before speaking. "You're getting a second chance."

"A second chance?" My mind is running slower than a turtle at the moment.

"You're going to live again," he confirms, wrapping his arms around me again. "You get a second chance to make things right. Do some good in the world."

"But I want to be with you," I murmur, leaning into his shoulder. A few tears slip down from my eyes, but I'm not embarrassed anymore. Emotion is an important part of life, and not something to be ashamed about.

"One day," he promises. "For now, though, you have to go." We stand in each other's arms for a few minutes more, taking in the last remaining moments. "Tomorrow?"

This time there is no confusion in my response. No anger, no hate, no frustration, no bitterness. Just love and a little sadness. Bittersweet. "Tomorrow is perfect."

And just like that, he disappears and I'm left standing alone. A moment later the Angel appears again, her beautiful form shimmering. "You are no longer Minerva or Rina. This is a second chance to live your life right. I have complete faith in you."

Her smile is the last thing I see before there's a jarring jolt.

Some immeasurable time later I wake up, my eyes snapping open to stare at a wooden ceiling far above me.

I'm back. I'm awake. And I'm alive.


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** Thank you for all your kind reviews! I try to never ask for them, but they are much appreciated and they really did make my day. You guys are so awesome :) I hope you enjoy this next chapter

 **Chapter 23**

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 39 BBY**

I'm laying on a stone slab in the basement of the Jedi Temple, but that's about all I know for the moment. I place my palms down to push myself up, and I feel the familiar pain from the strain on my damaged wrists. Yep, I'm back for sure. Same body, same old injuries, same me.

No, not same me. _Different_ me.

I feel completely different. The Angel's words come back to me as I sit on the edge of the slab, thinking things through before acting. Coming back from the dead isn't exactly something that happens every day.

" _Minerva was bad. But you are not Minerva. She disappeared as whoever you are surfaced. You are...neither. We cannot judge you based on her."_

Something is bugging me, deep down. Something is just not the same, but I can't put my finger on it.

There's a mirror on the far wall, cracked in the corner but mostly whole, and I softly pad over to it. I look more different than ever.

My hair is still the same brown color, and my skin is still a medium shade, not too pale or too dark. I'm wearing a flowing white dress, but that wasn't my choice. It's probably what they were going to cremate me in (you would _never_ catch me dressing myself in white). On the surface, though, nothing has changed. My eyes are still the same -

No. They're not. A bubble of laughter escapes my throat, rough and raspy but still a laugh (hey, I was dead for a little bit, okay?). My eyes aren't the Sith orange or yellow. My eyes are grey again!

 _I'm not a Sith anymore._ The realization begins to sink in as a huge weight is lifted off my chest. Tears even sting my eyes - and I don't cry, at least not easily. But the relief is just too much for me hold in. My days of being forced to follow my master and wielding the power of the dark side are over. Although my death was short, there were a few things that became clear to me. One of them is that I have a choice in life, to be either good or bad.

I am neither. That is my choice in life. I will not be a slave to either the light side or the dark side. I will have the freedom to be either. I will do whatever I want with my life.

I am not Rina, held back by my fear and bogged down by disappointment. I am not Minerva, controlled by fear and the want for power.

I am someone entirely different. _I am me_.

Footsteps interrupt my thoughts, and I see Quinlan Vos enter the room. I can't help the smug smile on my face at his complete and utter shock. He doesn't even say anything as he stares at me standing there, _alive._

"Come to pay your final respects?" I tease, and his face falls into an enraged look.

"You're supposed to be dead," he says. "Or did you fake that to manipulate us, too?"

Hm. Of course they would suspect it was all a ruse. It's not, though, and they can't possibly believe that I am lying when they see the change in my eyes and in the imbalance of the Force.

"You're right," I tell him. "I am supposed to be dead. Guess you couldn't get rid of me yet."

He scowls. "I'm taking you to the Jedi Council. They can decide what to do with you."

I smile brightly because I know it will drive him crazy. "What a good idea!" I reply in a sickly sweet voice, though internally I'm just relieved he didn't whip out his lightsaber to finish me off himself. I'm defenseless without my lightsaber.

A pang of regret hits my heart. My beautiful, hand-crafted lightsaber that had been with me for years is gone. Taken, by my former master. I'll never see it again.

But it was a mark of my Sith origins, so even if Sidious hadn't taken it I would have had to get rid of it myself. Maybe it's for the best that I don't have to deal with it now.

Quinlan drags me roughly by the arm out of the room and up those flights of stairs and all the way through the Jedi temple to the higher floors where the Council room is.

* * *

The twelve chairs and their inhabitants seem intimidating when I'm standing in the middle. Without all my cocky confidence and my rash pride I feel a little lost. And after having to recound my whole story, I feel tired and shaky.

"Let me get this straight," Mace Windu says, leaning forward and steepling his fingers. "You escaped with the help of your droid, went to Moraband to challenge your master, died, then came back to life. We know Master Jinn brought your body back, but how are we supposed to know you weren't faking it?"

My eyes can barely contain themselves as I struggle not to roll them in disbelief. "Do you honestly think I would fake my own death? What good would that do me? If anything it would be the opposite - I did end up right back here, right into the clutches of those who tried to _melt my brain_." I emphasize the last three words, leaning in a little.

"I don't believe it," Ki-Adi-Mundi says, shaking his cone head. "People don't just come back from the dead. Not like this, at least."

"Telling the truth she is," Yoda contradicts slowly, nodding his green head forward. Some of the Council members look at him in shock, others in affirmation.

"How can you say that?" Depa argues, her dark eyes flashing angrily. "She's a Sith! A traitorous one!"

"Feel, you must," Yoda instructs. "Around her, the Force is changed. Gone the dark side is." He looks up at me thoughtfully. "Now grey her eyes are, orange no longer." They all turn to look over at me, and I can sense them tuning into the Force.

"Master Yoda is correct," Yarael Poof finally confirms, leaning to the side to take full advantage of his armrest. He then turns to me. "But if you are no longer a Sith, then who are you?"

Who am I? I hadn't thought of this before. Minerva is dead, along with Rina. Changing my name has always been an important part of my transition from one person to another. But what will I be called now?

Something comes to my mind, something someone once told me…"I am Nisha Alyx." I pronounce it as Neesha Aleex. "I am neither good or bad. I help people in need, but I do not worry about the restrictions of the Jedi Order." The words flow surprisingly easy, and somehow I know they're true. This is my destiny. This is how I'm supposed to make amends, with both myself and the world.

"Then you will not be a threat to us?" Mace Windu asks, a little suspicious. I nod my head.

"I will only ever be of help," I promise. "I am nothing but glad to be rid of the dark side. It was a burden and a chain that kept me from being free."

"Prove it," Quinlan speaks up from outside of the main circle. He's standing with his arms crossed, a look of smug satisfaction on his face. "Reveal the identity of your master."

"What master?" I ask, my face impassive. "I am not Minerva. I am Nisha Alyx. I have no masters."

His eyes narrow, but he doesn't press. Instead he goes for a low blow. "Guess you really are loyal to him."

Before I died, that would have bugged me to no end. I'm past that now, though. All I feel is the stress free and calm sensation of peace. "It is not my secret to tell, just as I do not and will not reveal Jedi secrets to some of my other contacts. Neutrality is a two-way street."

Quinlan frowns, but before he can speak again the Jedi Council dismisses me. I know they still have their suspicions, but it is no longer my concern. My actions will eventually prove to them how trustworthy I really am.

With my freedom intact, I walk away proudly, my chin raised and my steps confident. I'm not being arrogant or haughty; I've fought hard and long, and I have sacrificed much for this moment to come. This is the moment where I have proven myself changed, the time where I have finally become who I want to be, not who I feel I need to be.

What had that Twi'lek girl in the alley and later Isaiah call me? It has stuck with me for quite some time, and even now it has a big influence on my life.

I am Nisha Alyx. The dark defender. A protector of the weak. A night warrior. A homeless traveler. I am strong and powerful, but I am not to be feared. I am alone, but I have friends and allies. I have suffered, but I am no longer in pain. I serve neither the light side or the dark side; I walk the line between good and evil. I call upon the power of the Force, but there is no good or bad, light or dark - it simply is the Force. I am above the law but not below judgement. I am who I am today, not who I was yesterday or who I will be tomorrow.

When I was Rina, I was weak and scared. Cowardly. I hated my family because I thought they were the reason for my flaws. I held rage in me for the ones around me, for I thought they ignored my suffering and pretended to understand what I was going through. I thought everyone and everything was against me.

When I was Minerva I let my fear of becoming Rina again control me. I acted rashly and cruelly. I still held rage and hate in me. Minerva was just Rina but with power and weapons. She was nothing but an act. When something - or rather, some _one_ \- good came into her life, she destroyed him.

I am Nisha Alyx. My mind is constantly fighting the call of evil, for I once allowed it to control me. I must always be alert to be sure I do not become someone I will one day hate. I have friends both good and bad, and I will keep it that way. My physical scars show who I was and what I've done, but it's the scars on my heart that tell the real story. They prove the horrible things we do for love. Or rather, the terrible things _I_ did _because_ of love.

* * *

The whole world is at my feet, begging me to adventure out and do the things I want and meet new people, but my first stop is somewhere very close.

Leaning on the chipped white railing, the soft flowers of the plotted trees floating lazily to the ground, I can see a good portion of the city. Behind me there's a bench with names carved into it. Turning around, I sit on the edge and trace my fingers across two names, knowing exactly where they are without even searching. Over the years they've been worn down and scribbled on top of, but gouged deep into the wood is _Minerva_ and _Damari_. It had been another life when I'd sat there with him, laughing and getting lost in his deep brown eyes. Tears sting at the corner of my eyes at the memories. They don't belong to me anymore, and even now I'm struggling to recall how he looks. All I remember are his eyes, and even those are fading. They are Minerva's memories, not mine.

I'm losing him. I'd gained the life I had wanted, but at what cost?

No. That's not right. Damari wouldn't want me to think like that. He's just a reminder of my past mistakes, a shred of regret I cannot seem to let go of. I will see him again one day. He's waiting for me, patiently watching from above my entire life with my siblings at his side. They're all waiting for me. But I can't run to them. They have forever to wait while I only have a little while to live.

Again I feel peace slowly creeping in. I just have to accept what I cannot change and live my life to the fullest knowing that my siblings and my love supports me no matter what. They're always with me. I just have to let go of my negative emotions to feel them.

Letting out a deep breath, I lean back into the bench and connect to the Force, allowing the real world to fall away into the background. There is nothing but me and the thing that brings life to the world. The literal glue of the universe.

In here, I can feel them as if they are standing right beside me. My brother with his bright aura, Lillea with her dark and young but still mature aura, and Damari with his innocent and forgiving nature. They're right there, just as they will always be. Maybe I can no longer recall their faces or their voices, but they are still always with me.

There's a beeping noise in the distance, but it grows louder as I slowly open my eyes and blink away my meditation. Something dark green and gold and white bumps into me repeatedly, joyful noises flying out at an incomprehensible rate. It takes me only a heartbeat to understand.

"KZ!" I cry in elation, leaning down to wrap my arms around his dome. He hums contentedly in my embrace, and I realize I no longer need to look back on my past. I have a present and a future right here, even if it is with a stubborn droid.

I hold out KZ and wipe at a smudge on his metal covering. "Missed me, huh?"

He doesn't even bother to try and deny it. He just swivels his head around in excitement, chattering away intelligibly.

"I should have known you wouldn't stay dead," a deep voice remarks wryly. I look up to see Obi-Wan standing there, his arms crossed in front of his chest. A dry smile is on his face, but I can sense he's truly happy that I'm back.

"Well, you know me," I shoot back, standing up to talk to him but leaving a reassuring hand on KZ-4's dome. "I'm quite the drama queen."

"And for that, I am glad." He nods his head. "The rumors say you are no longer a Sith. Is that true?" His eyes take in my white supposed-to-be-funeral dress and my neatly crown-braided hair. "You certainly don't look like one anymore."

A laugh escapes my mouth. It's not sarcastic or bitter, but simply a normal laugh. How long has it been since I laughed as innocently as that? I cannot remember. Never, it seems. "Are you stereotyping Sith by their appearance?"

He grins, realizing the foolishness of his words. "I suppose so. In all honestly, though, you look different. In a good way."

I incline my head in thanks. "I am a Sith no more. A heavy burden has been lifted off of my shoulders."

"That is good. They say you are still a Force user, though not for the light side or the dark side." He looks at me for confirmation.

"The Jedi have the right idea to use the Force for peace, but what they do not understand is that a balance of the Force is necessary. I'm not talking about two Sith and tons of Jedi, either. In order for perfect balance to be created, everyone must be in the middle. There is no light side and dark side, there is only what you make of it. With the good comes the bad, but the Jedi try to have it all good. That is not the way life works. I understand that now." A calmness washes over me as I speak.

"You have grown wise since we last talked," Obi-Wan notices. "You cannot be the Minerva I knew. She was clouded with anger and frustration. You are...serene. The Force is stronger with you than ever."

"Minerva is dead," I agree. "I am Nisha Alyx now."

"That's a mouthful," he states. "Good, but a mouthful. I refuse to call you that. I'm going to shorten it to…" He debates it over in his mind for a bit. "...Nyx."

It's pretty effective, if you ask me. The first letter and the last two, plus it sounds cool. "I like it," I say. "Hey, is Qui-Gon around? I haven't seen him in a while."

"He's at the Temple," Obi-Wan replies. "He'll be glad to see you alive and well. You were a bit dead when he last saw you."

"What are we waiting for?" I ask, heading towards the Temple. I glance down at myself quickly first, and then shake my head. This outfit is not going to work. It's a freakin' funeral dress. I won't be seen in it any longer. "Actually, I'll meet up with you there in an hour. I need to take care of something important."

KZ and I navigate to a clothing store in the middle of the city. I grab a couple of things to try on, but none of them seem right. Standing in front of the large mirror in the dressing room, I only now notice how different I look. My skin is darker and fuller, healthier, the purple bags under my eyes gone. My eyes are a sparkling grey color, and my hair has bronze and copper streaks in the dark brown. Black works as an outer wear color, but red just looks bad now. And it reminds me too much of the blood that I left behind on Moraband during my battle with my old master.

I end up in a long-sleeved, charcoal grey cropped sweater that's tight but flexible. It ends well above my midriff, showcasing the two parallel scars from my master's lightsaber that stretch across my stomach. They're very obvious, but I'm not ashamed of them. They're a part of who I am. To replace my once black skirt I instead wear a low-slung, short, bright yellow skirt with a white belt. It's completely different than before, but when I saw the skirt all I could think about was that yellow lightsaber from Moraband. It's a unique color that is not worn often, especially by someone like me. No one would have looked at Minerva or Rina and thought of them in yellow. I still keep my black combat boots, though.

Next I get my hair cut. I have always prided myself with my incredibly long hair, but it reminds me too much of Minerva. Chopping off ten inches isn't easy, but at shoulder-length it looks good and it's a lot lighter. I braid the front part straight back in a unique style that is practical while still showing off my new haircut.

Walking out, I feel completely different in a good way. Once I had worked hard to blend in, but now people stare at me as I pass. I make an impression, and not a single person sees me and thinks of Minerva. It feels refreshing and new.

I make it to my starship, which is parked outside of the Temple, and scavenge my black Sith robes from the cockpit. I may have changed my outfit, but there is no way I'm giving up my black cloak. That thing is comfy, warm, _and_ mysterious looking. It's my favorite thing in the world (sorry, KZ).

When I show up at the Jedi Temple, my cloak bundled under my arm and KZ at my side, I get a lot of double-takes and stares. Good. Let them see who I have become. Let them know that people can change. Most of all, let them know that even _I_ , a Sith, could change.

Obi-Wan sees me and hurries over. "Qui-Gon was called to an emergency meeting. He will be preoccupied until tomorrow. He didn't want to miss you, but he had no choice," the Padawan assures me.

"That's okay. It gives the two of us some time to explore the biggest city in the universe. If you're up for it, that is." I'm not entirely sure he'll agree, seeing as though being around me has tainted his reputation in the past, but this time he just nods with a bit of enthusiasm.

Dying sucks, but getting a second chance at life is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

* * *

"How did you find out about this place?" I ask Obi-Wan as we sit next to each other on a bench at a rooftop cafe, the cool summer air blowing around us and bringing with it the smell of a thousand different food places. It doesn't smell bad, though; it smells like home, like a family holiday. All of Coruscant is spread out below and around us, conversations and blinking signs and starships all sending signals and sensations to our brains at once. It's overwhelming yet comforting.

"I've heard about it from people I've encountered on missions," Obi-Wan replies. "Apparently it's one of the best places in Coruscant."

"I love the view." I lean back, tilt my chin up, and close my eyes, taking it all in. When I open my eyes, I notice he's staring at me. "What?"

Obi-Wan shakes his head. "You're so different. Not in a bad way, I mean, but Minerva would have never taken time to just enjoy the moment. You always used to be so rushed, so focused on one thing. The little things didn't matter to you."

A sad smile forms on my face. "Yeah. But through my experiences I've learned that the little things matter. Life matters. It's important to enjoy every second of it because we're given so little."

He leans back and stares out at the city that never stops moving. "You've sensed the disturbance in the Force, haven't you? When you switched it was temporarily balanced perfectly, but not long after the scales tilted towards the dark side again. And in a much more significant way."

I had noticed that. "There is a new Sith apprentice, and he or she is even more powerful that I am. Is that why Qui-Gon was called to an emergency meeting?"

Obi-Wan nods. "I believe so. It should not worry me, but it does. And recently the Senate has been growing increasingly rocky. More and more fights are breaking out between representatives. I sense the end of an era is beginning."

"All the more reason to enjoy the life we have."

"I like the new look," Obi-Wan says after a moment, changing the subject.

"You do? It doesn't make me look too bright and happy or anything?"

"No. It's perfect."

I can't help the smile growing on my face. "Thanks. I needed something new."

"I'm still not over your eyes. How they aren't Sith ones anymore. They look so beautiful."

I'm not sure who moves first. Probably both of us at the same time. But before I know it our lips are touching and I'm holding onto him as tightly as he's holding onto me. For a few seconds, I don't think. I can't.

When we finally pull away, there's one thought that's killing me. "You're going to get in trouble with the Order!"

Obi-Wan frowns. "Weren't you just the one saying we have to enjoy every moment?"

"But not at the cost of your career. Trust me, you don't want to lose that. I know how much it means to you."

"I won't get in trouble. They won't notice. Not if it's just once."

I raise an eyebrow. "Just once? You promise? I don't want you to get expelled."

"Just once," he promises, and I know he means it. And I also know that I wish I had met him under very different circumstances. If he wasn't a Jedi and if I wasn't a Sith, if he wasn't bound to the Order and if I didn't already have someone waiting for me on the other side -

Everything could be so different. But it isn't, and even if this life is better than anything I could have ever asked for, it still isn't perfect.

"Just once," I agree, pulling him close again.


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Chapter 24**

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 39 BBY**

The next day, when I return to Jedi temple, Qui-Gon has returned. We exchange quick but meaningful greetings. There isn't much to tell him, since he had heard the story from other Jedi already, and there isn't much to say to Obi-Wan, who is standing by his side, for all that might be said has been spoken or told through actions. We've been through so much that there isn't a point to unnecessary talking. And when it comes to the Jedi Padawan, there is nothing I can say. What happened between us last night is in the past, and nothing more will come of it. Nothing more can. We had our moment to fulfill our dreams, but now we're back in reality. Maybe we might want more, but it's simply not possible. And I think we've both accepted that.

"Are you up for some adventure?" Qui-Gon asks, breaking through the silence of my thoughts. "There's a trade mishap in a planet in the Outer Rim, and we'd appreciate your help."

Although he doesn't say it outright, I know he's inviting me back into their group again. And this time, I really can be a part of it without worrying about getting them in trouble. I'm an ally to the Jedi now, not an enemy. And I have a new reputation to create.

"I suppose I have nothing better to do," I reply casually, looking down at KZ. "What do you think?"

He beeps back, swiveling his head between the Jedi and me. I pat the top of his dome affectionately. "He says yes. Let's go."

 **Outer Rim Territories, Unknown Region, Felucia System, 39 BBY**

Felucia looms in the distance as we jump out of hyperdrive and start coming in towards the planet. Its eight moons orbit around the forest-covered sphere, and Trade Federation ships loom about, ever watchful.

"The Trade Federation and the peoples of Felucia are in a cold war currently," Qui-Gon explains as Obi-Wan maneuvers us closer. "Viceroy Gunray wants to increase the export and import taxes. As you can imagine, the Felucians are not being cooperative. Tensions have been thick lately, and a recent report from the Senator of Felucia claims that droids have been employed on the planet to spy on the government."

"We have to track down some rogue droids? Sounds too easy a mission for a Jedi of your rank," I reply, leaning forward between the two pilot seats to get a better look through the windshield of Qui-Gon's ship.

"The Council believes there to be a driving force behind the Viceroy. The Trade Federation has never been so aggressive before. If we can, we are supposed to uncover who is aiding them." Qui-Gon swivels his chair around, turning to Obi-Wan and pointing out a spot in the approaching jungle. "Land over there, Obi-Wan."

"Why are the Felucians so concerned over a few droids?" I question as we enter the atmosphere, preparing to set down. "Don't they have some sort of military or army to handle the situation themselves?"

"You've never been to Felucia, have you?" Qui-Gon asks, an amused smile on his face.

"They are farmers," Obi-Wan continues. "They don't fight. A few droids could easily do irreparable damage."

"Wonderful," I mutter under my breath before speaking up. In my opinion, sentients should always have some way to protect themselves, no matter where they are in the galaxy or however technologically advanced they are as a species. "Okay. So we're going in, taking out the droids, and trying to figure out who is behind the attacks?"

The two Jedi nod in confirmation as we bump down on a field. A farmhouse is in the distance, and I feel a little bad for whoever owns this property. We didn't smoosh too much, but if farming is their life then they might be a little salty. Hopefully our protection makes up for it.

Dressed in our dark and heavy robes, we jump out of the ship and whisper away, KZ scanning the area for droids. As we approach the capital, a pretty small city with what the Felucians consider a flurry of activity (but is in reality nothing compared to Coruscant or even Gorse), it's not hard for us to blend in with our surroundings.

In appearance, the Felucians remind me of the old rag dolls I played with as a little girl. They have flat, oval-shaped faces with pink or orange skin and red eyes. Their bodies are shaped similar to ours, only they all have round bellies and extra long legs. They walk around slowly, not a single one of them in a hurry. Farmers, indeed.

The technology here is not advanced at all, and even the palace at the center of the city is made of clay bricks. It's round with glass windows sticking out at odd places to let light shine through. From what I can see, there is no energy or machines or electricity. Everything is done by hand. Instead of vehicles, some of the natives ride Gelagrubs, which are basically large, tame insects. They saunter around, bumping into things as they go and making the riders sway back and forth as if on a ship during a storm.

All the tools I see are old and obscure in most places. Coming here is like being transported in the past. No wonder droids seem like monsters to these people. I think about how the Jedi must appear in their eyes. Are they guardians empowered with amazing tools and powers or are they terrifying but helpful gods?

My thoughts are interrupted by KZ-4 beeping softly to us. His display shows several red dots where his scanners have picked up droid signals.

"There looks to be about two dozen," Obi-Wan says after glancing at the image. "That's nothing for us."

"We'll just have to watch for the natives," Qui-Gon warns. "They can't get caught in the crossfire, and witnesses should be kept to a minimum. We don't want them to eventually rebel against the Republic or even secede because of a misinterpretation. Most of these natives probably have never heard of droids. They will be terrified if they even catch a glimpse of one."

Nodding, we head off to engage the droids, each of us approaching from a different direction. Lucky for us, the droids are in a relatively unoccupied corner of the city, so the problem of getting civilians caught up in our business shouldn't be too big. Still, I'm careful to keep tight to the shadows as I approach.

The attack happens quickly. We all reached the alley at the same time and Qui-Gon charged first, his green lightsaber waving back and forth wildly in his hands as he runs forward to intercept the machines. Obi-Wan isn't far behind, his blue lightsaber held in a more controlled manner as he calmly deflects blaster bolts from the droids' guns. I realize too late that I no longer have a weapon. My master had taken my lightsaber when he had killed me on Moraband, and I hadn't gotten around to replace it. Too late for that now, I guess.

Using the Force, I shove a pair of the tan machines into the side of a brick building so hard they clatter and fall apart. Another one I rip apart, using the tension from inside of its hollow form to explode out. Scavenging his discarded blaster, I turn it to fire red shots at the remaining droids.

What none of us had accounted for were droidekas. Regular battle droids are easily destroyed, made for victory by sheer numbers, not strength, but destroyer droids, or droidekas, are the ultimate fighting force. They have two guns, one on either side, and they themselves are protected by an impenetrable shield that surrounds them. They can roll up in a ball for pursuit or to chase down targets. These make even the Jedi nervous.

And right now there are three of them, each with their guns pointed towards us and their shields up and running. The element of surprise is out, but we can still defeat them with tactics. This isn't the way I'm going to go out, especially not after I've just returned from the dead, and I'm not going to let either of my allies die.

Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan deactivate their lightsabers and tuck them back into their belts, knowing full well that nothing will get through those shields. I, however, happen to come up with a good idea (well, at least I _think_ it's good. It could also end up with all of us dead). Moving lightning fast, I shove my hands forward, sending a Force push out towards the destroyer droid with its guns on me. The entire thing, shield and guns and all, bounce backward like a super-sized ball, toppling right into his comrades. All three of them bounce off of each other and hit the walls of the buildings surrounding us, ricocheting off. The Jedi and I take this as our leave and we sprint out of the alley.

Knowing we still have to destroy them, I Force-jump onto a nearby building and hide behind a chimney, keeping a watchful eye on the street below. Not too long later I see one of the droidekas hesitantly scuttling past, its sensors searching for me. His shields are down, and I sprint across the roof, launching myself off and onto the droid, my feet landing with lots of momentum behind them. It leaves a good sized-dent in the droid, and I use its confusion to reach forward and bend one of its guns towards itself before firing. It blows up even as I turn my face away and leap off. Heat rushes up, scorching my arms and neck, but my heavy robes do a good job protecting my skin.

One down, two to go. I head back to where I had seen the two Jedi disappear to, and I can hear the sounds of the blaster guns from the destroyer droids not too far away. Following the noise, I find Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon fighting back-to-back, each facing off a droid of their own. Obi-Wan's droid has no shield, and from the smoking panel I can tell the Jedi has managed to destroy the shield generator, but the droid is wise enough to stay far enough away to not get sliced in half by his lightsaber. Qui-Gon's droid is missing one of the guns, but it still has a functioning shield.

Jumping into the fray, I step behind Obi-Wan's droid and lift up my hand. Obi-Wan sees me and tosses me his lightsaber, and I grab it from the air and swipe across, halving the droid. Passing the Jedi back his weapon, we both circle around Qui-Gon's droid. He catches it off guard when it turns to us and its shields go down for a second just as he strikes. It falls to the ground as scrap metal.

"Good work," Qui-Gon compliments as he retracts his lightsaber and tucks it away. "Let's find out where these droids are from." He leans down and sifts through the remains of the destroyer droid until he finds the control panel cover. A serial number in inked on it. "KZ can identify this for us."

We head back to the starship where the Jedi Master presents my droid with the metal piece. KZ-4 takes his job seriously as he enters the number into his scanners. Whatever he gets as an answer must not be pleasing, but he scans it again. Finally he beeps at me. I lean in closer, and he tells me the information only I can know.

From what his scanners tell me, the droids are from the Baktoid Combat Automata Company, and more specifically, from the planet Geonosis. I remember my old master often went to Geonosis when he left Coruscant, and he often talked about his ventures there. Though he never told me exactly what he had invested in, this information, combined with my knowledge of his want to take over the galaxy, makes it seem pretty clear that he is behind all of this unrest.

And I can't tell the Jedi that. If I do, they'll track him down and discover who he is. I'm not defending him - I mean, he _did_ try to kill me (and succeeded) - but I will not betray him. Besides, I've seen the galaxy and all the unrest in it, and I know that my old master has to succeed in his attempts to take over in order to one day unite the galaxy against a common enemy once more. Before something new can be created, the old must be destroyed. And it has been two thousand years since the galaxy started over with a clean plate. Even if I don't agree with the methods, I have to support the result.

It's not just that, though. Looking over my shoulder at my two Jedi friends, I can't help but feel a pain of regret for what I'm going to allow to happen. The Jedi Order has been slipping lately, their confidence and pride turning them blind and arrogant. It will only get worse in the following years. I've seen it all in my visions. Some of them, like Quinlan Vos, will turn to the dark side. Others will simply leave the Order. But even worse, most will remain misguided. The idea behind the Jedi is good, but two thousand years is a long time, and important things are forgotten with time. When my master succeeds, most of the Jedi will fall. Those who survive will be only the purest and wisest of them all, and they will pass on only good to the next generation.

In a way, though, if I don't tell them what I know I will be betraying them. It's a fine line I walk, and the burden of knowing the future only makes my choices cloudier. I'm not as wise as I wish I was.

I stand up from my crouched position and face my friends. "The scan was inconclusive," I lie, but I say it confidently enough that neither of them question me. "All we know is that they were created by the same company that creates all the other droids."

"We still don't know who was behind the Trade Federation, though," Qui-Gon muses. "They must be very powerful. Perhaps even a Force user."

Qui-Gon is smarter than I had given him credit for, but before I can try to convince him he's wrong, Obi-Wan speaks up. "There are plenty of Force users around, and just as many dark Jedi. It could be anyone. Our best option is to just wait for them to make an appearance again. Someone with this much power won't be able to resist the call for long."

"He's right," I agree, relieved to avoid their suspicions. I hate lying to them, but I have to think of the bigger picture. Why else would I see the future if not to protect it?

"I guess our business here is done, then," Qui-Gon says, his voice disappointed. He's really worried about this, I can tell. The sooner we can leave this behind us the better.

The ride back to Coruscant is quiet, and even I make no attempt to talk. Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon go over things, mostly Jedi business I care not about, but when we're in hyperdrive Obi-Wan comes back to see me.

"You're awfully quiet," he observes, stating the obvious quite well. "What are you thinking about?"

"I need a new weapon," I admit, only half-lying. "My old master took mine after he defeated me. I'm just not sure what I want."

"Are you considering something other than a lightsaber?" he asks. "Or are you thinking of rebuilding one that is slightly different than your old one?"

I sigh in defeat. "I'm not sure. I really liked my old lightsaber, and the design was created specifically for me and my fighting capabilities. I'd like one like it, but I'm stumped on the crystal. What color would I use? Red is in the past, and I'm not a Jedi, so green and blue and purple are not a choice…"

An image of that yellow lightsaber I had found on Moraband months ago comes to mind. Had that wielder been like me, unsure and unique where they stand in the world and in the Force?

"I'm thinking about yellow, but some of the Jedi have yellow lightsabers already, and - no offense - I don't really want to be associated with the Jedi Order. Plus yellow is a color to ward away Sith, and I _was_ a Sith, so I'm not sure that would work."

All the other colors just seem...not right. Pink is out of question, and orange seems too Sith-like. White is a sort of pure color, and I'm not pure in the least. Silver seems too neutral. Brown is just gross, plus what sort of lightsaber crystals come in the color of brown? (Besides the Heart of the Guardian, that is).

"You still consider yourself as a dark person, do you not?" Obi-Wan questions. I nod slowly, unsure of where he's going with this, and he continues. "What if you had a black lightsaber? Crystals don't come in that color, I know, but you could make them."

"It's not a bad idea, but isn't black kind of evil? I feel like people would get the wrong idea," I reply, but even as a speak an idea comes to mind. I can use what he had said, along with some other things…

Obi-Wan shrugs. "It's totally up to you. Just make sure it means something important."

"That's a little ironic, coming from you," I point out teasingly. "You're great with words, and you manage to talk your way out of a lot of things, yet you don't carry the green lightsaber of a Jedi Consular. Instead you favor the blue of someone who tends to prefer.. _.aggressive_ negotiations."

He grins a little at that. "There's a long story behind my lightsaber decision. But that's for another time."

"I'm counting on it," I say as we both stand up and head over to the pilots seats. It's time to get out of hyperdrive and continue to Coruscant.

For me, it's time to make some important decisions.


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Chapter 25**

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 39 BBY**

On Coruscant, I ditch my friends and instead head on my own, personal mission. This isn't a destructive and suicide personal mission like the last one, though - this is another step in creating who I am now and differing her from who I once was.

It takes a few hours to run around and city, visiting several stores to get the supplies I need and eventually heading back to my starship, but once I board I begin to assemble things. It doesn't take long to get the basic items together, except I'm missing one extremely important item. Just like what had happened eight years ago, when I started to build my first lightsaber, I don't have any crystals to put in. Without the crystals it's just a fancy metal handle.

And with the unique lightsaber I have in mind, it's not going to be as easy as simply popping into the Jedi Temple and stealing some from the treasury. I'm going to have to go a lot farther than that.

I'm going to have to go into myths and legends.

To start my search, I do in fact head to the Jedi Temple. The Archives here hold information far superior to anything else in the galaxy. My droid trails behind me, prepared to add whatever information I find to his drive.

Once in the Archives room, I head to an open terminal to begin my search, passing a marble bust of Count Dooku. The Jedi consider him a very regal and noble man, bred of the old ways and very strong, but all I see is a creep. Just by looking at him I can tell he is going to turn to the dark side. Whatever. It's not my problem to deal with. I continue my search, forgetting the soon-to-be-dark Jedi.

An hour goes by, yet nothing but the myths and legends I had already known show up. I know the place exists; I've felt in in the Force. But _where_ is it?

Jocasta Nu, the Archive manager, approaches me after several hours of stressful and puzzling searches. Her strict manner is apparent even as she walks, but when she speaks her voice is kind. "Having trouble finding something?"

"I'm trying to find the Force planet," I admit, pushing back my chair in defeat. She gives me a strange look. "The planet where the midi-chlorians came from? The birthplace of the Force?"

Jocasta Nu nods in understanding. "I'm afraid you won't have any luck searching here," she says. "If it does exist - which no one knows for sure - it would be in the heart of the galaxy. There wouldn't be any record of it on our star maps. There's only way to find it."

"What's that?" I ask, a little excitement creeping into my tone.

"Using the Force. Only the strongest can find it," she explains. I sigh a little, knowing what I have to do if I'm going to find this planet.

"Thank you for your help," I respond respectfully before heading out, KZ-4 trailing dejectedly behind. He obviously doesn't have any confidence in my abilities.

He beeps at me to confirm this. "You know, there's a reason I don't keep you around for moral support," I tell him. "You're here because you were the cheapest droid in the lot."

Ignoring my comments, he continues to tell me what's on his mind. "Uh huh, really? That's fascinating. I have a better plan, though, but maybe that's because I'm the only one of the two of us who actually has a brain."

He makes a noise that would be equivalent to a sniff and he pointedly ignores me. Whatever. I don't need him for what I'm about to do.

The small, empty room is decorated warmly by the wood floors and off-white cushions. A small but powerful Jedi sits on one of them, deeply connected to the Force. I hate to break his meditation, but this is important (and I'm kind of selfish. That much hasn't changed).

Before, I would have never come to a Jedi for help, but things have changed. I have changed. It's appropriate for me to see masters of the Force for guidance, and since my old master is, well, not my master anymore, I must go to the closest thing I have to a master.

"Master Yoda," I call out quietly and politely as I step into the room. The weathered green face twitches at the sound of my voice and the wizened Jedi turns, his eyes not opening the whole while.

"Nisha Alyx," he says slowly, his face showing how deep in thought he is. "Searching for something still, are you?" It's more of a statement than a question. Even though his eyes are closed, I nod in response. He can sense me, I know. No one is stronger than Yoda in the Force, and even my old master is only equal.

"I am searching for the home planet of the midichlorians," I explain. "There is a favor I have to ask of the natives there."

An amused smile curls up on his lips. "A favor, hmm? Interesting. But if that planet you seek, search hard you must."

"That is why I came to hear your guidance," I admit, relaxing my stance. "I fear I am not strong enough to find it on my own." Something suddenly creeps up in my mind, blocking out the presence temporarily. I see an even older Yoda, dressed in the normal Jedi garb, and he's on a strange but entrancing planet. Somehow I know this is the planet I am looking for. He's there.

I had thought my visions would end with Minerva, but it seems they are still a part of me. I will always have to watch others suffer. But maybe I can use that knowledge for good instead of ill. I know to not reveal the future, for it will only make others bitter, like Quinlan. I know to not dangle it in front of others, like I had with Obi-Wan. Instead I can help guide people along certain paths so they will not die unsatisfied.

And I can use it to my benefit.

"What is it you see?" Yoda asks, his eyes finally opening to stare at me. "A vision, I sense."

"It is you, Master Yoda," I answer. "You are on the planet I am searching for. Helping me now will be of use to you one day in the future."

He chuckles lowly. "Very clever, you are. Rubbing off on young Obi-Wan in the future, I see." He closes his eyes again, and I know he has conceded to help me. I sit on a cushion across from him and also close my eyes to melt into the Force. With our minds combined, it doesn't take long to find the bright spot. It's breathtaking, even just through the Force.

"Go, you must," Yoda says after we return to the present. He still has an amused look on his face, as if wondering what kind of favor I would ask such powerful beings. Truth to be told, I haven't even thought this through myself. Luckily improv is kinda my thing.

I thank the old Jedi Master before leaving, picking KZ-4 back up outside of the meditation room. He doesn't say a word as I walk determinedly out of the Temple, the general area of the planet in space ingrained in my mind.

"Let's do this," I tell KZ, strapping into my MagnaGuard Fighter and running my hands over the controls.

 **Unknown Territory, Deep Core Region, Unknown System**

The planet appears in front of us as we drop out of hyperspace, its outer image the color of light skin and the surface pulsing like a membrane, completely barren. Even from this far away I feel the Force flow through my veins, thrumming as never before. At this moment I'm unstoppable. I can do anything with the Force. Bright patches of colored nebula surround the planet, adding to the magic scene.

Landing on the planet is an interesting expedition. Luminescent geysers shoot out energy from inside of the planet. Below the surface were floating islands, and I sense here is where I will find the species I am looking for.

As I walk around, KZ-4 huddling close to me, I can't help but get drunk in the amazing power all around me. If my old master were to find this place... _Anyone_ could be unstoppable. My head is light, and I'm practically floating.

This place is dangerous. The Force here is almost palpable, and if you were stranded here, you'd go mad eventually. Human minds - and the minds of most species, for that matter - cannot retain this much power for extended periods of time. Maybe a Master of the Force could survive here, but anyone else would surely lose their minds.

Who, then, would I have expected to be here? Sometimes I really don't think things through. The midichlorians obviously come from here, but they're not going to help me with my mission. I guess I was expecting an ultimate Master of the Force to be here or something. Instead there's nothing and no one.

Even as those thoughts weigh heavily in my mind I sense something. Or, rather, some _ones_. Five figures appear out of the mist and through the energy geyers. They all wear dark robes and have no hair, though their forms are distinctly feminine. Bright yellow eyes shine out from their skulls.

With the figures come a range of emotions. Anger. Confusion. Joy. Sadness. But most of all, serenity. A calm sense of peace surrounds me, and I sink into it gratefully. Who cares if I can't accomplish my mission here? I have all the time in the world to do it. My life still has decades left. Why the rush?

The closer they come, the more I begin to realize who they are. I've heard of them in ancient legends. They're the real-life symbol of the living Force and the cosmic Force. They represent the midichlorians in a way that should be impossible.

I'm learning that the impossible is usually very, very possible, though. Me, for instance. I had gone to the dark side, died, then come back on neither side. That shouldn't be possible. Just like these force Priestesses.

As the shape-shifters approach me, it isn't hard to determine which is which. Their faces are emotionless and yet full of emotion at the same time. It's almost as if they're expressing emotions without actually feeling them. All except the leader, of course. Serenity is the high Priestess, and her face really is calm. She regards me with it when they are mere feet away.

"Nisha Alyx," she calls, her even and rich tone washing over me. Even as she speaks I feel less tense. All of my worries or concerns slip away. This is me, as relaxed as I'll ever get. "You are an unexpected visitor." Her head tilts as if she is reading me. All those raw emotions that had dripped away into calm are now in her hands, and she's reading them like the pages of a book.

"You did not sense my decision to come?" I question smartly. A small smile curves up on her face.

"Of course we did. It was your decision that was unexpected. Most people only come here near death to learn how to become one with the Force. That way they live on past their physical body. You still have some time left." She pauses, her glowing eyes closing temporarily. "You are one of the most interesting people to ever step foot on this planet."

The Priestess modeled after confusion steps forward. "Why are you different than the others?" she asks.

Anger steps forward, her mouth twisted cruelly. "Why do you think? She and I used to be the best of friends." The look she shoots me is a familiar one.

Sadness isn't to be outdone. "You always take all the credit," she sniffs, her eyes watering. "I've held her hand for years, even before you were there. But I'm always forgotten."

Joy's ever-present smiles falters, and she looks lost. Her mouth opens, but nothing comes out. She just stands there, trying to keep her smile up.

"What's wrong with her?" Confusion questions suspiciously. "Anger, what did you do?"

"Watch it," Anger threatens back. "I didn't do anything." A smirk appears on her face. "Not this time, at least."

"You guys just don't get it," Sadness sobs. She's crying so hard that she has to stop speaking to try and get herself together. "Nisha has never experienced true joy!"

"That's not possible," Anger snaps. "You know better than that. Everyone has felt all of us before."

Joy shakes her head as she lays a gentle hand on Sadness' shoulder. "I've never met her before." They all turn to the Serenity, and the leader nods in confirmation.

Throughout this whole scene, I've been watching in stunned shock. Everything makes sense - too much sense. I had never thought about the absence of Joy in my life, but now it's startlingly clear. I've had thrills, moments where I was happy, but never joyful. And they were never more than moments.

Even with Damari the shadow of my master had kept me from being worry-free. If anything the weight of the secret had weighed me down. Joy is foreign to me. I had never missed it because I had never acknowledged it, but now I suddenly feel the loss. And it's crushing.

"Will I ever experience joy?" I find myself asking aloud, worry making my heart heavy. Serenity smiles comfortingly.

"That is up to you, and you alone," she replies. "When Minerva died she took away the dark side, which kept you from feeling joy. Bitterness still lingers in your heart, however, and until you rid yourself of it you will not find true joy."

I nod, making a mental note of her words. Although I am working with the Jedi now, I still feel enmity towards them. Little mistakes they've made I've been unable to forgive, but I know now that I must forgive them. With a long life ahead of me, I want to make sure I don't hold back by letting things from the past interfere. Forgiveness is just one step in that long, hard process.

"What did you come here for?" Serenity inquires, breaking through the haze of my thoughts. With all that had happened, I had forgotten my original mission.

"I need a new weapon," I explain. "I've designed a new lightsaber, but it's missing the crystals. I want a color that symbolizes neither the dark nor the light. It's to prove that I'm simply a defender and a protector, but I'm not a Jedi. I have an idea, but the crystals don't exist."

"You want our help to create them," Serenity finishes, and I nod in agreement. She considers it for a minute. "Normally we don't favors, but you...you, Nisha Alyx, are an exception. We've been watching you for years, and you've never stopped surprising us."

The other four Priestesses nod in agreement - probably the only thing they've ever agreed on - and then all of us reconnect to the Force, our minds seemingly joining together. I share the image in my mind of my lightsaber designs and then my idea of the crystals. They're very attentive as I struggle to describe it, and once they understand, they set to work shaping my crystals with the Force.

After what must be hours we snap out, the work done. They all look a little tired as the planet resurfaces around us and reality sets in. KZ-4 is watching carefully at my feet, and I feel a little bad that I had practically ignored him.

My attention is refocused back to the Priestesses not long later. Serenity has a soft smile on her face as she stretches out an open palm, two crystals on her patterned skin. I gently reach out and take a hold of them, turning them over in my hands and inspecting them. "They're perfect," I breathe. "Thank you so much!"

"We created them with special powers in them," Serenity explains. "One allows you to use the light side of the Force with ease. The other side allows you to use the dark side with ease. You can alternate between them or you can use both of them. No one will be more powerful."

"But I will use my powers only for good," I add. Coming here had been a great idea. Not only had they helped me with my lightsaber predicament, they had also given me more than I had asked plus great advice. It seems in life you're always learning.

"I don't know how to thank you," I admit, pocketing the crystals. Serenity simply smiles calmly.

"Let us teach you one more skill," she instructs. "That is how you can repay us."

"What skill?" I question. She and the others exchange looks.

"Learn how to become a Force ghost so you can one day guide others along the right path," she answers. "You have the potential to save millions of lives and liberate countless more. But not unless you continue to live."

At first I see no downside, but then something strikes me hard.

If I become a Force ghost, I might not be able to see my siblings and Damari when I die.

How can I do that to them? They're waiting for me, and here I am, about to give my afterlife up. Am I ready to sacrifice those I love in return for someone who is looking at the bigger picture? Obviously the Jedi are going to fall soon, and it appears that the Priestesses want to make sure the Order doesn't completely disappear. By having me hang around forever I can guide those toward greatness.

It would be selfish of me to refuse, selfish because they have given me these wonderful gifts, but also selfish because I should be working for all eternity to make up for my mistakes. Wanting to see those I love in the afterlife is selfish when I can be ensuring the future of thousands. But is it really wrong to be selfish after the life I've had?

Deep down, I know I cannot refuse. Sorrow like no other fills me, and I even see Sadness' face briefly as she lays a heavy hand on my shoulder. Together we share a grief moment as I accept this painful fate.

At least this way I can forever be making up for the damage I had done in my previous life. That is the only reason I can make myself do this.

Turning to Serenity, I nod slowly. Next to me, KZ lets out a mournful beep, sensing my decision. It only makes the pit in my stomach grow deeper.

Nobody ever said life would be this hard.


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** I say Rogue One last night! If you're on the line and you're not sure if you want to see it, I would highly recommend it. It's such a good movie! Even my friend, who doesn't usually like those kind of movies, loved it.

 **Chapter 26**

 **Core Worlds Region, Coruscant Subsector, Corusca Sector, Unknown System, 39 BBY**

"I'm back," I announce to Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan as I stride into their shared starship. They turn, surprised, at my voice.

"Where did you go?" Obi-Wan questions, then, realizing he's out of place, shakes his head. "Never mind."

"I was working on my new lightsaber," I answer, purposefully being vague. "A lightsaber is your greatest weapon, you know."

Obi-Wan expresses a slightly sour look that I know comes from having heard Qui-Gon say it a million times. One day his own Padawan will be giving him the same look, though. He better get used to it.

"What did you end up settling on?" Qui-Gon asks. I grin mysteriously.

"You'll have to just wait and see," I tease, leaning in the space between them and glancing at the navigation panel. "Where are we off to this time?"

"Andelm Four," Obi-Wan eagerly answers. "There's been a suspicious amount of Andelm Beetle exports in the past few months. We're supposed to investigate and find out where it's going."

"Andelm Beetles have the substance that helps power blasters, don't they?" I muse as Obi-Wan takes off of Coruscant. "So whoever is importing the beetles must be building blasters. And with blasters come droids..."

"Someone could be building a droid army," Qui-Gon agrees. "We've had peace for two thousand years. Nothing can be allowed to shatter that peace. At least not while the Jedi are around to protect the Republic."

"Do you have any ideas about who would want an army?" I question, though inwardly I have a strong suspicion of my own. This seems exactly like the kind of move my old master would make. I can't tell them that, though. If they're going to find out, it's going to be on their terms and hard work, not from my mouth.

"No one I can think of," Qui-Gon replies. "There are many rival companies in the galaxy, but I can't imagine any one of them would be this desperate. Something just doesn't add up."

"And the Force has gone dark," Obi-Wan finishes, glancing first at his master and then up at me. "The Jedi Council feared you because you knew all along that the dark side was covering their sight and leading them astray. They always knew something was wrong, but they could never figure it out until you waltzed in there and shoved it in front of them. It scared them that you knew so much."

"So that's why they were after me so quickly on Thisspias," I realize, the pieces coming together. "It wasn't just because I was framed for kidnapping. They were letting their emotions lead them, and their emotions were anger and frustration."

Qui-Gon nods slowly. "The Order has fallen from what it once was. I fear it will never be the same. One day it might even cease to exist."

"Or worse," Obi-Wan says solemnly. "It might become something that it is not. But I still believe in it. There is good in it, and it is up to my generation to bring it back to the original standards. I believe it can be done." His eyes shine with promise, and I know he will be one of the last true Jedi. And one of the greatest.

But that will take time. For now, we have some investigating to do.

 **Outer Rim Territories, Unknown Sector, Unknown System, 39 BBY**

It's a good thing Obi-Wan is a good pilot else we might be wreckage floating around in space right now. It all started with the dangerous asteroid belt surrounding the planet. It hadn't shown up on any of the charts, and if it hadn't been for KZ's scanners, we would have hit it faster than the speed of light.

Even so, it takes an expert pilot to pull out of hyperspeed quickly while weaving through big, floating rocks at the same time. KZ won't stop shrieking in high-pitched whistles, and even my hands are white and the skin drawn taut from clenching the edge of the seat so hard. The starship whips and spins and turns sharply, and both Qui-Gon and I are reaching into the Force to try and steady our ship as best as possible.

Some of the smaller ones hits us, rocking the flying vehicle even harder. Obi-Wan's face is red as he spins in his pilot chair, pulling levers and pushing buttons and balancing different dials all while keeping an eye out for what's in front of us. I myself am not an excellent pilot, but I still have a lot of appreciation for his skills.

A huge chunk of asteroid lingers in front of us, and there's no time to pull up or to go around. Instead Obi-Wan cuts the engines and we drop, passing safely under the rock...and continuing down.

"The engine's won't start up again!" he cries, swiveling back to look frantically at us. "I think they're overheating and once I shut them off they'll stay off until they cool."

Great. As if this situation could get any worse. "KZ, do something!" I order, hoping my clever astromech droid has some trick up his sleeve. He wheels over to the control panel and out of one of his outputs shoots a tool, which he inserts into the panel and starts scanning and reading things. We're still freefalling toward the planet, and if we get any closer, we're going to get sucked up in it's atmosphere.

Burning to a crisp isn't my ideal way of dying.

The ship enters the edges of the atmosphere and flames erupt along the outside panels. It won't take long for it to eat its way through the metal. Soon we'll be burning up, too. It doesn't seem right, though, dying this way. I still have years and years and years left. Unless those Force Priestesses on the Force planet were misleading me.

KZ-4 lets out an accomplished shrill and the engines roar back to life. Obi-Wan pulls up and out of the atmosphere, entering back into space. We orbit the planet a few times before making a purposeful dive into the atmosphere. This time we manage to land safely just outside of the capital city.

When our starship sets down I finally release the seat handles, my arms aching with exhaustion from the sustained period of tension. A breath lets out slowly, my stiffness following it out and away. None of us move from our seats for the longest time.

"That was close," I mutter finally, wiping sweat off my face.

"Too close," Qui-Gon agrees. He pats his Padawan's back affectionately. "Good job."

"I hate flying," Obi-Wan responds, and we all share a nervous but relieved laugh.

"On then?" I ask, and we all slowly stand up, pull on our dark robes, and head out into the green and blue planet of Andelm IV.

All different types of species inhabit this diverse planet. From Jawas to Twi'leks to Nightbrothers from Dathomir and many other species, it's not hard to blend in. Everyone is bustling and hustling and going about their business as if this galaxy could not possibly be on the brink of war. But I suppose they have no need to know that. War is a matter of the Republic and of the Senators and Jedi that serve it.

Even so, I wonder if any of them are aware of how their beetle export might be churning calm waters and turning white clouds gray. Would they continue to allow it? That's the biggest problem with people - you never know if they will follow their so-called morals or not. If selling beetles to people who make weapons out of it gets them money or security, chances are they'll continue to do it. People are just ugly like that, no matter what species -

Stop. This isn't me thinking. Those are thoughts Minerva would have, or Rina. Not me. I am a protector and a defender, not a condemner. All beings have their flaws, yes, but we must give everyone a second chance. I'd be a hypocrite if I said anything else.

And isn't that why I'm here? To bring hope and second chances to those who deserve them? It is, and I can't do that unless I banish all those dark thoughts.

Connecting with the Force, I close my eyes and quickly clear my thoughts. When I open my eyes again we're walking through a large city. The ground underneath us isn't paved with permacrete, only with cobblestones, and based on the state of the houses and vehicles, it seems as if we've entered a very unique place. Half of the transports and homes seem to be caught up with technology; TVs and music add noise to the scene, and speeders fly around high in the sky. The other half seems to be caught in the past; beasts from all sorts of other planets trod along, shackled to carts and loads.

It's an odd mix of old and new, wood and metal, beast and machine. Smells good and bad float up around, and the entire place is chaotic. Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and I pick our way through, avoiding piles of animal waste and other sorts of trash. KZ-4 is delighted at the sheer amount of droids hanging around, but we keep moving too quickly to give him a chance to exchange tricks or whatever droids discuss when they're together.

"What exactly are we looking for?" I question as I step around a pile of animal waste. You really have to be careful around here, especially with boots as expensive as mine. Besides, who knows what type of diseases might be in those reeking piles?

"There are several Andelm beetle farms around near and within the city," Qui-Gon explains, his eyes scanning the area perceptively. "We can go in, check it out, talk to the owners."

"We just need to find out who is dealing the most with the planet Oon," Obi-Wan adds. "That's the planet importing all the beetles."

"Why are we not there then, instead of here? You'd think we'd go straight to the source of the problem."

"If there really is a droid army on Oon," Qui-Gon answers, "how do you think we'd be met? With pomp and circumstance?"

"They would try to kill us," Obi-Wan agrees. "And maybe there is just a problem with the record books. Or maybe Oon is making a new beverage or delicacy from the beetles."

"So you're saying all you guys know is that the export rates of the beetles from Andelm to Oon has increased dramatically recently. You suspect there's a droid army. You suspect there's something going on. But of actual facts, you have very little." I shake my head in disbelief. "Real smooth operation you have going on here."

"It is not our authority to question the information the Council gives us," Obi-Wan says, but it sounds awfully rehearsed, as if he is reading straight from a rule book. Inwardly, I sigh. He may be my friend, but sometimes he's much too uptight, especially when it comes to the Jedi Order.

Qui-Gon, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. He frowns at his Padawan and shakes his head. "No, she's right. The Council has been...mysterious of late. I suspect it has something to do with the cloud that is increasingly covering the Force."

"I thought you said that disappeared when Minerva died and the Sith retreated back into hiding," Obi-Wan protests quietly, a small and almost imperceptible betrayed look flashing quickly across his face.

Qui-Gon shakes his head, frustrated. "Think, Obi-Wan! I have told you many times to keep your mind clear. Focus on the Force, and you will see it is still murky."

The young apprentice does as his master instructed, but he doesn't seem very happy. He nods when he senses it, but then he continues to push the conversation. "Regardless of what the Council reveals to us or hides, it doesn't affect our mission." His eyes bore a hole into his master, as if trying to convert him to his side.

"It could," Qui-Gon argues. "They should not hide important information from us. What if it were to one day cost us our lives?"

"We didn't join the Order to be safe and secure," Obi-Wan replies, a scowl taking over his face. "We joined it to keep _others_ safe and secure."

"But we didn't join it to throw away our lives due to ignorance, either," the master argues. "We joined to bring peace and justice to the galaxy. And we do that. But not if the Council keeps important things from us that might result in an unnecessary death."

The two continue arguing as we walk, and it's not surprising to me in the least. They are so different - Obi-Wan is strict on following the rules and believes in the Order more than anyone; Qui-Gon believes in following his heart and making his own, independent decisions. The two are like father and son, though, and I know one of the reasons they were assigned to each other were to keep each other in balance. Obi-Wan's obedience keeps Qui-Gon's independence in check, and Qui-Gon's creativity keeps Obi-Wan from growing into tunnel cision. Usually it works in perfect tandem, but, like today, it sometimes also boils over.

I can't imagine how bad the argument had gotten when Qui-Gon had first sent the message to ask for my help those few months ago. It seems so long ago when I had received that transmission. I'd been in a dark place, but things had been so simple. Running around the galaxy and doing whatever I want... and ever since that first meeting on Gorse my life had changed.

Nothing is the same. Nothing will ever be the same.

"Hey," I snap, something catching my eye. The two of them fall silent as they follow my gaze. "I think I'm on to something. Unless you'd like to argue the merits of the Jedi Council for a little longer."

They both look a little ashamed as they follow me into the rusty metal shack with the sign _Andelm Beetle Buys_ across the top.

Inside the walls are lined with troughs full of crawling beetles, only a glass lid keep them from escaping. A Quarren owner sits at a stool behind the main counter, his tentacles twisting as he reads something in his lap.

He looks up as we approach, and he dons a seller's smile. "Welcome to my humble store. Are you interested in buying Andelm Beetles right from, _you guessed it_ , Andelm? They're fresh!"

"Actually, we're here for some information," I interrupt, placing my palms flat on the counter and leaning forward to show my confidence.

"What kind of...information?" he questions, his face showing suspicion.

"Do you sell the beetles in mass?" He nods slowly. "Do you export them off the planet?" This time he just looks at me with a tilted head. I sigh and lean forward even more, almost in his face. "Listen up. I just need to know if you export large shipments to Oon."

He hesitates before nodding, and I lean back across, away from him, not missing the relief in his face.

"Who do you sell to on Oon?" Qui-Gon inquires, not threateningly at all. I'm the scary one, I guess.

"It's a company called Holowan Laboratories," the Quarren answers tightly, as if he doesn't want to give up this information. "They pay me very well."

"What do they want the beetles for?" I butt in. His gaze flickers from Qui-Gon, to me, then back again.

"I don't know," he replies, and I can sense he's telling the truth. "They recently just wanted a lot of beetles. I have the biggest farm here on Andelm, and they pay very well, so I accepted. I know nothing else."

I nod my head sharply and turn to exit, KZ-4 close on my heels. The other two follow a moment later, and when they meet me outside of the beetle shop, they aren't very happy.

"That's it?" Obi-Wan questions, a little harshly. "We're done? We found the seller, now we're just going to leave?"

"Of course not," I scoff. "There's just nothing else for us to learn there. I'm going on to Oon to check things out alone there."

"Alone? This is our mission, Nisha. Not yours." Qui-Gon's voice is sterner than I've ever heard it before. "We'll go together."

"This is bigger than you and Obi-Wan. This could be huge," I remind them, my eyes narrowed. "You could be walking into a death trap, and with your deaths die the truth. Unlike you, I'm expendable, and if I die, then you know something big is going on, and you can gather all your little Jedi friends to help. But I'm going in first."

"That's not how this works," Qui-Gon argues. Before he can say another word, I have the perfect response.

"Since when are you a stickler for the rules?" The statement shuts him up, and I feel him connect to the Force to calm himself down. When he exhales deeply and looks up again, his stance is firm. "We will go to Oon together."

"Fine," I relent, knowing that words aren't going to get me my way. I turn and stalk off towards the ship, flipping my dark hood up. They follow soon after, but hesitantly, as if afraid of my anger. Good. They best be wary of me. I'm more than angry right now.

What don't they understand about me wanting to do something alone? Are they worried I'm going to lie? Betray them? I thought we trusted each other. They just don't understand that I need to check this out alone. If there really is a droid army, then I have to know who it belongs to and why.

A flash of vision hits me, and I recognize a girl. She has dark, curly hair and a regal confidence. It's Padmé Naberrie, the little girl from Naboo. She's fighting some droids in an open hangar along with some men and women I take to be guards. Are those the same droids I might find on Oon?

Even more worrying, though, is how Padmé is connected to Qui-Gon and especially Obi-Wan. Their futures intertwined in many different places in many different ways, and a droid army is only one. If the Jedi find this droid army and discover who's behind it, then won't the future change? Will it be wrong?

I've never encountered this problem before. My visions always come true. Somehow Obi-Wan or Qui-Gon or any of the others just never discover this droid army or who is behind it.

It's then that I realize _I_ am the reason they don't discover it. I receive the visions, therefore it is my responsibility to ensure that they come true accordingly. A resigned sigh escapes my lips; this could get messy.

Destiny and fate is something stressed far too much in this galaxy, especially by the Jedi. They have their prophecies and they follow them blindly like lost dogs. They see only black and white. It will be their downfall one day. But me? I don't tend to believe in that kind of thing. My old master always explained passionately how the Sith philosophy allows for freedom of choice. I liked that a lot, and for years I believed fate and destiny were just badtime stories or romanticized concepts. Now, though, I'm beginning to wonder if some of it is true. What if my destiny is to use my visions to secure the future?

Even if I don't like what I have to do.

 _Especially_ if I don't like what I have to do.

In this case, I know I'm not going to like what I have to do. It goes against every grain of my being. It rubs the wrong way against all my promises and my morals and who I am as a person. This is the fate of the galaxy, though, and I can't be selfish enough to throw it all away for the one good thing in my life.

 _The one good thing in my life_. Have I not given that away more than enough times? Is it my fate to lose _the one good thing in my life_? Xavier was _the one good thing in my life_ at one point; I lost him. Lillea was _the one good thing in my life_ ; I lost her. The apartment on Coruscant was _the one good thing in my life_ ; I lost it. My power was _the one good thing in my life_ ; it became old and normal. Damari was _the one good thing in my life_ for a while; I took him from this world. The list goes on and on, all of my most loved people and things being taken away from me cruelly.

And yet, I can't let the past change my or anyone else's future. So my life is supposed to be hard. Okay. I can live with that. I _have_ been living with it for the past nineteen years.

But how much longer can I live like this?

It's a constant, whispering thought in the back of my mind for quite some time now. I have never given it much thought before, but things are coming to light now. Is my life supposed to be one of sacrifice? Of giving my happiness over to destiny? Or am I allowed to shirk on my duties and live the life I want?

Time is precious, and I would hate to waste any of it doing what I don't want to do. I still feel a sense of debt, though. In my past life I had killed and ruined so many people, and I'll always be trying to make up for it, even if it is impossible.

It's a delicate balance, this line between duty and life. And it's a line I have danced across for my whole life since becoming Minerva.

As soon as the starship touches down on Coruscant, I'm racing out, KZ-4 at my heels. I hear Obi-Wan's objections behind me, but I pay them no heed. I need to get a head start while I still can.

The two Jedi will have to take the time to submit a report before they can head to Oon, but I can already be there and investigating before they even take off again.

Dread fills me when I realize what I might have to do to secure the future, but this is simply another hard choice I must make. It's the good of the galaxy versus the good of myself, and a friendship is a small price to pay. At least that's what I tell myself as I strap into my MagnaGuard Fighter and take off, weaving upwards through the air traffic and out of the planet, setting off hyperspeed as soon as I'm in the clear.

And yet, I get a nagging feeling deep down that I haven't changed a bit despite what I justify my actions with. Deep down, the darkness still eats away at me, and not even the light can reach that far down.


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** We're getting close to the end now. Only a few more chapters until this story is complete! (Yes, I'm a little sad, too, but everything must eventually come to an end)

 **Chapter 27**

 **Outer Rim Territories, Lothal Sector, Unknown System, 39 BBY**

Oon is a planet no one ever wants to visit. It isn't harsh and dry and hot like Jakku, it isn't run by a notorious crime lord like Tatooine, it isn't dark and mysterious like Dathomir, and it certainly isn't isolated and remote like Hoth. No, Oon is none of those things, yet it is still not a desirable destination.

What it is, however, is declining. Oon's glory days and height was when the Sith were still abundant and the Jedi were at their peak. It was once a hive for activity, with sprawling cities and businesses of all sorts. People from all over the galaxy came here to trade, to seek new fortunes, and to start over.

Then the resources dried up, Coruscant began getting the spotlight on the holonet, and the people left. At first it was a trickle, then a stream, then a gushing river. Now it's a small collection of crumbling ruins, privately owned warehouses, and some tiny villages where the remainders of an era still stubbornly stay, wishing idly that one day it will be the cream of the crop again.

But the galaxy is a big place, and there are thousands, _millions_ , of systems with better planets. All of Oon's hopes and dreams are buried under the jungle ruins along with everything else, and the ones who deny it are going to be sorely disappointed.

An abandoned planet does make a great place to hide a droid manufacturing warehouse, though. KZ's scanners have gone into overdrive working to locate the facility. Once we've landed on the planet, it isn't hard to find the out-of-the-way factory.

Buried in the dense and sprawling forest, it takes up a huge area. The outside of the building is in disrepair and looks by all means abandoned, but the stream of smoke floating up from the chimney betrays a working interior.

Flipping my hood up, I sneak in a shattered windowpane near the ground level. I give KZ-4 a boost and we enter into a bustling machinery factory. Huge metal stamps pound droid pieces together, swiveling robots attach heads onto bodies, and molten metal pours into big molds.

There are no workers to be found, and it seems as though this droid plant is completely droid and machine run. Or else the workers only come in on certain days.

Poking around through the factory and at files with the name Holowan Mechanicals on it, I see a large order for droids. There are no names or even area codes on it. Whoever is working on this is being discreet, and obviously doesn't want people to get wind of this plan.

I'm about ready to give this up as being a useless and unnecessary trip when I spot the letter buried under all the others. Pushing the other, not important ones aside, I reach for it and open it with fumbling fingers. What I read makes me gasp, and I have to read it several times for its meaning to fully sink in. It's a typed message...from The Trade Federation Viceroy, Nute Gunray. He ordered an army to be ready in...in less than ten years. More specifically, he wants to time it for when a certain planet is weak and vulnerable.

In several years The Trade Federation is going to unload an army on Naboo.

And who else would be bold enough to make such a plan with such a weak company? No one but an ingenious Sith lord I happen to know very well.

The Jedi cannot find this. They'll hunt down those responsible and it will throw off the future in a big way, not to mention they'll fail epically. My former master is brilliant as well as powerful, and he knows how the secret that all Sith Lords of the past had missed. He knows how to take the light side of the Force and use it to his advantage.

After all, the brighter the light, the darker the shadow. All of the Jedi, even the best and most powerful among them, will die at his hands if they try to confront him.

Knowing my friends will be here soon, I make a quick decision. I toss the papers into a furnace and make a break for the exit of the building.

I hear them before I see them. Unfortunately they see me exit the factory, and neither of them are very happy about it.

"I thought you were going to wait for us," Qui-Gon says, his voice edging on dangerous.

"I was?" I reply airily. "Oops. I must have forgot. Silly me."

"This is serious, Nisha. This isn't some tag-along game. What did you find in the building?"

I shrug and start walking to the side, edging around them subtly. It isn't working; I can see their eyes following my every move.

"What did you find in the building?" Qui-Gon repeats, his eyes narrowed.

"Nothing too important," I answer vaguely, waving my hand in dismissal. "There's only droids in there."

They see through my half-truths. "What did you find in there?" Obi-Wan questions, his eyes accusing.

"Doesn't matter. It's gone now." I turn to walk away when I hear the buzz of lightsabers igniting. Turning back, I'm shocked to see the two Jedi with their weapons drawn. My heart stops for a moment, and I'm genuinely confused. "What's this?"

"You destroyed important information from our mission," Qui-Gon explains, his voice void of emotion. "We need to know what it is."

"I can't tell you," I admit, spreading my arms, trying to keep my voice steady despite my pounding heartbeat. I've never seen Qui-Gon look quite so dangerous before, and even Obi-Wan appears extremely upset. They can't be serious about fighting me.

"Why would you do this?" Obi-Wan asks angrily, his blue eyes flashing sharply. "Why would you betray us like this?"

"Oh, I don't know, but I did learn from the best." It's a low blow, and even I feel bad about it. Both of us know I'm referring to when the Jedi had captured me after I'd been framed and Obi-Wan had been too ashamed to stick up for me. He'd betrayed me in my weakest moment, and it had crushed me. It's a terrible thing to use against him, but I'm not exactly known for my grace and compassion.

"I don't want to hurt you, but if you don't tell us what you found then we'll have to take you in to Coruscant," Qui-Gon warns.

"Neither of those things are going to happen," I answer, slipping my lightsaber from my belt. The movement is invisible under my big sleeves, but the Jedi can sense it.

"This won't end well," Qui-Gon threatens, brandishing his green-flamed lightsaber diagonally in front of him. As much as I don't want to fight my friends, I can't let them take me in. And I do find it slightly amusing that he thinks he can beat me in battle. I stood up to Darth Sidious himself; does a mere Jedi knight think he's intimidating to me?

Obi-Wan doesn't say anything, surprisingly. Usually he is the one to try and diffuse the situation with words, but it seems like today is different. Maybe because today is personal. I've brought this upon us, but it feels like the only way for me. I have to secure the future. No matter the cost. This is my calling, my purpose. My destiny. Or maybe he's just really upset about my reminder of his shortcoming.

"I'm sorry," I tell them, and I mean it. Reaching up, I discard my black robes and flick on my lightsaber. One side is the color of the night, and the other side is the color of freshly fallen snow. Dark and Light. I am a balance of both, the middle ground. I am neither good nor bad, kind nor cruel.

I'm not sure who moves first, but once the fight begins, it's dirty, and personal, and charged with emotions. This isn't like all my other fights where I wanted the other person dead or incapable to fight anymore; these are - were - my friends, and I don't want to hurt them. Without even thinking about it my stance is defensive rather than aggressive. And yet this is the most heated fight I've ever experienced.

I've known Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan for so long that I can practically see what they're going to do a second before they do it, and this intuition has nothing to with the Force and everything to do with how intimately and personally I know them.

I'm still on the defensive the entire time. I just can't make myself lash out or do anything that might possibly hurt them. They have ties to duty and the Order, so they're not holding back, which makes this a stalemate. Until one of us tires out, that is.

Obi-Wan brings his lightsaber over his head to strike from above while Qui-Gon sweeps his near my knees, forcing my to jump and try to block overhead at the same time. When I land I have to catch the green blade with the white side of my lightsaber while holding off the blue blade with my black side. I fear I'm going to be the one that tires out first. Two against one, and no holds barred on their part.

Making an offensive move for the first time, I parry their blades with my weapon as I kick out with my right leg, putting the Force behind it. My foot connects with Qui-Gon's abdomen and he flies backward, leaving just Obi-Wan and I.

Somehow things are even more personal between just the two of us. All the words we've said to each other, all the things we haven't told, all the adventures we've been through, the intimate connection and moments we've shared - the past year seems as though all of it is coming together now. It's just the two of us, friend versus friend.

He moves faster than before, as if he had been afraid of hitting Qui-Gon. Now that restraint is gone, and he lays blow after blow at a speed I've never seen him fight at. It's all I can do deflect them before they burn me. The scars across my stomach bear witness to what a lightsaber can do. His fighting style is the most simple one that the Jedi have created, but he uses it efficiently and effectively. None of the fancy tricks I know are any match for his skills.

Obi-Wan throws out his hand and pushes with the Force, sending me flipping upwards and back several feet. I turn the momentum into a full flip and land in a crouched position, my lightsaber still gripped tightly in my hand. Obi-Wan drops his to his side for a moment, and he lets his emotions finally show.

"Why are you doing this?" he asks, his expression pained. "We were friends. Partners."

Standing up, I simply shake my head slowly. "We should have never been together. Qui-Gon may have believed in me, but you and I both knew it was a bad idea then, and it still is. Years of being a Sith doesn't just melt away, as much as I wish it would. I'm changing, but it's slow. I'm still very much like Minerva in many ways."

"You're using that as an excuse for all of this?" He spreads his arms, his face displaying disbelief. "Nyx, that's ridiculous."

I'd almost forgotten his nickname for me. It sends a pang of regret through me, but it's too late to turn back. I've made my choice, and now I have to deal with the consequences.

"There are some things you just don't understand, Obi-Wan," I tell him, my lightsaber-arm relaxing. "Some things you just can't understand. One day, maybe, but not now."

"I understand you're betraying Qui-Gon and I, and by betraying us, you're betraying yourself." His expression hardens, then softens. "You're the one who put loyalty on such a high pedestal. You're right. I don't _understand_ why that would suddenly change."

"The galaxy is a big place. I have to think about the whole, not the little. I have to see the big picture, not rely on my tunnel vision. I don't like this, trust me." I want him to understand. Losing him would be like losing part of myself.

"I wish I could," he says sadly, bringing his lightsaber up and brandishing it with two hands. That's my cue to spin mine as I bring it up, gathering momentum. I'm so focused on him that I don't bother to search the Force for other threats.

A pair of arms wrap around me and hold me tight, rendering me immobile. It's Qui-Gon. He'd snuck up behind me while I'd been talking with Obi-Wan.

They'd trapped me.

Anger flares up in me, anger like I hadn't felt in a long time. They want to play dirty? I'm not going to hold back anymore. They don't deserve my compassion.

Kicking out with my legs, I shift my weight so the hands lose their grip. Then I slip out from underneath, twirling my lightsaber to catch the blue blade descending on me. I snap my wrist to the side, and the miniscule action sends Obi-Wan's lightsaber flying off into the forest. I bring a foot down hard on one of his knees, and when he crumples, I side-check him in the face with my elbow.

Now it's just Qui-Gon. He swings his green lightsaber forward and I block its advance with one end of my weapon, using the other blade to shove towards him. He jumps back and stabs forward, but I flip over him, landing behind his back. He whirls around to face me and I have enough time to reach forward with the Force, ripping his lightsaber from his grasp and chucking it behind me. It rolls away into the forest, too.

Before I can do anything about my success, someone barrels into me, causing me to fall. I manage to hit the switches on my lightsaber to shut it off before I impale myself on it. Hitting the ground, I roll over and get to my feet. I had let go of my weapon sometime during the action, and through the overgrown grass I can't see it.

I turn to face both of the Jedi again. "Guess it's just our skills and strength," I state, and the tension breaks.

They sprint towards me, Obi-Wan reaching me first. I grab his arms and use his momentum against him, flipping him over while jumping up and kicking out at Qui-Gon at the same time. Due to my weak wrists, punches hurt more than usual, so I've adjusted my style to using other parts of my body, especially my legs and feet, more.

The fight goes on for a while, the three of us trading blows and hits and taking it without flinching. We're all experienced fighters, even without a lightsaber. I'm just not used to this brutal of warfare. Obi-Wan has a gushing nose from when I'd slammed his face against my knee, Qui-Gon has a nice black eye forming, and I'm pretty sure some of my ribs are bruised badly, if not cracked. Breathing hurts, which is definitely a fun factor to add into a fight.

Obi-Wan throws a punch my way and I block it with my forearm, feeling the punch more than I should. Add some nice bruises to my forearm to my list of injuries...and there are still some I'm probably not going to find until later. Ignoring the pain, I thrust my elbow out and catch him in the throat. He stumbles back, choking.

That's when I feel an invisible force shoving me backwards. I fly several feet before landing heavily at the base of a tree. Pushing myself up, I see Qui-Gon with his arms still outstretched. For a while there, we had all forgotten about the Force, caught up in the rage of personal betrayals and vendettas. But if we're going to use it, then I'm not going to play nice.

Standing up slowly, I take my time walking towards the two Jedi, who are now standing next to each other, minds focused and thrumming with the power of the Force. Jokes on them, though; using a balance of the light and dark side is stronger than simply the light side.

Obi-Wan tries for a lightning fast Force-shove, but I easily intercept and redirect it. Closing my eyes, I reach into the Force and let it surround me, and I soak up its power. Opening my eyes, I reach both hands forward and squeeze them. Both Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon are suddenly grasping their throats, struggling to breathe. They're feet float up a few inches off the ground.

"That's the problem with the light side," I tell them as they writhe around my phantom touch. "You're too clean. Sometimes you need to play dirty to win."

Something bumps into my leg, and I glance down to see KZ-4 there, three of his arms outstretched and holding some familiar items. I open my hands, releasing the Jedi, and I grab the items from my droid. "I see the future," I tell my former friends, who are still clutching their throats and coughing hard. "I thought it was just something that was part of me, part of my powers, but now I realize why. I'm meant to shape the future, to keep it going the path it's supposed to go." I toss their lightsabers at them lightly. "I would think you would understand it best of everyone, with all your Jedi prophecies and visions. Guess it's different when you're an outsider."

They stare at me silently as I retreive my robe and tuck my lightsaber handle back into my belt. "Don't look for me," I order as I turn my back and head towards my ship, KZ-4 at my heels.

We never look back.

* * *

My body is on autopilot after the flight. After making it back to my starship I input some random coordinates and take off, my mind a million miles away. KZ must notice my mood because he doesn't try to say anything.

When we land I don't even bother checking which coordinates I had put in. Instead I head to the back of my ship, where I have a small room with all my personal belongings. Curling up on the narrow mattress, I let the tears finally fall, mourning the loss of my friends for the last time. There is no third chance, and I've exhausted myself emotionally to the point of knowing I can't work with them ever again. There's just too much history between us.

KZ comes in later, bumping up next to me. I rub the top of his dome, wiping all evidence of my sadness away from my face at the same time. Life isn't easy. I know that. I've always known that. Sometimes I just wish things could be different. I wish I wouldn't care as much about other people. Loving others just makes you vulnerable to more pain. "The Jedi are always preaching about letting go of attachments," I tell KZ, taking in a deep breath. "Maybe they're on to something."

Connecting my mind to the Force, I search through my thoughts and my memories, savoring each for a moment before just letting it all go. I release the bonds tying me to other people. I liberate myself from my unshaken promise of loyalty. Loyalty hasn't taken me anywhere but more indecision and pain.

I feel a sense of relief in clearing things out, and deep in my mind I hear Serenity speaking. She has finally found a home in me after years of Anger and Confusion and Sadness dominating.

"You're Nisha Alyx," she reminds me gently but firmly. "You are the dark defender. A balance between the good and the bad. The dark and the light. You swore to protect people in need, people who can't protect themselves. What are you waiting for? Your destiny is right in front of you, and it's up to you to seize the opportunity."

Opening my eyes, I stand up slowly, gathering my robe and my lightsaber. "Come on, KZ. I know what I have to do." For the first time in my life, I have no doubts. This is what I am meant to do. I'm meant to fight for others, to take on the battles they themselves cannot fight.

Stepping out of my starship and into the cool night air, the wind breezing through my hair to send it flying upwards a little, I observe my jungle surroundings, seeing the mountains in the distance.

My starship had landed on Son-tuul, a planet in the Outer Rim Territories. I know this place has many immigrated species, including Humans, Twi'leks, Wookiees, Rodians, Hutts, and many more. This is a good place to start.

Heading out into the main city, I leap from rooftop to rooftop, listening for sounds of a struggle. When I hear one, I sprint towards it, leaping right onto a Talz that's harassing a young Arcona. Flicking my lightsaber out and on, I brandish it protectively in front of the child, sheltering it from the many-eyed, furry menace.

"Leave," I demand, my voice low and clear. "Do not attempt to pull such a stint again. I won't be so merciful a second time."

The animalistic sentient drops his spear and runs away, disappearing into the black night. I turn to the short, green-skinned species behind me. "Are you alright?"

"Who are you?" the Arcona child questions, incredulous.

"I am Nisha Alyx. The dark defender." With a flip of my shadow-colored robes and an excellently executed Force-jump, I seem to flash away. Without looking back, I know the Arcona's eyes are wide, and they are probably going to spread the news of the new protector.

It may have taken pain and a few lost friendships to realize what I'm really meant for, but the rush of helping others is indescribable compared to the old highs I used to get from danger and from killing. I feel at home for the first time as I run around the city, taking down criminals and saving the lives of others one at a time. I'm doing something not for myself, and that's the best way to do something.

For the very first time in my life, I get the taste of Joy. It's just a fleeting glimpse, but it's there, and it's mine.


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** There is one more chapter after this one, and then we're at the end. I apologize in advance for any emotional damage this causes

 **Chapter 28**

 **Outer Rim Territories, Unknown Region, Murkhana System, 34 BBY**

I drop down from the rooftops silently, the bottoms of my shoes making only a small thud against the dirt road. The thugs don't even hear me coming.

As they continue their assault of the poor guy trying to get home from his work, I sneak up from behind, grabbing one around the neck and downing him quickly and silently. The others don't even notice, so wrapped up in their beating.

But when I pull out my lightsaber and spin in, they do take notice. That's all they have time for before I dispose of them quickly.

The looks in their eyes are the same as almost all thugs I've encountered recently - recognition, and fear. The criminals in this city, on this planet, _in this galaxy_ , fear me. They know my name. They know the rumors.

And now they know the justice.

I help the man who was being beaten up without a word. He says something in a language I don't speak, but I know it's a thank you. I only nod in acknowledgement before taking off to clear another street, to save another life.

Five years have passed in a similar and repetitive fashion. I travel from planet to planet, spending a few days helping to clean up the streets at night, protecting those when they lose all hope. During the day I blend in and meet others, sampling all the different activities and foods and basically immersing myself into the culture until it's time to move on to the next planet. It's an exciting life, one I've thrown myself into wholeheartedly.

My old legacy as Minerva has long since faded away, now just an old fable twisted beyond recognition. Replacing the fear and terror of her, there's now hope and relief in hearing stories of Nisha Alyx, the night warrior. Although I never meant for this, I've become a symbol of hope and justice for people in the galaxy to look up to. In light of the Jedi's recent and ever-increasing series of failures, I am the beacon of hope that people hold on to.

After years of being feared, being loved by everyone is a welcome change. It's nice being accepted for doing something I love doing. Being able to pass on life lessons and wisdom to others opens so many doors, and I feel like I'm helping make this galaxy a better place. It's refreshing from my days of destruction and darkness.

Not everyday is easy, though. There are still days the darkness surrounds me and presses into me and I feel as though I'm never going to get a break. I just have to remind myself to let it all fall away. Connect to the Force and clear my mind. I can't just sit in the suffering and let it swallow it up. I have to fight against it, constantly pushing and shoving to free myself.

KZ-4 and I are closer than ever. Without all the baggage I once carried around, I'm free to express myself honestly and personally. He, in turn, isn't scared of trading insults or making sassy comebacks. It's refreshing to have a friend to confide in about everything, especially one who doesn't judge me and won't ever let me down.

He's always at my side these days. We embark on all of our adventures together. KZ is almost as famous as I am; more people prefer to talk to him than me, sometimes. Although he is constantly outwardly protesting all the attention, I know he's secretly enjoying every second of it. I don't begrudge him it in the least. It's only fair he should get some of the spotlight since I avoid it at all costs.

Speaking of getting the spotlight, we're in a popular bar on the planet Murkhana. Sentients from all different planets have settled on this Outer Rim planet, and it seems every single one of them has heard of me. They're all trading stories of me, even though many of them are stretched or definitely like fiftieth-hand accounts. Regardless, I nod and laugh along as if I remember exactly what they're saying.

"You know, Nisha," an Aqualish says, taking a seat on a bar stool next to mine, joining the throng of fans, "you saved my third cousin on Ando. He won't stop talking about how awesome you are."

I give a polite smile. "I'm just trying to make this a better place," I reply, turning to face another sentient, this time a Chagrian.

"I'm a huge fan of KZ," she gushes, leaning down to rub my droid's dome with her blue skinned hand. "You're okay, too."

"Thanks...I guess?" KZ thrums under her touch, and I get a smug impression from him. I love him to death, but he might just be the pettiest droid in the universe.

A Gossam sidles up, her extra long neck gracefully curving in to speak quietly into my ear. "There's a handsome young man waiting on the city outskirts for you," she tells me, a scandalous smile on her face. I roll my eyes; it's probably just another crazy follower. I've encountered my fair share of them.

"Oh, Tangi," I laugh, setting my glass down on the wooden bar. "You know there's only one man in my life." I pat KZ-4 affectionately and he hums under my touch proudly.

She waves her small, circular face with her hands. "You say that now, but you haven't seen him yet. Even for a human he's quite attractive."

A grin doesn't leave my face. "You're trying to set me up, aren't you?" I accuse lightly, waving at the bartender to fill my glass up again. "I prefer to not associate myself with men. Not anymore."

"He insisted that seeing you is very important. Apparently your life is in danger." Tangi's face turns serious. "I don't think this is just some crazed fan." She pauses for a moment before forging on. "And I do worry about you. You've made a lot of enemies in your line of work. Dangerous enemies. One day someone is going to catch up to you."

"They won't get rid of me so easily," I promise her. "And if I die, it will be up to the will of the Force."

Tangi rings her hands, almost nervously. "I don't know anything about how the Force works," she admits, a forced laugh escaping her lips. "But I pray it's on your side."

"Me too," I agree, and I bow slightly to her out of respect after I slide off my stool. KZ-4 extracts himself from the crowd of his admirers and we head out in the direction Tangi had sent me.

I arrive at the edge of the city, but I don't see anyone. Maybe they left already. I guess whatever it is it isn't as urgent as Tangi had made it sound. She does fuss over me quite a bit, and sometimes exaggerates things. I don't mind; we've been friends ever since I saved her four years ago, and in return for her safety she became almost like a motherly figure to me.

I'm about to head back when I hear the voice behind me. "Nyx?"

My breath catches in my throat. My body freezes. Inside, my mind is spinning a million miles an hour. Images and memories I'd long since suppressed and let go come rushing back. My wrists, still laced up tightly with leather braces like they have been for over five years, tingle slightly. And even my lips remember one careless night when the world had been forgotten but for two young people.

The sound of footsteps approaching from behind set me back into the present and I manage to relax my posture, turning around casually and setting an amiable smile upon my face.

Only one person calls me by that nickname.

And I've been avoiding that one person for the past five years.

"Obi-Wan," I greet tight-lipped. He steps fully out of the shadows, his visible features expressionless. He's aged many years in only five, it seems. "I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

"I wouldn't have come if it wasn't of the utmost importance," he states, his face still half-hidden in the shadows from his long hood.

"I am more than able to take care of myself, but thanks for your concern." Although my responses are clipped and short, I'm not still upset at him and Qui-Gon. I've let it pass. Seeing him here, though, after all these years...honestly, I hadn't been expecting it in the least, and I'm not sure exactly how to act.

One side of his mouths curls up in a small smile. "I've noticed," he remarks, his arms still unmoving as they are clasped in front of him. "You're a hero. Protecting the weak, cleaning up the dark alleys and streets, and befriending everyone you meet. Maybe it is best you went your own way those years ago."

"I'm only where I am now because of my experiences," I admit, acknowledging his and Qui-Gon's effect on my life. "It took a disaster for me to realize what I needed to do in order to connect with the Force fully. To reach serenity."

"That's more than some of us can say," he replies wryly. "And...about what happened five years ago - we don't hold it against you. In fact, Qui-Gon and I both recognize that we said and did things we regret."

"I've let it go," I dismiss, waving my hand through the air. "Serenity is an incredulous thing. It shows a pathway to new things. And you weren't the only one in the wrong that day. I should have explained things better and told my side of the story. But it's in the past now. It doesn't matter anymore."

Obi-Wan nods in agreement. "What I came to warn you about is important and does matter, though. We shouldn't discuss it here. Why don't you and KZ come and join Qui-Gon and I for a little while? We'll explain everything."

Though I'm a little wary, I concede. Things will never be the same as they were once between us, but at least we can make amends. They still are the closest thing I've ever had to friends, and these last few years have always been missing something: Obi-Wan's dry humor and Qui-Gon's positive yet realist aura. Their wisdom and their actions made a big impact on my life. Although I let go of all my attachments, there has always been an empty place in my heart for them.

He takes me to a shady bar, one quite unlike the bar I had been at. The sentients here aren't friendly in the least; in fact, they're the kind of scum I persecute. Knowing my face will probably only get me involved in a brawl, I draw my hood up to cover my features.

Qui-Gon is seated at a small table in a dark corner, slightly shielded from the main room. Obi-Wan and I slip in the seats across from him, and I note the grimy surface of the table. They really couldn't have picked a better table to be sit at.

When the Jedi Master looks up, the first thing I notice is how, like his Padawan, much he has aged over the last five years. The wrinkles in his skin have deepened and his eyes seem timeless and old.

"I'm glad you decided to come," he says. Is his voice deeper than before? More hoarse? Or am I imagining things?

"I trust you wouldn't have come if it wasn't urgent," I answer, leaning back and crossing my arms. "So shoot."

"Someone is following you," Qui-Gon explains, leaning forward and steepling his fingers. "We were sent to track a strange starship a few months back. We've been following it for a while, and two weeks ago we started to have suspicions. We now know that they were right - whoever is inside that starship is tracking you. He follows you to every planet you visit, and he stays close behind you on every turn."

I incline my head slightly forward in a nod. "I know. He's been following me for a year now."

Obi-Wan frowns. "Do you know who he is?"

"I have my suspicions, but I don't know for certain. I don't care to know, either. He has never tried to approach me so I've left him alone." The two Jedi exchange looks. "What? Why are you so concerned?"

"I...have suspicions, also," Qui-Gon lets out slowly. "They're not popular opinions, especially not with the Council." He flicks his eyes over at his Padawan, and I see that Obi-Wan is also among those who disagree with him on this matter in the way he looks away and almost imperceptibly rolls his eyes.

"What kind of suspicions?" I press, knowing that while Qui-Gon is often over-the-top, he is right almost as often.

He glances around, then shakes his head. "This is not the place to discuss such matters."

So they brought me here to talk, but it isn't safe enough to talk here? A typical Jedi move.

But it's troubling that the Jedi Knight is taking this so seriously. What kind of threat could be this serious?

"Maybe we _should_ confront him," I muse, my mind going into hyperdrive. "We'll see what he's up to and why he's following me."

"Are you sure?" Obi-Wan questions, jumping back into the conversation. "What if he's dangerous?"

A wicked smile grows on my lips. "Then we'll just have to show him how dangerous we are. As I recall, the three of us make a pretty good team."

Under the table, I hear beeps of protest. "Let me rephrase," I correct, smiling down at an emerging KZ. "The _four_ of us make a pretty good team."

As we stride out of the bar like those slow-motion scenes in movies, out robes fluttering like fashion models and our faces fierce - except KZ, he's just kind of rollin' with it - I can't help but feel uneasy. Something in the Force is prodding me, warning me off. Me, being me, ignores it. I'd felt this way once before, five and a half years ago on Dathomir, and nothing bad had come from it.

"Where did you see his ship land?" I inquire, and they silently lead me towards an area a few miles out from the main city. Amongst the jungle ruins I see the sun glinting off of a large, metal object.

"Strange," I say aloud, but really, I'm not talking about the starship. Something in the Force is oddly familiar, like reuniting with an old friend, and it seems as though it's calling to me.

That's when the door to the starship opens and a black-robed figure exits, the metal handle of a lightsaber clasped tightly in his fist.

"That's no Jedi," Obi-Wan observes, his voice wary.

"Maybe a dark Jedi," I offer, watching as the figure strides towards us. "Or just another Force-user. I've encountered my share of them in my travels." But the bad feeling in the pit of my stomach dramatically deepens.

None of us quite believe the words coming out of my mouth, but we don't try to argue or disprove them. Instead we let our hands wander to our lightsaber handles and rest on top of them gently, ready to pull out and ignite at a moment's notice.

The hooded figure approaches from the other side of the stone ruins, and from the way he walks it is almost as if he's a predator, stalking his his prey. A flash of orange peeks out from beneath his shrouded face, and I suddenly know exactly who he is. And I know why the Force is blaring warnings at me.

It's only when he flicks on his lightsaber that I realize the true depths of the situation.

"This is personal," I tell the two Jedi next to me, my mind made up. Without even thinking about it I get my own weapon out, turning on the white and black blades. "You should go."

"We're not leaving you," Obi-Wan says stubbornly as he mirrors my actions with his own blue lightsaber.

Although Qui-Gon doesn't say anything, he makes eye-contact and nods, showing his support. I turn back to the threat at hand. "Okay. But that's your choice. And you may not like how this ends."

"It ends the way the Force wills it to end," Qui-Gon replies serenely, and I sense he knows the outcome of this battle, just as I do.

Rushing across the clearing and through the maze of ruins, I take the offensive, spinning my blades in tandem as I wield them like an extension of myself. The mysterious figure raises his ruby lightsaber to parry my blow, and even as I'm twirling again to slice forward he's right on top of all my attacks. We're equally matched as we fight, sparks hissing up from the clashing of our blades.

Red against black. Red against white. Red is the color of blood, the color of anger, and betrayal, and fear. Red is the color of manipulation, the color or the lies that spill out from red lips. Red is the color of pain, and of suffering. Red is what I saw when my father abused my mother, and my siblings killed themselves, and red is the color of the tide that poured out from my skin when I scraped a name on that unmarked gravestone. Red is the color of the fire that burned across my skin when my old master and I fought on Moraband. Red is the color of the witches on Dathomir. Red is the color of death and destruction.

Many people are of the opinoin that black is the color of the dark side. They're wrong. Red is. Red is the color of their lightsabers, of their hearts, and of their entire beings. Red is the color of the rage and hate within them, and the color of the things they will do to get what they want. Red is the color of power and of their futures.

Black is instead the color of mourning. Black is the color of a melancholy pain, of sorrowful moments. Black is the color of hopelessness. Black is the color of hiding, and of the empty abyss inside your heart when you're lonely. Black is the color of shadows in which we hide our secrets so as to not burden others. Black is the color of despair, of heartbreak. Black is the color of last things, of endings.

And white. White is the color of purity, of honesty. White is the color of beginnings and bright new things. White is the color of fresh starts. White is the color an empty canvas in which to make a masterpiece on. White is the color of truth, of honor, of nobility. White is the color of new horizons. White is the color of hope.

Though his red lightsaber cuts against my white and black ones, red is no match for dark and light together. The red stains the white but the black changes the red.

Red had once been my color. In fact, the very lightsaber he's using is the one I made years ago as an eleven-year-old. The name on it is scratched out but not eradicated; and in the Force, I still feel my presence on it. Though he may wield it, it is not his, nor will it ever be his.

I know it is Maul, son of Talzin, that I am facing. He's the new Sith apprentice. But he lacks the intelligence and the creativity that I had, and that I still have. He's brainwashed by the promises of power and anything else he could ever want. Sidious always had a way with words, and it's not surprising that he has the Zabrack under his control. I had just always hoped he might resist, to rebel like I did.

He's strong, though. I may have experience on my side, but he has raw strength, a kind of power I will never have. I've always relied on speed rather than brute force, but he's the complete opposite. My speed does not help me in this battle, though; he has been following me for over a year, learning how I fight and discovering my weaknesses. He knows more about me than I know about myself. He's a good study, albiet not a very quick one.

Even as he's pressing me down two more blades join the fight; one green and one blue. They clash against the red, opposites in every way.

Green is the color of the lush trees and rolling plains. Green is the color of rebirth and revival. Green is the color of the meadows where we danced upon as children; green is the color of happiness and joy, of childlike innocence and curiosity. Green is the color of life and vitality, of rebuilding and of vivid life.

And blue. Blue is the color of the skies in the morning, and the color of the seas below. Blue is the color of the songbirds at dawn, and color of calming streams. Blue is the color of infinite patience and of uncontrolled and unconstrained waters. But blue is also the color of raging waters and of driving rain; it is the color of strength and the color of wisdom.

And red doesn't have a chance against all of those colors at once. Maul realizes this as we push him back. He's not a complete animal, though; he knows enough to identify the problem and take care of it.

Feinting left and then jabbing right, he throws Qui-Gon off balance while using his free hand to grab Obi-Wan with the Force and send him flying backwards. Then he exchanges blows with me while using the Force to hold Qui-Gon in place. Knowing that he will not be able to maintain the connection with a Jedi Master fighting against him, Maul throws him over towards his apprentice, and the two collide in a heap.

I'm still more than a fair match for him, though. Much of his fighting style has been incorporated from mine. We're at a stand-still it seems; we both knew each other's weaknesses and strengths, and we both exploit each other while trying to connect to the Force at the same time.

But Maul is persevering and determined, and I am not as fit as I once was, and I haven't had a foe so skilled in years. Five years, to be exact. Hunting down the common criminal has made my finer skills rusty, while Maul is obviously freshly trained and eager to please his master.

And he knows my biggest weakness.

While lashing out with his lightsaber he reaches forward into the Force and then starts forward with his free hand. Thinking he's going for my throat, I prepare to defend myself by lifting my hand - and instead he wraps his cold, red fingers around my wrist and twists, catching me off guard and straining my permanently damaged joint. Old pains arise, and I twist violently, struggling to get out of his grasp. But the Force is with him, and he uses a surge of the extra strength to add power to his hold as he twists my wrists into an unnatural form. Pain bubbles up within me, and dark spots dance around my vision, but I resist the urge to succumb to the hurt. I've suffered worse before.

Instead I narrow my eyes and deliver him a solid, Force-supported kick to his stomach. He stumbles backwards a few feet, his eyes flaring up in rage.

"You are very cunning," he hisses, speaking for the first time. "My master warned me about your skill in manipulation. You play the part of being weak, yet really you are strong."

"The only manipulation I deal in is the one you make up in your own mind," I reply coldly. "Do not judge someone based on what you see. Looks are deceiving, and your eyes do you the most damage."

"But you _are_ weak," he continues, not backing down. "You were weak to walk away from infinite power. The dark side scared you, and you ran."

"I could say you were weak for falling for Sidious' lies," I counter, "but we both know he is the ultimate liar. His words are like honey to the desperate."

Before he can reply we both hear the sounds of the two Jedi reviving, and Maul knows that his window of opportunity is short. Taking action, he starts lunging after me again, his red blade a flurry of _whooshes_ and color. Although I manage to form counterattacks and blocks, his abrupt attack had taken me off guard, and I still can't seem to get my rhythm back.

Then he uses his strength against me; he pushes against my blade and keeps pushing, and even though I use the Force to push back he is still stronger. Our blades are pressing close to my chest and my face and I'm leaning back, so far as to lose my balance…

There's the sound of beeping and the crackle of electricity. Maul jumps back as if he's been shocked - and, judging by KZ-4's sassy response, it seems as though he really was electrocuted. While it had saved me temporarily, I still barely have time to throw up my lightsaber in a defensive position as Maul, now irritated and angry, thrusts forward.

He doesn't aim for me, though. I realize at the last second, my heart dropping into my chest, that he's going for my droid.

It only takes one second - one second that lasts forever - for the red fire to cut through green and gold and off-white. My beloved companion, my ever-snarky but ever-present droid, my best friend who has saved me time after time, is sliced in half.

I had been so careful to not make any attachments but to him. And right before my eyes, KZ-4 is destroyed.

Anger wells up in me, and another force inside of me rises up. Fighting back, we're locked in another deadly dance as the most dangerous weapons in the galaxy clash together. Sometime during the fight Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan jump back in, but I wish they wouldn't. This fight is personal. I want to kill Maul myself.

No, not kill him; I want to _destroy_ him.

Having them next to me also limits my movement. Several times we run into each other or I get hit with a stray elbow. Somehow Maul never tires and his hood never flies up. He's being careful to not reveal his identity to the Jedi.

It's a losing fight for him. He realizes that after a few minutes. I can see the way he hesitates and starts to only block blows instead of return them. He's making a plan.

I'm only a moment late to understanding what he's about to do, but that split second is all it takes for him to make the action. He flips over the three of us, jumping high enough to be out of range of our lightsabers, then he comes down, kicking out with his two legs, each one throwing off the two Jedi. While they stumble back, he rips my lightsaber out of my hand with the Force and instead cuts forward with his before pulling it back. As he flees back to his ship my lightsaber handle falls to the ground with barely perceptible thuds that I shouldn't be able to hear.

My hand drifts to my stomach on its own while the world seems to spin around me. I hear voices but they sound warped and distant. The sound of a starship firing up and taking off is far too loud, and I resist the urge to cover my ears. The scenery around me blurs together and all my senses seem to shut off.

Then I touch the burning hole in me and my legs buckle beneath me.

My old master had finally succeeded in taking me out of the picture. He had his revenge. There's no way I can survive death again. And there's no way I can survive having my vital organs burned straight through.

This time I don't die alone, though. It doesn't take long for death to take me, but at least I have my two friends by my side. KZ is gone, though, and that upsets me more than anything. That and the fact that I should have had more time. I thought I had decades left to live my life, not five years.

I lived a lifetime in those five years, though. All the places I explored, all the sentients I met - it may have been short but it was fulfilling.

This time when I go, I part from the world with peace and serenity in my heart.


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer:** All rights belong to Disney, George Lucas, and all the men and women that created the _Star Wars_ movies, books, and comics. I take no credit, and I do not mean to break any copyright rules. This is simply a work of fiction made for enjoyment. No money is being made. The cover art image belongs to peanutbutterroastedchestnuts. tumblr .com (remove the spaces)

 **Rating:** T for violence, disturbing imagery, and dark themes

 **Author's Note:** Last chapter. Thank you so much for sticking with me for over a year. This is the longest story I've ever written, and I've honestly fallen in love with the characters and the places and stories. As a writer, this "little" fic has been a huge growing experience, and as a person, I feel as though I've figured out a lot of myself within these words and pages. Minerva/Nyx is half the person I wish I could be and half the person I already am. Once again, thank you so much for your support. This wouldn't be possible without all of your loyalty and kindness. I hope you've enjoyed this ride as much as I have.

 **Chapter 29**

I find myself again in the same glade where I had journeyed to the last time I had died. This time is different, though. This time I am aware that my visit here is short. Over the past five years I've been working with the Force and learning how to be completely selfless to join with it and yet still be visible and influential. A Force Ghost, they call it.

But before I enter the Force and the real world again, I have a few, final parting words for those I'm leaving behind.

I hug Lillea and Xavier tightly. They smile at me. There is no pity in their eyes. Although my life was short - 24-years-short - I hadn't wasted it. I had lived a lifetime in those years, and they are proud of me.

"Thank you for watching over me," I say, holding one in each arm. "I didn't feel alone. I didn't die alone."

"We'll always be with you," Lillea replies, clutching my hand tightly in hers.

"You're the most important person for us," Xavier adds.

"I'm sorry I have to leave you," I say, my voice heavy. I mean it. I won't see them for a long, long time. And I have no idea if I'll ever see them again, honestly. They've kept aging in this place, so I do not know if they will continue to age. And if they do, I don't know where they will go once they've aged too much.

So much is unknown about death, even in the afterlife. And since I'm returning to the real world, even though only in spirit, my questions will remain unanswered.

"Do you know when you will be able to return?" Xavier asks.

Another unanswerable question. "No, I don't." I take a deep breath and steel myself. "But this is my destiny."

"Do you truly believe that?" Lillea asks, her eyes shining.

It would be dishonest of me to deny it. "Yes. I finally know what my purpose is. This is meant to be."

Xavier sets a hand on my shoulder. "Then you go with our blessing."

I embrace them both again. Here is my happiness, but I am willing to leave it behind to earn redemption and to follow my destiny. Because although this is happiness, finding my purpose in life is joy. And that is the one thing I've been lacking all these years.

Saying goodbye to Damari a second time is nearly impossible. Once again, I'm slightly shameful as he approaches. Part of me is worried he'll be mad that I cheated on him, although that's stupid, since he's dead. But once again, there is no judgement in his eyes. He just smiles sadly and holds onto me tightly.

"I don't like losing you over and over again," he says quietly, so only I can hear.

"I don't like leaving you any more," I reply, but we both know it's what I have to do.

"I'll be waiting."

And that's why I love him so much. No matter happens, he's still waiting for me. He'll always wait for me.

I don't deserve him at all.

"Thank you for understanding." I grip both of his hands tightly in mine. "I look forward to seeing you again."

And, just like that, I'm leaving them behind again. It's selfish, in a way, that I'm abandoning them so that I can fulfill my life's purpose, but in a way it's also the most selfless thing I've done. The last thing I want to do is leave them and return to the real world, but I'm needed. The Force Priestesses see all, and they wouldn't have made me promise to do this if it wasn't important.

Speaking of the Force Priestesses. As my surroundings melt into something else and the ones I love disappear, the five of them materialize. This time when Joy looks at me, she smiles. I return the gesture. I get the feeling her and I are going to be good friends soon.

Even Serenity looks familiar in a way that she hadn't the first time we'd met. "Are you ready?" she asks.

 _Ready for what?_ I want to ask, but instead I just nod.

"You've seen what is going to happy in the galaxy. You've seen the fall of the Republic and the Jedi. You've seen the rise of the Empire and of your former master. You know there is no stopping those things from happening."

I nod. It's true; I've seen it all. The horrors, the few bright moments, the death. It's nothing new to me. And it's set in stone. Nothing can change the course of history now.

"But you've also seen the hope. You've seen the rise of two siblings, one intelligent and brave, one a powerful Force user and compassionate. You've seen that they, along with countless other brave individuals, have the potential to bring back balance to the Force and justice to the galaxy."

A small smile breaks across my face. It's a petty smile, one that has risen in response to the knowledge that my master, despite all his careful planning and work, can be defeated. Will be defeated.

"Yes."

Serenity nods. "Then you know what your task it. As a Force Ghost and invisible guide, you will make sure those individuals do what they have to do. Lead them towards the victory you see ahead."

It's a job I relish. I do it with great joy. Years pass, and my sole job is to help lead powerful and courageous people towards the paths they need to go on.

I help that girl from the lake on Naboo, Padmé Naberrie, as she becomes Queen and Senator and eventually the mother of the hope of the galaxy. She is a remarkable woman who only needs slight nudging in the right direction. When she dies, I am right at her side.

I help another amazing woman, a human from Kalevala, named Satine Kryze. She is just as deft in the political and battle field as Padmé, although I admire her passion for peace. I am at her side countless times, whether she is in a battle of words with the other senators or if she is caught in a trap set by those who wished to bring her planet into the Clone Wars. Most of the time, though, she doesn't need my help. She is brilliant and brave, and I am not not surprised that Obi-Wan, whose path crosses with hers many times, falls for her. I'm happy for him, although my heart breaks when she dies in his arms. Many times I wonder if I could have helped her more, if perhaps I could have prevented that tragedy.

Although I help dozens of sentients, especially woman, I have to admit that there are two who stick out more than aforementioned and the others. One of them has a background similar to mine.

Jyn Erso watched her mother murdered in front of her eyes, and she saw her father betray her at a young age. I can relate to seeing family killed and to being backstabbed. She went rogue for years, alway running and hiding, a criminal with a good heart. That was me. Until she found her purpose. Then she went after it with all her passion, and if it wasn't for her, the galaxy would be doomed. To be perfectly honest, I barely helped her. Instead I touched those around her and helped them adapt to her irregularities and eventually follow her to their deaths. When Cassian Andor had her father in his sights, it was me that whispered for him to not pull the trigger. I wasn't sure he'd listen, but he did. Chirrut was somewhat Force-sensitive, but it was I who helped him achieve his Jedi-level dreams.

They are all people I wish I could have saved, but some people have to die. We can't all live forever.

The other remarkable woman is Leia Organa. I've never met someone whose sass rivaled mine until I met her. The way she just shuts the other politicians down - goals, man. And then she turns around and blasts the hell out of the Empire's troops _in a white dress with their own blasters_ \- she's a goddess. Not to mention she just watched everyone she loved blow up on Alderaan, yet she had the strength to carry on.

It was a privilege getting to spend decades following people like them. Helping nudge people in the right direction, watching history unfold, getting to see my few friends as they continue their lives - I've never been happier.

It's not all sunshine and smiles, though. There are hard times, like when Qui-Gon was killed by the very same Sith apprentice who killed me. And with my own lightsaber. Man, I wanted to rip his head off there, but Obi-Wan took care of it.

And, of course, seeing so many people die while I have no power to stop it is the worst thing in the world. All I can do is whisper things in people's ears and in their dreams. I can't stop blasters or disease or any other force that kills.

But the pain, the suffering, the grief - it's all worth it when, decades later, a small group of rebels and a large group of ewoks on Endor are celebrating the end of an Empire. Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, Yoda, Anakin, and I are standing together, watching, all of us finally satisfied that our hard work and sacrifices are not for nothing. We've been through so much, yet we've finally seen the fruits of our labor bloom.

Saying goodbye to them is hard, but I'm used to goodbyes by now. And besides, when I say goodbye to them, I can finally reunite with my siblings and with Damari.

I save Obi-Wan's goodbye for last. After reminiscing over our years, both alive and as a Force Ghost, I can't help but beg him to come with me to my afterlife. "There's plenty of room for you. And you'd be more than welcome."

Truth is, I don't want to let him go. He's my best friend in the whole galaxy. I know him better than I know Damari or my siblings. And he's a huge part of my life. A life without him would be like having part of my own heart gone.

For a moment, I think he'll agree. He looks like he wants to. But when he turns to me, he shakes his head slowly. "I can't. There's someone else I need to spend forever with."

I suspect I know who that person is, and it makes sense. It would be selfish of me to convince him otherwise, so I don't bother. I simply nod and bid him farewell. I'm tired of being selfish.

I'm ready to be happy.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** If you've enjoyed this story and are interested in reading more of my stories, please check my profile out. I write mainly in the Marvel Universe, although you can find some Maze Runner and Percy Jackson in my archive. If you want more Star Wars, I have started a new Star Wars fanfic set about a year before Rogue One/A New Hope about a girl in Coruscant who starts as a petty thief and eventually becomes one of the best pilots in the galaxy. It's called "Racing Through The Stars"


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